A/N: I realize that the Land of Dragons is not technically China, but Mulan (the woman) ROCKS, and Sora took away all her glory with that Heartless! not the Huns crap, so I kept her the Hero of China. Also, I realize Senzo is not a Chinese name, but I don't really care.
-.-
"Yuffie," Axel gasped. Blood ran down his forehead, over his eyes, into the cracks at the corners of his mouth, and dripped off his chin. He was coughing, and there was blood in his spittle, landing on the floor, staining his teeth read as he grimaced. One gloved hand was clutching at his chest, trying to keep the fluids inside of the gaping hole where his heart should have been. If he had a heart, that was.
"Axel, oh, no, Axel, what happened?"
"I thought you would be there to help me, Yuffie. Why weren't you there?" He coughed thickly, and she could hear the bubbly quality of his breathing.
"What are you talking about, Axel? You told me to wait for you? I've got to find you a doctor, I've got to go get Aerith…I've got to do something!"
Yuffie's hands were shaking as she approached him, but when she reached for him, he flinched, drawing away from her. She had never seen Axel flinch before. Why was he afraid of her?
"I waited for you, Yuffie. I waited for you to come for me, but now look what happened. You weren't there, and now I'm dead."
"But you're not dead, Axel!" Yuffie gasped, horrified. "You're right here! What are you talking about?"
"You don't understand, Yuffie. I'm dead." He looked up at her pitifully, and there was no hope in his eyes.
"You're not dead!" Yuffie yelled, reaching for him again.
"Don't touch me," he quailed. "You killed me, Yuffie. I'm dead, and you killed me."
"No, Axel, I swear, it wasn't me. I would never hurt you! I didn't kill you!"
Axel collapsed, coughing, onto the ground. When she rolled him over to get a look at his face, the light in his bright eyes was fading away. Weakly, he said, "No, but you might as well have."
-
Yuffie woke with tears streaming down her face. This was not the first time. She had actually lost count, since it had happened every night since she learned of Axel's unfortunate and untimely demise.
She really did not know if she could take this anymore. She hated feeling this way about any person, dead or alive. She felt like she had no control, like she did not know what was going on with the universe, like there was no way for her to even handle herself anymore. She felt like a walking shell.
With a slightly hysterical giggle, she realized that she must be feeling like Axel did when he was alive.
When he was alive. Fresh tears poured out of her eyes. She was like a faucet. She couldn't stop it anymore. If the tears were coming, they would just come. She hated the fact that she had no control over her own emotions.
She stumbled down the hall and to the kitchen, where Aerith was reading a book and drinking a glass of chocolate milk. By this point, it had become routine. There were no complete nights for Yuffie. She slept for about three hours before waking up from terrible, guilt-ridden nightmares in which Axel bled to death in her arms or on her shoes, then she wandered into the kitchen like a zombie, where Aerith had already made her a glass of chocolate milk.
"Want to talk about it?" Aerith asked over her book.
"No."
"You sure?"
"There's nothing to talk about," Yuffie said miserably, feeling as though no amount of chocolate milk in the world was going to help her mood. That was true. Nothing was going to help her mood.
"What did you dream this time?"
"Axel told me that I killed him."
"You didn't kill Axel."
"Don't you think I know that?"
"Well, your subconscious doesn't seem to know that. You're not blaming yourself, are you?"
"No. At least, I don't think I am." Yuffie sighed into her milk, watching the surface of it ripple.
"You know, you haven't left the house since you told the others about what happened."
"So?"
"It's not good for you. You need to get out and do something."
"What do you think I should be doing, Aerith?"
"I don't know. Something."
"Good job. Being specific, I mean."
"Well, you can start by being yourself."
"How would I do that? How am I not myself now?"
"Yuffie, you haven't left the house in three weeks."
"That's just it, Aerith!" Yuffie suddenly exploded, throwing her hands up, and then immediately slapping them back down on the table. The half-full glass of chocolate milk rattled and fell over, spilling brown liquid all over the table. Aerith didn't even blink when the empty container fell to the ground and shattered with a loud crash.
"Yuffie, calm down."
"No!" she yelled, red-faced and furious. "It's only been three weeks, and you're telling me to be myself again? I don't think you understand at all, Aerith!"
