Song note: / Cough Syrup by Young The Giant
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Sakura Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
As she made through the intrepid heat, mind wandering over the consequences of her ex team captains antics. He wasn't one to deviate much from duty, 'well he hadn't been caught as much'.
But this earlier episode was bound to induce the wrath of the legendary sannin, in more ways than one and in plenty of abundance. Sakura theorized that her mentor would strike Kakashi at his weakest, when he was training to take up the Hokage chair, when he took time to rest and read and or when he as much as breathed in her general direction. Sakura flinched internally as bygone memories welled up in the back of her mind; hoarse shouting, dirt, fists, drunken splurges, there accompanying hangovers and failed gambling sprees. It was going to be hell for him, and at first she gave a short huff of laughter at the thought. Then she remembered. She was going to miss it all from her new life in the Sand. Slowly her humor was eroded and a sadness gripped her, not like a knife but a slow pressure deep in her gut. Uncomfortable and unshakable.
Stopping as she reached her destination her thoughts also came to a halt she started to plan out how she would exactly she would handle this. As she looked up at his apartment, many stories above her she watched as a bird danced cheerily on a flower basket carefully sheltered on the ledge of his balcony. The bird seemed to look down to her quizzically as a thought emerged out of her earlier gloom at the reality of her future, one which left a half devious smile cross her face. A simple uncomplicated and childish notion had been whispered from the deep recess of her mind. The side of her that had been asleep for years seemingly stirred and prompted…For all the windowsill surprises, for all the silly little tricks, and childish glee at getting away with it. A voice shouted eagerly, encouragingly…
'IT'S TIME FOR VENGENCE! LET'S DO THIS!'
It wasn't unlike Kakashi to be above such antics, so she came to the conclusion that she shouldn't be held to account for some simple fun either. Before anyone walking through the streets noticed, the pink kunoichi started to scale the building before her. Aptly she moved through the grooves in the brick work with her fingers and let her chakra do the rest of the work through her boots. As she approached the ledge, the tiny bird ruffled its feathers almost in anticipation and bounced to the other side of the pot to watch her.
With her tiny feathered audience waiting for the show she poked her head around the side of the balcony to look at what she had to work with.
A single wide window, roughly fitting her height if she crouched, one curtain was messily tied back to give room to the fresh air, whilst its partner hung half lazily pulled over to stop the sun reaching the bed. The bed where a half dressed figure lay asleep amongst twisted green sheets, with an open copy of Icha Icha Paradise covering their face.
It should have been an odd sight, but it wasn't, it really wasn't. If you had any experience with the future Sixth Hokage as your teacher. The only changing variable was the absence of a shirt. The heat must have left him cooking from the inside. Kakashi hadn't received or moved to a new build after the war, the new builds with air conditioning and proper insulation for winter. One's that functioned as normal homes and didn't attempt to slowly bake their owners.
'No he was relieved' to retain his old home and embraced it happily regardless of its fittings or lack thereof.
She watched his chest slowly rise and fall with the deep patterned breaths of sleep. The scars left from his fight with Obito drew two soft pink lines across him, two of many that she had previously healed on him. He was always getting hurt and always without concern for himself. Looking over the map of battles left permanently on fair skin, she tried to blink the flickering images of the green aura of healing chakra over his wounds from mind. She really hated that, the way her memories would do this to her. It was like living a life half split from yourself with an occasional haunting which came and went without as much of a knock on the door to signal its arrival. It was hard, to see strong people crumble; blood and bone, dirt and tears meet at a battles end. It was just that. It was always hard, and always a part of the present as much as it was the past and the future.
This mission was likely the last she'd be serving with him, and she'd be damned if she would let those images be part of the future once again. Regardless of current affairs, and the lack of foundation to their rocky relationship, Sakura felt a primal desire to protect him. The man who never needed protection 'how foolish' she felt, but true to her heart the desire never faded, not to be sated with logic or reason.
Leaving one hand to hold on to the wall she ruffled about in her bag and felt for something that would help her claim sweet, sweet vengeance. Pulling a nail file from the bag she slid it under the window, undoing the latches. Sliding the window open, careful to make no noise.
With a huff she realized that she couldn't find any idea object that would help. Nothing to pour over him or fling, not a single thing, not even a bottle of water.
