Heya.

SidePlot ch.2? Oh. Oh yes~. (Grins)
I'm sure I'll come up with another huge thing for at the bottom, so read that too. Kay? Kay.

SidePlot! Return! I mean, poo- Go!
(Yes, I do amuse myself.)


"You're the drama queen of every scene
Perfectly out of place
Only cynicism can get through to you
Expand the image
Up the insults
Negativism through and through…"
"I'm Afraid Of Who Afraid Of Virginia Woolf" -Murder By Death

XXX

A-(Not So)-Sexual Man
Side the Second:
Brother, 2


Wisely was sixteen, and sixteen year olds usually aren't exactly chaise. Especially when they look like Wisely Walker and have all the perks that come with being him too. He got his temps during the year, and by the end of that school year he was driving. Everywhere. He'd go out at night and wouldn't come home until late- really late.

And I stopped sleeping again. He didn't notice. It was a forced state of denial, I've realized. Even when Jas, Rhode and Allen eventually noticed, got worried, and began to cram themselves into my overly large bed at nights- it didn't help. They weren't him.

There were a few times when I remember that he would sit down in a room with me and just stare into space, seeming like he wanted something, but never knowing how to say it or ask. I never gave it, regardless and then he'd leave again.

But that summer, I got so much worse. I remember how he and Cyril would fight some nights, scream at each other while Maggie tried to stop them. I tried to not hear what he was saying. Not to get mad when he admitted he was with people- tried to act like I was twelve and didn't know what those words meant. But I did- and it made me crazy.

Allen- who's age was right in the middle of Wisely and I- would sometimes look at me like he knew. Like he could see that dangerously simmering anger behind my eyes every time I looked at the person who was supposed to be my older brother. Because even as he told Cyril that it didn't matter 'who he fucked around with' I loved him- and sometime between then and when I was fifteen, I began to understand that I wanted him… in ways that some would call 'unhealthy.'

But healthy or not I did, bad.


"Cold hearts, colder songs
They will play us out
With a song of pure romance
Stomp your feet and clap your hands…"
"Let's Kill Tonight" -Panic! At The Disco


The beginning of our seventh grade year, started just like the sixth. Other kids picked on Jasdero, for any number of reasons- and by the end of the first quarter, we'd beaten them back again.

And then… I had a wet dream.

Puberty… I hated it.

I started first, Cyril said it was because I was older. I still don't know if I believe him. I was alone that morning thankfully. After that I stopped letting Allen, Jas, and Rhode sleep in my room.

I figured out masturbating on my own, in the shower… a lot. I shot up six inches- or so- in a few months. Jas ended up just shorter than me. We avoided the acne thing- thank god. His voice dropped easily- quickly, though not much- mine took a bit longer. By the time Wisely turned seventeen, shortly after we turned thirteen, it somehow seemed over. I kept growing steadily after that, just like I always had. And Wisely was suddenly shorter than me.

He was 5'6" when he turned seventeen, I remember, and at thirteen we were freakishly tall- 5'8" while Jas was just below me at 5'7". But Wisely, wasn't lanky like we still were. And it annoyed me. Which made me mad, which oddly made me avoid him. But he still was never around so I didn't matter.

It kinda felt like I didn't see him my entire seventh grade year, regardless that we lived together with everyone else. And that summer was no better.

I swear I spent half of that summer in the large living room of Mana's old house, in that same window seat- reading, playing a video game, or sleeping. Or watching the driveway to see if he would come home, only to see his car some nights and then quickly sulk my way up to my room and lock the door. I hated the thought of him most of the time. And it lead to me hating myself, because I would still think about him too much- jerk off to my imagination of him in the shower…

I knew I was gay by the time I was fourteen, weird hn?


"Can't take the kid from the fight
Take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
Take the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back…
You're a regular decorated emergency
You're a regular decorated emergency…"
"Camisado" -Panic! At The Disco


And then, that fall, it was somehow worse- again.

