Disclaimer – I lack the epicness to be the creator of Yu Yu Hakusho.

A/N – This chapter has a bit more narration than most, please be patient. I promise more poignant dialogue in the future.

Chapter 9

No one knew what to do. Each member of the team was slightly overwhelmed, both by the memory of feeling the emotions for their greatest fear, and by learning the truth of Hikari and Hiei's break up. Yet, any anger the team could feel towards Hiei dissipated the moment they looked up and saw him clutching Hikari to him and weeping with which force it could only been genuine. Either his moment of feeling his worst fear, or his understanding of what he had done to his love had broken him. He sobs were so pitiful and lost, no one knew what to do. Hiei, strong Hiei was sobbing on the floor. Hikari, who probably needed medical attention again, was clutched in Hiei's arms. No one wanted to interfere or felt they could interfere, but watching the scene unfold was agony.

When it was clear Hiei had no more tears inside him, Yukina began picking up his milky black tear gems that had scattered across the floor. Seeing her intention, Kurama took a pouch off his belt and handed it to Yukina, desperate to do something. Together they filled the pouch. Kuwabara, who had gathered the handful of tear gems Yukina shed, walked of over to the pair, his eyes wide and sad.

"They belong to her, they belong to Hikari" Yukina whispered, "that's the rule. Tear gems belong to those whom they were shed for. . . I know a way to make a necklace out of them, I will do it".

Seeing that Yukina was trembling, Kuwabara gently lifted the pouch out of her hands and pulled her into him. It felt good to give her comfort. Giving her his love was his own brand of comfort for himself. "I'll help you" Kuwabara said, keeping his arm around Yukina's shoulders as the exited the hall.

Hiei had drifted off into a fitful sleep, Hikari tossing and turning in his arms, battling her own nightmares. "Yusuke, help me" Kurama croaked, his voice raw. Together they lifted Hikari and Hiei off the floor and headed towards Yukina's sick room pallets. Realizing their destination, Keiko and Botan rushed before them and prepared two pallets, side by side. As gently as possible, Yusuke and Kurama settled Hiei and Kurama onto the pallets.

Genkai, who had apparently followed them, moved in, her hands glowing with blue fire. Tenderly she placed a glowing hand on Hikari and Hiei's forehead. After a moment each stopped moaning and tossing, their nightmares seemed to be eased temporarily. Genkai had used more power than she intended, she teetered slightly, but was steadied by Yusuke.

"Thank you, Grandma" Yusuke said, almost reverently.

"It was the least and the only thing I could do. They and any of you who would like are welcome to stay at my temple as long as needed. I. . . I can't say when they will wake, but at least this way they have a better chance of getting some rest. . . Such power. . ." Genkai said with a shiver as she remembered her ordeal with Hikari's darkness ball, "and such control. She is a remarkable demon. . ."

"And such pain" Botan whimpered. "Hikari has been working as a Spirit detective for several years now, and I never knew. . ."

As it became apparent that nothing more could be done for Hikari and Hiei, everyone separated to their own places in the house, to contemplate the ordeal of Hikari had put them through with their worst fears, and by extension, the ordeal Hikari had gone through at Hiei's hand. Botan went and hugged Koenma, gently lowering his head to her lap; he hadn't moved at all since Hikari took her darkness orb back. Botan ran her hands through his hair has she muttered soothing things. Keiko and Yusuke held each other in a corner, not saying a word. Kuwabara sat holding the hilt to his spirit sword, lost in the memory. Yukina was nearby, holding the necklace of tear gems she had completed, awed, troubled, and shaken by what had happened to cause the tearless to weep so much. Kurama took Hiei's normal position, gazing out the window, at a loss for thought and feeling. Shizuru had gone over to make some tea, but was still staring into the kettle blankly after all the water had boiled away. Genkai held her face in her hands and wept silently for the child she was never able to bare, and the lover who left her. And there everyone remained, until the raising of the cool grey dawn.

Hikari blinked to early sunlight streaming through her window, only to realize it was not her window, but the window in Yukina's infirmary. Hikari sighed, unhappy with how much she seemed to find herself in the hospital of late, especially after so many years of striving to avoide physicians. She supposed and semi-admitted that she hadn't really let herself heal in a long time, and maybe this was the result of her body's inability to keep pace anymore. Either that or the amount of stupid and dangerous things she had been doing of late was increasing exponentially. How long had it been since I have had people I wanted to protect as much as the team? Not since Hiei. . .

