A/N: Thanks again, all for your support! I sincerely love reading comments, good and bad, so please keep them coming! You guys rock :)
anonymous: thanks for pointing that out to me, it has since been fixed :)
The Astronomy Tower
First Year, 1972
Snape strode briskly across the courtyard, eyes narrowed. He was blind to all else that moved, but his eyes were roving, searching for that distinct red hair. Finally, he spotted Lily, sitting by the lake with two girls he recognized as her roommates.
Cursing under his breath, Snape quickly turned away. Why must she always be with those stupid girls? he thought, gnashing his teeth together. He hated approaching her in a group; her friends always looked at him disapprovingly, as if he were a sea slug. He much preferred her alone. Snape kept turning back to look at her, but by the lake she stayed until he conceded and reluctantly stalked off to class.
He finally got his chance to talk to her a night later, when he spotted her alone at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall at dinner time.
"Finally," he said, striding over and plopping himself down beside her.
She looked up in surprise. "Hi, Sev," she smiled. "Finally what?"
"Oh, nothing," Snape said quickly. He eyed the piece of parchment she was writing on. "Homework at dinnertime?"
Lily laughed. "Yes, I have to finish this essay by tomorrow, I've been putting it off." She looked at him carefully; his eyes were dark and unreadable. "Is anything wrong, Sev?" she asked, frowning.
"I heard from a couple of people that you were invited to the Slug Club," Snape said. He tried to sound nonchalant, but there was a hint of bitterness in his voice.
Lily caught this. "Yes, Slughorn asked me last week," she said carefully. "Sev, you know you're just as brilliant at potions as I am, he probably would have asked you too but you were in the hospital wing, remember?"
"Yes," Snape answered resentfully, thinking murderous thoughts of the Slytherins and Gryffindors that had laughed at him as half his face was boiled. "Not that it matters anyway, being in the stupid club," he added disdainfully.
It was a mark of their friendship that Lily simply looked at him knowingly, instead of getting upset or calling him out on his lie.
"You'll get in," she said, turning away from him and back to her parchment. "You'll see."
Silently in his head, Snape thanked her. His mood suddenly lifted, and he felt almost happy. "How far are you on your essay? Want to go exploring after you're done?"
"Can't," Lily said apologetically. She turned to him again and her green eyes found his. "I promised Marlene I would go practice flying with her, she wants to try out for the Quidditch team."
She didn't even ask him to join - she knew he would say no. As if in silent response, Snape frowned disapprovingly. He hated flying, and they both knew that.
"What about after?"
"Well, Mary and I were going to practice some spells together for Flitwick's lesson tomorrow."
Snape's frown deepened.
"Another night, alright?" Lily said, voice sounding weary. "I promise. I'm sorry to do this to you Sev, but I really do have to finish this essay..."
Getting the hint, Snape abruptly stood up and slid off the bench. "Good luck," he said quietly to her.
"Thanks," Lily smiled, and before long her red hair obscured her face as she bent back over her parchment.
Snape left the Great Hall feeling an immense wave of disappointment. He was about to spend another night alone in his room, probably practicing some spells and finishing up assignments, keeping away from his roommates. The tormenting had gotten worse and worse, attributed mainly to the fact that now, Lily was his only friend. No one in Slytherin seemed keen to talk to him, least of all those his own year. However, they hadn't pushed him beyond his breaking point, mainly because, Snape speculated, that they were still scared of his spellwork.
But he could have endured it, endured it all if he had only her. The problem was, Lily was spending a good portion of her time with those in Gryffindor. On a certain level Snape felt betrayed, but he knew bringing it up would only make him sound petty. So he kept his mouth shut about it most of the time, and instead shot disapproving looks at any person she was ever in the company of.
That night, Snape spent hours poring over spellbooks and experimenting with new curses. He slipped stealthily out of the room when he heard Avery and Travers' voice, and retreated quietly to a corner in the common room. He did not go back until the lights were off and Avery, Travers and Mulciber were all fast asleep. Only then did he climb into bed and let the darkness engulf him.
Days seemed to fly by in an instant, and before the first-years knew it, final exams were only weeks away. Those that didn't care about their grades were deliberately nonchalant. "They're just exams," James Potter would say disdainfully to anyone hard at work studying. "None matter until the fifth year anyway, unless you're too stupid to pass simple first-year exams..."
Others, however, often ran around different parts of the library, panicked. Remus Lupin could be seen studying in the common room with Peter Pettigrew from the early hours of the morning until midnight.
Lily was among this second group. She knew she wasn't going to fail any exams, but all the same she often panicked, wanting desperately to do her best. Snape saw less and less of her now; it seemed she was more often than not cooped up in the common room or the library, practicing spells and flipping through books.
On his part, Snape knew the exams wouldn't be too difficult, and therefore chose to study as little as possible. Instead, he pored over complicated curses. Whenever he was particularly angry at somebody for teasing him or pushing him around, he imagined using these curses on them. Sometimes he would let out a twisted laugh, but would stop himself when he thought of how Lily would react to him thinking about cursing others.
