I was waiting with Gordon for Rebecca to come out of school. I would have just left the bag with Gordon and I would see her the next day. She wasn't an overly attached child, she was fiercely independent.

But I wanted to hug my child, I needed to. Just in case anything were to happen, not that it necessarily will. But tell your loved ones you love them and all that. I was waiting anxiously, hopping on the balls of my feet. Gordon was watching me with a smile.

"Still anxious about letting her go?" Gordon asked watching me fidget.
"Maybe a little." I admitted, not letting him know that there was more to it. He laughed though, nodding his head.
"It never goes away. But don't worry, she's always safe with us." He patted my arm, helping set me at ease.

"Thanks Gordon." He didn't know how much I was counting on that. Suddenly the bell rang and my eyes darted to the door. As soon as it opened children began to pour out like a flood of tiny flailing limbs. And of course my firecracker was leading the charge. She immediately ran over and leapt into my arms.

"Mamma!" She screamed wrapping her arms around me and laughing. I leant down and hugged her hard.
"Hey baby." I squeezed her before pulling away. "You want to go for a sleepover?" I asked her. Her eyes went to Gordon, connecting the dots quickly. She nodded enthusiastically.

I passed her her overnight bag with a smile. She turned to find Gordon's daughter.
"Emily!" She yelled running off to find her friend. "I'm coming over!" I laughed as she tackled Emily as she came out of the doors.
"Good luck Gordon." I patted his shoulder. "You're going to need it."

He took a deep breathe. "I can tell."
"See you tomorrow." I waved to Rebecca as she chased a laughing Emily. She waved back but quickly went back to playing. I left the playground and headed home. Ready for my confrontation with my husband…

I had been waiting at the kitchen table for an hour or so. Tapping my fingernails on the weathered wood, I didn't want to be surprised by Jack again. Scaring the ever loving hell out of me. It wasn't good for my health. But true to character, he did anyway.

"Jane." I heard from behind me, I spun in my chair and he was standing in the doorway to my sitting room.
"Where the fuck did you come from?" I asked, not expecting him to come up from behind me.
"Originally? Ireland. Ten seconds ago? From the front door, it was unlocked." He gestured behind him with a cocky smile.

I knew the front door wasn't unlocked because I had made damn sure to lock it, I always did. I did however know that Jack knew how to pick locks. He had taught me too after all.
I nudged the chair next to me with my foot.
"You might as well sit down."

He moved the chair slightly back before sitting down. I waited for him to say something, anything. But he just stared back at me, silent as a monk.
"So, Jack." I began as he clearly wasn't about to. "What the fuck?"
"Straight to the point, that hasn't changed." He chuckled but I sat stone faced.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I apologised sarcastically. "Would you like a coffee, a glass of water? A photo album of the first 9 years of your daughters life you've missed?"
He nodded with a sour look on his features. "I guess that's fair."

"Fair would have been you explaining to me what the hell happened." I left a silence for him to speak, but he didn't fill it. He just sat, looking slightly ashamed. "Couldn't pick up a phone? Send a letter? Drop by?" I asked, my voice slightly cracking.

"You just left, without saying a word. Leaving me, leaving Rebecca. I looked for you for years Jack. How could you do that to me?" I didn't bother wiping away my tears that fell. What would be the point? I could tell I would be crying a lot. I just wasn't sure whether they were from sadness or anger. Maybe both.

"It wasn't intentional. There was more to it." Jacks voice was low, his eyes were too. Not daring to look at me. He never was good with me crying, some things never change.
"That's not good enough Jack." Although my voice was quiet, it boomed in the silence of the kitchen we once shared.

"What do you want from me Jane?" He asked, a sigh in his voice. I let the question hang as I thought it over.
"I don't know Jack. I really don't."

What did I want from him? Did I want anything? But then again, could anything make up for all the years we lost, the time he missed out on. All the milestones of his daughter he would never see? I wanted an explanation but nothing would be good enough.

Nothing would get back those times, take back the tears, the hours and hours I searched for him. Waited by the phone, hoping to hear something, anything. All the lies I had to tell our child about where her daddy was. Hold her as she cried, assure her it wasn't her fault. That he would be here if he could.

Tom had stepped in, did what he could. Tried to fill the enormous hole Jack had left in our life. Took her to the daddy daughter dance's, taught her to fight and fish. Came around on weekends, just to cheer her up and check in on us. He did a lot for her, for me. Treating her as his own daughter when he didn't need to. But he did.

