Thanks for the reviews. There's one more chapter after this. It will jump about five years. I own nothing.
"So wait…you called Michael?" Haley asks with a slight smile. All she's ever wanted was for Lucas and me to get together, and stay together.
"Yea", I respond quietly. I called him yesterday. It wasn't the easiest thing I've ever done but at the same time it wasn't all that hard. I know that sounds horrible. I was with him for two years. He had brought up marriage but I always found a way to change the subject. He is a great man and any girl will be lucky to be with him. I'm just not that girl.
"What did he say?" Nathan asks while slightly puffing out his chest. I love his protectiveness. The scary part is that if I tell Nathan Michael was rude, Nathan wouldn't think twice about going to New York.
"He just…" I'm at a loss of words. How do you describe something like that?
Flashback
Calling someone should be easy. Your hands shouldn't shake. You should be able to breathe deeply and calmly. This is the seventh time I've attempted to call him. Finally I take a deep breath and hit the last number to our apartment.
"Hello", he speaks into the phone. My eyes start to well up instantly.
"Hello", he questions again.
"Hey", I say quietly.
"Peyton", I can tell he's smiling, "how are you?" he asks meekly. I know he feels bad for the comment he made the other day.
"I'm good", I lie. I'm anything but good. He sighs and I know where this conversation is going to go.
"Peyton, I'm sorry about yesterday", he says sincerely.
"It's okay", I try to stop him. The last thing he and I need is for him to apologize for a meaningless argument.
"No, it's not. I know how much that car means to you, I just hate that it breaks down because when you're alone that's not a great situation to be in", I have to bit my lip to suppress the sob that's lurking in my throat. He really cares about me.
"It's really okay", I convince him. I take a deep breath. It needs to be done. I can do this.
"I love you", he interrupts my thoughts. This time I cannot stop the sob that breaks through.
"What's wrong?" I can hear the panic in his voice.
"Michael", I begin. Then I stop because I don't really know where to go from there.
"What's the matter baby", his voice is shaky.
"I…umm…I can't", I finally spit out. Of course that's not the best explanation for him.
"You can't what?", before I say anything else he speaks again, "Peyton, talk to me", he begs. We've always been open and honest with each other. That's one of the things I loved about our relationship.
"I can't be with you anymore", I harshly wipe at the tears that are streaming down my face.
"What", his voice is so small you wouldn't be able to tell he was a twenty seven year old man.
"Peyton, what happened?"
"Michael, you need someone who can give you all of them", I said dejectedly.
"I don't want someone else. I want you, Peyton", his voice cracks and my heart breaks a little more.
"I can't do that", I whisper to him.
"Is this about Lucas", I can hear the bitterness in his voice. I can also hear the sadness. I stay silent. I've gotten this far but I can't seem to get those words out. He takes my silence as a yes.
"I'm sorry", I offer sincerely. I knew it sounded lame but, I couldn't think of anything else to say.
"Peyton don't do this", he begs. I wish I could take it back. I wish I wasn't in love with someone else. I wish I could really stay with Michael.
"I'm sorry", but I can't.
We're both silent for what seems like an eternity. I've calmed down a bit. I'm not quite the emotional mess I was five minutes before.
"Will he make you happy?" Michael asks.
"Yes", I answer without hesitation. There's another pause.
"Then go be happy", he say quietly to me.
Before I can say anything to him he hangs up.
End Flashback.
"He…understood", I watch as Nathan and Haley nod their heads.
"You need to talk to Lucas", Nathan tells me. I can't help but roll my eyes.
"I know Nathan", I respond condescendingly.
"No, you really need to tell him", this time Haley is the one who speaks.
"What's going on you two", they share a look. Its not any typical look, it's the married person look.
"Shot not", Nathan says as he puts a finger on his nose. I smile at his immaturity.
Haley rolls her eyes before turning to look at me. "He's leaving", she says quickly.
"What do you mean leaving?" I ask hesitantly.
"He's going to L.A.", Nathan answers. They both stay seated, waiting for my response.
"When", I ask in desperation. They simply stare at me and I have my answer.
I look at them both before getting up and leaving the room.
"You're really leaving", I ask solemnly as I enter his childhood room. I basically ran here, forgetting that I had no car and I didn't want to go back inside Nathan and Haley's because that would have wasted time. He looks up at me and smiles.
"Yup", that's his response. I stand in the same spot waiting for something else. Anything else. He's a freaking writer; he should have some amazing speech ready or at least some other choice of words.
"Lucas you can't go", I say defiantly. He turns to face me. His hands are in his pockets but not in the nervous way.
"Why not", he argues. That's when it hits me. He really doesn't have a speech ready. He's waiting for me to give him a speech.
"Because you just can't", I argue back lamely. He exhales noisily.
"Why not Peyton", he asks more demandingly then before. He slowly begins to walk over to me.
"You hate L.A", I remind him. He smirks as he continues his walk.
