I don't own Merlin. This was written for fun and will not be used to gain money or fame. All rights belong to the BBC. Based on the end of season 5 episode 6. Disregards most of season 5 but may have possible spoilers. "Speech" 'Thoughts'. Possible spoilers for all seasons. I forgot to mention this but The Great Dragon isn't dying. he will be important later on.
"Wow...And you told on Merlin?" Gwaine asked as Gwen continued to blush and tried to hide behind Arthur.
"She was 9 Gwaine (1) and I was 11. It was hardly a terrible crime." Leon defended.
"So why did you tell Arthur about Merlin?" Elyan asked suspiciously, more out of worry for his sister than worry for Merlin.
"Because...I thought something might have been going on still" He said sheepishly as everyone else turned to look at him.
"How could you even think that?" Elyan asked shocked and slightly angry. This confused the knights. Elyan's Gwens brother. He should be the one who thike Leon did. They all wondered. Seeing their looks he explained.
"When have you ever seen Merlin and Gwen doing anything intimate. She mothers him. Surely that must tell you she doesn't think about him that way. Also Merlin and Arthur are best friends..."
"I wouldn't go that far Elyan." Arthur interrupted but Elyan continued on reguardless.
"And you should know Merlin would never do anything to hurt Arthur."
The rest of the trip back to Camelot was just like any other. The group travelled for another two hours all the while listening to Arthur and the knight banter with Merlin and some of Gwaines many tavern stories. Once the party arrived in Camelot Arthur whisked Gwen away leaving Merlin to sort out the horses. The knights left to retire to their chambers even though it was only midday. Elyan approached Merlin as he was tending Percivals horse.
"When are we going to have that discussion Merlin?" Elyan asked seriously. Merlin tensed but did not turn around.
"If it is convenient for you I can come to your chambers in half an hour." He replied but had yet to turn and face the knight. The dread he had for this conversation evidant in the tension in his shoulders.
"That's fine. I suppose you're going to visit Gauis first?" Elyan asked politely trying to reassure the servant in front of him. It didn't work. Merlin became more tense but gave a swift nod before leaving the stable. Elyan, unsure of what to do for the best, went to his chambers and asked the servants to run him a bath. It was going to be a long afternoon.
After leaving Elyan in the stables Merlin came running into Gauis' chambers.
"Merlin, thank heavens you're alright." Gauis exclaimed pulling his ward into his arms.
"Elyan knows. Elyan knows I have magic." Merlin whispered into Gauis' shoulder as his mentor held him tighter, trying to erase the fear the boy who he had come to look as a son felt. He wished there was more he could do, however there was a small ray of hope that the knight would procted his boy.
"He hasn't told Arthur yet." Gauis asked although it wasn't really a question. He knew Arthur was still oblivious and was grateful for it. He knew the king was nothing like his father but he wasn't ready to take that risk. He didn't think he ever would be.
"No he hasn't. I told him I was born with it and had to use it to heal him when he was stabbed by an enchanted sword saving Gwen." Merlin explained numbly. "He said 'my secret is safe with him' but now he wants to know everything. Gauis how do I tell him it was my fault Morgana turned out like she did? How do I tell him that I let the dragon live after it killed everyone? How do I tell him that Mordred is detined to kill the king?" Merlin asked in despair. Gauis was speechless. How could Merlin carry around all this guilt?
"Merlin look at me." He said holding his hand under the boys chin, forcing Merlin to meet his gaze. "Everything you did you thought was right at the time. Everyone makes mistakes, even Emrys." Merlin then pulled away from Gauis.
"I have to go now." He said and left the room. Good luck my boy. Gauis thought as he went back to work.
Just as Elyan was getting dressed there was a knock at the door.
"Come in" Elyan said and turned around to find Merlin standing in front of him.
"Hi," Merlin said quietly staring at the floor. Elyan placed his hands on the top of the serrvants arms and shook him slightly.
"You are a good man, Merlin." Elyan told him pushing him gently into the room more and closing the door. He then went back over to Merlin and led him to the bed where they both sat down. "And if it makes you feel better..." Elyan stood and walked over to the table that was three feet away from them, put his sword on it and walked back over. "Now you know there is no danger from me." Merlin looked up amazed t the trust the knight was placing in him.
"Ok. Well before I came to Camelot I didn't have much control over my magic. It reacted to my thoughts and emotions, most of the time before I even realised it. It was easier when I was younger because the other kids were younger too. They were more likely to believe they had imagined it and if they told their parents that the black haired, big eared kid did something strange most laughed it off although they did watch me closer. I didn't actually leave the house for the first 4 months I was born. I would cry and it would start raining or I would laugh and the furniture would fly around the room. My mother didn't know what to do." He stopped and looked at the knight to make sure he was safe to continue. Elyan saw his hesitance and slowly placed his arm around the warlocks shoulders in a comforting gesture.
"It's alright Merlin. I promise."
