(Sorry, to the 3 people reading this, that it took so long to update! Also, I swore there was an upstairs in the Milkovich house but as I recently re-watched the last seasons I realized I was wrong. But, the layout of their home does change from season to season so I'm gonna go ahead and leave the steps and upstairs rooms. Anywho, thanks for reading!)

She doesn't mean to eavesdrop. Really, she doesn't.

Svetlana was minding her own business on the way to her favorite room in the house, the kitchen, for a midnight snack when she heard the moaning. Sure, she could have kept on walking and ignored the sounds coming from Ian and Mickey's room but where was the fun in that. So she crept up slowly to the door as the moaning continued with a few added grunts in between. Feeling like a complete perv she silently hoped the door wasn't closed so she could see what exactly was going on in there.

Unfortunately, luck had never been on her side so of course the door was shut completely. Now she would just have to imagine what was going on. This wasn't exactly all that hard since she had walked in on Ian being balls deep into Mickey more times than she ever needed to see. She could easily picture Mickey on his hands and knees, face flushed with sweat, mouth slightly open and head thrown back in ecstasy as Ian held on tight to his hips, probably leaving small fingerprint shaped bruises as he thrusts in and out of Mick.

She hears the sharp slap of flesh meeting flesh as she continues to imagine that Ian lowers one hand from Mickey's hip to his cock. The grunts and moans Ian and Mickey are making match what she's visioning. She can picture Mickey moving to meet each of Ian's hard thrusts when she hears the bed squeaking more as the sounds of their bodies connecting become louder and more frantic.

Svetlana presses herself closer to the door as she thinks maybe the battery operated boyfriend she has tucked away in her dresser drawer will be more satisfying than the food she was about to indulge in. A sound that's a mix of a growl and a grunt cuts in to her thoughts followed by Mickey moaning out "Shit, right there!"

"Yeah, you like that don't you!?" Ian responds.

She can't help but snort with laughter at the terrible porn line Ian just said.

The squeaking of the bed frame stops suddenly as she slaps her hand over her mouth when she realizes that her laughter had been a bit too loud.

She hears Ian and Mickey whispering as she slowly backs away from the door hoping she can make it back to her room without getting caught. She's just a few steps away from the door when the floorboard betrays her and creaks in protest as she steps down.

"Svetlana?" Ian calls out.

If she didn't have the extra thirty pounds of baby weight and swollen feet she could probably make a run for it and be in her room before Ian has even made it out of Mick and to their door. She's still tempted to run though, even if she knows she'll only waddle a few feet away before she has to stop and breathe. She'll most likely end up getting caught either way so she goes ahead and answers Ian. "Yeah?"

"What are you doing?" Ian questions as Mickey calls out "Were you listening to us fucking?"

Svetlana knows she might as well should tell the truth and say that listening in to them wasn't really her intention when she came out of her room but curiosity got the best of her and she had to stop and listen for just a bit. Which is honestly exactly what had happened yet she still answers with a defensive "No! Why would I want to listen to all the awful grunts you are making?"

"Well then what the fuck are you doing by the door?" Mickey yells out to her.

She stares at the door hoping Mickey can feel the piercing look she's giving him before answering, "I am hungry! I was on my way to the kitchen!"

"What are you going to feed my daughter?" Ian questions her.

Svetlana waddles closer to the door so she doesn't have to keep yelling, because the last thing she needs is to wake up Yev, "Cold left over pasta. Or cereal. Maybe a ham and jelly sandwich."

She could probably eat the whole refrigerator if they let her. Her daughter usually decided that any time from midnight to about two in the morning was a good time to eat. Or show off her kickboxing skills. She didn't know if she preferred the pain of being internally beat up or the pain of awful heartburn that came with eating so late.

She hears Ian sighing and she's sure he rolls his eyes too before he calls out, "It's either ham and cheese or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You can't have ham and jelly!"

"Yes, I can! It's actually very good."

"Can you two idiots wait to have a conversation about nasty ass food concoctions Svet's feeding the kid at a later time?"

"Sorry Mick." Ian says quietly then yells to her, "Svetlana if you wait like ten minutes I'll make you something to eat. And it'll be something that normal people would eat!"

She agrees only because she knows by the time Ian is out of his room (and Mickey) she'll have already eaten her ham and jelly sandwich. If she eats fast she can probably eat two.

She's not even in the kitchen completely when the squeaking of the bed starts again.