"Peyton", he says quietly. We're close enough that if he whispered I could hear him perfectly. "Tell me why I shouldn't go", he practically begs.
"You just don't need to", I whisper back. I see the look in his eyes and I know he's frustrated with me.
"Need", he laughs somewhat bitterly, "You talk about needs. You talk about how Brooke and Chase need each other. Well everyone needs someone or something. That's just the way the world works", he grabs my hand, "What do you need Peyton?" he squeezes my hand. I know he's hoping for the perfect answer. I want to give him that answer.
I bit my lip. I need to put all my Peyton Sawyer insecurities away. My hesitation is too much for him. I can see the hope and anticipation slowly fading away. He lets go of my hand and sighs loudly.
"I'll be seeing ya", I shudder at the nostalgia that phrase holds. He walks out the door and I can't help but feel as if my life is over.
Going back to Nathan and Haley's definitely wasn't a good idea. I've been here for about twenty minutes and Nathan has not stopped tearing me apart. Haley actually left the room at one point because she couldn't handle it. Thanks Hales.
"How come you didn't say anything?" Nathan doesn't mean to take this tone with me. He just can't help it.
"I'm too scared", my voice is small and I sound helpless. I hate it.
Nathan scoffs. "There is nothing to be scared of Peyton", he takes me by my shoulders, "he has done everything he can to prove that he loves you", this isn't a guilt trip that I need right now.
"I know that okay! I know that he loves me", I yell at Nathan. I know the kids and Haley can hear us but right now I don't care.
"Then what the hell is the problem", he throws his hands up in frustration. I can't answer him. Not now.
"What is it Peyton", he presses further. I can feel my eyes begin to water. I go to leave the room but he gently grabs my arm to stop me.
"What's the problem Sawyer", he asks through semi-gritted teeth. I rip my arm from his grasp. I've completely hit my breaking point.
"Because he's loved me before, and in case you've forgotten it's always ended in heartache", I screamed into his face. I swallow hard to suppress the sob that's in my throat. My shaking voice gave away any hope I had at hiding my feelings.
Nathan's face instantly softens and he pulls me into a hug. I cry despite myself. He soothingly rubs my back and apologizes repeatedly.
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry", I know he's silently berating himself. I also know that Haley is going to give him a mouthful later.
"Its okay", I mumble as we break apart. His shirt is stained with my tears and my eyes hurt from crying.
"No its not. I shouldn't have pushed the issue. You're right. It's always ended badly but that's when you guys were younger. I figured now you'd be able to handle things differently", he finishes with a shrug of his shoulders. He's right. We should be able to handle things differently. Well, I should anyway.
Before we can discuss this any further Haley walks back in with James and Matthew.
"Hey guys", I instantly smile and take a seat on the couch.
"Hey Aunt Peyton", James says as he walks over and gives me a hug.
Matthew climbs onto my lap and I unconsciously ruffle his hair. He laughs before pushing my hand away.
"It's okay Aunt Peyton", he says sympathetically. I smile at him.
"Thanks Matt", I say as I lean down and hug him.
"But my dad's right", I look over at Nathan and see his smirk. I roll my eyes at him before turning my attention to my godson.
"Uncle Luke loves you. I promise", with a firm nod of his head he jumps off of my lap and runs into his play room.
"Can I borrow your car", I ask them quickly.
"Yea sure", Nathan says with confusion in his voice. He tosses me the keys and I'm out the door.
The Broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From steeling all my time
And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out
Flight 242. This is the only thing running through my mind. Gate 7.
I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to you
I hope she comes. I need her to come. She was right before. I hate L.A.
The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life
I stop when I reach my destination.
"Gate seven", I whispered to myself.
I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still breating
In the pain (In the pain)
Is there healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
(I'm still holdin on) (I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to you
Just as I'm about to hand the attendant my ticket something stops me. I take one last look around the airport. Just because I needed to. That's when I saw her.
I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what, you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on, to the words you say
You said that I will, will be okay
The broken light on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
But I haven't forgotten my way home
We lock eyes and I can't breath. His blue eyes have a hold on me like nothing else. He instantly drops his bags and walks in my direction.
I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain (In the pain)
There is healing
In your name (In your name)
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin')(I'm holdin' on)(I'm still holdin') (I'm holdin' on) (I'm still holdin')
Barely holding on to you (I'm still holdin on)
Barely holdin on to you
"I need you", I whispered as we finally got closer. I can feel my eyes begin to burn and I know that this time it's for real. Michael can never compare to what I feel for Lucas. He smiles at me and he puts one hand on my waist while the other caresses my cheek. I instantly throw my arms around his neck and he closes the gap between us by putting both hands firmly around my waist. He leans down and I know for sure that this will be our moment.
His lips being on mine feel so familiar.
Remember when I told you about the only time I've ever seen her truly happy? Well as our kiss ends and we look at each other I notice something…
There's that smile again.
okay...i hope i did that justice. i love lifehouse and i love that song so i wanted to put it in there, i hope it went well with everything. dont forget to review!
