"Well, how about that!?" Hulk grinned at the footage of Piper and Virgil leaving the Silverdome together on the plane's overhead TV, "Who knew Virgil had a heart?" He leaned over the front seat. "That was good, wasn't it, Timmy?"
"Sure was, Hulk," the boy gave him a thumbs-up, "How much longer till we're there?"
"Well, I think that looks like Lake Erie down there," Hulk glanced out the window, "So probably we're no more than twenty minutes away, which should get us to ringside in no time."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth, however, than the plane's intercom buzzed to life. "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking," the pilot announced, "Due to heavy rains over Detroit, our landing will be delayed by an estimated half hour. We apologize for any inconvenience."
"Great," Hulk slapped his hand to his face, "We can't afford any delays! Hope it's only a half hour..."
"Aspirin, boss? Looks like you need it," one of Don Vincenelli's bodyguards extended a bottle towards him. Still staring straight ahead with a furious expression on his face, the don snatched the bottle away, dumped the maximum dose into his hand, and swallowed it whole. "I'll hold it for you in case you need it later, Killer," he told his pet porcupine in his lap, "This isn't at all going as I hoped."
"You got that right, D.V.; with half of our guys losing, we're losing a big payout so far," Slick shook his head at his computer.
"Good thing in the end we didn't make the Million Dollar Belt part of the bargain with Tunney, huh Uncle Kenny?" Stefano remarked, taking a swig of bourbon.
"Shut up, Stefano. Well, all we can do is double down from here on. You, you, and you," the don singled out several more goons, "We've got to go overboard to protect the Intercontinental title. Head on down to the locker room area and see what you can do to shift the odds in Perfect's favor; if anyone in the Million Dollar Corporation wishes to help, let them."
The goons nodded and bustled out the door, just as Don Vincenelli's radio rang. "It's us, boss," stated Vinnie, "We found the presents you asked for."
"Good," the don cracked a smile, "Now deliver them here..."
"Take a look everyone, one million dollars of the purest gold and the finest diamonds in the richest title belt in all of wrestling, and now its all mine!" Piper declared proudly, holding the Million Dollar Belt up for his teammates to touch, "And if DiBiase wants it back, he's got to come and get it!"
He imitated DiBiase's laugh. "And, I couldn't have done it without my secret weapon here," he patted Virgil on the shoulder, "So thank you pal, I owe you a lot."
"Indeed, we all thank you, Virgil," Davey commended him as well, "What made you decide to do this?"
"Well," Virgil scratched his head, "During the month I was suspended, I did some thinking, and I came to realize, everything I've done in my life so far has been for my own self-interest, both before and after I met DiBiase. I was so desperate to avoid jail for my mistakes that I ended up turned into little more than his slave. Roddy here came to me and helped hammer the point home, and I realized, if I wanted to be a real man, I'd better start getting my life in order. So, we agreed, it would be better for all if the Million Dollar Belt changed hands tonight, and if I left DiBiase's employment for a better job. So, I'll be working with Roddy from now on."
"Well, if you are in fact sincere, we're glad to have you join us, Virgil," Bret commended him with a grin, "It's never too late to mend, and now..."
He was cut off as the locker room door swung open. "It is almost time!" bellowed the Ultimate Warrior with wild eyes, glaring the Rock 'n Wrestling Connection down, "All the time you laughed at me, all the time you put me down, it shall finally be made right! In less than twenty minutes from now, I shall defeat Yokozuna in under a minute, and will bodyslam him again in doing it, and finally be accepted by you, as your new leader!"
"Oh gives us a break, pal; Hulk's still the de facto leader here, and if Randy wins the title, he gets first dibs at the top until Hulk's back!" Piper barked at him.
"The agreement was I would lead, and so I shall!" the Warrior ranted, "We shall be the Ultimate Warriors of the Rock 'n Wrestling Connection, and I will get the first shot at whoever the champion is! The gods have deemed it so, and not even you can stop me! My destiny awaits, and you shall accept it!"
He whisked grandly back out the door. "The agreement never was he'd be the leader," Piper shook his head in disgust, "I normally hate Yokozuna, but if he wins this one, I won't be upset."
"OOOh yeah to that, Roddy," Savage agreed from the corner, "I ain't got much good to say about Yoko half the time, but I'd prefer he win this one."
"Want me to give the Warrior a little awakening?" Virgil proposed.
"No, no, Virgil, we don't do that," Bret shook his head, "His match has to go down fairly."
"Besides, it is against Yokozuna, so the odds would appear to be in our favor anyway," Piper cracked a small smile. His head swung towards the locker room TV as the Honky Tonk Man's theme song started up. "Well, first let's see what the showboat can do...other than making an over the top entrance," he frowned at the vintage pink Cadillac cruising up the aisle towards the ring with the Honky Tonk Man strumming away on his guitar in the back seat.
"He always was too loud and too abrasive, yeah," Savage nodded his head in agreement, "Hopefully Brutus'll relieve him of that hair, though, and make Elvis a little happier wherever he is now, yeah."
"The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is a haircut match, with the stipulation that the loser shall have his hair cut by the winner," Finkel announced over the Honky Tonk Man's theme, "Introducing first: driving up the aisle with his manager, Colonel Jimmy Hart, his girlfriend, Peggy Sue, and his self-appointed bodyguard, Greg 'the Hammer' Valentine, from Memphis, Tennessee, weighing 247 pounds, the Honky Tonk Man!"
"Another member of Hart's stable trying to stack the odds, I see," Angelo shook his head at the breadth of the Honky Tonk Man's entourage in the Cadillac with him, "Three people in your corner is just too much."
"Well, at least they can't interfere too badly, Mr. Poffo, with disqualifications costing him and Beefcake their hair in this one," Wayne rationalized, "And that means Honky can't take a count out like he usually does in a fix."