At times he let his imagination run away with him, and he thought of curses that he could invent, to keep the bullies at bay... if he only had the time to figure out how to invent them...
Snape's thoughts were floating in his head as he stood outside the Gryffindor common room, his arms crossed. It was the night before the first of their final exams, and he had promised Lily they would spend time together to take a break from the stress. I hope I don't see Potter and his friends, Snape thought scathingly. I would curse the hell out of them this time, they should be scared...
Before he could finish his thought, he saw Lily heading toward him. All thoughts other than her were instantly erased from his mind.
"Hi!" she said, beaming. She gave him a hug.
Snape looked slightly mollified. "Hi," he said, clearing his throat. "Are you ready to go?"
"Of course," she responded. "Where are you taking me?"
Snape gazed at her. "Somewhere special," he said. "Come on."
He grabbed her hand, and she followed him through the castle.
"Sev, where are we going?" she laughed. They cut through corridors, zigzagging their way up stairs, sprinting through open doors. "We can't be too long, I have much studying to get back to..."
"It won't. Almost there," Snape said breathlessly. They clambered up another set of stairs. Lily had the feeling that by this point, they were already very high up.
"The Astronomy Tower?" Lily asked, clutching a stitch at her side at they halted. They had just walked through a set of iron-wrought double-doors, which regally swung open at Snape's push. A blast of cold night air hit their faces. Lily could see what seemed like millions of twinkling stars, spread out before her, endless.
"I don't think you've been here, though," Snape said.
He led her around the side of the tower, past the telescopes that were stationed for students to use during class. There was a hidden crevice there that dipped slightly below the stone floor, just enough for someone to sit down comfortably, lean their body back, and have a perfect view of the vast expanse of sky above.
Snape sat down first, and then beckoned to her. They were so small that they could both fit with no problems into the crevice.
Lily and Snape sat side by side, leaning back, staring at the stars. Once in a while, Snape would look over and steal a glance at her. Each time he did, his heart skipped a beat. He could see her green eyes glittering as she took the sights in, could see a little smile at the corners of her lips. He loved the harmonious silence - nobody else got to share this moment with her but him.
"This is incredible," Lily said softly, after a while. She turned to look at him. "Thanks for bringing me here, Sev. I really needed this."
They sat, staring up at the blanket of stars. In that moment, Snape felt as high as anything else in the night sky.
Years Later, Hogwarts
A thin man with pale skin and head of greasy, scraggly black hair strode briskly through the corridors of the castle, his black robes floating behind him.
The winter sun was setting quicker and quicker now, and the last of the red twilight disappeared without hesitation. Snape liked to catch a glimpse of it before it vanished; he had come to hate the night.
He was making his rounds, ensuring that the chaos now engulfing the castle was contained. More and more Gryffindors seemed to be causing trouble, involved in a resistance regime of sorts. Pathetic, Snape thought to himself as he turned a corner. This is why Gryffindors deserve ridicule, because they don't use their brains.
Snape was pretty sure he had a good idea of who was responsible, as well as the location of their headquarters. But he had promised Dumbledore that he would protect the students of Hogwarts, and so he did his duty, turning students into the Carrows only when necessary. Of course, he had to make it seem like he approved of their methods, which in reality made him sick.
He knew he was not a man of compassion. Any he had was a result of Lily.
For reasons he couldn't explain, she kept coming into his thoughts lately, more than usual. The more he tried to shake her out of his head the more she clung, and eventually Snape gave up.
He emptied some memories into Dumbledore's pensieve. He relived the good ones often, and tried to pretend the bad ones didn't exist. He held close to his heart the memories of the astronomy tower, the playground, that new year's eve... and he tried to shove out the memory of a shattered music box, O.W.L's, the day she died...
As he had expected, the sun had already disappeared, replaced by a crescent moon. Snape finished his rounds, and, without knowing why, decided to climb the stairs to the Astronomy Tower, a place he had not been since Dumbledore's death.
The iron doors slowly creaked open and Snape stepped out onto the tower, his face tense. For the first time in a long time, his hands trembled.
Severus, please.
Dumbledore's voice echoed in his head.
He remembered it as if it were yesterday. Dumbledore's body falling...
Snape wrenched himself away from the place he stood where he killed his mentor, his friend, the person he trusted above all else. He turned to leave the tower, but instead gravitated toward the telescopes. And then he remembered the place that he and Lily often went to as children, the hidden crevice in the back of the tower.
He found it quickly; it was not hard to spot if you knew where it was. He tried to lower himself into the crevice. Thin as he was, he was an adult now, not a first-year. It was a tight fit, but he managed.
Finally, he relaxed. Staring up into the night sky, Snape marveled at how much had changed since he brought Lily here all those years ago. But the blanket of stars - they remained the same. Nothing had touched them. They were just as bright and beautiful as they had ever been.
And Snape was thankful that in this moment they had brought him a happy memory, that this little crevice lodged in the back of the Astronomy Tower could finally make him smile after so much despair.