"When i was about 5 I finally made a friend. His father had died when he was a few months old and I never knew mine. We began to play together, at first only because the other kids avoided us. Me because they didn't like me, they didn't understand why I was so nervous all the time and Will because he knew, even back then, that he wanted more than village life had to offer. We always got on well. I hated lying to him. I often argued with my mother over it. the first lesson she ever taught me was never let anyone find out about your magic, no matter what. I have broken that rule 7 times. Two of the people I told were similar to me, they had some form of magic or enchantment and Agravaine found out in the caves when we were running from Ealdor." Merlin took a deep breath. "There were six other men with him, they were going to kill me, Arthur, Gwen and the rest of Camelot." Elyan realised what he had done. He realised he had used his magic to kill them. He turned to face his friend who flinched away from him. He frowned.
"Merlin protecting the kingdom and the people you care about is not a bad thing. If a knight had done it would you look at them any differently?" He asked. Merlin looked at him in shock. His eyes wide.
"T...This was different though. I used magic." He whispered.
"You used what you had at your disposal, your magic. I would have used my sword, the weapon I had at my disposal." He reassured smiling at the servant who grinned back.
Merlin then told him everything from Lady Helen to the Questing beast. He told him the story of Cornelius Sigan and Freya, he explained about poisoning Morgana and Balinor. He told him of finding Morgana a year later, the two immortal armies, the crystal cave and what really happened when Gwen and Elyan were kidnapped. He explained more about the dorocca and what really happened. When he told about what he did to Uther the tears that were threatening to fall after mentioning Freya did and Elyan held him tighter, whispering that everything was going to be alright and that he didn't blame Merlin for what Morgana did. He went on to tell the knight about the dragon egg and the famorrah. He told hm about the Lamia, Lancelot coming back and the druid that posessed Elyan. This caused the knight to wince at the memory and Merlin to pause.
"You said what happened with the famorrah wasn't my fault remember?" Merlin asked and Elyan nodded. "This wasn't your fault either, there was no way you could have faught it no matter how much harder you tried, like with the Lamia I don't hold any blame against you and neither does anyone else." These were the words the knight hd been longing to hear ever since the incident and the fact it came from Merlin, the one who saved his life and he had hurt made him believe it that much more. About both the Lamia and the druid.
"Thank you Merlin." The knight breathed.
Merlin continued with his tale and began crying when he spoke of Triston and Isodole.
"I should have tried. I should have tried and failed but I didn't I was a coward and she died because of me." He mumbled looking down as the tears came rolling down his cheeks. Elyan pulled the warlock into his chest and held him as he cried whispering about how it wasn't his fault, how he might have been killed as well and how he was anything but a coward. In that moment Elyan became Merlins big brother. He vowed he would protect the younger of the pair, even if it meant defying his king.
Elyan knew they were far from done but they couldn't talk anymore as Gwaine chose that moment to enter his room unanounced. He realised this was a good thing as it meant the drunken knight hadn't heard any of the conversation they were having.
"What did you do?" Gwaine demanded making the seret warlock jump as he hadn't heard the knight enter the room and pointed his sword at Elyan who had yet to release the crying boy in his arms.
"What do you mean?" He asked as Merlin began to hiccup.
"I mean why is Merlin crying, he seemed fine when we returned to Camelot 4 hours ago." This startled the pair as they hadn't realised they had been talking for that long.
"Gwaine, Elyan didn't do anything wrong. I swear." Merlin said lifted his red, tear satined face from Elyans chest. He gave the knight a watery smile.
"So why were you crying?" He asked concerned. If Elyan didn't cause it who did and why didn't Merlin come to him insted? As if hearing his thoughts Merlin answered .
"It was everything that happened on the trip and coming back to Camelot realising it was the anniversary of my best friends from Ealdor's death." He whispered causing Elyan to feel guilty. I made him relive all of that on the anniversary of Wills death. He thought, feeling sick. Without him realising Merlin had continued. "I wasn't going to tell anyone but Elyan found me in one of the corridors and asked what was wrong. I broke down and he brought me here out of the way." Merlin fished and Gwaine nodded putting his sword back. Elyan was surprised to feel Merlin breath a sigh of relief.
"Oh right. Sorry Elyan. Merlin you know that if something like this is bothering you, you could come to any of us don't you?" He asked his friend gently. He didn't like the idea of Merlin crying on his own. He didn't like the idea of Merlin crying at all actually but with something like this it was bound to happen. Nobody had realised how close Gwen and Merlin were and to come back to that...it was a lot for anyone to handle, especially by themselves.
"I know Gwaine, I just thought I needed to be by myself." He said. The knight grinned then.
"As long as you know, my friend." He told Merlin who still had Elyans arms wrapped around his torso for support before he slappedd his friend on the back and walked out, closing the door behind him.
(1) I'm not sure about the ages for everyone so here are the ages in my story:
Arthur - 24
Merlin - 23
Gwen - 24
Elyan - 26
Gwaine - 26
Leon - 27
Percival - 27
Morderd - 19
Gauis - OLD (haha couldn't resist)
Morgana - 25
If these aren't right and it bothers you tough. It's my story (but read it anyway please)
