Disclaimer: I do not own any of the rights to Harry Potter. I am not J.K. Rowling. I do not own or make any money off of this.
Chapter 9:
Potions class the next day was hell. The seconds seemed to tick by way too quickly for Harry's liking. He wanted the class to continue (the first time he had ever wished for Potions to continue) because he knew that once the class ended, Malfoy would tell Severus what he had seen. Speaking of Malfoy, he kept smirking at Harry from across the room, knowing that he held knowledge that was going to screw Harry over.
Harry sat in the back of class with Hermione, playing with his quill. Luckily, since he was partnered with Hermione for this potion, he didn't have to do any of the work. In fact, she had snipped at him earlier for getting in her way; he thought it best to let her do her own thing. Unfortunately, not brewing a potion left him lots of time to think. He had no idea what Severus' reaction to this newest development would be, but most likely it would be extremely volatile and negative.
Harry flicked his eyes up to Severus, who was marking papers at the front of the classroom. How could he have been so stupid!? No matter what excuse he came up with or what he said, there was no way that Severus was going to forgive him for this. And, honestly, Harry couldn't blame him. He had done many reckless things in his life, but he had never betrayed someone close to him. Severus had been extremely caring and patient with Harry thus far, making sure that he was well taken care of and slept without nightmares. Harry had taken all that Severus had done for him so far, his patience, and his understanding, and thrown it back in his face. Looking back, the worst part of his encounter with Ginny was that he probably would not have stopped if he hadn't seen Malfoy. Who knew how far he would have gone with Ginny. He didn't even like her! He just needed some kind of release for all his pent up anger, sadness, and frustration at the state of his life after the war. To top it all off, Ginny now probably thought he was interested in her. The bell suddenly rang, snapping Harry out of his thoughts. He swiftly packed up his bag and basically ran out of the room, yelling goodbye to Hermione as he left. As he passed through the doorway, he caught a glimpse of Malfoy approaching Severus' desk.
With Potions being the last class of the day, it was now dinner time. But Harry could not fathom being within the same room as Severus, so he headed the opposite way of the multitude of students. What he really wanted to do was fly, but he did not want to have the opportunity of running into Ginny again. Instead, he went to the owlery to pay Hedwig a visit.
As Harry made his way to see his owl, Severus was having a very interesting conversation with his Godson. Draco had approached his desk at the end of class, requesting that they speak privately. Severus had taken Draco into his office, where Severus had sat down behind his desk with Draco sitting in a chair across from him.
"Severus," Draco started. "I saw something yesterday that I think you will be interested in hearing." The mischievous and deviant tone in Draco's voice and the smirk plastered across his face caught Severus' attention.
"And what, pray tell, Draco, is so worthy of my attention?" Severus cautiously stated, not wanting to reveal his curiosity.
"Yesterday, I forgot my tie down in the quidditch locker room. I went to retrieve it and was met by an unpleasant surprise. You see, as I was leaving, I stumbled upon Potter and the Weaslette with their tongues down each other's throats and Potter feeling her up. It was revolting, but I thought you would want to know this little tidbit about your fiancé." Draco spat out.
"Thank you for telling me, Draco. I will deal with this," Severus coldly replied. Draco, knowing a dismissal when he heard on and not wanting to test his Godfather's patience, got up to leave. He gave a curt nod to Severus before departing. Once the door closed behind him, Severus cast a locking and silencing charm before erupting.
He shoved all the papers off his desk. Taking an empty cauldron, he threw it at the wall while letting out a yell of anger.
"Fucking Potter just like his fucking father. So egotistical, arrogant, and cruel; he has absolutely no fucking regard for anyone else. I have been nothing but generous, patient, and understanding with him, and the whole time he's been fucking someone else. I'm going to fucking kill him. He's nothing to me." The words poured out of Severus' mouth in a torrent. Letting his rage overtake him, he punched the wall behind him, uncaringly feeling a few of his fingers break against the cold stone of the dungeons. Deciding to take his anger out on someone else, Severus went in search for Potter.
His search proved unsuccessful. So, he decided to return to their rooms and wait for Potter. He had to return eventually.
After visiting with Hedwig for a while, Harry still didn't want to see Severus and face his wrath. He decided to visit Hagrid, knowing that Severus would never look for him outside of the castle. So, he made the solitary trek down to the giant's hut. Once there, he caught up with his old friend, drinking tea and politely attempting to eat some of Hagrid's rock cakes. When it got dark, though, Harry did have to eventually head back to the castle. Hagrid had fallen asleep, so Harry let himself out of the hut and made it back up to the castle without incident.
Deciding that he could not avoid their rooms and Severus forever, he headed towards their painting. He walked slowly, wanting to prolong his journey for as long as possible. But, inevitably he reached the portrait and said the password. Once he stepped within their chambers, he was immediately shoved up against the wall. He instinctually reached for his wand, but his attacker was faster than him and had already disarmed him.
"Fuck you, Potter," a deep, satiny voice drawled.
Now Harry's brain processed what was happening, and he realized that Severus was his attacker. His body lost its tension and his heart rate slowed, knowing that, as angry as he was, Severus would not hurt him.
"Severus, just let me explain," he pleaded.
