Chapter 9: His Beating Heart
"Maybe the journey isn't about becoming anything. Maybe it's about un-becoming everything that isn't really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place." ~Unknown
FPOV
Fitz was on the phone when Olivia arrived. Several large bags were brought in by Tom and Fitz nodded his head towards the bedroom door at the sight of them. He quickly ended the call and made his way over to Olivia who was now in the kitchen looking in the pantry.
"Did you eat lunch?" Fitz asked, his tone slightly worried.
"I did. Just looking for a snack..." She smiled at him and he kissed the side of her shoulder in response.
"Looks like you found some clothes." Fitz put his arm around Olivia's stomach and squeezed it gently. He really couldn't see a difference in her size. She was still very petite even though her appetite had dramatically increased.
"I did," she repeated the words again. "My mom met me at a boutique in Southport and helped. We had a really good time." She had finally settled on an apple and was speaking in between bites, her head now resting against Fitz's chest.
He remained quiet and listened to Olivia eating, continuing to stroke her stomach in a circular pattern. When she was finally finished with her snack she brought up dinner and tried to finalize some plans.
"My parents...eh my mother...would really like to join us for dinner tonight..."
Olivia turned and searched his eyes and Fitz could tell she was gauging him. He let his grip around her go and walked into the dining room, sitting down on a nearby chair. Olivia sat in the seat across from him and continued to watch him closely.
"I'd like it to be just us tonight. Can we take a rain check on your parents- maybe tomorrow?"
Olivia nodded her head and smiled. He could see the wheels in her head turning and he knew she was pleased with his answer. It meant he wanted time alone to speak to his mother, which is obviously something Olivia also wanted.
They chatted for a bit about her visit with Genevieve earlier that morning and Fitz admired her strength so much. It didn't surprise him she went to visit his mother. He would've done the same thing in her shoes. Eventually, the conversation shifted and Olivia asked him about his day and who he was talking to on the phone.
"I got a call from Commander Richards...you were right-" Olivia didn't give him a chance to continue before she cut him off.
"They want you back, don't they?"
Fitz nodded his head and remained silent, waiting to see if she had anything else to say. He watched her face and noticed her body language changing. Her eyes grew narrow, her face flashing suddenly flashing a classic Olivia Pope, 'I told you so stare.'
"What did you tell them?" She eventually asked, the silence finally getting the best of her.
"I told him no. We're just now getting things settled here. There's no way I'm moving you and Emmie right now."
Olivia stood and walked around the table towards him. Her face was concerned and he instantly scooted his chair back to allow her room. She straddled his lap and got within inches of his face, staring him in the eyes.
"Fitz... Shouldn't we at least talk about it? I mean you gave him an answer and we didn't even discuss it?" Her words were slow as if she was purposely speaking each of them with careful thought.
He smoothed a few stray hairs from her face and stared at her hard for a short time trying to determine what his response should be. His mind was made up but maybe she was right...maybe he did at least owe the proposal a proper discussion.
"Liv...are you even willing to move right now? I mean, don't you think it's best if we stay here? At least until Emmie is born." His voice was serious and deep and he watched Olivia react to the words.
She reached for his cheek and rubbed it slowly, searching his eyes. They watched one another in silence and when she finally spoke he wasn't prepared for what she shared.
"You not taking this isn't going to be about me. We're a team. Remember?"
"But it IS about YOU! How can you even say that? I have to consider you and the baby and what's best for all of us!"
Irritation set in and Fitz knew he was being irrational. All Olivia wanted was to be a part of making the decision but he couldn't stop himself from overreacting.
Olivia stood from his lap and broke eye contact with him. He couldn't read her face although he knew she more than likely was frustrated. HE was frustrated with himself. She walked into the other room and left him alone. He stared at the seat across from him and remained deep in thought for a while trying to figure out where to go from here.
OPOV
Olivia walked into their bedroom and began to unpack her things from the shopping bags. She could feel herself growing emotional but tried desperately not to show it. Once everything was out and on the bed, she began making room in her closet. She was halfway to shuffling clothes around when Fitz walked in. He remained close to the door and stood with his arms folded. She could feel his eyes on her but she didn't say a word, mostly out of fear she would say something she may later regret.
"I'm scared..."
Olivia stopped in mid step and turned to look at him. She could see the turmoil on his eyes and immediately reached for him, the hangers in her hand now fallen to a pile on the floor. He grabbed her hand and sat on the bed bringing Olivia once again on his lap.
Their foreheads touched and Olivia closed her eyes inhaling his scent. It was the most honest thing he could've said to her and she simply appreciated his candor. His hands flew into her hair and she could feel him grab a portion of the back in a slightly aggressive manner.