She really needs a boyfriend, or girlfriend, to help occupy her time she thinks as she searches for bread. She's almost starting to miss Nika, not enough to call her but she may just happen to pass by whichever corner she's on now just to say hi.

Twelve minutes later, not that Svetlana timed it or anything, Ian comes out of his room wearing just his boxers, his face is still slightly flushed from his earlier endeavors. With her pregnancy nose smelling everything within a twenty mile radius Svetlana smells sweat, soap and, for some strange reason, strawberries on him when he passes by her to get his own fork to eat out of the bowl of cold pasta she's enjoying. He's kind enough to not bring up her listening at the door to his and Mickey's sexual escapade. They eat in comfortable silently for a few minutes before she breaks it asking, "Are you hiding strawberries in your room? If you are hiding fruit from your children I am going to start hiding snacks for me and Yevy in my room!"

Ian looks at her like she's lost her mind, which some days she feels she has, but it's still unnecessary for him to look at her that way. As Ian is just about to answer her Mickey walks in, turning on every light from his room to the kitchen and making so much noise she's sure Yev will be down here soon to see what's going on. She shushes him even though she knows he won't listen to her.

When he comes close to her and snatches the fork from her hand she notices the faint smell of strawberries on him too. "Were you eating strawberries too?" She asks as she takes one last sniff to make sure her nose was working correctly. It was. "I want some too!" Svetlana demands.

Mickey raises an eyebrow at her before turning to look at Ian who just smirks at him. A few seconds pass before the look of realization hits and she notices the slight reddening of his ears. Now she really wants to know what they were doing with the fruit.

"So, Mick, were you eating strawberries in bed? I was." Ian says still smirking.

When Mickey just glares at him she knows whatever they were doing is going to be interesting.

"I really hate you sometimes." Mickey tells Ian as he snatches Svetlana's fork away from her. He takes a few bites before he turns to look at her as she's still waiting for an answer about the strawberries. "I'd rather have cold lube in my ass then the hot globs of spit this one likes to use." He says pointing his food filled fork towards Ian. "But it was Ian's idea to get fruity shit."

Without missing a beat Ian replies, "Fruity lube for my fruity boyfriend."

Mickey just glares at Ian as he laughs at his own hilarity.

Svetlana doesn't bother to say anything to either of the two idiots, she just scrunches up her nose at the visual of Ian spitting on Mickey's ass. Though she does agree that having warm spit on your asshole is a strange sensation but she'd still prefer that then cold lube. Mickey's a bit strange.

Her daughter gives her a not so gentle kick as a reminder that they're not eating when there's a perfectly good bowl of cold pasta in front of her. She rubs her belly hoping to soothe her difficult child before taking Ian's fork away from him before Mickey eats all the food.

"I wouldn't eat off Ian's fork if I was you." Mickey tells her as he continues to help himself to her food.

Ian nods his head in agreement, "If it was just you I'd let you but whatever goes into you, my Tatiana gets it too."

"I am not naming her Tatiana." Svetlana says ignoring their protest of using Ian's fork. She takes a few bites before talking again, "It does not taste like ass so it is fine."

A few minutes later, after Svetlana had emptied her pasta bowl and grudgingly eaten the orange Ian had peeled for her when he insisted that she needed to incorporate something healthy into her late night meals, she finally decides she full enough to go back to sleep.

As she goes to stand, a shrill cry rips from her throat as sharp pains shoot through her waist and back. Her belly tightens around her growing child as she feels her shifting around. Her outcry of pain must have startled her boys, being that they're both examining her with wide eyes. Mickey reacts first, standing to help her as she's still hunched over griping her back. She's afraid to move as she knows either way she decides to go, be it sitting back down or standing up straight, it's going to hurt like hell. She grips Mickey's hand as he asks if she's ok.

"DO I LOOK LIKE I'M OK?" She yells. She then feels mildly bad for her outburst as he's the only one trying to help her. "I'm sorry." she tells him gripping his hand tighter as she tries easing her body down to the chair.

The father to the child she's carrying is still sitting in his chair with a shocked expression on his face. She's tempted to punch him just so he'll react. She really hopes when she goes into actual labor, because these were just the beginning pains of her body getting ready, he'll be more helpful. The last time she had gone into labor with one of her surrogate babies he had just looked at her and asked if she was really going to leave the house with wet pants. She understood the nonchalance then since he wasn't involved with that kid but if he should do the same this time around she might just hit him with a hammer.

Once Mickey notices that she's ok he moves away from her knocking Ian upside his head. "What the fuck, Gallagher? You're just gonna sit there watching and not help?"