"But what support indeed; look at that Peggy Sue," Smith stood up and whistled at the Honky Tonk Man's girlfriend, clicking together a set of hedge clippers in the seat next to her boyfriend, "I'd certainly write a song about her if I were dating her."
"Sure, and then you'd dump her once she told you the news you don't want to hear, just like with every other woman you've been with in your life," Ellie glared at him. "I'll say, though," she frowned at Peggy Sue, "She does look awfully familiar for some reason..."
"Oh I'd dump her!? Where's your proof of that!?" Smith shot back.
"Well, for starters, how about when..!?"
"Let's not, please," Helen held up her hand to stop things from getting testy again. "Let's see if we can get his autograph," she told Dallas, hefting him up again. The Honky Tonk Man and his supporters (excluding the "Honkettes" driving the pink Cadillac, who stayed in place in the front seat, still bopping in place to their man's theme song), however, chose to go the other way into the ring. "Oh well," she shrugged, "Perhaps Mr. Beefcake will be more accommodating."
The Barber's theme song cut into the Honky Tonk Man's theme at this point, making the crowd cheer. "Wait a minute, not yet, I'm not done my song yet!" the Honky Tonk Man shouted into his microphone, "I demand a vote of confidence to be allowed to finish it!"
"His opponent," Finkel ignored him and continued the introduction, "from San Francisco, California, weighing 271 pounds, Brutus 'the Barber' Beefcake!"
"Now there's a real man," Georgia grinned at the Barber's cart zipping towards their location, "Someone who isn't over the top, who just gets to work doing what he does."
"Well he has to be a good man if he's one of the Hulkster's best friends, Aunt Georgia," Dallas told her. Helen rubbed his hair softly with a knowing expression. "An autograph for my grandson, Mr. Beefcake?" she asked him as he hopped down off the cart.
"My pleasure," with a warm smile, Beefcake put his shears under his arm, took Dallas's pen and added his name to the boy's collection to date. "Wish me luck," he told him in closing, climbing into the ring and clipping the shears in the air to a confident strut. "Listen to this ovation for Brutus; safe to say he has the support of the crowd here in Detroit," Monsoon remarked from the broadcast position.
"And why, I don't know; Honky's one terrific wrestler and singer; am I right, Jerry?" the Body asked the King for his own vote of confidence.
"He is, yeah, but to be honest, I'm not Honky's biggest fan myself," Lawler admitted, "He tried to steal my thunder and my crown back in Memphis, and you don't do that to the King. Still, I hate Beefcake even more, so I'll be rooting for Honky in this one."
"Well at the end of this one, someone's losing his hair no matter what; countouts and disqualifications do not save you in this match," Monsoon pointed out for the benefit of the viewing public, "There's the bell, and here we go. Both men locking up in the middle of the ring-and Honky with a cheap shot kick to the chest to start it off..."
"Sure, because he does it, it's a cheap shot; when Brutus does it, it's perfectly all right. I know the way your biased mind works, Gorilla," Ventura shot back at him.
"Hard elbow to Beefcake's head, and Honky slams his head into the mat; a look there at the Colonel, looking a little disappointed still that the Million Dollar Man just lost his Million Dollar Belt..."
"Not lost, you moron; cheated out of it," Lawler emphasized his viewpoint on the previous match, "If I were DiBiase, I'd demand an immediate rematch, with Virgil barred from ringside."
"You can think what you want, but the match stands, and Roddy Piper is the new Million Dollar Champion. Honky off the ropes, goes airborne...nobody home. Brutus back to his feet, gives him a hard chop to the face, and another. Beefcake whips him into the corner, splashes him, and now up on the shoulders and punching away: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Honky Tonk Man out of the corner-and falls flat on his face in the middle of the ring. Brutus with that confident strut of his, picks Honky up, and a big scoop slam there. Honky off the ropes...and Greg Valentine grabs the leg and trips him, come on! He has no business being at ringside in this one!"
"Didn't you get the memo, Monsoon; he's been appointed Honky's chief of security, so he is legal," Lawler countered.
"There was no such memo, and right now, the Hammer's nothing but a common goon. Valentine encouraging his good friend the Honky Tonk Man as he gets back to his feet; Honky drops the elbow on Beefcake, now turns him over and starts smashing his head into the mat. Hauls him up, whips him into the ropes, and a high knee to the chest makes Beefcake grimace. Peggy Sue outside prancing and dancing for her man; she's still got those oversized hedge clippers in hand; we'll see if they come into play at all in this one. But I must say, gentlemen, for all the time we've seen Peggy Sue in the Honky Tonk Man's corner every now and then, she does seem awfully familiar..."
"Of course she's familiar; Honky wrote her into his theme song," Ventura pointed out, "And besides, she's a useful ringside member, unlike, say, Elizabeth; she actually helps in Honky's matches instead of just standing there and looking beautiful."
"You mean helping like this: Honky sending Beefcake into the corner with a hip toss, and Peggy Sue's now pummeling him with cheap shots; turn around, ref!"
"Hey, he don't have eyes in the back of his head, Gorilla."
"I'm very well aware of that, Jesse. Honky Tonk Man with several stomps into Brutus's groin area; he gives the leg a twist and sits down hard on it. Jimmy Hart shouting for his man to keep pouring it on Beefcake, and Honky doing just that, whipping him hard into the corner and splashing him hard."
"I'd go for the Shake, Rattle & Roll now and finish him while he can," Lawler proposed.
"Not quite yet, Jerry; better make sure Beefcake's out of it before hitting the finisher," Ventura countered, "Just like this; hard clothesline sends Beefcake right out of the ring."
"And here comes Valentine, and he's kicking Brutus while he's still down; give me a break!" Monsoon groaned, "After all their years together as the Dream Team, winning the tag team gold and all, Valentine is as ungrateful to his former partner as it gets!"
