Hey guys

This is a bit of a logistic exercise, because for some strange reason FF decided not to show this chapter as new, so it sort of got lost as an update. I've deleted it and plan to repost it with a new chapter heading to see if that works. Otherwise all my hard work was for nothing if no one sees it!

Oh, and someone said they didn't really like Emily in this so far, and I kinda get that. She can cover her own neediness in a cloak of caring for Effy's welfare, I know. But put yourself in her position. Naomi ditched her at a formative time in her 'coming out' process and Effy was right there for her. Not just that, but she's been there for her ever since (with the occasional lapse). So I guess Emily is struggling with having overwhelming feelings for Naomi, which never really went away, and simultaneously wanting everything to be OK with her fragile live in partner. We all know cake and cake consumption are incompatible...but this IS Naomily after all!

Emily

Its been almost a fucking week.

A week!

I didn't expect to hear much the day after me and Naomi had our little impromptu naked get together, but a week?

Effy has been trying her best to make it up to me after the shit storm of the other night, but I'm still racked with guilt whenever she tries to get handsy with me. Shock and a feeble lack of moral fibre is the only excuse I have for sleeping with her when she got back the evening after I'd cheated with my ex. Shock and the overwhelming need to obliterate the sick guilt I was feeling. Sex was a handy antidote for my self imposed sickness, but reality soon intrudes on your post coital bliss. I hardly slept at all that night. I dropped off eventually, but Effy getting up and showering sometime after midnight woke me. Quite why she bothered, I don't know...its not as if either of us normally do after sex. I like the warm, exhausted cuddles and she likes to watch me sleep, so we almost always drift off in each others arms. I was quite grateful she let me be that night though. I was riddled with quite enough self loathing after sleeping with my actual gf a few hours after cheating with my ex. Cosy cuddles would have probably reduced me to a gibbering wreck. I just know she'll find out eventually and then it will be Armageddon in the Fitch Stonem household. Effy doesn't do sharing, any more than I do. Even when we were at uni and experimentation was almost obligatory, we never did much shagging around. I was too grateful to have bagged the sexiest girl in Bristol (OK,...after you know who of course) and she, well she was considerate enough about my abandonment fears so only a couple of times fell off the bonk wagon. And that was only the occasional alleyway knee tremble with an obligatory bad boy after too much alcohol and/or pharmaceuticals. Another girl as a rival would have wounded me too deeply, so she kept mostly to the straight and narrow (pun not intended).

No, we've been almost entirely loyal to each other. Up until now that is. Knowing Effy, she could probably shrug off a single mistake, if it had been with some random picked up in a club after a row and I had the excuse of drugs or drink. But with Naomi? No chance. Effy was too fucking perceptive by half to think that was just a momentary weakness. And I could hardly use the drink/drugs excuse, could I? It never worked in the past, as my darling sister can attest. Snogging Naomi at that middle school party might have been prompted by MDMA, but it really only gave me the courage to do what I had ached to for months.

Anyway...all that aside...and its a fucking big aside, I know...why has Naomi been completely avoiding me? I understand she will be as remorseful as me, but it was she who said clearly that she didn't think having sex with me was a mistake, wasn't it?

So why is she avoiding me?

I tried knocking on her door a couple of times when I knew Cook was out. Effy has an unusual 'job', which involves checking in at her mums new hideously priced boutique in Islington once or twice a week. Anthea is still trying to make up for years of alcoholic neglect of her wayward daughter, so once she and Jim got divorced (poor Jim drew the short straw when he got a massive payout from an old industrial injury claim, coinciding perfectly with their acrimonious marriage split) Anthea came into some serious money and basically pays Effy for just turning up now and again to model some of the amazing clothing. So I had no problem with my girlfriend being around to find out I was still haunting my ex. But although I knew full well Naomi was in...she just ignored my repeated knocking.

It hurts, you know? I thought...well...I thought the other morning meant something to both of us. I know it was wrong on all sorts of levels and I should just leave it alone, but I can't. Naomi Campbell is back under my skin and even this sort of guilt and remorse can't fight that relentless itch.

So after the second bit of Campbell cold shoulder, I decided to write her a note. With Cook out of the way again, no doubt topping up a few bankers noses, I scribbled some words on a crumpled sheet of computer paper and slid it under their door today.

Naomi

I don't know why you're ignoring me? I understand what happened the other day was wrong and that you're probably feeling as guilty as I am about cheating on our partners, but we can't just pretend it never happened, can we?

It wasn't just sex and I know you feel the same. It never was for us, was it?

We need to talk about what happens now. I can't stop thinking about you. It's driving me crazy.

I promise not to jump you if you agree to meet, just to talk. Honest.

But I DO need to see you.

Please. Just call me and I'll be wherever you decide to meet up.