"Yuffie, you know as well as I do that both of us have experienced loss before." Her emerald-green eyes followed a slowly creeping trail of chocolate milk across the surface of the table. "The fact that you are accusing me of not understanding is insulting. To me and to Axel."
"Well, obviously you've forgotten what it feels like to lose someone if you're urging me to get out and prance through fields of daisies and be happy, skippy Yuffie after three weeks! You know what, Aerith? I think that is an insult to Axel. I think that's an insult to his memory!"
"Yuffie, calm down."
"NO!"
"What the hell is going on in here?" Leon's voice asked from behind her.
"Get out, Leon!" Yuffie whirled on him, pointing an accusatory, quivering finger in his direction. "The last thing I need right now is your wonderful wisdom!"
"Whoa," he said, his brow furrowing. "Don't jump down my throat, Yuffie. I just came in here to see why you're shouting at three o'clock in the damn morning."
"I'll shout if I fucking please, Leon, and what are you going to do about it?"
Leon's blue eyes flashed, his jaw clenching. Aerith could see that this was going nowhere. "You can shout outside if you're so intent on acting like a baby and waking up the whole house, Yuffie."
"This is my house too, and I'll scream whenever and wherever I want to!" Yuffie shrieked, stamping her foot. She realized how stupid and childish this was, but something was loose inside of her—something wild and uncontrollable and burning.
"This may be, in part, your house, but majority rules, so either you settle down right now, or I'll take you outside, turn you over my knee, and spank you like the baby you are," Leon said seriously.
"Leon, please," Aerith said quietly as Yuffie opened her mouth to retort. "You're not helping."
"Oh, I'm helping all right, Aerith. Yuffie's treating us all like shit because she doesn't think we know how she feels, and you've been nothing but kind to her through all of this, but look what she's doing in return."
"Shut up!"
"Is this how you pay your friends back for being nothing but supportive of you in your time of need, Yuffie? Is this how you show your gratitude to us for not asking you questions, for giving you time to tell us what happened, even after we looked for you for months and wasted time we could've been using to help restore the town?"
"Shut up, Leon! You have no idea how I feel right now!"
"Is this how you pay respect to Axel's memory? You told me he protected you, protected Kairi. He died to save Sora, and you're going to act like an idiot after all the trouble he went to?"
In a deadly-soft voice, Yuffie said, "Don't say another word about Axel. You don't know anything about him."
"From what you've told me, he wouldn't have wanted you to act like an idiot. Good job showing your thanks for all the things he did to keep you alive, Yuffie."
"One more word," Yuffie said, "and I will kick your ass so hard you won't even remember it tomorrow."
"I can see why you're having nightmares," he said nonchalantly. "I'd feel guilty too if I was acting like you, disrespecting the guy's memory like that."
Yuffie launched herself at him, screaming, "I SAID SHUT UP!" Her small, tan fists hit him everywhere they could, really intending to do damage. Before she could make any headway in harming him, however, Leon grabbed her by the wrists and held her there. Blinded by rage, she tried to kick him in the shins, wiggling every way she could to break his hold on her, but he hooked one foot behind her knee and knocked her straight on her butt.
She tried to roll away from him, but he pushed her to the ground and sat sideways on her stomach, looking clearly bored with her.
"Now, are you going to calm down and act like a reasonable human being or do I really have to spank you and put you in time out?" Leon asked calmly. "Don't make me do it, Yuffie. I'm your friend, but I will."
Yuffie struggled for about three more seconds before looking directly into his eyes and bursting into heart-wrenching sobs. He could feel the force of her weeping as her body shook underneath him, so he slid off her and gathered her into his lap in a gentle embrace. She seemed very small and very fragile under his hands, and he would never admit it to anyone, but it was a scary thing to think of Yuffie Kisaragi as vulnerable.
He could feel tears soaking the collar of the t-shirt he wore to sleep, but he let her cry, looking at Aerith over the top of Yuffie's shoulder. He sent her a glance that clearly said A little help here, please? Aerith hurried over and put her arms around the crying girl, making a Yuffie sandwich.
"Yuffie," Aerith said quietly, "I know this is hard to believe right now, but you're going to be okay. I promise."