"Don't get started with that again, Gorilla; Beefcake was costing the Dream Team matches, and Valentine simply cut loose and looked for a better partner-which he was completely justified to do."
"But not in the heartless manner in which he did it-and speaking of heartless, Greg Valentine pummeling Brutus Beefcake with a steel chair; referee Dick Woehrle being distracted by Peggy Sue and seeing none of it! Valentine dragging Brutus over to the steel steps, he's not going to...the Hammer piledrives the Barber onto the steps! And Honky off the top rope to smash Beefcake in the back with the knees! The Hammer rolls Brutus back into the ring; Honky back up on the apron, slingshots himself over the ropes onto Beefcake, and there's the cover: one, two...just misses. Honky pounds on the Barber's back; now he jumps on the back for good measure. Honky Tonk Man imitating-mocking would be more like it-Beefcake's strut, now whips him into the ropes, jumps over Brutus on the rebound, and flattens him with a forearm smash. Honky Tonk Man with all the momentum at the moment in this one, sending Beefcake into the corner again, and whoa, a flying dropkick to the chest. Beefcake doubles over in pain..."
"He can't take much more of this; he's going to buckle under this pounding, Memphis style, he's getting," Lawler predicted.
"We shall see, King. Honky giving the Barber a reverse knife-edge, followed by a backbreaker, and Jimmy Hart now yelling for his man to finish it. Honky dragging him up and hooks him into position under the arm; he's setting him up for the Shake, Rattle & Roll. There's the Shake...and there's the Rattle...but no Roll; Beefcake grabs the top rope, and Honky falls flat the mat!" Monsoon bellowed, "Beefcake taking deep breaths to get himself composed again, now over to Honky and stomps on the groin to keep him from getting up. Diving punch to Honky's face, followed by a series of quick ones up close, and the pendulum has swung in this one."
"Yeah, well Honky's just as resilient; he can come back from this," Ventura insisted.
"Honky Tonk Man now getting an atomic drop, and a beauty; Honky staggering around the ring-Beefcake catches up to him and smashes the face into the turnbuckle. Whip into the far corner; Brutus charges, grabs Honky by the legs when he gets them up, and cracks him down hard to the mat! Beefcake turning Honky around, grabs the legs, and a slingshot into the post. Honky groaning in agony, stumbling around...right into Beefcake's arms, and Brutus locks the sleeper on! Beefcake pouring on the sleeper hold; as you may recall, he had this locked on the Honky Tonk Man at WrestleMania a few years back for the Intercontinental title, but Jimmy Hart knocked the referee out to prevent the title change. Referee Dick Woerhle, perhaps remembering this, staying in the middle of the ring...wait a minute, Peggy Sue gave the Honky Tonk Man his guitar; Honky winds up...and cracks Brutus hard in the face...and there goes the bell; he just got himself disqualified! And that means he loses his hair!"
"Well maybe Brutus had the sleeper on too hard," Lawler tried to rationalize. Finkel's announcement, however, quickly dispelled this: "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this bout, as the result of a disqualification, Brutus 'the Barber' Beefcake! And now, as per the stipulation of this match, the Honky Tonk Man will have his hair shaved off!"
"Honky Tonk Man turning pale; he realizes a little too late he just made a colossal mistake," Monsoon saw on his monitor, "Honky tries to bail out of there, but Brutus catches hold of him and yanks him backwards-no, shoves him into Honky's entourage when they try and come in to save him, and they go down like bowling pins! Brutus going into his tights, pulling out an electric shaver much like we saw Andre using earlier, pushes Honky down to the mat, and here we go...!"
"This is disgraceful; Honky should not be made to go through with this!" Ventura grumbled bitterly.
"He knew the consequences of signing this match with Brutus, and went ahead with it anyway; now he's paying the price. Beefcake grinning as he shears off the Honky Tonk Man's locks; Elvis somewhere is probably smiling, knowing his biggest ripoff artist just got humiliated. And for Beefcake, this is payback; he missed the shot at the Intercontinental gold when Honky had it due to the interference by Jimmy Hart when he had him beat; now he can say, 'I got him.' Honky Tonk Man about halfway bald now; this crowd really cheering Beefcake on..."
"Hold it, here comes Valentine to his feet, coming over to Beefcake; he's going to break this up," Lawler pointed at the Hammer charging over to where the Honky Tonk Man was being shaved.
"Valentine with a hard blow to the back of Beefcake's head...uh oh, he may have broken up the haircut, but he made Brutus mad! Brutus with a hard blow to the Hammer's chest, and now he locks the sleeper hold on Valentine-and starts shaving his treacherous former tag team partner as well! It's now double payback for the Barber tonight! Jimmy Hart and Peggy Sue pulling the Honky Tonk Man out of the ring, but the damage already done; Honky Tonk Man left with a mohawk cut...!"
"Hey Honky!" Ellie dug out her compact from her purse and held it up with the mirror high for the Elvis impersonator to see his new "do." The Honky Tonk Man screamed like a girl to see his Elvis-style look reduced to a hairstyle similar to the Legion of Doom's. He hastily yanked Jimmy's jacket off and slipped it over his head, although a little too late to stop everyone else in sight from jeering at him. "Uh oh, make tracks, Honky; he's not done!" Jimmy screeched himself, pointing into the ring, where Beefcake, having put the now also mohawked Valentine to sleep, grabbed his shears from the corner and leaped over the top rope, snipping them at the Honky Tonk Man. "Go, go!" the Mouth of the South screeched at the Honkette behind the pink Cadillac's wheel, diving headfirst into the back seat, Honky and Peggy Sue right behind him. The pink Cadillac reversed quickly back down the aisle at thirty miles an hour away from Beefcake...smashing hard into the side of the tunnel after missing the curtains. Beefcake continued charging towards it with the shears, and the Honkette at the wheel hastily pulled forward enough to properly speed backwards out the tunnel, the Barber still running after it through the curtain. "Well, that was rather amusing," Stu laughed to himself in the front row. "But darling, I've said not to hammer points home too hard," he told his eldest daughter.