"What are you afraid of?" Her voice was soft and just above a whisper. She felt him slowly take a deep breath and when he finally exhaled she wrapped her arms around him, tucking her head against his neck.
"The only thing I miss about California is Jerry and Karen. That's it. But even if I do miss it...I'm not uprooting us again. We JUST moved here. The idea frightens me...I don't know how else to explain it." He pulled Olivia closer into him and she kept her eyes closed, his hands now caressing her back in a slow pattern.
"Fair enough," she finally replied. "Can you at least tell me what they offered? I'm just curious..." She wasn't certain why he was being selective in the information he offered but she truly wanted to know. This was a time in his life he loved and she wanted to learn more about it.
"It's sounds like they're creating a position."
"Teaching?" Olivia asked.
"More like a special counsel...to Admiral Roberts."
Olivia remained quiet and processed the information. She wasn't familiar with military language and didn't know what 'special counsel' actually meant. But if he was working directly with pilots and the Admiral himself, it must be important. Fitz didn't offer any more information and she didn't ask.
"Tell me about shopping... I bet Maya was in heaven."
Olivia could tell he was changing the subject and she decided to play along. She stood and retrieved an item from the closet and held it up to her body. It was a beautiful silk blouse...very formal and very much her style. It was a size larger than she normally wore giving her plenty of room to grow.
"That's a maternity shirt?" Fitz asked, leaning back onto the bed. He was resting on his elbows and smiling.
"No. The woman at the boutique suggested I buy larger blouses...just until I'm showing more. I'm kinda in between sizes right now I guess."
Fitz nodded his head and watched as Olivia changed. She loved the blouse even though it was large on her. She was so tired of wearing dresses and her other silk blouses were simply too snug. The material was like wearing an old glove...her body responded to it instantly.
"You're beautiful." Fitz said, his elbows still resting behind him.
Olivia smiled and continued to change, pulling some black slacks up each leg. She walked over to the mirror against the wall and opened her large jewelry case. Fitz stood and walked up behind her, watching her change her earrings. She could see his eyes fixated on her breasts and she subtly arched her back slightly without even realizing it. Fitz's hand reached from behind and she watched through the mirror as he traced the outline of her bra with his thumb.
"Every time you wear silk, this is all I can concentrate on." He whispered the words into her ear but kept her gaze through the mirror. Olivia's knees felt weak and she steadied her hands onto the dresser for support.
"I miss your breasts." He continued, his voice still hushed and low. There was something in the way he said the words that made her question him.
"What misses them? Your mouth?" Her words were seductive and she instantly felt him push his cock into her backside, clearly letting her know what part of his body he was referring to. Memories of his penis in between her breasts flooded her mind and she couldn't help but close her eyes. Foreplay with Fitz was unlike anything she ever experienced and there wasn't an inch of her body his penis hadn't explored.
She felt him kiss the side of her neck when the telephone rang, startling both of them. She opened her eyes and watched as Fitz stepped back and cleared his throat before walking over to the nightstand. He greeted the other person on the line and Olivia quickly realized he was talking to his mother. Olivia reached for a long gold necklace and placed it around her neck and turned around to face him. He mouthed her a question asking her when they would eat dinner and Olivia motioned eight with her fingers.
Fitz's demeanor began to change and she wondered what his mother was telling him. She began to feel as if she was eavesdropping so she decided to excuse herself, motioning to Fitz she was leaving. He placed his hand on the receiver and looked her way. His eyes drifted up and down her body and she wanted to shake her head at him.
"We'll finish our conversation tonight," he stated, talking over his hand. His voice was strained and Olivia couldn't get out of the room fast enough. His look was smoldering and she had too much to do before Genevieve arrived. Before she closed the door she grabbed her cell from her purse and made her way into the kitchen.
FPOV
It was 8:00 sharp when a knock on the door sounded. Tom slowly opened the door and Genevieve entered his home for the second time that day. She looked rested and
had changed into some more casual clothing. Fitz immediately took her things and offered her a seat.
"I brought some gifts over...I couldn't help myself." Her smile was genuine and it warmed Fitz's heart.
Olivia appeared from the kitchen and greeted Genevieve, thanking her for the gifts. Small talk was exchanged and Fitz opened a bottle of white wine at the wet bar, pouring his mother a glass of her favorite drink.
"I hope you didn't go through too much trouble, Olivia." She smiled at both of them and reached for the glass of Pinot Fitz handed her, taking a sip of it immediately.
"We're so happy to have you here...we're hoping you'll stay a while in Chicago. My parents would really like to have dinner- maybe later on this week..."