-
The next morning, when Yuffie did not come down for breakfast, Aerith went upstairs to rouse her from her room at around eleven a.m. Instead of her grieving friend, she found a note sitting on the pillow. Somehow, Aerith had known this would happen sooner or later. From the time she was a little girl, Yuffie had solved her problems by running away.
Aerith picked up the piece of paper and read the letter written in Yuffie's sloppy, quick print.
"Dear Everyone,
"I'm sorry for leaving. I know you're going to think, 'There she goes, running from her problems again. That's Yuffie—always running away.' But I want you all to know—that's not what I'm doing. I'm not running away from my problems—I'm facing myself.
"I'm not too great with words, guys, so I'll say this. I'm going to be gone for as long as it takes for me to start feeling less like a lifeless shell and more like the Great Ninja Yuffie again. It has nothing to do with all of you—this is all me.
"Cid, while I'm gone, stay out of my stuff. I don't care what your reasons are, if I found out you were in my room, I'll steal your most embarrassing underwear and hang them on a flagpole. Leon, Cloud, don't hurt each other sparring—you guys have a serious dick-waving problem. Tifa and Aerith, please don't worry too much. I'll try not to do anything too stupid. Merlin, come out of your work room once in a while please. You're an old man, you need your fresh air.
"Thanks for everything, guys. I'll see you sooner or later.
"Love,
"Yuffie.
"P.S. Cid, I'm sorry, but I'm going to borrow one of your Gummi ships."
Despite the fact that Aerith was worried, since Yuffie had urged her not to be, she smiled just slightly. Running was the way Yuffie healed herself. It was what she did.
They would have their Yuffie back in time.
-
Yuffie landed inside the wide stone yard in front of the palace. She wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, really, or if any of the royal guards would be happy with her, but there really was nowhere else to land the thing.
The time had come for Yuffie to see Master Senzo again, and she knew for a fact that he was staying in the palace. She had kept up communication with him after the last couple of years without seeing him, and he had informed her of his climbing fame as an instructor. She knew from the last letters they had exchanged that he was very busy with instructing the new guards and military personnel in the ways of martial arts.
Yuffie, with all of her usual tact and aplomb, climbed the millions (or at least it felt like millions) of stairs up to the gigantic front doors of the palace. Something told her that this was not the best way to get into the palace to see Master Senzo, but she had not seen any convenient side doors labeled "Enter Here For Simplicity and Discretion," so she figured she would knock on the doors.
She did not actually get as far as knocking on the doors, however, which, in hindsight, made sense to her. Of course there would be guards at the front doors, and of course they would see her land her ship and be suspicious. When she got up to the top stair, two men in armor crossed their spears in her path, effectively blocking her way.
"Halt!" one cried.
"State your name and your business," said the other.
"Uh, hi," she said. "Yuffie Kisaragi, here to see Master Senzo."
"I'm sorry, but you'll have to file the necessary paperwork and request forms to see anyone considered Royal Personnel."
Yuffie sighed. "Look, I'm a student of his, okay? I came from a whole other world. Could you please just let me through?"
"Master Senzo has said nothing about expecting any visitors."
Yuffie rocked her head from side to side on her neck, smiling grimly at the satisfactory cracks. "I don't think you want to keep me from going in there. I'm not in the mood to argue with you yuppies."
"Miss, we're going to have to request that you vacate the premises. If you desire an audience with Master Senzo, you must go to the capitol courthouse and file the necessary paperwork."
"One last warning, skippy," she said seriously. "I'm a grieving girl, and I don't have time for this crap. Move, or I'll make you move."
"One more word out of you, and we will forcibly escort you to your ship," growled one of the guards.
Quick as a flash, Yuffie pulled her large shuriken out of the holster at her back and ran straight down the stairs. Surprised momentarily, the guards stiffened and took on defensive postures when she turned straight around and charged towards them. She threw her boomerang-shuriken away from them, behind her, and then cartwheeled between the shocked guards. As they turned to look at her, coming in her direction, closing in on her as she ran for the palace doors, she whirled around, looking at something behind them. Before they could register what was about to happen, Yuffie's shuriken returned to her, hitting them both on the helmets with an echoing clang. Their eyes rolled into their heads, and they fell to the floor, unconscious.