"Just figured he'd want to know what the damage would be, Dad," Ellie said in self-defense, pocketing the mirror just as the bell rang for the next match already. "The following is an eight man tag team attraction, scheduled for one fall," came the formal announcement over the familiar gong and Oriental music ringing out, "Now approaching the ringside area, at a total combined weight of 1,233 pounds: accompanied by his manager, Bobby 'the Brain' Heenan, from Portland, Oregon, Ken Patera! Accompanied by his manager, 'Classy' Fred Blassie, from Chicago, Illinois, the One Man Gang! And accompanied by their manager, Mr. Fuji, from Osaka, Japan, Kato and Tanaka of the Orient Express!"
"Ah, so Fuji chose that combo," Stu nodded softly, watching the cart cruising back towards the ring again with the latest combatants on board, "Very interesting."
"Why not, Dad; Kato and Tanaka won titles together in Japan a couple times, so that's the most logical combo of all," Smith argued, flashing the Orient Express and their teammates a big thumbs up as they disembarked from their cart and entered the ring.
"Well, yes, son, but interesting nonetheless," his father mused, seemingly staring intently at Kato. He broke his gaze back towards the aisle when the cheer of, "1...2...3!" rang out over the sound system, followed by the second announcement, "Their opponents are at a total combined weight of 918 pounds: from Tampa, Florida, 'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff! From Minneapolis, Minnesota, the 1-2-3 Kid! And, from parts unknown, B. Brian Blair and 'Jumping' Jim Brunzell; the Killer Bees!" "I don't know how the Kid got into this so soon off the bat either," the oldest Hart child griped, "He doesn't have the experience yet to..."
"Hey, with the start he's gotten off to so far, why not, Smith?" Wayne flashed the Kid and his teammates a thumbs-up as they all climbed into the ring. "There goes the bell for this eight man match," Monsoon leaned back into his seat at the broadcast position, "As you at home can see, it will be Kato and Tanaka for the Orient Express; Mr. Fuji was specifically told by Jack Tunney that only two members of his team could participate in this one, which, given the Orient Express's habit of ganging up on everyone, was certainly a good idea. We'd like to thank Jerry Lawler, who seems to have snuck off on us without us noticing, for his assistance these last few matches; we wish him well in any future broadcasting roles he may have here in the WWF."
"Oh I know he's going to do well, Gorilla; I just want to work with him myself again," Ventura remarked, "And while we're on the topic, you want to also mention Tunney's even better order for this match, that the Bees are expressly forbidden to use Masked Confusion in this one? I usually hate the way Tunney runs the company, but that was a rare bright idea by him to put the Bees on the spot over that dirty tactic of theirs."
"Well, I suppose it was a fair tradeoff for having only two members of the Orient Express in this match," Monsoon conceded, "But before you call the tactic dirty, Jesse, let me remind you the Killer Bees have thus far only used Masked Confusion when their opponents have gone above and beyond the call of duty in playing dirty themselves-and that Brian Blair and Jim Brunzell agreed to the prohibition for this match without any qualms, because they often don't need Masked Confusion to win."
"Now let's see how good their words are, and let me predict they'll break it in a heartbeat..."
"Whoa oh, it'll be Orndorff against Patera to start off-and Mr. Wonderful rushing the former Olympic champion and whaling away at him like there's no tomorrow!" Monsoon exclaimed as the action started, "Paul Orndorff has expressed his fury that Bobby Heenan would put a bounty on his head for walking out on the Heenan Family again, and you can bet he's going to make sure Patera will not be the one to collect on it."
"I think that was taken out of context; I think what Heenan really meant was..."
"You can't spin this, Jesse; I was sitting right next to the Brain on Wrestling Challenge when he stood up and offered fifty grand right there on the air to any member of the Heenan Family that crippled Mr. Wonderful for life. But Paul Orndorff not taking that idea well, of course, and he now has Patera locked in a tight armbar, as we in fact see the Brain sweating nervously outside the ring."
"Now, Gorilla, how can everyone boo Patera so badly after all he's done for this country?" Ventura gestured at the fans all around them cheering for Orndorff, "He's more of an American hero than Hogan and Duggan combined-and may I mention, had a nice long reign as Intercontinental champion a while back."
"Ken Patera may be an Olympic champion, Jesse, but the tactics he's used since coming under the umbrella of the Heenan Family diminishes him greatly in the eyes of wrestling fans everywhere-like right now; Patera with a cheap shop kick to the chest to break the armbar, and now a quick tag to Tanaka. Tanaka into the ring in a flash, and an immediate karate kick to Orndorff's chest, followed by a chop to the face. Tanaka sends Orndorff for the ride into the ropes, and...whoa, Orndorff takes flight and takes him down with a high cross body! The cover: one...quick kickout by Tanaka. Mr. Wonderful off the ropes, drops the leg on the chest, and a tag to the 1-2-3 Kid, who has been lighting up the squared circle here in the WWF since his stunning upset win over Razor Ramon in his first match two months ago."
"I think Tunney's giving him too much exposure too soon; the Kid hasn't really proven himself worthy of a pay-per-view spot yet," the Body complained.
"Oh I think he has, and many others think he has; and the 1-2-3 Kid with a flying dropkick off the ropes that sends Tanaka rolling hard into the corner!" Monsoon roared, "What a move by this youngster, who clearly has the talent to go far here in the WWF. And he'll get the experience soon; let us remember that Razor Ramon, once the shock of the upset loss had worn off, eagerly agreed to take the 1-2-3 Kid under his wing and give him as many pointers as possible. And given how well the Bad Guy..."