The school we attended dumped the eight grade class in the same building as the high school kids. Meaning for one year, we were in the same building as Wisely, who was a senior that year.

The first week was weird, I would see him at random times passing through the halls, hanging out at lockers with other older kids I didn't know. The high school kids all looked at Jas oddly- like dogs that weren't not sure if they should attack or just ignore the mouse amongst them. They looked at me ever odder- like those same dogs looking at a ram, ready to pick a fight if they stepped up. Jas made sure to stay close to me.

I noticed that Allen stayed out of the light, with some friends of his I'd seen before around the house, that clung to him like a magnet.

But the Monday of the second week, we were at one of the picnic tables in the courtyard, by ourselves per usual, and something odd happened.

I remember him, because I learned to hate him so much- His name was Johnson, and he along with a few other guys walked up to us, standing in a perfect semi-circle around where Jas and I were sitting. I was sitting up on the table top facing them, glaring, while Jas ignored them and poked around in his mac'n'cheese, sitting correctly on the bench.

"Can we help you," I asked unimpressed, by Johnson's tennis player physique or any thing else they were sporting.

But then suddenly Wisely was walking up behind them. A smaller girl trailing behind him, looking concerned. "What the fuck are you doing Chase," he asked the other guy quickly, from just behind the semi circle of five guys. I just continued to watch him- staring into his shit colored eyes that told me he wanted to hit me; that he wanted to (for a reason I didn't understand) destroy me, though they never met mine levelly. "Chase," Wisely called again, the small girl having moved up to take hold of Wisely's arm imploringly, "Leave them the hell alone."

The tall brunette with those shit colored eyes, continued to scope me, his eyes still not meeting mine. I hated him already.

"I'm not doin' anything, Wise," he responded slowly, his voice croaky and edgy. Jas had stopped messing with his pasta long enough to turn his head and watch the other guy over his shoulder. "Just getting acquainted with your little bros."

Jas scoffed immediately, "By staring at us with that lopsided look- brilliant." I was baffled by the malice in his voice. Jas didn't get mad- Jas was the level headed one. But something about this man had quirked that. I wanted to know what he knew. I could see Wisely glaring at the other man now. And with another crooked look at Jas, the tall brunette turned and his posse suddenly scattered.

"Ah, come on, babe. I was just saying hey," he was commenting back. And it clicked. And before I could stop myself, I was nearly bounding off the table, lurching for him. But Jas had expected it I guess, because he was on his feet first, grabbing my arm and pulling me back. I would have ripped him apart if I had reached him I'm pretty sure.

The thought of anyone touching him pisses me off. But seeing that buffoon be the one he'd let- that had moments before just come to have some kind of confrontation with Jasdero and I- I wanted to tear him apart.

The moment after I was shocked by my own possessive impulse. And from the look on his face so was Wisely. Jas and Johnson seemed to be the only one who had expected it. The small girl still next to Wisely even seemed a bit baffled. And once again, I went back to avoiding him. Slipping out of Jasdero's hold, a tight glare knit onto my face.


"Just take away the words I say
Cause I know
That you don't feel the same
Just go and say
What's in your head
And I won't try to stop you…"
"The Chemistry of a Car Crash" -Shiny Toy Guns


And I remember that the three days after my first meeting with Johnson, I didn't sleep. I left my room for school and to pee. I didn't eat for a while- a turkey sandwich on the second morning, that was it. And Jas told Maggie- she wasn't happy. And Jas, of course, didn't just tell her what, he told her why. I would admit that the conversation with Johnson had rattled me.

I hated thinking he's with a guy, so why can't he be with me? Cause then I'd have to remind myself that he's my step-brother. I hated reminding myself of that.

So Maggie in one of her brilliant moments made me sit down every morning and night, and eat whatever she put in front of me, or nagged me until she did. I told her that eating wasn't the hard part. Then she gave me some sleeping pills, and they didn't work- I wasn't shocked. They'd knock me out of a few hours then I'd wake up even more tired than I fell asleep.