"I... You... Shit!" he exclaims finally reacting to them. "Do you have a bag packed?" he asks as he stands and starts to pace the kitchen area. "Of course you don't. We still have 57 days until your due date. I wrote it down! Maybe it's those Braxton Hicks contractions?" he continues mainly to himself.

Svetlana and Mickey just watch as Ian keeps pacing and talking. By now the tightening in her belly has lessened and the pain in her back is no longer as excruciating. The baby, who she really needs to name or she's going to end up being called Iana like Kev suggested, has slowed her kicking and moving too. Svetlana pulls her shirt up so she can push at the little lump on her stomach, which has appeared with the latest shifting of her child, with a finger. It's probably a foot. At least she hopes it is and it's not the baby's head and she's causing some lasting brain damage poking it like she is.

Mickey turns away from his still pacing boyfriend with an eye roll at his over dramatics about not being prepared. He laughs when he notices she's poking at her belly, Mickey pushes her hand away so he can poke at her baby too. The baby pushes back through Svetlana's stomach when Mickey moves his hand away.

"That's so fucken strange that she does that." Mickey says as he starts a poking war with her daughter.

"Does it hurt when she moves around like that?"

"Sometimes. It is more creepy and weird feeling when baby moves in you. It is like an alien has taken a room in my body and lets me know when it does not like something by kicking me, repeatedly. But it is interesting too, to see where she is at when you can see her push out on my belly, yes?"

Still with the poking, he answers, "Interesting is one way to put it."

"Are you having a good time playing with my kid, Mick?" Ian, who's finally stopped doing whatever it was he was doing, asks smiling at them.

Mickey quickly moves his hand away from Svetlana with a scowl and a raised eyebrow at Ian.

With one last poke to her daughter, Svetlana rolls her shirt back down, "You are done looking like crazy person, talking to yourself walking in circles?"

"I panicked for a brief moment. Then that's when I realized we aren't ready for her! The only thing we have is clothes from Amy and Gemma. And a stolen car seat from Carl and Bonnie."

"We are not sure it is stolen." She interjects, even though she's almost certain it is.

Ignoring her weak protests about Carl and Bonnie not stealing something Ian continues, "We really need to be prepared. Have a plan of action ready! I'll work on it tomorrow. And I'll call the birthing center to register us for Lamaze classes."

Offended by Ian's declaration she argues, "I do not need classes on how to push a child out!"

"Maybe not, but I need it so I can be helpful."

"Oh, just like you were so helpful right now when Svet was getting pains?" Mickey scoffs.

"Shut up, Mick! But, see, I didn't know what to do! So the class will help me. Us. We'll all go together!"

"Fuck no, I ain't going to no damn class."

Haughtily, Svetlana tells him, "I already know everything I need to know about having babies so I am not going either."

"Come on, you guys. It'll be good for us!" Ian pleads with them.


Two weeks later when Svetlana finds herself at the stupid Lamaze class with a smiling Ian and an angry Mickey she shouldn't really be all that surprised.

That afternoon had begun with what should have just been a friendly visit to her favorite sister in law's place. Yet it turned out to be a trick just to get her out the house and to Lamaze class. She had hoped Ian had forgotten all about his bright idea and moved on. She should have known better than to expect that from him.

Her first sign that something was going on should have been when Mandy, who was quite fond of frozen dinners and inviting herself over other people's house to eat, invited them over for dinner for a change. She never offered to make people food unless it was a necessity.

Her next sign should have been when she saw Mandy, with Max on her hip, already standing outside her apartment complex waiting for them.

Ian hadn't even made a complete stop yet before Mandy was making quick work of getting Yevgeny unbuckled from his booster seat. Svetlana hadn't even opened her door yet before Yev's door was slammed shut and Ian was speeding off. Mickey, who had already opened his door and was about to step out was unfortunately left to have a leg dangling from the car as Ian made his getaway.

Ian doesn't bother to slow down, he just reaches over and hauls Mickey back up into his seat.

With wide eyes, his eyebrows practically reaching his hair line and shaking hands Mick closed his door and then proceeds to punch Ian. "Are you out of your fucken mind? What the fuck are you trying to do? Kill me?" He punches him again for good measure. "There's probably better ways to off me!"

Ian, trying but not succeeding to dodge Mick's punches, yells back, "It was part of my plan. I didn't know you were going to open the door so fast." Another punch connects to his arm, "Stop hitting me, damn it! I'm trying to drive."