"Who as I've said needs to change his name if he wants to be a hero..."
"Will you stop!? With all his training on the streets of Havana, Razor Ramon would make the perfect tutor to the Kid-who leaps over Tanaka on the rebound off the ropes, drops to the ground...whoa, cartwheeling kick from the mat that sends Tanaka stumbling along the ropes; this kid has everything in his arsenal!"
"But it better include brains; there's the tag to the Gang," Ventura pointed to the tag, "Let's see how he stacks up against another guy that was schooled on the streets."
"One Man Gang charges towards the 1-2-3 Kid, who ducks the big roundhouse right, grabs the Gang around the waist; is he trying to pick him up for a slam?"
"I don't think he can lift him...nope, down goes the Kid, and the Gang's got the shoulders down! One, two...aaaaaaahhh!" Ventura growled in frustration when the 1-2-3 Kid kicked out at the last second, "Should have had him there!"
"Well he didn't. 1-2-3 Kid now in a bit of trouble, as the One Man Gang sits down hard on him, then drops the elbow into the chest. Kid whipped into the ropes-and slides under the legs on the rebound, and a tag to Jim Brunzell! Jumping Jim going up to the top rope; he leaps...!"
"...right into the Gang's arms, and here comes the big powerslam-yeah!" Ventura applauded the move, "And now it's the Gang going up; I think here comes the 747; if he hits this, it's over already."
"Few people have gotten up after the One Man Gang has connected with his patented 747-but Brunzell out of the way in time!" Monsoon bellowed as Brunzell rolled out of the way at the last minute, "Brunzell back to his feet, kicking the Gang in the face, now twisting the arm and dishing out a kick to the chest...but the Gang pulls him close and flattens him with a brutal clothesline. Tag to Kato, who hefts Brunzell back to his feet and swings a kick...no, Brunzell blocks it and twists the leg hard-and Kato goes spiraling off his feet! Slingshot coming up-yes! Kato with his head being pounded into the corner hard as Fuji shouts instructions to him in Japanese from outside. And there's the tag to B. Brian Blair, and both Killer Bees going up to the tope rope..."
"Yeah, illegal double teaming; they're a REALLY upstanding team!"
"They can do it as long as it's within five seconds-and they down Kato with a double flying dropkick, sending him rolling out of the ring! Action fast and furious in this eight man match; we give credit to Jack Tunney for trying to get as many people as possible into WrestleMania this year with this and the other multi-man matches you've seen on the card tonight. And all these guys are more than worthy to...hold the phone, what's this now?" Monsoon squinted at his monitor, "Kato crawling around by the ring covering on the far side of the ring; looks like he's looking for...look at this, here comes Sato from under the ring!" he exclaimed as the third member of the Orient Express crawled out from under the ring, "He's not supposed to be in the building at all tonight-and look at this, Kato pulling off his mask and slipping it over Sato's head! They can't do this!"
"Technically they can, Gorilla; Jack Tunney never said THEY couldn't try their hand at Masked Confusion," Ventura opined smugly.
"Kato now crawling under the ring; neither referee Jim Korderas nor Tunney in his seat on the other side of the ring saw any of this, and a very fresh Sato, now wearing Kato's mask, leaps up onto the apron and rams Brian Blair in the chest when he tries to pull him into the ring! The disguised Sato with a big leap over the ropes, and now grabs the legs for a sunset flip, and down goes Blair! One, two...just got out of there. Sato with a rough karate kick to the chest, and now a series of vicious chops to the face. And now a flying tackle sends Blair flying upside-down into the corner; he has no idea what, or even who, just hit him."
"Turnabout is fair play, Gorilla; this is divine justice for the Bees using Masked Confusion all the time. Now it's only a matter of time before they pull out their own masks and do it back."
"They gave Jack Tunney their solemn word they wouldn't do it tonight, and thus far in the WWF, they have not broken their word when they've given it, unlike the Orient Express-and Sato with a big body slam of Blair. Fuji calling to his man to drag him over to the corner, and the Devious One winding up with his cane and lets Blair have it in the throat; give me a break! Sato now taking Blair all around his corner, and his partners all taking cheap shots at Blair."
"Sure, when THEY do it, it's a cheap shot, but if the other side tries it..."
"Blair thrown hard into the corner, and Sato flattens him with a hard elbow. Snap suplex sends Blair down, and Sato hoisting him up onto his shoulders..."
"I love this move; what does Bobby call it? Oh yeah, the Japanese Vegomatic."
"Whatever it's called, here it comes-ouch! Sato with the cover: one, two...Brunzell with a diving save of his partner."
"AGAIN, the Bees being dirty; Brunzell had no right to interfere in this pinfall!"
"Any more than the Orient Express had to hide a man under the ring to get around the two man order!? Sato kicks Brunzell in the chest, throws Blair into the ropes-Blair grabs hold of the ropes to stop the momentum-and flips Sato over his head when he rushes him! Brian Blair saving himself this time, and makes the tag to Orndorff. Paul Orndorff into the ring, reaches over and yanks Sato, whom I sure he still assumes is Kato, up to the apron, and now suplexes him over the top and back in. Elbow into the chest, and Mr. Wonderful sends him for the ride and downs him with an elbow to the face. Sato stumbling to his corner, trying to make the tag; he's reaching for the One Man Gang...nope, Mr. Wonderful cuts him off and gives him another suplex. Sato now the one in trouble-and Orndorff clotheslines him over the top rope and back out; this place is going bananas!"
"Look, Sato's crawling around on the floor himself; I think he wants to hand off back to Kato."
"And indeed here comes Kato back out from under the ring right in front of him; this capacity crowd shouting to the referee to look at what's going on, but Fuji now up on the apron to distract him while the switch is presumably made again-and yes, Kato taking his mask back from Sato, who slides back under the ring as Orndorff rounds the corner. Mr. Wonderful frowning; did he see Sato there?"