Yuffie stepped over them gingerly, holstered her weapon, smoothed down her shorts, and knocked on the front door of the palace. The sound was muffled by the heavy doors, but she was sure she had drawn someone's attention with that little performance.
She heard a shout and saw more guards running around the corner toward her. Yuffie rolled her eyes, grabbed her shuriken again and whirled into the fight, finding it difficult to incapacitate these men who wore so much armor and wielded long-range spears, but easy to outmaneuver because of the weight of said armor.
Ten minutes later, those six more guards had joined the two already on the floor, and she sighed as one of them groaned in pain.
"Seriously, I just wanted to see Master Senzo. Is that so much to ask for?"
"I don't know who you are," said a deep feminine voice, "but I think it's time you left."
Yuffie turned to see a young woman, not much older than herself, with a sword pointed in her direction and her body in a fighting stance.
Yuffie put her hands up, shuriken held in her left. "Really, I'm serious, I just want to see Master Senzo. That's all I came for. I don't want to hurt anyone—"
"Really," the woman said skeptically, nodding toward the pile of guards at Yuffie's feet.
"Because actions speak louder than words."
"You can ask him yourself. I'm Yuffie Kisaragi, and I'm a former pupil of his." Yuffie shrugged tiredly. "I don't actually want to fight anyone, I just don't have the patience to go through weeks of paperwork."
The woman warily lowered her sword and tucked a curtain of her short black hair behind her ear. "I'm going to take you to see Master Senzo, but you have to give me your weapon, and you have to walk in front of me with your hands where I can see them," she said.
Yuffie chose not to tell her about the ten or more throwing stars secreted on various parts of her body and instead nodded, handing her weapon over. "Thank you, er…"
"Fa Mulan."
"Hey, wait a second," Yuffie said, recognizing the name. "I've heard of you!"
Mulan pinked a little. "Really?"
"Yeah, you helped defeat a whole army, saved the emperor, all kinds of stuff. Master Senzo wrote to me about you."
"Aw, it's not that great," Mulan said modestly, waving a hand dismissively. "That door on the left, if you please, Yuffie."
"Oh, okay." Yuffie opened the door and Mulan directed her through several winding hallways and finally to a door that had big, bold black characters painted on it. They indicated that this was Master Senzo's office.
"Knock first," Mulan said. "He doesn't really like to be—"
"What is it?" a gravelly voice said, accompanied by a craggy face jutting out the now opened door. "Who is disturbing me without prior—Yuffie!"
"Hey, old man, how's it hangin'?"
A grin split the man's forbidding face, giving him an altogether sharky look. "I see you are just as rude as ever. You drop by without even informing me, and I have not heard word from you in months, and how did you even get in here?"
Yuffie hesitated, and he rolled his small black eyes. "Never mind. I don't want to know. If Mulan is accompanying you, then I'm sure you've been making a nuisance of yourself."
"You could say that," Mulan said dryly.
"Hey!" Yuffie said, scowling. "If they would have just let me in the first time I asked, I wouldn't have had to kick their asses!"
Master Senzo studied her for a moment, his eyes narrowed and shrewd. He looked her up and down once and then stared hard at her. "You are not yourself."
"What?" Yuffie said, nonplussed.
"Something has happened to you, my pupil. Do not try to fool this old man. I know sorrow when I see it, and you are filled to the brim."
"Am I that obvious?"
"No, but I know you well. Come in, and we will talk. Hero of China, you are also welcome," he added, looking at Mulan.
She shook her head. "No, I just wanted to make sure she was telling the truth before I handed her over to you." She turned to Yuffie. "It was nice to meet you, and next time, could you send word in advance? Shang gets antsy with me when I escort random people into the palace."
"Shang?" Yuffie asked.
"Her fiancé," Master Senzo supplied. "Now come in and stop wasting my time. I bid you a good day, Mulan."
"Thank you, Master Senzo," Mulan replied, bowing formally.
Master Senzo ushered Yuffie into his office and shut the door behind her. She sat down on a cushion in front of his low-to-the-floor desk, and he took a seat behind it.
"You sat on the other side of my desk when you first asked me to train you in the art of battle," he said, staring at her piercingly.