Em

07923 551962

XXX

I almost rewrote the damned thing because of the kisses I automatically added, but then thought 'fuck it'. We shared a lot more than kisses just a few days ago.

Then I went to work and fretted about the call I was hoping for and dreading to get.

XXX

Naomi

"The fucking cheek of the bitch" I raged, red faced with indignation when I came out of the bathroom and saw the folded piece of paper on the floor by the front door. I knew instantly what it was and who'd written it. I didn't even need to unfold it to know who it was from. That almost childishly neat and flowing script with my name on top told me everything I needed to know.

Emily fucking Fitch.

But of course, I did read it. Several times. None of which made the contents any better or palatable.

How dare she just pretend that things were still OK between us. She might not know that I heard her getting laid the other night, but she knows she did it. And did it less than 12 hours after we had made love over and over again. Did it when she said we just needed time to think. Well, I did some thinking. She just dropped her knickers so that normal service was resumed in the Fitch/Stonem house.

Whereas I have been studiously avoiding Cook for two good reasons. One, I'm still mad at him for humiliating me. And two. I know how he operates when I'm angry with him...just the smallest hint of encouragement and he'll bring home wine and that ultra strong skunk he gets at work. He knows full well that just half of one of those skins and I'm like a floppy doll. He'll get to bone me and I'll let him because I can't be bothered to say no. Then he'll think everything is rosy again, but I'll still be aching for someone else. No, I can't be like Emily Fitch and fuck my other half within hours of shagging someone else. I just can't.

But the fact that she could and still has the nerve to keep trying with me is astonishing. I never had Emily down as a cool cheater. I don't suppose Effy would see it like this, but with our history, it isn't totally unbelievable for Emily to weaken faced with my close proximity (I'm not being big headed, just honest) But to go back to Effy the same fucking day?

I screwed the note up, then unfolded it straight away. Uncomfortable echoes of another note which landed in the bin, then got straightened out so I could phone her resounded in my head, but I shook the thought away, then rang the number on the yellow paper.

She answered in two rings. I could hear a busy office in the background, so I kept it short.

"We need to talk, Emily" I said in a clipped voice

"Oh...uh yeah...of course...that's what I was try..." she said quietly.

"Cook is away all this weekend on business. Name a time Saturday or Sunday and I'll make some arrangements" I interrupted in the same icy tone

"Uh, umm, yeah sure thing...I mean I'll ring you with a time then?" Naomi...you sound really upset, is there anything wrong...?"

I couldn't help it. I let out a short sarcastic laugh at that gross understatement.

"You could say that Emily" I rapped, then immediately hung up. Another moment and I would be screaming down the line at her and I wanted to save that 'pleasure' for our face to face meeting.

XXX

Emily

Work came a poor second to nibbling my nails and worrying for the rest of that day. What the hell was up with Naomi? I expected her to guilt herself...its what she does. Her outward appearance might be one of an ice queen, but I know what bubbles under the surface. Doubts, fears, indecision and worry. All bundled up inside her head. The main reason why she fucked off to Cyprus, rather than face up to her feelings for me. The result of all that teenage angst was me finding out that other girls found me attractive too and Elizabeth Stonem decisively claiming me in that 6 week break.

But this was different, wasn't it? We're both older, more mature and less afraid of what others might think. Others apart from our partners of course. Cook and Effy are just collateral damage at the moment. But why is Naomi taking it out on me?

I forced myself to be normal at work and later at home. Effy was being pretty quiet right then and left me to do some late night file sorting on my laptop instead of staying up with me. It was a relief. I'm running out of excuses about why I don't want to have sex with her again. Doing it the other night gave me intense feelings of guilt. Both for her and Naomi. In effect I cheated on them both that day. It's just not me, and it makes my heart ache. Just as well Naomi doesn't know I gave in...that really would be a knife in the heart for her. I know how much she values honesty?

So I finally went to bed at about 1 am and fretted some more about the upcoming meet with my ex, and why she was being so cold with me.

Morning came as no relief. Sleeping for a couple of fitful hours isn't me either. I need my 8 hours to feel refreshed. So I was grumpy with Effy when she offered to make me breakfast. Thank God she took the hint again and left me to my coffee. My head was humming with confused indecision and the last thing I needed was polite conversation over the cornflakes.

I didn't see the note until she'd left for Anthea's boutique. A bit of address card ripped out of a delivery package, yellow and creased. Propped up on the hallway table, next to my keys. I wrinkled my brow in puzzlement. Effy doesn't do notes. Not once in the 4 years or so we've been together has she left me one.

But here it was.

"Hi babe...you're obv in a mood over something, so I'm going to give you a bit of Emily alone time. Mum is going on a buying trip to Paris this weekend. I'm going with her. Maybe bring you back something sexy to put a smile on that gorgeous face?