'This is tricky what can I do?'
Her eyes narrowed in on him and the obstacle of the window surpassed as a plan formed. She would need to be quick, quicker than the breath it would take him to pick on her scent in the room and wake up. Her heart fluttered in excitement, as she readied herself. Technically as he was the future Hokage this was a crime, breaking and entering, not mention how she was going to wake him up.
'Hopefully Lady Tsunade won't mind….'
With a quick burst of deliberate and gentle movement Sakura maneuvered herself in through the window. With a light bounce from one foot to the other she landed on the wooden flooring with little sound. As she crept towards her prey she felt the tingling heat of chakra filling the tips of her fingers. With a flash of a devious grin she leaned down towards the silver tuft of hair poking out from under the pages of the sultry romance novel. Holding out her hands, in close proximity of an exposed ear, and with confidence Sakura smacked the chakra between both hands together. Accumulating in an exceptionally loud chakra clap, which vibrated against the enclosed space like thunder.
Kakashi started from his restful state quicker than the young kunoichi could register. Within a breath she felt her body weight shift without her involvement. Once confident composure was filled with startled confusion, as he pirouetted under her arm, grabbed her wrist and twisted it up behind her back. Stunned by his response she folded under the restraint he locked her in to and found herself on the floor under him.
On looking upon his startled, adrenaline disheveled face she let out a loud laugh. The laugh was half delirious out of the shock of being restrained so easily and having gotten such an aggressive response to such a childish action.
It was only when she felt the weight of his leg put pressure against her inner thigh to pin her leg, and his weight settle on her lower abdomen to secure the hold, did she feel the atmosphere in the room shift and recognition start settle across his features.
There was a pause as he stared down at her, with the look of someone who was holding back from swearing profusely. Sakura realized rather quickly how her childish behavior had opened up a door of unfortunate consequence as she stared up at the unmasked, barely clothed and very warm copy-nin. That was until a sheepish smile broke across his once sombre looking face and he said lazily "guess I got busted huh…"
"mhm" she smiled, it didn't occur to her that he really never thought he'd get away with a shadow clone today, especially after his last night antics with Gai. However he was too clever for his own good sometimes, and this was probably more normal an occurrence than Tsunade would likely ever uncover.
"It must've happened when I feel asleep?" He queried like some calculation had been off.
"Nope. Your downfall was a humble paper cut." She clarified somewhat happily, that the great copy-nin had been thwarted by a simple nondescript piece of paper. He seemed to digest that for a moment then nodded.
"My old nemesis strikes again… Paper..." He stated dramatically raising an eyebrow towards her chuckling slightly.
"Then… Sakura?" he said confused, almost like he wasn't the one who was currently pinning her to the floor.
She raised an eyebrow, "Yes?" Her eyelids fluttering innocently.
He looked at her properly now, his eyes briefly taking in their interlocking limbs, "What the hell was that about…?"
"I was sent by lady Tsunade to collect you, she was… eh really pissed off." This wasn't her proudest moment to be fair. She didn't exactly envision this would be the outcome, It didn't feel much like a victory.
Growing discomfort began to rise from the protest of her limbs at their restrained angle, and as she started to become aware of the intimate nature of his body over hers she felt him flinch. She watched as an expression she could not read crossed his face as he swiftly ended the restraint and regained composure back on his feet.
Sakura felt the loss of the intimate position and warmth of his chest deeply. She sighed weightily as a not so unfamiliar feeling of smouldering warmth replaced his deep within her stomach. It had seemed past discretion's weren't forbidden from her mind as she had previously hoped. He reached out a hand to her and pulled her to her feet.
"Sorry about that" he gestured to the floor "But you did go and startle an old man, you know we get pretty jumpy. A heart attack could be right round the corner".
She stared a second, then looked to her feet not knowing what to say. One of his blue uniformed shirts was laying discarded on the floor. And with sight of the clothing she found her words.
"Being grey haired and grouchy doesn't make you old". Swiftly, if a little messily, she picked up the shirt, balled it up and threw it at his face. "Being slow does".