So Maggie kept a closer watch over me. And kept force-feeding me- I was only agreeable, because then I didn't have to make something. And one of those mornings, on a Saturday, when we were sitting in the kitchen around eleven or so, he came home. Maggie was bent over one side of the counter, while I was struggling to get down a bowl of cereal that she had heaped high with Rice Chex, sitting on the other. And Wisely walked in the back door right as she was trying to make me spurt milk out my nose, and instead making me choke.

"Hi," was all he said after we fell quiet as he entered. Maggie smiled at him in return.

"Hey," I mumbled back, forcing my eyes from him to lock onto the bowl of cereal in front of me. I made them not look at the very visible hickey on his neck to the soggy cereal in front of me.

There was a heavy pause, where I could feel him just looking at me, I refused to look up and Maggie merely watched. Then with a large, gusty sigh he quickly slid through the room and into the hall. Maggie said nothing for a long moment, as I pushed the bowl away and crossed my arms on the counter only to bury my face in them a moment after. My anger was due to boil any time around then, and I think Maggie knew that- that was the moment she understood.

"Oh, Devi," she sighed before I could feel her finger running through the hairs on the back of my head. But they didn't sooth me or calm me in the slightest.


"Oh- How could it be
That tendons bound to bones with in my feet
Were bound to believe
That they should move themselves to up and leave
I should say that I'm sorry on their behalf
I should say something funny But you will not laugh…"
"Betrayed By Bones" -Hellogoodbye


I stuck to avoiding him after that. And I got reckless, anyone who looked like they would hit back and thought about fighting I would. I was back to the grade school game of office chair roulette. Jasdero would pull me out or help me out, so he was usually right next to me. I apologized to him every time. And he would always just tell me to shut up.

Then winter came, and Wisely didn't. He was gone more than ever. I remember it was a few days before our birthday, and he hadn't been home in a few days. And I can remember being so conflicted the day before it- wanting to see him and wanting to shove him in a closet just so he couldn't leave again, or punch him and send him to the ER. I wanted him and I hated him- and it messed with my brain quite a lot.

The morning of our birthday he wasn't home- by that point I'd kinda resigned my brain through the night that he wouldn't be. I still felt disappointed; he'd been there every other birthday.

We didn't really have a 'party' because we didn't really have any friends outside the family. There were greetings of the words in the morning, at breakfast. Cyril let us stay home- actually encouraged it, when he saw the bruise on my cheek and my busted lip, Jas' yellows cheek bones from the nearly-broken nose he'd gotten. Then again, Jas broke his nose so many times in high school it wasn't funny- because most of them were my fault.

I laid in bed all day. Jas came in and out, never stayed long though. It was one of the most boring days of my life.

And then it got dark, and I found myself getting (my default) angry about it- at myself more than him. I shouldn't have expected anything from him. He wasn't mine- and that thought nearly sent me off the handle, when I admitted to myself that if anyone's he was Johnson's. And I hated that guy.

I remember that I didn't leave my room for lunch or dinner- oddly, dozed most of the day. Never falling all the way asleep. But I know I didn't hear my door open, or close but I did at least know when my desk light turned on. And I was a mix of emotions when my eyes finally eased open, seeing him sitting on my rolling desk chair with an awkward smile on his face.

"Heya," he said quietly, when I didn't say anything. I didn't reply either, and we just sat in silence for a bit. "You okay?" I wanted to laugh and scream 'no', but just like when I was a kid, I never wanted to worry him.

I hadn't slept well in months. I'd stopped eating. I couldn't stop hitting people or things, because as soon as I did, I knew I would think about how much this hurt. And if there was an ache in my fingers or in my face- or any part of me besides my chest- I was fine. I had concluded some time before this, I was a wreck- and I wouldn't let myself blame it on him. Even if everyone else did.