"Doesn't matter, here comes Kato, and a diving dropkick takes Mr. Wonderful down; I love it," the Body applauded the move.
"Hard karate chops to the face; referee still trying to get Fuji down off the apron, which is why these two aren't being counted at the moment. Kato trying to smash Paul Orndorff's face into those steel barricades-no, Orndorff blocks it and smashes HIS head into it! Mr. Wonderful with a second wind, scoop slam of Kato, and now he picks him up and turns him over; he's going to give him the piledriver outside the ring...!"
"No he's not; here comes Patera, and he nails Orndorff in the back of the head..."
"But it looks like that only made Mr. Wonderful mad; he's storming towards Ken Patera with a furious expression...and now he picks him up and gives HIM the piledriver! They're blowing the roof off the Silverdome right now!"
"That's terrible; he CANNOT do that to someone who isn't the legal man!"
"After having a bounty placed on his head by the Brain, and having to dodge the Heenan Family all these last few weeks, I can't blame him one bit for doing it."
"Yeah, you really have a double standard, don't you, Gorilla!?"
"Referee Korderas counting now; Orndorff back into the ring at seven," Monsoon ignored his partner, "Charges the already in Kato and flattens him with a running clothesline, and now tags the 1-2-3 Kid back in. Kid with a dropkick that sends Kato flying backwards..."
"Straight towards Tanaka for the tag; big mistake on the Kid's part."
Tanaka charges forward-but the Kid takes him down with an armdrag. And now he clamps on a sitting abdominal stretch. Tanaka visibly grimacing; the 1-2-3 Kid pouring the hold on full blast as his teammates encourage him on. Referee asking Tanaka if he wants to submit; Tanaka furiously shaking his head no...and look out, the One Man Gang barreling into the ring and stomps on the Kid's back to break the hold! Blassie applauding his man; he's just as demented as the big guy!"
"But a smart manager, Gorilla, you cannot ignore that."
"Jim Korderas ordering the One Man Gang back out of the ring...and behind his back, here comes Blassie, and he's choking the Kid out; come on! And now a cane shot to the throat for good measure!"
"Hey, Fuji had his fun with that, no reason Blassie can't either."
"Will you stop!? Tanaka taking the opportunity to tag in Ken Patera, just back up on the apron from the piledriver, but still looking rather dazed-and misses a roundhouse right when he stumbles towards the Kid; this may have just been a big mistake to tag him in right now."
"As I mentioned, Patera had a good run as Intercontinental champion; he has the stamina to fight through this."
"Right now, though, the former Olympic champion taking a hard atomic drop that sends him staggering around the ring-and the 1-2-3 Kid's teammates all give him hard blows when he stumbles by their corner..."
"Even MORE dirtiness by these guys...!"
"Lest we forget, Patera's team already did it themselves, so this would only be an equalization. 1-2-3 Kid flings Patera into the ropes, he quickly jumps up to the top rope himself-and look at that, a big backwards moonsault that takes Patera down spectacularly! Another toss into the ropes-and he hits him with the 1-2-3 Kick! It's all over but the shouting!"
"Don't be too sure, Gorilla; Patera's teammates won't let it end like this."
"1-2-3 Kid with the cover: one, two...Kato with a flying tackle to break the cover."
"That's payback for the Bees doing the same thing earlier, by the way."
"Killer Bees now charging into the ring, visibly upset that their team was just cost a clear victory. Orient Express doing the same...and now we've got all eight men in the ring whaling away at each other; referee has lost control of this one. Korderas trying to push the Bees out as the 1-2-3 Kid climbing up to the top rope behind everyone's back; I think he's going for another moonsault to...look out, Sato climbing back out from under the ring-and he shoves the Kid down off the top rope hard; give me a break!"
"The Kid went to the well once too often, and now he paid the price."
"And here comes the One Man Gang off the ropes, and a brutally hard splash on the Kid's chest; referee being distracted by the two legal members of the Orient Express and did not see it! And he's still not looking as the Gang starts up the ropes again..."
"The Kid's out cold, so this 747's going to hit."
"One Man Gang takes aim...747! And now he rolls the dazed Patera on top of the 1-2-3 Kid and exits just as the ref turns around and sees the apparent cover..."
"Here we go: one, two, three!" Ventura laughed in triumph as Patera got the unintended pinfall, "A major upset for Patera's team in this one."
"A miscarriage of justice is more like it, Jesse! It took half of Patera's team to get the job done at once!"
"But Patera's arm's being raised, so it's official, Gorilla, and there's nothing you can do about it."
"Hold it, Paul Orndorff's furious, I think he saw everything," Monsoon glanced at his monitor, "He's shouting to the referee that Sato was under the ring the whole time-there he goes outside the ring, yanking up the covering, looking for...and he's found Sato!" he exclaimed as a fuming Orndorff pulled Sato out from under the ring.
"Well that won't change anything, Gorilla; the referee's decision is always final, so Mr. Blunderful's only being a sore loser."
"It won't change the match's outcome, no, but it can land Sato's team a hefty fine for this bit of cheating."
"Again, when THEY do it, it's cheating, and when...!"
"Mr. Wonderful hefts Sato up and gives him a hard piledriver of his own!" Monsoon roared, as did half the Silverdome, "And now he grabs a steel chair and charges into the ring; his opponents quickly scatter like flies and run for it back up the aisle. Medical crews on their way up to check on the 1-2-3 Kid, who's groaning but doesn't appear from our vantage point to be too badly injured. Paul Orndorff and the Killer Bees raising their own arms to the approval of the crowd; regardless of the official outcome, they fought a good match tonight."
"Never mind the Kid, check on Sato; Orndorff might have done major damage to him with that last piledriver!" the Body protested sharply.
