*** Because you know... when you give a guy a girl's phone number, the inevitable happens... ***
The Big Date, Part 1
Welcome to the Wealthy Dragon's Alehouse. I'm your host, Filmandir, and we have an exciting event ahead of us. We are about to meet the young lady for this evening's adventure, a Silvan Elf named Tauriel.
That's right, Fil. Hello, everyone; I'm Elvadriewien, but you can call me Elva. I can't tell you how thrilling it is to see these two wonderful kids setting aside their people's lengthy, bloody hostilities for a chance to just chill out and really make that special connection.
Now, now, Elva: Our leading lady doesn't know just who her date is yet. Won't she be surprised, huh?
And there she is now! Looking lovely in bubblegum pink...
Shoes to die for, I must say. Yes, Tauriel clearly comes from an important family up north.
Indeed. I would hazard a guess that the dress is an Elruniel original.
You have a good eye, Elva. That is an Elruniel; I recognize the distinctive beadwork on the bodice. Something like that must've set daddy back half a year's salary at least!
Only the best for daddy's little girl! While our brave young lady is waiting for the hostess to seat her at a quiet table in the corner with a single red rose in a delicate crystal vase...
Lovely touch, Elva.
Thank you. I'm such a hopeless romantic, Fil. Let's check in with Miss Tauriel and see how she's doing.
"Oh my god, I'm like freaking out." [flutters eyelashes] [fans face with both hands] "He has like the hottest voice on the phone. All growly and sexy... I'm dying."
Miss Tauriel, did your young man tell you anything about himself?
"Well, he's like a soldier, and his dad is totally the general or something! Isn't that fabulous? Like, he's almost in charge of a whole army! My daddy would be so excited; he's all about the military, and just goes on and on about his old war buddies and their little 'adventures,' like we haven't heard every single one at least five times, I swear he's getting a little senile..."
So I gather you're very excited to meet Mr. Bolg?
"Like, oh my god, YES! And he lives right here in Mirkwood, can you believe it? Practically in my back yard, that's so awesome!"
Ah, I see the hostess has finished preparing your table, Miss Tauriel. Do have a seat; I imagine your young man will be along soon.
"I'm so excited! I can't wait to meet him in person!"
I gather she's excited, Elva.
Indeed she is, Fil. Oh, here comes the lucky young man now.
My... he's a tall one...
And not nearly as fashion-conscious as our lady. I anticipate fireworks aplenty for this evening.
Yes, she doesn't seem like the type who'd go for such an... earthy individual, but we've been wrong before! Let's give these two crazy kids a chance, huh?
Absolutely, Fil. After all, it's Valentine's Day, a day that kindles new love in the... oddest places.
Right you are.
[shrugs] "Well... I guess... when I talked to her on the phone, she kind of sounded like an idiot, but... you know... that's Elves for you."
Well, kudos to you for going through with it anyway. What are your hopes for this evening?
"Uh... just, you know... chat a bit or something. You aren't gonna have a camera in our faces all night, are you?"
Not at all, Mr. Bolg. We will keep a discrete distance so the magic can happen.
[alarmed] "She's gonna use magic?"
Um... it's just an expression.
"Right." [narrows eyes]
Lovely man... er... Orc.
Now let's watch as our man, er, Orc walks up to the table...
Oh, Tauriel's eyes are closed. She clearly wants to be surprised...
He's introducing himself and sitting down.
Her eyes are still closed...
Wait, wait... the eyes are opening... she's seeing Bolg for the first time...
...
Elva, I think I now know what my nanny was talking about when she used to say 'Life isn't all beer and skittles.'
My goodness, Fil, it looks like her eyes are wide enough to swim in. She did not expect someone like Bolg, did she?
It would seem she didn't. Still, she appears to be soldiering on. That should impress him, being a... um... military man. Orc.
He doesn't seem as horrified as she looks, thank goodness. But then, he knew what he was getting into. Our 'spies' have informed us that this little get-together was sponsored by none other than the Prince of the Woodland Elves himself, Legolas Greenleaf!
Well, that is impressive! And little wonder that the Wealthy Dragon was selected, since this establishment is known to be frequented by Legolas's own father, Thranduil the Elvenking.
He does like his ale, Fil.
Yes, he does. No finer ale can be had in all of Mirkwood, so be sure to stop by. Tell the barman that Filmandir sent you.
Also good for a comfortable family outing. The dining room is cozy and separate from the bar, so your little ones won't be jostled by exuberant celebrants.
It looks like the main course has been ordered, so it's up to our two adventurous lovebirds to make small talk until the meal comes.
Oh, look how nervous Bolg is! He just knocked Tauriel's wine glass over while reaching for the sweetener packets.
Would you say that's a Merlot, Elva?
Doesn't matter what it is, Fil; it's not coming out of that dress any time soon. Daddy won't be happy about that.
While our lovely couple struggles against all odds, let's pause for a station break. Elva?
Indeed, Fil. I can't wait to see what happens next!
A/N: To be continued... unfortunately. ;)