The blue blob hit his shocked face as the pink blur turned and leaped from his window. She laughed into the summer streets weighed with heat and the traffic of day to day shoppers. With regained composure and distance from what had made uncomfortable thoughts clamber into her mind she spun and dashed back towards the Hokage office.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Kakashi Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
A hand caressing his jaw as she smiled. Their lips meet in a climax that had built for years. Looking in her eyes for courage he said…
Reality violently enveloped him with the sudden sounding clap of thunder and a chakra presence pressing against his senses. Instinct surged and he reached out and grabbed at the presence without pausing, callused hands met soft skin as he restrained the offending presence to the floor. Within his first breath a scent of herb-mix and strawberry-vanilla filled him. He immediately knew who was pinned beneath him, and the world orientated around her flushed face accordingly. It was Sakura, and he couldn't quite work out from his sleep fogged brain what exactly was going on.
Then realization sparked and he understood, he'd been caught, 'of course, but what the hell was that noise?'
Head spinning he questioned her vaguely, guiltily relishing the smell and feel of her beneath him. For a moment he let himself enjoy the connection before he stood breaking the grasp, ever aware of the boundaries of their friendship and the etiquette of a superior.
He watched her guilty rub her arm, as she looked to his feet. His age had never chafed him quite so much as he realized how long it took for him to react and then figure out who he'd caught. This was a strange way to be woken, he'd never figured Sakura to feel confident enough to spring on him in such a way. An amused sense of pride tinged the edges of his lips and he felt himself smile. Whilst lost in thought something blue and soft collided with his face. As he shook himself into what he realized to be his bundled shirt a giggling pink wind laughed its way out of sight, but still heavily in mind. Placing his book with gentle care in to a drawer he composed himself before getting ready. Stepping out into the approaching afternoon air he smiled and for the second time in less than twenty four hours, he gave chase following the smell of strawberries and vanilla in to the village center.
Within a short time he slowed to a walk as the Hokage building came in to view and the color of pink and a bright smile greeted him.
"Are you ready then? We've got a lot to collect. First light is not a prime time to be packing this stuff and I'm not doing it on my own Sensei."
"Fair enough. But first light isn't so bad. An extra hour in bed however is better. We won't be running anywhere for a long time. So it's going to be a long and frightfully dull stroll starting tomorrow." Though he was being slightly dramatic, truthfully he always felt like a stick in the mud when it came to such complicated missions as this. Ones where it wasn't a simple cut and dry narrative, but ones that pertained to various levels of complicated interactions and character play. They would have to be very careful.
He watched as realization played on Sakura's face, "Ah, yeah I guess we'll be covert once we leave after all. Once we leave it all starts."
"It does" he nodded, "are you feeling ready for this? We're going to be away for a long time." He asked knowing what she would say, but with aim to unveil what she would try to cover. He was concerned.
"I'm ready. This is my first mission in a while, but I'm ready." A look previously missing from her past reflections seemed to cross her face, a look of stubbornness that Kakashi was glad to see. "Admittedly, we have to be honest, right?" she asked.
'Honest?' He almost choked on the thought. A single word leaving a choice, one that could shred all integrity he claimed to hold.
"Yeah honest is good." He lied.
Arriving at the Hokage's office, they collected their belongings and made their way to collect what would be needed for the coming months. As they passed the requisitions office a familiar face crept from an room opposite, looking strung out and almost corpse like.
"Tenzo, why do you look like that?" Kakashi said evenly, unfazed.
"Huh, oh good afternoon Senpai... Sakura-Chan" he gave a soft nod to both "I trust you both are having a swell time outside of the blast radius?" The question threw him for a moment before he realized the reference was likely in reflection of the very same person that propelled Sakura to invade his home. Guiltily he ran a hand through his hair and gave a sheepish look.
"Ah, yes. Sorry about that. I had quite a lot of work to do, thought I'd be proficient with my time and it seems it didn't go to plan."
"That it did not" Yamato responded with a huff, "but it's okay, I guess, after all you'll be gone for a while no point wasting time angry when I can muster up something to level out the score" a boyish grin seemed to waken up the tired captains face.
Kakashi raised an eyebrow in slight surprise, "you know you're beginning to sound a lot like Gai".
"Well I'm beginning to think that's the only way to survive the chaos you create Senpai."
Sakura danced slightly on and off the balls of her feet, and with a familiar teasing grin met his eye. "You know I agree with Yamato, there are only a number of ways to cope".