But for once I was finally able to answer him truthfully. I let my eyes close again, my head roll back toward the ceiling, sighing as I answered, "No- no Wise, I'm not." I could hear him move and scoff, before suddenly there was a weight of the side of the bed, making the mattress slope. And my eyes pop open.

Wisely's eyes are an odd hazel color, have I ever said that?

He smirked at motioned his head the opposite way from him, "Move over, idiot." And I did, and he pulled the comforter down and we laid there- I felt extremely awkward at first, not really knowing what to do. I think he figured that out and laughed at me, eventually taking the lead and pushing my back into the pillow and curling up against me with his head on my chest and his arm around me. "Relax, Dev," he chuckled against me, "It's not that hard."

But it was, for different reasons than he was probably thinking. I wanted to hold him, but I didn't know if it was right. He belonged to Johnson, that's all my head knew. And with him curled up against my- his skin on mine, breath sinking through the thin shirt I had on, and the heat of his body there- I was hard. And I had to try to fight myself, to slap myself a few times with reminders before I realized it wasn't going to work. This was a bad idea, I heard my head telling me.

So one of my arms went over my face, while the other one laid out on the bed behind him. But he somehow stopped my internal war with a few words.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around much," I heard him whisper, and my world froze. "Allen," I noticed the pause, "pointed out that you hadn't been sleeping, and stuff." He chuckled dryly at that, "He's always worried about everyone but himself." Then he sighed, "You could have said something."

"When," I accidentally snapped, before calming the snip forcefully, "When would I have, ever had the chance to say anything?" I could feel him tense. I could feel the tension in my own body, for different reasons though- I was still hyper aware to every feeling of him right there. He didn't say anything to that though, and I felt the need to continue. "You're never here, Wise. I see you at school but you're always with that idiot," I could feel his face twist at that, but I didn't take time to dissect it, as I still couldn't see him- even with my arm now off my face, his face was turned away from me. "There's never a moment for me to say anything to you."

And then there was that clenching in my chest and a stab in my head that made me feel like I'd lost him a long time ago. And before I could stop it, the hand that had been on the bed was lifting and treading into his hair, fingers curling and I could feel my hand press him into me more. My other arm moved on it's own and I practically turned on my side as it wrapped around his shoulders. It was one of those possessive movement that I'd always fought, but right then I was too tired to fight myself, and he was there.

But Wisely never tensed, his body practically turning to goop as I moved to hold him, and he turned to let me. But as I held him, I could feel the edge of his smile against my chest. And when he moved his head just a bit, my wrist relaxed just enough to let him turn to look up at me. And that smile made my breath catch in my throat and my heart go crazy. And then he was kissing me and I didn't know if I'd fallen asleep, but in moments I was kissing him back and my eyes were sliding shut and… I felt good. For the first time in a long time, I felt calm and peaceful, and right.

Irregardless how wrong it may be to anyone else, Wisely made me feel right. And then he was pressing against me and I had to groan as he began to grind against my hard-on. "Caught ya," I heard him whisper against my lips as he continued to move his hips. And then I noticed he was practically on top of me and he was hard too.

And it clicked, and I could feel that grin slid over my lips. And as his eyes took it in, his hips slowed and his just looked at me for a moment. "You really should be illegal," he told me and I had to laugh- a good deep laugh that I actually felt, and it felt weird because it'd been forever since I'd laughed like that. But as it died, I kissed him, and I finally relaxed enough to let my urges go wild.

One hand on his hip and the other in his hair as he straddled me and ground his hips into mine with need and I let my body respond. But it wasn't enough and soon my hands were under his shirt before I noticed his were nearly immobile keeping him level over me.


"Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go. Let it go…"
"Iridescence" -Linkin Park


There were a lot of mechanics of that night I don't remember passed how good it felt. But much passed the moans he let out and the taste of him and the feel of him, I don't remember much. We didn't actually have sex that night, but everything else was done. And as he laid there naked and finally done, he laughed at me. "Do you realize how weird you are?"