"Let me guess, she was all over you? Yes, I'm sure that people just can't resist throwing themselves at the precious Chosen One. You're the fucking Savior of the whole damn Wizarding World, so you should be awarded whatever you want. Never mind whatever anyone else has given up for you. We can't have you, the glorious Harry Potter, denied what he wants. You fucking selfish child!" He yelled into Harry's face, maintaining his tight grip around his clothes.
Harry tried not to show how much Severus' words hurt him. Everything that the man said to him was his worst nightmare. He never wanted to be treated differently because of who he was. Though he tried his hardest, a small bit of guilt and sadness must have shown through his stoic mask. He knew that no explanation would be justified in Severus' eyes. This was a man who valued loyalty above all else, and who had dedicated the last seventeen years of his life in loyalty to his late best friend. With downcast eyes, Harry simply waited within Severus' grasp for his next words.
Rather than more deriding words, Severus simply sneered, "You disgust me" before pushing Harry towards his bedroom. Harry decided that it was best to simply follow Severus' directions and made his way towards the stairs. However, his progress was halted by Severus' muttering behind him. He could not make out all the words, but he did hear "such a coward."
Feeling his entire body tense in anger, Harry yelled, "I am not a coward! You can think what you want of me, but I will never be a coward."
"I'll call you whatever I want, Potter. You mean nothing to me."
With those words, Harry lost all resolve. Tears streamed down his face as his knees buckled. Though he had not admitted it to anyone, Harry had hoped that he and Severus would grow to love each other and that he would be part of a real family. Now, Harry was sure that he would be forever alone, stuck in a loveless marriage with a man who hated him. Harry curled in on himself, no longer aware of his surroundings, as a barely coherent stream of words spilled out of his mouth between sobs and gasps.
"So sorry…didn't mean to…she cornered me…didn't know what to do…Ginny…you…so much going on…sorry…fucked up…don't hate me…want-…confused…nightmares…you and me and baby…want it so bad…don't like her…Malfoy…you…family…sorry…don't hate me…didn't mean to…forgive…please…can't do this…so hard…please…sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry."
At first, Severus simply stared at the sobbing wreck in front of him, not knowing how to react. No one had ever broken down like this and been so vulnerable in front of him. Looking at the pure rejection, hurt, guilt, and apology on Harry's face, he decided to push away his anger for the time being. He had sworn to himself that he would always protect Harry, even if it meant protecting the boy from himself.
Severus took a few cautious steps towards the boy before scooping him up in his strong arms. Responding to the comfort but still too hysterical to process what was going on, Harry burrowed himself into the warmth of Severus's chest, continuing to say "sorry."
Severus brought Harry up to his room and tucked Harry and himself into his bed. Now, he had the difficult task of bringing Harry back to reality. He drew him into his arms, ignoring the part of him that was still furious at his future husband.
"Harry, you need to calm down. I do not want to be comforting you all night. I am still here; I haven't left you. Explain to me what happened," Severus requested.
The cool and deep tones of Severus' voice broke him out of his reverie. Keeping his head buried in the other's chest, Harry began to tell his side of the story. After revealing everything about he and Ginny, the words seemed to keep pouring out. Soon, Harry was detailing all of the trauma that had happened to him over the past few months. He told Severus of the depression he felt being by himself the entire summer, the guilt he felt regarding the deaths of the war, his confusion over the situation he currently found himself in, his uncertainty over what to do, his fear of being pregnant, and everything else on his mind.
Severus laid there while Harry got everything off his chest, holding him and waiting patiently.
When Harry finished, he took a deep breath and sat up. For the first time, he realized where Severus had brought him. He had never seen Severus' bedroom before, and he slowly took in the dark wood furnishing, bookshelves, and deep green walls and comforter. Slowly, Harry then turned to the man himself, who was staring back at him with a pensive expression.
"So, do you want me to go back to my room now?" He timidly questioned.
That question caused Severus to frown before asking, "Wouldn't you sleeping alone tonight cause your nightmares to return?"
Knowing that he could not lie to Severus, Harry simply nodded. "It probably would, but you probably don't want me here."
"Harry, I'm not mad at you. I forgive you for what you did as long as you never do it again, and we can talk about that later. For now, I think that you really need a good night's sleep, which we both know will not happen unless you are with me. Sleep," Severus softly commanded, drawing the man to him.
Harry didn't respond, he simply cuddled up against Severus with a smile on his face. With the strong arms around him, it was not long before his breathing evened out and he fell into a deep sleep.
Severus looked down at him as he rested in his arms. He had learned tonight that Harry had not meant to hurt him. His fiancé also placed him in high regard and trusted him immensely if what Harry had divulged to him tonight was any indicator. Once again, Severus felt a swell of affection and respect within him towards the being who currently trustingly slept in his arms. No one had ever trusted and liked Severus enough to let their guard down around him as Harry did. Suddenly, Severus felt an impulse that he could not deny. He leaned down and placed a kiss on the sleeping Harry's temple before drawing him close and closing his eyes.
"Goodnight," he whispered as sleep finally claimed him.
Author's Note: Hope you like it! It's my longest chapter yet! Let me know what you think.