With lackadaisical effort he motioned with his hand like he were brushing their comments away from him. "I do not know what you mean… and you" he poked Sakura in the shoulder "don't you start". A silent moment passed and he chuckled at their unamused faces.
Yamato gave Sakura a hopeless look "oh good luck with him Sakura-Chan, I feel for you stuck with him for so long."
Kakashi watched a strangely soft expression come over her face. "Don't be silly, you don't need to worry about me. I'll have him sorted out" and she gave a gentle laugh, barely audible above the commotion of the office workers now filling the hallway, signalling lunch had started.
"I'll worry nonetheless. Have you contacted your parents? Well actually thinking about that you can't can you?" Yamato being rightly unsure over the sensitive nature of their mission gave her room to elaborate.
"Ah. No I haven't, I can't not with this one. As far as others are allowed to know I'm doing nothing that needs that type of communication with my mum and dad." A hint of longing crept in to her tone, "I haven't actually spoken to them in a long time. My fault. I should've been to see them actually it's been far too long and with this mission it's going to be really long."
"They'll be worried. Did you get administration to set up an alibi?" There it was the protectiveness, the questioning and the genuine concern. He watched as the younger captain questioned her like he were family, and in a way so openly transparent of his feelings that it made Kakashi envious.
"Yeah, of course. It was weird I've never had to do that. I guess that's a perk of having them live outside the main village now so they won't notice I'm absent anyway. Ah, that actually reminded me I've still to pickup medic supplies, Kakashi-Sensei is there anything you still need to do?"
Pulled from thought he gave a pause to think, "hmm, I still have to work over the pseudonyms and what not, there were recommendations made that still have to be incorporated".
"Well you'd best get to it, you don't have a lot of time Senpai. I on the other hand have lunch to get to" with pat of his stomach Yamato gave a wistfully hungry look. "Oh, I'd also recommend cleaning up the mess you made. It wouldn't be fair if you got to sneak off tomorrow leaving us." He prompted before spinning on his heel towards the stairs, giving a wave over his shoulder he called back "please try to be safe, and Kakashi don't let her fool you she is powerful and yet still inexperienced, no matter what she says don't let her go off on her own".
Sakura seemingly had to bite her lip at that comment, "you know, he still treats me like a kid, he's being ridiculous."
"Don't worry about it Tenzo, I would never let someone harm a precious student." His tone rising as a smile formed. His voice lowered so only Sakura could hear. "I wouldn't say a kid Sakura, more like someone who has seen a lot of bad things happen to good people and doesn't want to see it happen again. Just don't let it upset you, he means well and trust me it comes from a place of respect".
She deliberated over that for a moment and nodded, "I know, I'm heading to resupply the medicines I'll need. I left something for you on the carriage. I'll meet you there once I'm done?"
He nodded his expression curious at what she could have prepared.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
Walking into the prep room for the mission, he pulled down his ever present mask breathing the stale room in. Looking down some last minute files he looked down the list of possible alias' trying to figure out which one would be easiest to slip into. Few linked to established clans such as the Inuzuka clan. At first glance that would have been a good selection with its relation to his mother's maiden name, however this mission required discretion, something a clan name would not enable. After sorting through a few pages he came across a few more married identities. Marriage would make more sense, he wasn't truly old enough to be her dad, nor did they look alike to be sibling, friends wouldn't open a business like what they'd be doing so the only easy avenue was marrying them off. Something which humored him as much as it made him feel slightly uncomfortable, it was amusing to believe that she'd have to conform to more marital behavior, he thought himself already fitting comfortably in to the mould of a pestering, frequently annoying husband. The fun part would be watching her have to deal with it and have no choice. The harder part, which he tried to bury at the back of his mind, was the more intimate side to their proposed relationship status. They'd both have to be very careful, himself especially for the responsibility of this mission fell more so on his shoulders. With Sakura's age and lack of experience to these types of missions it was his focus to make it as easy as possible.
Regardless of the feelings that gripped him they could not come before the mission, he could also not use this mission to exploit what he still believed to be a vulnerable colleague and a valued friend. These feelings weren't her fault, nor were they her burden. If he were to be the man that his father had wanted him to be he would not take advantage. The problem of course though was presented through two avenues for failure, one was self-control, which he believed firmly wouldn't be a problem unlike the second one, situational-control.