Yuffie nodded, looking down at her hands to escape his gaze. Years had passed, and she still found her old master intimidating. That presence was what made him so commanding and good at what he did. His students listened to him. He even managed to keep Yuffie in line long enough to teach her how to defend herself.
"But now I have taught you all that I know, and you have returned to me for my help once again. Is that right?"
"I don't really know if anyone can help me," Yuffie said.
"Nonsense. Otherwise you wouldn't be here, child."
"You're right," she admitted. "I just don't know how you can help me."
He spread his hands. "Sometimes, one must make a journey without knowing the destination."
"Er…"
He sighed and shook his head. "I think we'll start by you telling me what's troubling you."
Yuffie clenched her fists, took a deep breath, and looked him in the eye.
-
There was silence in the room, a tangible weight that settled about Yuffie's shoulders, after she told Master Senzo what he needed to know. She had told him about Axel, how she met him, what his purpose was, what he was, the friendship they had shared, her time in his home, his departure.
His death.
Master Senzo's gaze rested on her heavily, a new gleam in his eye.
"My child, let me say this first. I am truly sorry for your loss."
Yuffie held back the tears. No more crying. I'm done crying. Forever.
"Because of the Heartless abominations, we have all experienced loss. I did not even need the Heartless for my losses—war has done that work. I cannot offer you anything more than anyone else has offered you. You have my friendship, my support, and an open ear."
Yuffie took a deep, shuddering breath. "Thank you, Master Senzo."
"Even if you did not know it yourself, there is a reason you came here, and I know what it is."
"You do?" she asked, her head lifting.
"When the mind is clouded by the trials of life, the heart leads the body. Your very being, your soul, led you to me, seeking advice."
"And what advice is that?"
"I will tell you what my master told me the first time I ended another man's life."
"But I haven't killed anyone," she protested.
"No, you have not. However, you have lost a part of yourself that you will not be able to retrieve. The situations are the same in that respect."
Yuffie stared at him expectantly.
"My Master told me, 'The longest journey is the journey inward.'"
She frowned at him, lines forming on her brow. "How is that supposed to help me?"
Master Senzo shrugged. "I don't know, but the same way that your heart led you here, mine tells me that this is why you came."
"So now what do I do?"
Master Senzo placed a hand over his chest. "You heal, child."
"How?"
"Think about what I have told you today. Take that with you when you leave. Where are you going next?"
"I don't know. I was hoping I could figure that out before I left."
"You are a journey to heal your soul, so the best way to go about that is to follow its call."
She smirked at him slightly. "You've never been this full of hot air before, Master."
He glared at her. "I'll give you hot air in the arena, child, so do not trifle with me."
For the first time in weeks, Yuffie felt a real smile blossom across her face. "Sorry, Master Senzo."
"That's right," he said smugly. "Learn to respect your elders."
Yuffie rose. "Thank you. For everything."
"I have given you nothing you could not have found for yourself."
"Whatever, Master."
"Get out, you insolent scoundrel."
"Yes, Master."
"And next time you come, bring your Master a gift. I am getting old, and I deserve more adulation from you, my most accomplished student."
"Yes, Master."
They were at the door through which Yuffie and Mulan had entered the palace.
"So…I guess I'll see ya around," Yuffie muttered, scuffing a toe on the marble floor.
"I look forward to your next letter," said Master Senzo.
Suddenly, Yuffie through her arms around his middle, clutching him tightly. He cleared his throat and patted her on the head awkwardly.
"Good-bye, Yuffie," he said.
"'Bye, old man."
"I told you to learn some respect!" he yelled out the door after her, shaking a fist.
-
Yuffie checked her map in the Gummi ship's computer system, looking for her next destination. After a minute, really unsure of where to go or what she was going to do once she got there, she remembered what Master Senzo had said about a journey of the soul and to let her heart lead her.
Blah, blah, she thought at first. Then, after a few more moments of chewing her lip and not knowing where she was going, she made a decision. She closed her eyes, spun around in circles a few times, then haphazardly jabbed her finger into the screen where the map was displayed.
When she opened her eyes, her finger was resting just to the right of a world labeled "Port Royal." She had never heard of it, but she shrugged to herself and entered the coordinates.