Olivia sat on the armrest of the over-sized chair and Fitz stood next to her, his arm draped around her shoulder. He watched his mother smile weakly at the question and look away. It instantly gave him a bad feeling.
"Mother...I apologize for the way things ended this morning. I would never want you to feel not welcome."
Genevieve set her glass down on the coffee table in front of her and asked Fitz to please sit down with them. She wanted to clear the air before having dinner and get any awkwardness out of the way. It was just like his mother to do that. He could remember her asking his father to do the same when he was a boy. It was her way of making peace and not bringing hostility to the dinner table.
He sat down next to Olivia and waited for Genevieve to begin. She was obviously feeling uneasy and he could tell by her mannerisms she was nervous. Olivia suddenly spoke, no doubt trying to ease his mother into the conversation.
"I think I need some fresh air. Why don't you and your mother-" Genevieve interrupted Olivia before she could finish her sentence.
"Olivia, dear...please stay. I would like to speak to both of you. Unless your not feeling well..." She searched Olivia's eyes and all Olivia could do was nod. She thought her exit would help and was actually surprised Genevieve was asking her to stay.
"My Darling...Olivia and I had a tough conversation this morning." She turned her body towards Fitz and began sharing what she knew weighed heavily on her heart.
Olivia listened as Genevieve talked openly with Fitz, just as she had with her that very morning. She reached for Fitz's hand when she began to speak about his birth mother and prayed he would handle the news well. It didn't seem to shock him and deep down she knew he more than likely already knew this to be true. He remained quiet and stared directly ahead, only briefly squeezing her hand when Genevieve mentioned the day his biological mother showed up and caused a scene.
Fitz eventually stood and poured himself a drink before returning to his seat. She could tell his mother was ending the near of her recant down memory lane when Fitz asked the burning question she couldn't get out of her own mind: What was Genevieve doing in Washington in the first place? Genevieve's demeanor quickly changed and she reached for her glass of wine from the table.
"Susan contacted your father right after you were elected President. She wanted to meet you and wouldn't stop harassing us. Gerald spent some time tracking her down and it turned out she was staying in Washington. I begged him to stop her...to do whatever needed. I never wanted her to see you. And that should've been YOUR decision to make, Fitzgerald. Not mine. I'm deeply ashamed of that..."
Genevieve began to cry and Fitz stood again and went to his mother. He took the glass out of her hand and sat on the coffee table directly in front of her, urging her to continue. Olivia watched the woman who raised Fitz begin shake, covering her mouth with one hand.
"I never dreamed he would also try to hurt Olivia..." The words felt like led and washed over her body like a tidal wave. She wanted to stand and not hear anymore but her legs wouldn't move.
"I need to know what happened, mother. Exactly what happened." She heard Fitz speak the words but couldn't see his face. His was still seated away from her and she focused on the outline of his back, picking a spot to concentrate on so she wouldn't cry.
"He contacted Susan and told her to meet him at Georgia Avenue...he wanted to see her. He wanted her to believe he missed her and I know it didn't take much to persuade. Gerald made it seem like he would arrange a meeting between the two of you but he needed to see her first."
"Why Georgia Avenue?" Fitz asked, his voice nearly pleading for his mother to answer. She watched Genevieve shake her head at the question as if she truly had no idea why Georgia Avenue was of any relevance.
"I was meeting a client...remember? The the night of the accident. She lived on Georgia Avenue. I decided to drive because the weather was bad." Olivia finally spoke and saw Fitz instantly turn in her direction, a mixture of emotions spread across his face. "I must have been followed," she concluded, her voice monotone and straight to the point.
"Mother, excuse us. I need to speak to Olivia." Fitz instantly stood and took Olivia's hand, leading her into their bedroom. The moment he closed the door, he reached for her...his face etched in heartache.
FPOV
"I'm sorry. I knew you were meeting someone there. I don't know what I was thinking asking my mother that. I'm sorry..."
He couldn't believe he could forget something of that magnitude. Of course she was there. He reviewed the police report countless times and knew exactly what Olivia was doing that night. It was her first case after resigning from the White House.
Her first case after leaving him with no explanation.
Olivia touched his cheek briefly before sitting down on the bed. She looked pale and he began to worry about her. This was too much for him to process, let alone the pregnant mother of his unborn child. He knelt beside her and continued to study her, his hands now wrapped around her legs.
"It's a lot to process," Olivia said. She gently began to run her fingers through his hair and the gesture made him bury his face against her upper thigh.
"So it's true...my father is responsible. I didn't want to believe it. He KNEW how much I loved you. How much you meant to me." He could feel his jaw clench and he couldn't stop the tears from forming in his eyes.