His thoughts trailed back to the discussion with Tsunade in the office.
As he stood in front of the large wooden desk, the fifth Hokage staring at him deeply.
"Knowing that Sakura is both my own apprentice and your own Kakashi I know how difficult infiltration missions of this sort can be and the first thing you will need to focus on is breaking the wall of teacher and student between you and Sakura. You will possibly need to get intimate in ways you never really considered, both on a physical and emotional level."
Guilt washed heavily through him as those words spread out into the waiting silence, her hardened eyes softened slightly. "Never the less Kakashi I trust you to follow the mission with your normal efficiency, however I must make a personal request of you Kakashi, not as the Hokage, not as Sakura's teacher, and not even as a friend. But as a concerned parent talking for one of her children. Sakura is young and if I could spare someone else for this mission I would, that being said for this to be a success it needs to be her and so…"
The strong emotional outburst taking a strange awkward pause as the elder-nin looked for her words, Kakashi's tension almost palpable. "If it does have to follow up to more physical intimacy please, be careful with Sakura. The mission always comes first, I don't know just how inexperienced she is but she is still very young in some respects. There will be no mission based consequences were you not to follow my request. I can't order you to be delicate. Just know I trust you and my respect for you would be forfeit should you cross that line."
Her fist thumped the table softly adding finality to the words. "I know you care for her as any mentor would, and if you really care for her you will break these walls down and have her as an equal no longer your pupil. Anbu isn't known for building healthy relationship skills as a person, this will not necessarily be easy for someone normally so reserved Kakashi. It is not an easy task I have placed upon you. I would have you know, there is no other I would entrust her to for this mission."
These words defeated the silver haired man in a way nothing had before. With nothing more than trust Lady Tsunade's words had broken him then as they did now.
Regardless of his true means, to be careful and take gentle steps around the grey areas of their mission performance, the situation may call for the occasional show. Kakashi was a private man the idea of showing anyone anything, even if he were truly married to someone, a behavior he found uncomfortable. However they weren't supposed to be themselves here so it didn't matter, what they did would be under the alias and the marriage of…
Sakata Takeru
Sakata Sora
With the selection complete he made the administrative steps and filled in the forms, to which an Anbu operative working behind a shabby plastic window placed it in a seal locked scroll for the Hokage.
Making his way back outside, he exited through the back of the building to avoid the commotion of the other Jonin. He needed time to breathe, just a moment outside and away from noise, for now though he had to put the bag he was shuffling about, that had the last of their things, in to the carriage.
The back of the Hokage main building lay in shadow from the rocky monument above, he looked up to take in the faces of his predecessors knowing that within a year his would be alongside theirs. It was hard to imagine, it wasn't a role he had wanted, yet as he looked upwards a calming feeling entered and soothed him, all he could think in that moment was how proud his dad would have been, how Obito would have slapped him on the back and told him he deserved it after making some proclamation of winning the next round. Minato's reaction he thought would have been something he would've liked to see the most. His teacher and only solace through such a dark chapter of his life, what would he say once he knew that his troubled student was next to be the embodiment of the torch that carried the will of fire.
As he mused himself with thoughts of what could've been he sorted through the contents of the carriage, moving things in to better alignment which meant for better security and less risk of falling off during the journey. During his check-listing his hand landed on a pale wooden box with a white ribbon. His mind faulted before prompting his earlier conversation with Sakura, she had left this for him. He untied the ribbon with care and felt for the groove in the box to open it. A small fluttering of what he recognized to be happiness caressed his heart.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Sakura Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
Weaving through the corridors she found herself within the confines of the storage sector for medic supplies quickly with practiced ease. At one point she swore she lived within these walls. Training under Tsunade didn't leave much time for things such as going home, or generally leaving the main building unless they were doing combat related training. The area was like a basement, she knew however that below this level the Anbu and integration quarters existed, something about the hatch that led to that adjoining staircase made her shiver. As far as she was concerned it was the basement neighbour to hell. As a healer nothing conflicted more than knowing of the many tortured and shattered victims which were still forced to exist by an inhumane system she couldn't cure.