"Do you realize how weird we are?" I returned instantly with that same wicked grin he'd told me should be illegal twice by then. And he only groaned, before laughing again. "No seriously," I asked him again, already beyond comfortable with him like this and rolling over him, legs between his and arms on either side of his shoulders. "Do you realize how weird it is, to be like this," I continued nuzzling along his neck and collar bone, purposefully letting my breath tickle him, "to like having you step-brother over you." Wisely scoffed.

"Four years younger step-brother, mind you," he scoffed and I lifted my head to look him in the eye again.

"Which part of that bothers you more," I had to ask.

"The four years part," he responded easily a lazy grin on his lips as his eyes eased closed again and his arms easily slipped out from between us and up over my shoulders to pull me to him. I had to roll over to not fall on him and suddenly we were in the same position we started in, only without clothes. I glanced at the clock on my bedside table and I remember that it was just before two.

"Happy belated birthday, Devi," he whispered into my chest and I hummed as I nuzzled into his hair before falling asleep with the covers only half over us.

Then we woke up late the next morning to Jas banging on my door about why did I lock it and that I was gonna be late. We said nothing as the banging stopped and we dressed quickly, Wisely slipping on his clothes before I checked the hall and he kissed me hard before disappearing into his room two doors down, on the other side of Jas' room. I dressed and had just made it downstairs in time to see Maggie moving toward the already open door. She just gave me a lazy look.

"Eat somethin and have Wise drive you," she told me simply before leaving. I shrugged as I grabbed two breakfast bars and worked on them before Wisely came down.

His hair was brushed but still kinda messy like usual, but stopped and looked at me across the room weird without saying anything for a minute. Then he moved right in front of me and I had to stop myself from choking on the breakfast bar as his lips suddenly attached themselves to my now exposed collarbone and I felt his tongue slick over the skin. But after recovering from almost choking, I let my fingers play in his hair as he worked just below the moved collar of my shirt to give me the biggest hickey of my life.

And as he pulled back to look at it, I had to watch him. "What was there for," I asked him slowly and even I could hear the want in my voice. He simply smiled up at me before his eyes looked back at the purple and nearly black blob.

"Now were even," he told me before pulling his own collar with a single finger so I could see a similar purple and nearly black blob at the end of his collarbone, toward his shoulder.

And then he told me to go change and meet him at his car. And I learned that morning that Wisely can drive, but he hardly ever seems to care. He goes at his pace on the road. And when we got to school, pulling in just as the bell was ringing- he didn't let me get out of the car without pulling me across the console and kissing me hard again.

"Act natural, kay?" I only nodded back before he pecked me again and we slid out of the car.


"Oh, I could lead a stationary life
Oh, you will see and you'll believe
My love is carried to you by my feet
My bones are wrong sometimes
Sometimes my bones are wrong…"
"Betrayed By Bones" -Hellogoodbye


While we were walking up the side walk, I noticed Jas still standing just outside the building. He was smirking as we walked up, shaking his head. But then he leaned off the wall, his blond hair pulled back in braided rows on his head an then down his back, it was to his mid-back then.

And then he held out a folded piece of paper between his pointer and middle fingers, aiming for Wisely. "From the pinhead," He seemed amused as he said it, and again I wanted to know what Jas knew, "He seemed rather miffed this morning- you guys have a fight?"

Wisely scoffed and shook his head, taking the note as we moved passed Jas and throwing it in the bin next to the door. "You could say that," was all he said and then the three of us were moving inside. Wisely said a quick goodbye as he began up the stairs, while Jas and I moved to my locker, which we both used- though his was right across the hall.

"So," he began as I spun the lock open, "What happened?" After a moment I looked at him as I clicked it open, and then I was looking back into the locker, digging out my book in the deserted hall, and I could feel that illegal grin pulling at my lips. "Mmhmm," Jas concluded, "I figured." And I had to chuckle a bit.