The room was silent and Fitz desperately tried to keep his emotions in check. He wanted to be strong for Olivia and Emmie and also knew his mother who was just outside the door. He loathed his father and he simply wasn't certain how to channel the feelings he was having.
"We're going to get through this." Olivia finally said, kissing him softly on top of the head. "Lets have Genny back over later this week. I don't think either of you are in the mood for dinner right now."
He felt Olivia stand and he didn't try to stop her. Having someone else make decisions right now felt good and it was honestly what he needed. They walked back out into the other room and found Genevieve in the exact same spot they left her in earlier. Her nose was red and you could hear her lingering sniffles in the air.
"We think it's best we try dinner another night," Olivia stated. He watched the woman he loved walk over to his mother and touch her gently on the arm. Genevieve tapped her hand warmly and held it for a moment. Fitz suddenly had the urge to go to her and share his feelings before she left.
"Mother...thank you for the truth. I know that was difficult for you." He touched his mothers other arm and she stood looking him over closely.
"You are MY son. And being your mother has been the single greatest blessing in my life." She touched Fitz's cheek affectionately and smiled through her tear stained face.
"And you are my mother," he replied nodding his head firmly. They embraced for a long moment and Fitz finally walked her to the door. Before he opened it, he couldn't shake the lingering question that festered in the back of his mind. His hand rested on the knob and he turned around and decided to ask while he still had the opportunity.
"Footage was pulled of a nearby street camera the night of the accident. There's a man in the video that pushed Susan into the street. Do you know who is he?" He studied Genevieve's face carefully, knowing she often more her emotions on her sleeve.
"I have no idea, Fitzgerald. I'm sorry, I wish I did." He could see the turmoil on her face and knew she was telling him the truth. His mother touched his arm and lightly squeezed, instinctively making him bend down to kiss her cheek.
When she finally left, Fitz turned and faced Olivia. She was walking towards the kitchen and he checked his watch. It was late and he knew Olivia was probably starving. He made his way over to the liquor cabinet and poured himself another generous amount of whiskey.
The liquid was a welcome sensation and slid down his throat with ease. He sat down in the nearest chair and rested his head against the back of the cushion, eventually closing his eyes. He could hear Olivia rummaging about the kitchen and he suddenly felt awful all her work wasn't being properly enjoyed.
"Liv..."
He called out her name into the air. After a few moments he felt her presence and opened his eyes. She was standing near him eating from a plate of food. He smiled at the sight and stared for a moment. Everything about her tugged his heart and he thanked God again nothing happened to her.
She was his beating heart.
"You didn't seem surprised to learn about Susan." She spoke through mouthfuls and her words made him take another drink.
"No. But I am surprised Genevieve admitted it. You must have made quite an impression on her this morning." He sipped another drink and watched Olivia take a few more bites of food before answering.
"She's eaten up with guilt, Fitz. The accident wasn't her fault. She may have begged your father to stop Susan but she had no idea he would do this!"
Olivia's voice rose and that was Fitz's cue to stand. He threw back the rest of his drink and swallowed in one large gulp, setting the glass down on the table. Olivia was leaned against the wall, staring ahead and quiet. Her plate was nearly empty and he slowly took it from her hand.
"Don't get worked up, baby. He's not worth it." He grazed the top of her head and kissed it softly before taking the plate into the kitchen. When he returned, Olivia was seated on the sofa, her feet up on the table. Fitz sat next to her and positioned her body so her head now rested in his lap. She looked up at him and they stared at one another for a while. He could see the worry in her eyes and wished more than anything he could make this all go away.
"What are we going to do?" Olivia asked. He appreciated her using the word 'we' more than he could express. It never ceased to amaze him just how much she consistently supported him. He rubbed her forehead with his index finger and looked her over intently.
"I don't know," he replied unsure of what else to say. "I'm certain the DCPD will want to speak to Genevieve directly..."
"When did Genevieve learn about me...us?" Olivia asked, her tone soft and tired. Fitz thought for a few moments.
"She knew I was hurting after you resigned. I called her late that night. I was drinking- I don't remember all we discussed but I'm certain she put two and two together. It wasn't until the accident when she realized you were much, much more." He continued to rub her forehead and Olivia soon closed her eyes.
"I remember hearing her talk with you. It surprised me...how much she supported the idea of us." He watched her lips move and could hear the bewilderment in her voice.
"She didn't have a choice, Livvie. I knew in that moment, seeing you lying there I was NEVER losing you again." He rubbed her stomach and Olivia opened her eyes to look at him.