Clutching her baby bump in fear of Ian's speed racer antics with one hand while throwing in her own hits with the other Svetlana shrieks, "What would you have done had it been me to open the door and get out? I would have fallen and hurt our child!"

Blindly swinging to deflect the hits Ian answers, "You move too slow now. I knew you wouldn't even get your seat belt undone by the time Mandy got Yev out."

Which is true. So, Svetlana leaves the idiots up front to their brawl as she looks out the window, "Where are we going?" she asks.

When she doesn't receive a reply she knows it's nowhere good.

Still clinging to the hope that Ian is taking her somewhere she actually wants to be Svetlana is almost relieved when they pull into a shopping center not too far from Mandy's apartment. She thinks there's a Chinese restaurant somewhere in there. Dismally, all her hopes die a sad death when she notices that the door they park in front of has bright flyers announcing prenatal massages and Lamaze classes.

Mickey must notice at the same time she does as they both let out groans that make them sound like wounded animals.

Ian just ignores their lack of enthusiasm to be there and turns to look at her, "Do this for me and I'll let you eat whatever you want for the rest of the day." He doesn't bother waiting for reply before getting out of the car. He probably thought food was the perfect bribe for her. It wasn't. Or, at least not this time.

Mickey, who for once was on her side, locks the car door and flips Ian off. "How long do you think he'll last before he gives up and we go home?" he asks her.

Sighing, she answers, "We both know he will not just give up. He's a stubborn shit who likes to make my life more difficult!" She shifts around as she tries to pry herself off the old leather seats of their beat up car that she's sticking to. She feels she's melting too, considering how hot it's getting in the car. They should have probably tried to get the keys away from Ian before they started their sit in.

Only a few minutes pass when Ian gives up on silently waiting on the hood of the car for them, he bangs on the window and through clinched teeth says, "Get out of the damn car. It's hot and I already paid for this shit so we're doing it!"

Svetlana blames her full bladder and the heat for agreeing so fast to get out of the car. She wonders if she can just stay in the restroom the whole time the class is going on. Probably not, but she might still try.

Mickey, still refusing to get out, calls out, "You two dumb asses have fun."

"I'm not going to tell you again, GET OUT THE FUCKEN CAR!" Ian, now red faced and sweaty, yells.

Startled at his sudden outburst Mickey shouts, "Jesus Christ, calm your ass down. I'm going. Fuck!" He slams the door behind him as they follow a smiling Ian.

After she's relieved herself and Ian has signed them in with the receptionist they head back to a large room where they find a few other pregnant women scattered throughout. Svetlana looks around and notices how happy these other women seemed to be about being here. Their spouses share the same look Mick has plastered on his face, boredom and resignation.

As Ian gathers paper work and a mat for Svetlana to sit on she looks around and decides that maybe, and it's a strong maybe, it won't be so bad after all. She is curious to see how the lady teaching the class is going to explain child birth to all these expecting mothers because there is no way she can prepare them for the torture they are going to go through pushing a child out of their vaginal canal.

With puppyish enthusiasm Ian drags Svetlana and Mickey further into the room. She'll never say it out loud because she doesn't do feelings and shit but she's so very glad that Ian is excited about all this.

Though it had been her idea to have another baby Ian had taken to it like fish to water. Especially once they were actually sure she was pregnant. She had never seen him more excited or determined to get his life on track like he was now that he was going to be a father. Mornings when they would meet in the kitchen to take their meds, Svetlana her prenatal vitamins and Ian his own vitamins plus his Lithium, he wouldn't even look at them like they were a threat anymore. Which she took as a good thing.

Then there was the pure joy he would have when he would put his hands on her belly to feel their child move around. True, it had been strange having someone talk to her stomach it was still heartwarming that he wanted his daughter to recognize his voice before she even made her appearance in the world. Let's not forget the amount of baby crap she would make him put back every time they went to the store. She didn't know why people felt the needed to have so much shit for small babies when all they did their first few months was eat, sleep and poop. She knows once the baby is born she won't be able to stop Ian from spoiling her but she still has somewhat of a say so now.

Ian had even stopped bitching so much about having to go to therapy. He was now on a mission to get his family to go to therapy with him. Ian figured with the family he had they all needed counseling in their lives. Which lead him to decide that maybe he should become a school counselor or something along those lines once he was done with college. Mickey and Svetlana had both encouraged him and told him that they wholeheartedly believed he would be great at it. This was also around the time Mickey had stopped looking at her like she was a waste of space and like she had finally, for once in her life, done something right by deciding it was time for another baby.