Love you

E. xx"

I had to read it another three times to understand it. Effy never went away with her mum, like ever. She always said two hours was her absolute maximum endurance period with either of her parents.

But here it was...the evidence that she was planning on a couple of days in France with Anthea. I picked up my phone and called her immediately. Straight to voice mail. Tried Anthea too, but got a similar lack of response. I sat there for a minute, gathering my thoughts. Then it hit me. Effy away, Cook away. Me and Naomi...alone, but together.

Guilt washed over me again when I couldn't stop the surge of pure joy it prompted. While the cats away then, I thought before squashing that treacherous bit of hopefulness. But it didn't silence my inner voice, wanting the absence of our partners to yield something more than an argument.

XXX

Naomi

I waited until lunchtime on Saturday to make the call. I'd not seen or heard from Effy or Emily since the brief conversation I had with my ex at her office, which made things a bit easier and with Cook away, I found stuff to do after I got back from work which filled the empty hours. I bought all new bed linen and dumped the old stuff in the rubbish skip downstairs. Not that it held any faint scent of our previous indiscretion on it, but I just couldn't look at the pale blue duvet cover and pillowcases without seeing a naked, smiling Emily lying on them. It was still too raw.

So my credit card got a jolt, specially as I decided, whilst I was in a spending mood, to revamp the lounge too. Spending money on plastic is way too easy nowadays. I could see my mothers disapproving frown in my minds eye as I passed the card over to the furniture salesman in town. But when the new couch and soft chairs arrived as promised on Friday, it was the first time I'd felt good in days. Maybe I'm turning into Katie Fitch as I get older. She always said retail therapy was food for the soul. Strangely enough, once me and her sister had split for good, she stopped being such a bitch to me and we actually had a few civilised conversations before we ended our college days. Her venom was reserved for Effy Stonem by that time, so I got a free pass. Ending up with Cook as I did must have forced her to re-evaluate her opinion of me. No longer the 'big lezzer', corrupting her sister I suppose...

Anyway, retail splurge over and with the apartment sparkling clean and refreshed, I took a deep breath and thumbed Emily's number on my phone. I had every intention of deleting it for good after today's meet. Something told me neither of us would be calling the other much afterwards.

She answered inside two rings again. I shouldn't have taken that much satisfaction in that, knowing that she was keeping the phone close in case I called, but I did. My bad.

"Hi...Naomi?" she said breathlessly.

"The same" I said dryly "...are you OK to come round?...Cook's away in Manchester and if Effy's not..."

"She's in Paris...with her mum?"

"Right...well, ideal opportunity then. I'll leave the door open"

"K...see you in two minutes then?"

I just hit the disconnect button as a full stop. I wasn't about to have any polite chats with Miss Fitch at all.

XXX

Emily

Stupid, I know, but I couldn't stop myself dressing for effect. Even down to the new underwear I bought on Wednesday. By the tone of her voice, Naomi was hardly likely to want to see me in (or out of) it, but old habits and all that. I'd done a fair bit of dressing up for her benefit at Roundview, but apart from the odd curious glance, it never worked then either. Strange to recall how, the only time we got naked together (apart from recently of course) was when we both looked like we'd been in the washing machine spin cycle too long. Lying in damp, crumpled clothes by that lake in the cold night air, we'd made each other blissfully happy without any contrived visual stimulus. Of course, the next morning, it was back to normal, but...

So anyway, I made the best I could of myself. A nice cream silk shirt, unbuttoned a bit to show off a hint of my new pink lace bra, over a pair of really tight black Levi's. My blue suede boots and a simple silver curb necklace completed the picture. I risked a squirt of Jo Malone Nectarine and Honey scent on my neck and wrists. I'd worn that the other night and if it brought back memories of warm skin and breathless cries, who was I to argue?

Turned out I needn't have bothered. Naomi was obviously not in the mood to appreciate fine perfume...

The door was half open when I got there, so I steeled myself, took a deep breath and pushed it open. My first impression was of polish. Not as in Warsaw... furniture polish. The place smelled like a show home. Not at all like it had the only other time I'd been inside the apartment. Then it was just...well ordinary. Now it seemed someone had been spring cleaning like crazy.

That first impression was reinforced when I got to the lounge after closing the front door and walking down the hall. I could see new furniture and the 'just cleaned' effect was in full force. I didn't know why it mattered, but my heart fluttered anyway. Naomi was making some sort of statement and I didn't think it was to impress me.

She was standing in the middle of the room, looking out of the window with her back to me. I stopped a foot away and risked a polite hello.

"Hi Naomi...its..."

"Yeah, I know" she said laconically "...the perfume slightly gave you away"

Then she spun on her heel to face me, and looked straight at my face. Her eyes were blazing blue and just for a second my heart thumped with joy at how utterly beautiful she looked. Unlike me, she hadn't dressed up. Just a simple black tee and grey cargo pants. But still breathtakingly beautiful...