The double doors swung closed behind her and she was greeted with the dim grey glow of storage ahead. The air was dense with heat, with poor ventilation and no windows to the outside world she felt the familiar feeling of being shut in, confined from the living world above. At a dusty desk on the far end of the room, amongst the shelves red hair gleamed against the grey. Sakura made her way towards the desk to place her name and details on the workbook. As the red hair came in to full view, to her shock, she realized that it belonged to none other than the woman she saw a couple of days ago. A knot twisted in her stomach as she searched her brain for a name, 'who, who is she again, what did Genma call her?'
When the woman met her eyes the name seemed to leap in to her conscious mind, 'Kayo'. A beautiful smile came across the woman's face as she spoke "Ah, Haruno Sakura? I've been waiting for you, you were supposed to be here for check in twenty minutes ago."
It took a moment for Sakura to beat back her awkwardness to speak. "Ah I'm sorry, it's been a very long, unpredictable morning. Normally it's not an issue if I'm late the other receptionist don't wait for me. You should've just went for lunch". She said it off handily, however if a little bit annoyed. It was such a normal visit here for her, that to be scolded for being late didn't go down well.
"Are you new to this section?" Sakura hadn't meant it to come across as it probably had, it was a genuine question based on Kayo's unawareness regarding normal procedure between frequent visitors.
Kayo seemed to digest that for a moment, like she had wanted to say something else entirely before she replied. "Yes. I am new. But I am aware of the normal situation between yourself and other staff here but I don't want to risk my position within the first couple of weeks through not observing a check in".
"That's fair enough" Sakura nodded and tried to brush off the gathering tension. Leaning forwards she quickly scribbled in her details and made to walk away from the table.
Kayo's voice called out to her, vacant of the previous tone she'd carried. Soft, almost wearily, "Sakura, please before I go for break can I speak with you a moment. Unofficially I mean, just one person to another?"
The emotion behind the question caught her unawares, and before she could make up an excuse to evade a potentially awkward experience her curiosity saw her spin on her heel to face back to the desk. Previous irritation had faded from her mind and she looked upon the nervously gentle expression of the woman before her. She could never stay upset for long, empathy was an asset as much as it was a hindrance she couldn't train herself to control. In past moments sitting by the besides of the injured, sick and lost; friends, family and those who were supposed to be enemies. There was no way to strip the very same empathy that tore her to shreds from the faces of those who passed under her care. Healers fought to fix the broken, indiscriminately, an internal oath free of the bias of war, money and power. Nonetheless Jonin still followed the mentality more traditionally ascribed to those in the field. The narrative, 'rule 25, no matter what the situation a shinobi must keep their emotions on the inside. You must make the mission your top priority… and you must possess a heart that never shows tears.'
They still laughed and sneered at a healer's kindness, 'their soft hearts' over enemies. In reflection Sakura believed they didn't understand the passion behind life; the act of saving it or taking it. Both passionate exercises over the human soul, that in her mind these people lacked the ability to understand the weight of their burden, or worse trained to no longer care. The fear she harbored, that behind the mask of duty one day each shinobi would wake from this and realized the lives lost had meaning. It would be too great, they could crumble and lose their sanity. She could only pray the new age they were creating held better for the next generation.
In this moment it was the same nindo way that guided her actions urging her to stay, that walked her in to situations others would've just shook off. She wasn't comfortable with social situations like this and had a peculiar feeling that what was about to happen wasn't as innocent as Kayo's expression seemed to signal. Regardless she bit at the bait, "Yeah, of course I don't see why not, is everything okay?"
"I want to talk to you about Kakashi, before you leave for whatever mission you are leaving on. I know you both are going to be gone for a while." If Kayo hadn't been acting practitioner within the medic sector then Sakura would've been alarmed that she knew of the mission. However they had the storage books which thoroughly catalogued the packages coded for release, their amount, who was paying and who'd be collecting for what purpose. When it was a long mission it would be placed under area marked damages. It didn't take an expect to work out the aliases for missions as those collecting the so called damaged goods, it left details vague but descriptive enough to figure out, like Sakura and Kakashi, who were leaving the village for a length of time.
A flutter of nerves started moving around in her stomach at the mention of his name. Knowing that the woman before her was his lover, previous or current status undisclosed, started a chain of thoughts aimlessly trying to link to the possible motivations behind this conversation. All of them made her feel nauseated.