And I was placid all day. I didn't see Wisely in the halls though, expect when he was moving. I saw Johnson's usual group of idiots though, and they all turned to pin both Jas and I with weird looks. I didn't snap at anyone, I paid attention in class- it felt weird, feeling content. Not being angry.

I didn't mind it.

Especially at lunch when Jas and I were sitting at one of the tables inside- it was raining- and suddenly Wisely was being pulled across the room but the same small girl we'd seen the other day. "Hey," she greeted us as Wisely smiled crookedly. Jas looked smug and I know I was grinning. "Mind if we sit?"

"Not at all," Jas answered for both of us, sounding more aware of what was happening than he intended to let on. And as Wisely settled on one side of the table and the girl- Mimi- to the other, I threw him a 'tell me' look, which Jas merely grinned to- a grin close to my illegal grin, but that said 'no.'

"Uhm," Mimi was asking then, but Wisely cut her off.

"It's a twin thing."

"Oh," she concluded.


"And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal…"
"Camisado" -Panic! At The Disco


Mimi became a good friend of our over the next few weeks. I found out a lot about where Wisely had been when he never came home- Mimi's and rarely Johnson's. Apparently the small girl was a freshmen that year, though she acted like she was younger than us. And apparently she had hated Johnson since she had met him the year before. She'd been attached to Wisely since he'd saved her from some bullies at the beginning of that year.

One night while we were laying around in my bed, Wisely's cell phone was suddenly ringing in his pants pocket on the floor. And I laughed as he glared at it before moving to retrieve it. But when he answered I could hear the frantic voice on the other side.

"Well, hello to you too," was how he greeted her, and I could hear her as she screamed at him.

"Mimi," I asked and he nodded as suddenly she was quieter.

"No," he answers whatever she had asked, sighing, "Yes, seriously… Dev." He seemed uncertain about telling her I was there. And the giant girly-squeal that came across the speaker told me why. "Yes, I'm at home," he told her again when he eventually put the phone back to his ear. And I remember sitting there, in my boxers, listening to her interrogate him and just laughing at her questions and his reluctance to answer most of them.

I was just happy that he was there.


"But there is always so much distance can't but feel it somehow
But you have never ever felt it like you feel it right now
I'm closing off inside and I was only just starting
But you can't be close enough unless I'm feeling your heart beat…"
"All Of Your Love" -Hellogoodbye


But then I steadily began to notice something. Seemed my anger had been transferred to Jas- though he did far less destructive things with it. January was a pain that year- the snow never seemed to stop.

But being trapped in the house was odd, because for once everyone was there. Wisely slowly worked his way back into the family, even with the occasional fight with Cyril that involved a lot less screaming either way. Maggie told me it wasn't about any one thing, just everything all together.

But it was one of those snowed in days where I noticed a familiar tension in Jas' shoulders, as he sat at the kitchen table glaring out the window. Without saying anything I took the chair on the opposite side facing the one next to him. He didn't say anything for a long while, but I watched the anger, agitation, and uncertainty swim along his face and I wondered what happened.

"You know," he began, "It never bothered me." I knew he was talking about Wisely and I. "I never saw both of you as brothers, just you." I nodded- Jas was probably the only one who knew everything. "But…" he didn't let himself finish but I could figure it out.

I'd noticed the change in their behavior for a while. Rhode just seemed confused when he'd give her the cold shoulder, but that was Jasdero's way of separating himself. You can't treat someone like a cousin, if you see them as something else- I knew that.

But I didn't know what to do about his situation. Rhode never seemed to broadcast herself in the family much, and it was always hard for me to read her.

So instead I pulled him up to my room and forced him to play rock band with me. Wisely laughed at us when he came in a while later, then he sat on my bed and watched us. He tapped at the computer, as we played though song after song. Jas had gotten better and better at rhythm though the years, I'd gotten better at bass- we both had our choice though, cause Jas was always better at piano than drums, but his voice was even better than that.

Then, not even Wisely had heard me sing.