"Nothing Sato didn't bring on himself, Jesse. His opponents, meanwhile, checking on the 1-2-3 Kid themselves; medics seem to be saying he's going to be all right-in fact, they're walking away, not needed this time. The Kid's teammates looking relieved, helping him up and exiting the ring now, and it looks like, yes, they'll be signing autographs at ringside like so many other's tonight have..."
"Here you go," Orndorff managed a small smile as he affixed his name to Dallas's program after the Bees had done the same. "Take care, kid," he rubbed the boy's hair before turning to help the Bees carry the 1-2-3 Kid back onto the cart. "He'll be OK," Helen assured her grandson, looking worried at the Kid's condition, "It wasn't that bad a hit he took."
"Well, anyway, Georgia leaned over to check Wayne's program, "Looks like Harry's secondary hero the Warrior's up next."
"And Dad says if he wins, he'll be able to join him and Uncle Bret in the Connection," the Bulldog's son said with an eager expression.
"I hope he doesn't; you saw how rude he was at the Survivor Series when he came to the house," Dallas shook his head at his cousin, "And Dad says the Warrior still won't sign autographs for kids these days; that's not how a true wrestling champion's supposed to be like."
"And of course, there's no way he beats Yokozuna," Dean predicted confidently.
"Hey, he slammed him at the Rumble, Uncle Dean; you were there watching!" Harry pressed the point.
"Beginner's luck, little guy; Yokozuna was just caught off guard, that's all. He's going to squash him flat this time."
"I guess we'll see, so let's not press it too far right now," Diana frowned at her brother, pulling her son close. "Nervous?" she turned to Bonnie next to her, who indeed looked a bit on edge, "You haven't said much all night..."
"I guess so," Steamboat's bride confessed, "I think Rick's match is right after this one. I want him to win the belt so bad after he got derailed for it before-and again, I don't trust having Savage in his corner after what he did..."
"Why not, Mrs. Steamboat; Miss Elizabeth made him a better man," Jade stressed.
"I don't know, it's just...what he did to Rick's just etched in my mind," Bonnie admitted to the girl, "I know Rick can win, but if he's not watching his back..."
"Sorry, Mrs. Steamboat; I'm sure he'll give Curt a good struggle, but my boy's just too good," Larry leaned forward, "And in the case of this next match..."
"Look who's coming," Wayne pointed at a pair of Japanese maidens entering the ring, each with a bouquet of flowers in hand, "The gargantuan's on his way down any minute now."
"I wish the Warrior hadn't picked him to face tonight," Harry shivered, clutching his stuffed Warrior doll close.
"Like I said, there's no way he's going to beat Yoko, period," Dean grinned knowingly.
"But like Harry said, he did slam him at the Rumble, if we recall, Dean, I guess it is," Angelo reminded him, "There is a chance."
"Well, we'll see in a minute, Angelo," Stu turned his gaze back up the aisle as the familiar Japanese flute theme rose to life and the next cart came into sight. "The following contest is scheduled for one fall," Finkel proclaimed, "Approaching the ring, with his manager, Mr. Fuji, and his American spokesman, James E. Cornette, from Yokohama, Japan, weighing 636 pounds, Yokozuna!"
"He always does look scarier up close," Jade shivered herself at the sight of Yokozuna's indeed massive girth, "And he looks like he's in a bad mood already."
"Well, he's not going to hurt us, sweetheart; he's going to be concentrating on his match," Helen assured her, pulling her close. She shivered herself, though, as Yokozuna walked past with a cold, determined expression. "Although, I am glad it's not your father he's fighting," she added quickly.
"Of course, now that he's here, we're going to have wait at least five minutes while he goes through his whole pre-match ritual," Georgia sighed, leaning back in resignation to watch Yokozuna take the bouquets off the maidens and bow to them (then callously tossed the flowers aside once they left the ring). He then bowed to Fuji and Cornette, and then to the corner, then took a handful of ceremonial salt out of Fuji's bucket and tossed it in the air to bless the ring. The music switched to the Warrior's theme, prompting the Silverdome to erupt into cheers. "His opponent, from parts unknown, weighing 280 pounds, the Ultimate Warrior!" Finkel declared.
"Here he comes," Diana held her son up to see the Warrior's cart approaching, "And see, he's in good shape himself...whoa," she exclaimed upon watching the Warrior jump over the front of the cart while it was still in motion, rush full-on into the ring, bounce wildly off the ropes, and shaking them like a madman. "Well, let's hope he does well," she assured him.
"He's going to fail, just face it," Smith cracked, prompting her to slap him on the shoulder. The Warrior let out a loud war cry as the bell rang and gestured sharply for Yokozuna to come and face him, although the sumo champion remained firmly in place, his arms folded across his chest and a deep scowl on his face. "We're ready to go in this one, but Yokozuna apparently not ready to go just yet, it looks," Monsoon noted.
He'll go when he's good and ready, Gorilla; you don't rush a guy Yoko's size," Ventura countered, "Now let's see if the Warrior can walk the walk after talking the talk for the last month or so."
"Ultimate Warrior with a lot riding on this one; if he wins, he is finally in the Rock 'n Wrestling Connection. And he's not going to wait for Yokozuna to do anything; he charges right at his opponent...and Yokozuna paintbrushes him hard to the mat. Ultimate Warrior right back up and charges at him again-and gets thrown halfway across the ring. Yokozuna hasn't budged an inch, but still with the early edge here. Ultimate Warrior back up again, off the ropes, launches himself at Yokozuna with a full head of steam...Yokozuna hurls him over his head and out of the ring; did you see the height there, Jesse!?"
"I sure did; clearly Yoko's good and ready for anything the Warrior can give him," Ventura smirked.