"I don't know what your relationship is with him right now but I've got this feeling that there's something going on. I don't know what he's said about me or what you've heard but" she paused briefly to find her words. Sighing, her shoulders slumping. "Look kid, I know how it seems. He is so mysterious and vague. It's completely spell binding. Like some lost tale from the past blasting through and sweeping you along in its madness..." Looking distractedly around she broke off mid-sentence "This is harder than I thought, I know I'm making this uncomfortable".
"A tiny bit yeah, but I don't know where you're going with this." Sakura prompted her to continue regardless of the sickly sensation gnawing away within her stomach.
With another deep breath the red haired woman steadied herself and walked around the table which previously separated them. Coming to stand before Sakura as an adult would before a junior, her height leading her to look down to match with the Kunoichi's eye level.
Eyes brimmed with concern she continued "Please, understand I just want to warn you. No more and no less. I don't want to upset you, this isn't what this is about. Before you go on this mission I want to warn you that he isn't what you think, he won't give you what you want and whatever you think or hope he feels isn't what's actually going to come through."
The sickness in her stomach twisted violently, 'is it that obvious, am I that obvious?' The thought horrified her in a way that she couldn't explain, it shook her on a very intimate level, like some great violent earthquake. She hadn't wanted anyone to be privy to that side of her heart. It was too much, "look I have to get things sorted this conversation doesn't need to happen, nothing's going on." With that she made to walk away, escape from the nausea and get back to reality, back to the lie.
Kayo let out a scoff of irritation behind her before tugging at Sakura's arm to turn her back around. "This is exactly what I mean, this is why I think this is important. You are still young Sakura, that reaction just proved me right. Try and be adult about this hear me out, please."
'Young', that word that wholly innocent word held so much power. She was young compared to him, compared to him, her colleagues and even Kayo she was young.
"He means well, but it's all a faced. Inside he has a lot of problems he is a great ninja, but he isn't completely sane. Everyone in our world have scars but he has got a darkness that will pull you down to the depths of madness. You want to help him, but he doesn't want to come out from the misery, that's where all his friends are. It takes someone like Gai the unstoppable force of nature he is to even influence him. I'm not wanting to say hurtful things Sakura it's just as an adult I've had more experience with him than you. Remember you have always been looking up to him rather than looking at him, and its time you take a look at the shadow he casts because as his partner it'd be your job to lift them."
"Kayo, please" she paused for a moment to take a breath and calm her nerves "look, this may sound rude, I seriously don't mean it to be, I appreciate what you think needs to be said but honestly there is nothing going on between us. I also find it a bit presumptuousness on your part to say you know him better than me when you don't even know our relationship. He's a close friend, a dear friend to me and we've both been through a lot together so I'd honestly appreciate it more if you'd accept that. I really don't know what you want me to say. How exactly do you want me to respond?"
They started at each other now, both flustered at the nauseating stress of such a sensitive topic. Kayo ran her hand roughly though her hair, pulling her fringe away from her face. This was a warm day, the medic storage was like an oven and Sakura didn't need a mirror to know that her face was just as sweaty and flushed as Kayo's was.
"Look. Look I get it" Kayo motioned her hands out in front of her defensively like she was shoving Sakura's words back at her. "This is hard. I'm messing up what I wanted to say to you. I've been practicing the words for a while and now that I have you in front of me I feel like I haven't been at all."
At this Sakura felt tension from her shoulders release slightly, this woman in front of her wasn't some horrendous person trying to hurt her. It was a kind person, a lost person trying to do something they thought was right.
"I don't know you. Truthfully I've only ever heard the stories, so I know of you. I know what you mean to the people who talk of you. Yamato and I actually talk quite a lot and he's just… the way he speaks of you just… it just gave me the impression that you didn't have anyone who could help you. Romantically I mean. When I saw you at the bar with him, I just I didn't act like myself. I didn't like what happened between Kakashi and me, I didn't like how it ended and I saw how he was acting with you. He hurt me Sakura, he broke my heart and you're so young, you're just so young and full of hope. I didn't want that for you." Kayo's breaths were heavy as she reclaimed the air she had clamored for. Redness spread across her cheeks and her eyes locked with Sakura's with a look of nervous determination.