"Hey! They will never be the same,
A fire in a flask to keep us warm
'Cause they know, I know
That they don't look like me,
Oh they know, I know
That they don't sound like me…
You'll dance to anything!
You'll dance to anything!…"
"Hurricane" -Panic! At The Disco


On the third night of the snow in, I had sex with Wisely for the first time. It just kind of happened- neither of us really thought about it… Well I did, because I had been psyching myself up since he told me I was top with "I don't like it." I didn't ask why he didn't like it, but I figured out that I really didn't mind it… At all.

'Cause, yeah, he would moan when I sucked him off, but penetration made him mewl and moan so much more, so much better- I could have cum from just those noises. And then I'd have to mouth rape him when we got too loud. Thank god my bed didn't squeak- Jas probably would have killed me in the morning instead of the lazy glares he did give me. Then I grabbed a few bananas and disappeared back upstairs, and we ate them in my bed.

I decided I liked sex- Wisely laughed and blushed a lot when I told him that.

I figured out through those four days that our family was glad Wisely started coming home- Maggie gave me a coy smile when she agreed- but they wondered why he had. No one seemed to know what was going on, just that we had gotten closer. Jas decided to stay close to both of us, so they were thinking it was just us that had brought him back, not singularly me. I figured it was better that way.

Jas didn't actually get a visual affirmation for a while. But shortly after Wisely's birthday, I had asked him to play some game with me and he hadn't made it to my room to do it yet. And Wisely came in, a white bag in his hand- condoms. He shoved it in my side-table drawer and gave me a sideways look. "What?" I realized I'd been eye raping him. I just grinned and motioned him over. He came over but just stood there. "The door's open, Devi- what?" I shook my head to tell him I didn't care and pulling him down by his shirt to kiss him.

Wisely could never think when we were kissing, I used it to my advantage often. And this time, by the time Jas made it into my room, Wisely was on my lap and I was working on giving him a hickey on his shoulder. Jas stopped in my door and I could see him over Wisely shoulder. Jas just watched wide-eyed for a moment. He finally chuckled, and Wisely froze. I let go of his shoulder and put my chin on it, wrapping my arms fully around him as I grinned at Jas still just inside the door.

"You're late- I got bored." Jas scoffed immediately.

"Seems like you found some entertainment either way." Wisely merely huffed when he spoke, sagging against me. Then he punched me lazily in the shoulder.

"You did that on purpose," he accused into my neck and I shook my head.

"No," I replied, "But I didn't care if it happened." Wisely huffed again and I could feel him relaxing even more.

"Can you even play like that," Jas asked me then and I grinned.

"Oh yes, I can."

"Alrighty then," Jas called and quickly closed the door and move to the other chair as we turned to play. Wisely merely made himself a bit more comfortable, straddling me and I'm pretty sure he just fell asleep while we played.


"Is it still me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?
Then think of what you did
And how I hope to God he was worth the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin…"
"Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Off Her Clothes" -Panic! At The Disco


Things turned into a routine with Wisely, I got used to hiding us from everyone- I didn't like it but I understood it. But as things settled down with us, Jas seemed to go crazy.

I tried to be conscious of him- keep an eye on him, talk to him when I knew he needed me. But I knew there was something going on that he wasn't okay with.

Shortly after the anniversary, things got worse. When before it'd always been me getting us into fights, suddenly it was Jas. He told me to stay out of most of them- and I returned the favor by not listening for the most part. Our roles switched so fast it confused me. He kept things from me and it bothered me- but I figured out fast enough that it wasn't his business to explain. There was a kind of pattern to the people he picked fights with- they were all friends, or friends of the friends. It was a group of them.

But the first time one of these guys came to pick a fight with him, Mimi was with us and as soon as she saw the other guy coming toward us, she was next to him- grabbing his arm and pulling him away. I followed, keeping an eye on the other guys. I knew him, I just didn't know from where.

It was maybe after the fourth time, the first that we were actually sent home, that pieces began to click.