"And look at this, Jim Cornette whacking the Warrior with his tennis racquet to buy his man even more time; give me a break! Yokozuna finally taking his robe off now, yanks the Warrior back into the ring...whoa, what a tremendous powerslam on him! Ultimate Warrior looking heavily dazed, still staggering back to his feet, and launches himself at Yokozuna again...and the sumo champion steps aside, and the Warrior goes flying out of the ring again! Warrior getting kicked by Fuji and Cornette, who then roll him back into the ring. Yokozuna throws him hard into the opposite corner, measures him; I think a big splash is coming...oh no," he grimaced as Yokozuna in fact splashed the Warrior hard into the corner, then rammed him a second time, and then a third and fourth, "Ultimate Warrior crumpling limply to the mat in the corner; I have never seen him manhandled like this! And Yokozuna now climbing up to the second rope; I can't believe it; is it really going to end this quickly...!?"
"You bet, Gorilla; it's Banzai Drop time already. Goodbye Warrior; you're not joining Hogan's chumps this time. Here we go..."
"BANZAI!" Yokozuna's yell echoed throughout the Silverdome, seconds before he came crashing down hard on the Warrior's chest, where he folded his arms confidently across his own chest until he'd gotten the three count and the victory. "I can't believe it; the Ultimate Warrior was beaten in record time; thirty-eight seconds, the timekeeper's telling us," Monsoon was shocked.
"It's divine karma, Gorilla; the Warrior's made his career beating his opponents in record time, and now, on the biggest stage in the history of wrestling, he goes down in record time-and look at this, Yokozuna going up again; he's going to give him a second Drop..."
"BANZAI!" Yokozuna bellowed once more, and crashed down hard on the Warrior's chest again. Ignoring the shouting of the referee that he'd done enough damage, he climbed up to the second rope a third time. "This is getting ridiculous; the match is over! There's no need to keep doing this to him over and over again!" Monsoon was indignant now, "Get him down from there, ref...!"
"BANZAI!" the shout rang out again, right before the Warrior received a third Banzai Drop to the chest. "Well, he's down, Gorilla; isn't that what you wanted?" Ventura smirked at him.
Monsoon glared at his broadcast partner, then returned an anxious gaze to the ring, where Yokozuna rose up and gave a brief glare down at the fallen, convulsing Warrior at his feet before, in defiance of the shouting of the officials now flooding the ringside area, climbing the ropes a fourth time. "No you don't!" Tunney was looking furious as he ran over to the corner himself, "You jump again, and you're fined...!"
"BANZAI!" Yokozuna jumped again anyway, making the Warrior groan in horrific agony. "All right, Yokozuna, that's a one hundred thousand dollar fine!" Tunney roared at him, "And...no you don't!" he warned him as Yokozuna defiantly climbed the ropes a fifth time, "That'll be a month's suspension and another hundred thousand dollar fine if you do it again! Are you listening to me?" he stormed into the ring, although careful to stay out of Yokozuna's trajectory, "I mean it; if you jump one more time...!"
Shouting irately in Japanese, Yokozuna did climb down-in order to deck Tunney hard across the face. He then climbed up to the second rope again. "No, please, make him stop!" Harry was hysterical in the front row, covering his eyes, "Don't hurt him anymore...!"
"BANZAI!" Dean and Smith shouted along with Yokozuna this time sitting down emphatically in their seats in synchronization with the fifth Banzai Drop. "What!?" the former protested, noticing Diana's glare at him, "Can't we have some fun too!?"
"You wonder why none of us care for the two of you watching matches with us; there's why!" she snapped at him, "How would you feel if you had to watch your hero get destroyed!?"
"Oh come on, this is entertainment at heart-and here he goes for a sixth one; I think he's trying for a world record," Smith pointed at Yokozuna in fact going up for a sixth Banzai Drop.
"I agree with Harry; they've got to stop this!" Alison was horrified herself now, "This could kill him if he keeps it up...!"
She covered her eyes, unable to bear to watch, and Diana couldn't help doing the same. "Maybe we should stick to just having your father as your hero," she mumbled softly to her son, "He's at least more of a real man than the Warrior could ever be..."
"Get him down somebody, anybody!" Monsoon was waving his arms wildly at the broadcast position, wide-eyed himself, "Nobody can survive six Banzai Drops! He wouldn't dare try for six...!"
"You bet he would, Gorilla, and he's going to in three, two, one, BANZAI!" Ventura yelled along with Yokozuna this time, throwing his arms up at the moment of the sixth impact. A small army of WWF officials and medics flooded the ring, desperately trying to get between Yokozuna and the Warrior. Yokozuna, however, was apparently finished with his rampage, as he started to climb out of the ring, pausing just long enough to spit contemptuously on the fallen Warrior. He climbed up onto what had been the Warrior's cart, took the Japanese flag from Fuji, and waved it defiantly at the stunned, silent crowd as he and his managers were pulled back to the locker room. "Total chaos in here; the Ultimate Warrior appears to be unconscious and is coughing up blood; hopefully medical crews can get him back to something resembling normal," Monsoon shook his head softly, "Warrior gave it his best, but he never really had a chance in this one..."
"What best; Yoko absolutely steamrolled him. That doesn't equal one's best, Gorilla," Ventura said coolly, "And to add insult to injury for the Warrior, there goes his chance to join Hogan's merry men. Too bad; he'd've fit in just right with those clowns."
"Ultimate Warrior indeed as per the agreed stipulations with them will not be granted admittance to the Rock 'n Wrestling Connection at this time; let's just hope he'll be able to enter another wrestling ring in the foreseeable future after taking six Banzai Drops and a tremendous shellacking at Yokozuna's hands. The medics are loading him on a stretcher to be carried out of here; they're getting a big applause from the crowd here. We'll keep you informed as to the Ultimate Warrior's condition as information becomes available; coming up next, the big Intercontinental showdown: Mr. Perfect defending against Ricky Steamboat; that's going to be one you won't want to miss..."