"I don't know what to say" she said quietly, this was too much for her as she felt her thoughts race in time with her heart. What Kayo was saying suggested something, it suggested many things that Sakura both wished for and terribly feared. Like what if he had wanted her as she ached for him? What if her feelings weren't just her own deluded nightmare but a shared dream? It was too little and too much at the same time, she wanted to explode with question over what Kakashi's former lover meant by the way he looked at her. At the same time she greatly feared the rejection, the lie, the too great a hope that what this person was truly doing was manipulating her heart to trap her in some sick game to hit out at her ex who had hurt her.
"I tried, I really did. I spent months just trying to get his defense lowered enough to talk. I left it up to him to talk to me when he was ready, with the hope that I could work my way in. I was an idiot. I believed that if we spent time together and acted somewhat like a couple it would wake something up inside him, that one day he could unload to me like I would do with him. It was a lie I told myself, it was a lie that suffocated me. I ended it after I hit a wall, after I realized he just wanted a distraction. To be honest it wouldn't surprise me if that's what he believes. I got upset and basically felt he was too needy or some shit like that and I left. It hurt like hell and I just left."
The energy seemed to die in her voice as she now looked at the floor exhausted. Sakura took a few step forwards as to comfort her but stopped when she realized what she was doing. She didn't know this woman and she didn't know what was going on, she'd never been in a situation like this before and was not sure what the proper action to take was.
"I'm sorry to hear that. It doesn't sound easy, but Kayo what does this have to do with me? We work together he was my sensei. What he does in a relationship has nothing to do with me" Sakura placed a hand on to her shoulder to comfort her, only for Kayo to meet her eyes with a fierce look. Anger seemed to flood the woman in front of her as her hand was swiped callously off its place on her shoulder. What was meant to be a friendly gesture had been rejected.
"Look. I know you aren't trying to be patronizing, and I know from Yamato you are a good person. Seriously though, if I need comforting from a child like you then I'm worse off than even I thought. I am not worried for Kakashi we are both adults who have long since calloused over wounds from lost friends and innocence. I'm an adult sounding like a spoiled child. When it goes south, you'll know where to find me Sakura. I just hope you take my warning seriously".
Kayo placed a hand on Sakura's shoulder on passing squeezed gently and walked out. Sakura wished deeply that she had gotten upset. That she had stormed out like the spoiled child she claimed to be. That would have been a lot better than the long and hard sliver of ice that had lodged itself in her chest when she heard the door breezing into place.
The silence crippled her, her inexperience a failure, her hopes feeling small and selfish. She lifted her hand dejectedly opening the door and slumped her way to where the carriage was waiting, off to her immature fantasy's side.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
Her miserable mood weighed about her like an anchor pulling her in an ever falling spiral. As she stepped in to the cool shadowed enclosure of the drop-off point a sight she wasn't expecting greeted her. Kakashi sat with his legs dangling off the edge of the carriage, relaxed with a small delicately sanded box tied with a white ribbon. Her mood quickly dissipated to a smile as she realized she hadn't missed him opening her gift, friend or more made no difference as she saw a sight so rare.
With his mask resting around his neck she saw what was always hidden before; a smile, sweet, honest and free of troubles broke like first light across his face as he lifted Minato's kunai from the box, like a treasured and most precious diamond. Happiness swelled from within and careful not to disturb him she watched for only a few seconds longer, to treasure the gift of a moment that he gave back to her, before sliding quietly back inside. She could always drop off the medic supplies later.
Note:
Hey guys! Hope you had a fantastic new years and xmas! I wanted to put up another chapter before heading back to uni and being trapped in my lonely cave of coffee and deadlines.
Replies:
HonestxxEyes: Thank you so much for your support! The fear I get with dialogue is unreal so thank you for your words, they give me confidence. I hope you enjoy this next chapter!
deBrumbled: Your review is honestly amazing and filled me with confidence that I wasn't writing dribble. I was worried that I was taking the long boring route, but the relief I felt and the happiness that someone other than my beta reader picked up on what I was trying to say has negated that. I can't express what that means to someone like me who writes for the love of it. Thank you so much for your kind words and your support. I hope you like this new chapter. Also I was determined to put it up sooner because of your support aha so I'm sure that those who are waiting on it will be happy too. Thank you for the review it made what was a rough day good.