Wisely was released from class and he took us. And I noticed how tense and quiet Jas was about the whole thing until we were actually home. But before I could even say anything he was up the stairs and I could hear his bedroom door shut.

"Do you know what's going on," Wisely finally asked me, sounding about as frustrated as I was feeling. I merely shook my head before he motioned me to the table and started for the bathroom. He came back with a few things a minute later and quickly set about patching up my knuckles, the cut on my eyebrow that I remember hurt like a bitch for weeks and nice busted lip.

And when he was almost done, suddenly the back door burst open and Rhode tore through the kitchen heading straight for the stairs, not even stopping to consult us before I could hear her banging on Jas door, and demanding he 'open up, right fucking now.'

Then Allen slowly made his way into the kitchen, smiled lazily at us and quietly closed the kitchen door behind him.

I can remember how that was the moment when Allen made the return to my life. Before the whole Rhode and Jas fuck-up, Allen hadn't been doing good. I remember that at that time he was sixteen, but he already had his tattoos on his shoulder and back. He got the one on his eyes when he graduated high school, and we all got the hands together when he was a senior. I remember he'd been smoking a lot then, which he still did for a long time- but Maggie usually took them and told him he was killing his beautiful voice. Nine times outta ten, he's just laugh. He quit after Kanda said it stunk though.

But after the accident, like Wisely, Allen kinda ran from the whole family life. I didn't blame him. He'd lost both parents, and then Robin strayed with him- though I still fail to believe she ever really came back.

But right then he'd just wore that lazy grin that he always had, and hung his coat on the back of the chair with his bag and laid his head against the table and, I swear he fell asleep in minutes- even with Wisely and I sitting right there and a war thumping through the ceiling.


"I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me…
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me…"
"Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Off Her Clothes" -Panic! At The Disco


I didn't figure out the Rhode and Jas thing for a while, even after that. They fought like AA participants and didn't talk much, but Jas stopped getting into so many fights- meaning I stopped getting into so many fights. And Wisely seemed much happier about that.

And then one weekend morning, Maggie, Jude, Paulie and Finny had gone to the label with Cyril to meet Tyki, and Allen was still dead to the world in his room. Robin still hadn't been coming home much, and I woke up early for some reason- that I still curse daily. So I shuffled out of bed- somehow without waking up Wisely- and began downstairs to get some coffee or something, and… The image that I saw on that morning is still burnt into my cornea.

Because, that morning, I learned heterosexual things could still get me up.

Because Jas and Rhode were having sex on the couch. And even if they were under a blanket and the couch was facing the opposite way from me… The noises were enough.

And I turned around and went right back up stairs- because, well… I was awake.

But then later that morning, after Wisely went down stairs- after we had morning sex which he seemed confused about- and I followed at a safe distance, they were right back to hating each other. And I was thoroughly confused. But the look I gave Jas and the look he gave back told me it still wasn't up for discussion.

So we didn't discuss it.


"He senses something, call it desperation
Another dollar, another day
And if she had the proper words to say,
She would tell him
But she'd have nothing left to sell him…"
"The Ballad of Mona Lisa" -Panic! At The Disco


Heya, again! (Smirk)
So yeah, Jasdero's got some problems too. Who would'a guessed?... Me.
And who liked Cross and Cloud? I kinda didn't see them coming, when I first thought about it. But I kinda thought they would work- I hope you agree.

First off I really wanna thanks everyone who's reviewed on this story. It's now totally beat out the story I've had up for five years at least. (That I'm still getting reviews on.. Wonders.) And I'm really sorry if I don't get replies out to what you say. I try to get them, but I know I probably missed a few.

But yeah- warning for the wise. Things kinda blow up from here on out. I will say more about this in the next part, but there are reasons that certain things are written as they are. And this side does butt right up to where the went. There is some explanation of 'The Fight' they have at the Gate.

It follow an Einstein quote logic. "If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough." Just keep that in mind next time. (Smiles)

Anywho- Thanks so much for reading everyone. Make my day and review, yes?
-Aseru