He had died last year of a heart attack, he never did get to know what happened to Jack. Even though he had looked for his best friend just as much as I had.

"What happened Jack? Tell me, you owe me that much." I crossed my arms over my chest, mostly just to stop my shaking hands.
Jack leaned forward, elbows on his knees.

"You probably guessed it, but I was in trouble with the mob." I was about to jump in, mostly to curse at Jack but he held up a hand, stopping me. I held my tongue and let him continue.
For now.

"Was doing some work for them, bit off more than I could chew. Then this happened." He pointed to the scars on his cheeks. That was a bare bones explantion if I ever heard one.
"Why do you have scars like the Joker?" I asked, not able to shake the eerie similarity.

"We are one of the same." Jack shrugged.
"You're not being serious." I shook my head as he nodded. "I can't even begin to process that right now." I held my head in my hands, my brain hurting from taking everything in.

"I didn't think you'd want me back, like this." Jack began his explanation again. "So, I stayed away. Let you get on with your life, without me holding you back."
"In what universe would I not have wanted you back? You were all I thought about for the past 9 years. I would have wanted you back if you were a talking head on a fucking stick Jack. That shit doesn't matter, not to me." I tried but Jack shook his head.

"It wasn't just that, it was dangerous, I didn't want them to hurt you, or Rebecca. I got in too deep too fast. I couldn't get out. And by the time I did. Too long had passed. You seemed happy." Jack shrugged, he hadn't looked me in the eye for a while now.

"So you left me, let me think you were dead. I looked for you Jack, I've always been looking for you, and you just let me? You abandoned me and it broke me, you broke my heart Jack. You, you did that." I stood up, unable to keep still. The anger starting to rise in me.

"And I'm sorry-" Jack began but I cut him off.
"Sorry isn't good enough. Not this time. This time you really fucked up Jack. I finally have my life back on track, I'm working, Rebecca's in school. I have friends, she has friends. We're moving on. And you just waltz back in. Honey I'm home!" I threw up my hands, even out loud it sounded ridiculous.

Jack didn't say anything, he just sat there. Staring down at the wooden table, letting me get my anger out and just taking it. But I didn't want to yell and scream, I was tired. Tired of all of it. Tired of Jack breaking my heart. This was the last time.

"I needed you once, but you weren't here. You left me, alone. And I don't need you any more, neither does Rebecca. We've been fine all these years without you. We have each other, so why don't you just leave? All I need from you Jack, is to disappear again, you're good at that, right?" My voice held so much venom and hatred, all my pain put into those words. I wanted him to hurt, like I had.

"OK Jane, I'll go. But in case you do need me." He took a card out from his pocket and put it face down on the table.
"We won't." I didn't look at him as he left. I just waited for the click of the kitchen door. As it did I waited a few more minutes before I looked up. Just in time to see Jacks face disappear again. I held in my tears for a few more seconds before I broke down.

I put my face in my hands, hiding my tears from even myself. My chest aching from the sobs ripping from my throat. I caved in on myself, bringing my knees up to my chest on my small wooden chair. Letting 9 years of emotions all tumble out from me, as I watched Jack slip away once again. At least this time I knew I wouldn't see him again.

But it still hurt. It still broke my heart.

I hated Jack for what he had done to me. But I still loved him too. And it was confusing, hating someone so much, but loving them too. It didn't make sense, I thought I would be happy to see him go, but it was shattering my heart.

I wanted to run out after him, drag him back in and never let him go. But I couldn't. Not after what he told me, the mob, the Joker?
Maybe if it was just me and him, I could look past it all. We would find a way.

But Rebecca, she was what was important to me now. I would always put her first, before everything. Before Jack, before my me, before my heart. She was what mattered and I couldn't bring her into that, it was too dangerous. If the choice was between Jack and Rebecca, I made my choice, and I let Jack walk away.

Back into the night like 9 years ago.

Maybe this time truly is the last, and I'll never see him again.

Or maybe Fate has other plans...


A/N

Hello my fellow ficcies. Is that weird? It's weird.

Never mind... Hey guys! New chapter, woohoo! Sorry there's so long in between updates, got a lot going on in my life right now. And it's hard to find time in between to get out some new chapters but i'm trying! As always, feedback is appreciated but not required, love you dudes and see you next time

Xxxx