Hikari shook herself away from this line of thought and focused on getting out of bed. The temple seemed quiet, but she hardly expected it to be any different. As she worked to stand up from her pallet she noticed that there was a pallet next to her, disheveled and recently in use, though not currently inhabited. Who was sleeping here next to me? Did I miscalculate and accidently break the spirit of someone in the team? No, if that was the case they would still be lying here.

Hikari took inventory of her body. Other than her self-inflicted injuries, which she noted with dismay had been redressed, her body seemed exhausted, but not particularly damaged. It helped, she thought, being a darkness demon who truly understood the ways and laws of darkness. One wrong step in the whole process would have killed a lesser or more experienced demon. As it was, she had been much closer than she would have wanted to being lost to the intense darkness. Genkai had been right, Hikari had not been prepared to handle the agony of everyone's emotions. Last night was the first time she had ever tried such a technique, so she wasn't exactly sure what to expect from it.

Noticing a pair of slippers by her bed, Hikari slid them on and padded down the hallway towards the main room of the temple. In the main room everyone was in various forms of sleep. Yukina and Kuwabara were snuggled against each other. Yusuke held Keiko in his arms, his head resting atop hers. Kurama was perched on the window, head sunk down to his chest. Genkai was in a corner, curled into herself, Shizuru nearby, also asleep. Botan and Koenma lay near each other, hands close enough to have been touching when the two were awake. Hikari took joy in the apparent comfort the team had been able to give each other. Hikari retrieved a pillow and put it under Kurama's head, tilting it against the wall so he would avoid a neck ache upon waking. She also procured pillows and blankets for the rest of the team from a hall closet.

Only when she was finished and had begun cooking breakfast did Hikari let her thoughts dwell momentarily upon the member of the team who as not there. . . Hiei. He must have been who had been in the pallet next to her, she sighed, remembering his tears. Crying took the energy out of any normal human or demon, she couldn't imagine what sort of energy loss occurred from producing so many tear gems. Hikari's heart sank as she felt tears sting her own eyes. It had been so important for her to make him understand what he had done. . . but what had the cost been? She had wanted to talk to him, to explain to him why she needed him to understand what he had accidently done to her, why she had needed so much time to forgive him. . . but now he was gone. She knew Hiei, and knew that wherever he went now and whatever he intended to do it would not be good. She longed to go after him, but was constrained by her responsibility to clean up after her technique and make sure the others were going to be okay. If she had done lasting damage on any of their minds, the time to mend it was presently. She also had to apologize for ruining Genkai's birthday. . . for that Hikari felt horrible.

Hikari fired up the rice cooker, sliced pork, and fried eggs for everyone's breakfast. Despite all the darkness of the last day, Hikari could not help but smile at Genkai's traditional Japanese kitchen and pallet. It was a tie to culture that Hikari had never had, perhaps she would adopt Japan's cultures as her own.

As Hikari was setting out bowls, cups, and chopsticks a sleepy eyes Yusuke poked his head in the kitchen, and leaned against the door frame. He looked as though it had ages five years in one night. Without a word Hikari went over to him and embraced him. "I'm sorry" she whispered.

"No, I am sorry" Yusuke said dejectedly. "I judged you so much and I never knew. . . I didn't even try to know. I am so sorry, Hikari."

"Thank you" Hikari replied gently. "That's all I wanted, not to hurt any of you, I just wanted you all to understand." After pausing for a moment Hikari said, "Come, help me wake the others, breakfast is almost ready".

"Of course" Yusuke replied, not even sure if he had an appetite for eating.

Guessing his thought Hikari added, "Food will do everyone good, it has a habit of raising spirits I think."

Yusuke nodded.

As Hikari and Yusuke woke everyone, Hikari could not look any of them in the eyes. She felt exposed suddenly, because all these people knew her deepest secret. In her angry the night before she had not thought of this consequence to her actions. As she woke Botan, Koenma, Kurama, and Shizuru she could feel their pitying stares.

When Yusuke woke Genkai, Hikari went over, eyes on the ground in front of her feet. Hikari bowed deeply to Genkai before saying "Gomen. I am sorry for ruining your birthday celebration. I don't ask your forgiveness, I only want to tell. . ." Hikari rambled, and was cut off by a bone crushing hug from the elder woman.