OPOV
Olivia stared at the man she loved and saw the pain all over his face. She knew the accident took a great toll on him. It was also such a horrible way to find out she was pregnant with his child. He was right...he did decide then he was never losing her again. She vaguely remembers him saying those exact words to both his mother and her parents.
It was Rowan who objected the most...who repeatedly had to be told to calm down or he would be asked to leave.
She shook the memory from her conscious and snuggled in closer to him, scooting her body up so she was closer in height. Fitz rested his head on top of hers, silence now coming between them.
"I'll give Rowan a call tomorrow...let him know about our conversation with mother. And then we'll go from there."
Olivia nodded her head and closed her eyes again. She could hear his heart beating and found the sound soothing. It was one of her favorite things to listen to when they lay together at the end of the day. Within minutes she drifted into a dream like state.
It was nearly midnight when Olivia felt herself being lifted into the air. The next thing she knew they were in their bedroom, her clothes gently being taken off her body. She tried to focus her eyes several times but the room was too dark. Fitz was soothing her back to sleep, whispering for her to rest yet every place he touched her body left her yearning for more of him.
"Lay with me." Olivia said, her voice more of a plea than anything. She was now naked and practically draped across Fitz's torso.
"Are you warm enough?" Fitz whispered. She could feel his breath against her skin and it made her wish there was more light in the room.
"We didn't get to finish what you started..." She whispered back. Her hand roamed the front of his body and stopped when it reached his penis. His body flinched as she slowly wrapped her small hand firmly around it.
Before he could protest, she scooted her body down the bed until she was level with his shaft. They both remained on their sides and Olivia slowly moved herself on top, purposely touching his sac with her breasts. Fitz's moans were deep and complete desire took over.
The darkness soon became her friend instead of her ally, giving her permission to have her way with him. His dick was growing with every stroke and Olivia wasted little time taking him fully inside her mouth. She lifted herself onto her knees and sucked, partially licking the thick vein that rapidly pulsated again and again and again. Fitz grabbed her hair from behind and lifted much to her protest. Her mouth released him way too soon for her liking and she slightly protested under her breath.
Her breasts were now in his hands and she heard him command they be used to fuck him. Olivia immediately obliged, taking his bulge and placing them in between her breasts. Fitz's body arched and she instantly felt his precum instantly spill over and down her hands. She licked his fluid eagerly and could tell by his sounds he was close to erupting.
"Jesus, you feel incredible." Fitz bellowed into the air. It was a desperate sound and it made Olivia increase her tempo, licking his tip each time his dick came up in between her breasts. She knew it was slow torture and driving him absolutely insane. Her fingers and breasts were now covered in his semen and before she could get one last pump in, Fitz pulled himself from her and Olivia suddenly found herself back on her side, facing away from him.
"Hold on to me," he instructed, taking her left arm and wrapping it around the back of his neck. Fitz slowly lifted her leg and placed it over his hip, positioning himself so he spooned her in the perfect manner. Her slickness made him ease into her quick and Olivia's nails instantly dug into his skin.
"I love you, Livvie. My God, you are so sexy." He spoke into her ear, his hips rocking into her core in his unique pattern. His hands roughly stroked her breasts and Olivia's body kicked into another gear.
The second her orgasm took hold, she yelled his name loudly into the side of his arm. Her muscles tightened and she pulled his hair, her body trembling uncontrollably. She felt Fitz cup each breast, using them as leverage before finally pumping his release into her.
They stayed tangled together for a while until Fitz was the first to break free. He kissed Olivia's temple before finally disconnecting himself, turning her body around to face him once again.
"Sleep...baby," he whispered into her ear.
Olivia closed her eyes and rested her head against his chest, searching for the sound she heard earlier. She subconsciously counted the rhythm of his heartbeat until her eyes grew heavy and her mind began to drift.
"Fitz..." She mumbled sleepily against his chest.
"Hmmm," he responded softly.
"I would move to California. Or anywhere else you wanted. I just wanted you to know that." She felt him grab her closer, readjusting his grip around her waist.
"But your family is here...I want you to be close to them. Especially now." Olivia lifted her head up and kissed the bottom of his chin.
Finally, the truth came out.
"YOU are my family. And we'll make a home whenever we end up...together." She hoped these words would give him the peace he needed because they were true.
"You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Olivia Pope." She could hear the break in his voice and knew the days emotions were now coming through.
"Keep an open mind about California," she whispered. "Please don't turn it down because of me or Emmie. Promise me."
He kissed her hair and she felt his nose nuzzle the top of her head. It was now her turn to pull his body close. It was quiet for a long while and Olivia's eyes began to grow heavy once again when he eventually replied.
"I promise."