The next words out of her mouth smashed that little moment of pleasure completely.

"But unlike last time...it isn't quite having the same effect Emily"

I opened my mouth to ask what was up, but she was obviously on a roll and dismissed my attempt with a wave of her hand.

"Lets just get to the point, huh...hun?" she said coldly I cringed a bit at the obvious venom in that last word. This was going to be bad.

"Putting aside the fact that we've both cheated on our partners...can I ask you a straight question?"

It took me a second to answer. I had no idea what she was going to say, but this was hardly the time to stall, was it?

"Sure" I said slowly "Anything you want..."

Her mouth set in a hard line before she physically shook herself then started to speak again.

"The day you left here...you know, after we slept together and told each other how much we still...liked...each other?"

I nodded dumbly.

"You remember that then?" she said icily "I had the stupid idea in my head that I might have dreamt it all..."

There really wasn't anything I could say to that was there? I still had no idea where this was all going, but I had to let it play out. There wasn't any choice.

"Pretty uncomfortable for both of us I guess...you know... pretending to our other halves that nothing had happened and everything was fine. I found it hard anyway...Cook isn't exactly the worlds most perceptive boyfriend, but even he had the sense to stay clear. Making him sleep on the couch for being a monumental dick is pretty normal service for him, so..."

Again she shook her head as if clearing it.

"But then, maybe Effy has a different way of dealing with her girlfriend when things have gone tits up?"

My heart was suddenly seized with an icy grip. She couldn't know...could she? The guilt must have been written all over my face, and I could feel tears pricking my eyes, making me blink furiously. How the hell...

Naomi smiled at my expression. Not a friendly smile. More a rictus.

"All coming back to you then Em?...I make Cook sleep on the couch...where he still resides by the way, because unlike some people, I can't pretend to want him when I've just shagged my ex for hours in our bed. But you don't seem to have that problem, do you Emily?

My mouth gaped open even as the first tears started to fall. How the fucking hell could she possibly know I'd slept with Effy that night...?

She smiled again, with as much warmth as last time. I'd never seen her look so angry with me.

"Oh...you're wondering how I know Emily? Lets just say after I banished Cook to the living room sofa, I needed some fresh air. Our balcony might not be right next to yours, but on a still night...with the windows open...its easy to hear what's going on next door. Sounded like Effy was giving it to you good and proper. "Oh Eff...like that babe...just like that"

I cringed at the harsh impression of what I'd been doing with my girlfriend that night. I had no defence and I knew it.

"I...I...I mean she..." I stuttered, unable to say anything coherent.

"She what Ems? She still knows how to make you come...even after I'd exhausted you for hours...She does it better than me...or was it just that you felt you had to spread the love around...you know...like you did with JJ at college?"

The tears were now flowing unchecked down my cheeks. That was a low blow, brining up my one heterosexual fling, but I guess I deserved it after what I'd done. I had no way of arguing with what she was saying. It was all true.

I shook my head and just stood there weeping. The cosy fantasy of running off into the sunset with my first love had been exposed for the foolish notion it always had been.

"So sorry...I didn't...I shouldn't...it was just that I couldn't..."

This time Naomi stopped looking angry and her face took on a defeated look. The look I remembered from Roundview, when she first found out Effy had claimed me.

"No...its me who's sorry Emily. Sorry for being such a stupid cow. She's always been more powerful that me...always been first in your eyes. I should have known better than to try. Effy fucking Stonem wins again"

She shrugged and I saw tears in her eyes too now.

"Well...at least I haven't wasted any more time than this. You can go back to her and...well...get back to normal. I'm gonna look for somewhere else to live. Me and Cook have been on the outs for a while now anyway, so I suppose I should thank you for putting the final nail in the coffin. Once I tell him why I'm leaving him, he won't be calling next door for friendly chats any more though. So...if you don't mind..."

She waved in the direction of the front door

"...I have some letting agents to call...who knows, maybe going back to sunny Bristol might be a good idea. No chance of us bumping into each other then, is there?"

There really was no point in staying. She turned her back on me and stared out of the window again. I walked numbly to the lounge door before turning one last time.

"You won't believe me Naomi...but I don't regret a single minute of it. I still love you as much as I ever did...even if I have fucked up so badly that you never want to see me again. I'm going to have a conversation with Effy too about our future, or lack of it. I think we've both crossed a line we can't go back over. Maybe in time you can forgive me,,,maybe I can forgive myself one day? I love you Naomi Campbell. Whatever else has happened, that's still true, even if you don't believe it right now"

She didn't answer me. Just a soft sob and the shaking of her shoulders told me her tears were flowing as hard as mine.

XXX

Comments would be nice...even if its negative!