Hikari gasped, trying to swallow her shock. Why are people being so kind to me?

"The wounds your soul bears are beyond my skill to heal, but my temple and its grounds are always open to you when you decide you are ready to seek healing" Genkai said, letting go of Hikari.

"I. . .thankyou" was all Hikari could manage, blushing. Was it so awful for people to know I had been in pain? On their own terms, each of them had expressed care for me over the time I have known them. Isn't this what people do for those they care for?

More hugs were exchanged, with few words spoken. Too much had happened for words to be sufficient to conveying it. Hikari made the announcement that breakfast had been made. The sober group moved to the kitchen. Yusuke and Kuwabara tried to make a few jokes to lighten the mood, but even their efforts were half-hearted. As Hikari got to the kitchen door she felt a tug on her arm and turned to see Kurama. "Is he gone then?" the red head asked.

"Yes. I plan on going after him. I just had to know you all were okay first."

"Not alone, please. . . in my own way I love him too."

"Kurama. . . I. . ." Hikari stammered trying to object. Then Hikari felt a sharp grip on her bandaged left arm, and was surprised to see it was Yukina who held her.

"Hiei told me about this" Yukina said, giving Hikari's bandages a small squeeze. "I gave you the chance to tell me on your own at your examination, but you didn't, so I am telling you now that I know."

"As do I" Kurama said quietly.

Yukina felt herself tearing again as she continued, "You are not okay, this cutting thing is not okay, not when we are with you. From now on come talk to me first, and if you still want to do it after we talk, we'll figure what else to do. Seeing Hiei-san will be very hard for you, as will the journey to find him. I will not let you go alone knowing you will hurt yourself the whole way. It stops now." Yukina said, trying to put as much force into her calm voice as possible.

"We at least are going to come with you to find him" Kurama finished.

Hikari, who had been standing up against the wall, now slid down it, covering her face in her hands. This intervention was too much after everything that happened. How can they take it away from me now of all times? Now when I'd need it more than ever.

Hikari felt gentle hands pull her face up to meet crimson eyes. "Now is the best time to learn how to need your friends. We won't expect perfection, but now is a good time to start."

Hikari sighed deeply and leaned her head against the wall, eyes closed, concentrating on her breath and the rhythm of her chest moving in and out. The idea of giving up self harm filled her with such panic that she couldn't speak for several minutes. Finally Hikari said, "I will try, but please, keep the addiction intervention for when we get back. If we don't find him in time. . . it. . . it won't matter ".

"What will you do?" Kurama asked.

"I hope none of us have to find out" was all Hikari replied. Then she said, "I can't handle everyone coming, this cannot be a Koenma team mission".

"I doubt it will be" Kurama supplied, "there are too many things going on in the spirit world right now, Koenma will not be able to spare Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Botan."

"Okay".

The three went into the kitchen and announced their plan. Hikari felt emotionally drained and couldn't find the energy to combat everyone's protests. She slumped on a chair in the corner of the room to drink a cup of tea, leaving Kurama and Yukina the task of arguing their cause to the others. Hikari realized she must have dosed off, because she felt a gentle shake and Yukina whisper "it's over. They aren't happy about it, but they won't stop us. You need some sleep, and that is not negotiable. We will leave tomorrow morning." As Hikari began to object Yukina put up a finger and continued, "I have medicines that will put you out for a week if you would rather, and Kurama and I will go without you, those are your two choices. You might not care about your well being, but as your friend, Hikiari, I do" Yukina finished crossly.

Hikari sighed and nodded, she didn't have enough energy to fight Yukina right now. She felt like a doll as someone picked her up, and walked through a portal to the spirit world. Hikari went in and out consciousness as she was carried through Koenma's castle and to her room. Putting her on her bed Kurama said, "I will come wake you a bit before dawn so you can pack and get ready. For today, we will all sleep. Yukina apologizes for putting a sleeping herb in your tea, and says it will only make you sleep until tomorrow. Good night Hikari and. . . I too am sorry. . . for all of this. He loves you, just know that Hiei loves you, of that I am sure."

Hikari's eyes fluttered for the final time before closing in sleep, as Kurama left her room, heading towards his own day of sleep before their search for Hiei began the next morning.