As he's guiding them to the back of the room Ian stops to get a large exercise ball from a wired shelf, "Here, pick a ball. The lady up front said to grab one to sit on."

Shoving Svetlana out of the way Mickey goes to get a ball for her. She's surprised he's being helpful for once in his life. She should have known he had an ulterior motive when she sees the ball flying past her. It hits Ian full force on his chest making him stumble back into the shelf causing the big colorful balls to topple over and roll all over the place. They look at each other in shock as she tells them exactly what she told Yev last week at the grocery store when he pulled a plum from the bottom of a display causing the rest of them to follow suit and roll everywhere, "Hurry, keep walking and pretend like you don't know what happened."

Once they've settled on the floor and people have stopped staring at them they start laughing.

Lamaze class turns out to not be as horrible as she and Mickey expected. There's a lot of moving around to show her what positions are best to help the pushing process. She spends most of the time laughing with Mickey about the different positions they've been caught in. Ian's like the responsible parent shushing them, telling them to pay attention and taking notes. Mickey makes her get off the exercise ball, so he can have a turn, when he sees that she's enjoying herself a little too much on it. It's supposed to help relax the pelvic muscles or so the instructor claims. Mickey and Svetlana use it as a means to run over Ian and take pictures to send Mandy.

Tired of their antics Ian finally snaps at them, "This is why Yev gets sent home with notes saying he has a short attention span and doesn't pay attention! Stop your shit so I can pay attention and be ready when my kid comes out!"

Svetlana takes pity on Ian and quietly sits on her mat to be a good student and listen to what's going on. Later, she won't say it out loud because Mickey will make fun of her and Ian will gloat but she actually learns quite a bit useful information.

She's never known that there were right ways to breathe when you're pushing a kid out. She just thought breathing and screaming at the same time was the best way to handle child birth. Apparently it wasn't.

It's at least an hour more of Svetlana complaining about the hard floor, Mickey rolling around on the ball and Ian being slightly embarrassed of them before the instructor wishes them luck on their deliveries. She and Mickey clap the loudest when it's all over. Not because of the outstanding information they received but because it's finally over.

Later in the Chinese restaurant she knew was in the shopping center, Ian asks her if she noticed some of the expecting fathers eyeing her. She had noticed a few looking in her direction but she just figured it was because she had two guys with her oppose to the one all the other future moms had with them. Plus the noise her and Mickey were making probably added to the attention they got. When she tells them as much Mickey tells her, "Yeah, the tight shirt with half your tits hanging out had nothing to do with any of it."

Trying to talk and inhale her food at the same time she answers, "It is not my fault they are growing!"

"Any time I see someone checking you out I hope it's the person who will finally take you away from us. So me and Ian can have the house to ourselves now that Iggy found someone dumb enough to date him." Mickey tells her as he steals food from her plate.

Ian makes a choking sound before answering, "Svet's never gonna leave us! She has our babies! Plus, she loves us now!"

"Yes, I love you idiots like the girls who get Sherlock syndrome."

They both share the same expression they usually reserve for her when she's speaking Russian to them.

"You know, how girls fall for the person who abducts them. Sherlock syndrome."

Ian gives her a condescending look as he pats her hand, "It's Stockholm syndrome."

Mickey laughs for a few solid minutes before she gets tired of him and kicks him under the table.

"Moving on past random strangers ogling you I really liked the class. When we get home I'm gonna get your bag ready. And we need to find you something that will be your focal point when you're having contractions."

"We'll use a bottle of vodka." Mickey interjects.

Ian nods before continuing, "I'm ready. I just have to be calm and get you to the hospital as quickly and as safely as possible once you do go into labor. Then, there, I don't have to do much but be supportive and hold your hand. I'm gonna be great at the whole having babies thing. I could probably deliver my daughter my own damn self with all that I learned today." He says proudly.

It's really a shame that a few weeks later when Svetlana's water breaks while they're over at the Alibi Ian forgets everything he learned that day. Svetlana doesn't miss the opportunity to remind him of his previous declaration while he's running around like a chicken with his head cut off. She tells him smugly, "I thought you were so prepared for this you could probably deliver her yourself. What happened?"

She doesn't know if he replies or not because another pain shoots through her body making her sway, nearly falling over Yev who's questioning why she peed on herself.

Good thing they have a Mickey who has taken charge and is yelling for people to get out of their damn way before this baby is born at a dirty bar instead of a clean hospital.