A/N: You know, you guys can pretty much thank Rachel (TruffleWomenz) for every update of this story. I probably would update once a month if it wasn't for her constant nagging! :D

Chapter Nine: Deep Breaths and lots of Hugs

17 yr old Beck's POV in 2010

There's really nothing worse than the awful feeling of guilt that almost feels like it's gnawing at your insides and eating you alive.

Especially the guilt of knowing you've hurt someone you love.

After leaving the RV, I had no idea where to go.

The only person who would actually understand who I was was.. Jade. But around Jade, I get so irritated. She acts like the break up was entirely my fault!

I mean, it was partially my fault, but can't she take some responsibility!?

Anyway, I ended up driving to Cat's house, because of all the people who I should trust with a huge secret, it should definitely be her.

What can I say, I'm not the best at decision making.

If it were 2012 again I would go to Tori's house, but Tori and Jade are better friends now than they used to be, and right now, Tori and Jade just met. Cat knows her and me a lot better.

I get out, rushing up to the door, knocking loudly.

"Hey Beck!" A high pitch voice practically sings loudly, the redhead girl, ushering me in to sit on her living room couch.

"Hey," I say, trying to lift my voice from it's sad state.

Cat notices, furrowing her eyebrows. "What's wrong?" She wonders, confused.

"Ummm," I bite my lip, not sure how to explain everything. "Jade and I broke up," I tell her truthfully, leaving out many fairly important details, but whatever.

Cat's eyes widen. "Why!?" She asks, confused.

I sigh, closing my eyes annoyed.

Not at Cat, at myself.

"I was.. I was a jerk to her. I've been a jerk to her. I've been yelling at her and teasing her and making her feel bad. I want to stop so badly Cat but whenever I'm near her she yells at me and I get so frustrated," I rant, hanging my head in shame and regret.

Cat bites her lip, processing.

"So, you love Jade," She grins, batting her eyelashes hopefully. I nod.

"I love Jade," I repeat, truth ringing in every word.

"But when she's around you start being mean to her?" Cat asks, confused.

"She's mean to me too!" I defend.

"Jade's mean to everyone! That's why we love her!" Cat reminds me, a grin in her voice

"Well.. Yeah," I reply, almost sheepishly.

"If you really love Jade,which I know you do! You'll find a way to never be mean to her again! Just take deep breaths, that's what my mom does so she doesn't yell at my brother," Cat tells me, shrugging. "Deep breaths and lots of hugs!" Cat shouts, flinging her arms around me to squeeze me tightly in an almost brother-sister type hug.

I laugh, surprised that listening to sixteen year old Cat rant about hugs actually made me feel a lot better.

That is, until I hear Cat's giggly laugh, and wonder who couldn't instantly feel better listening to the childlike wave of it.

"Thanks Cat," I tell her, getting up from the couch. "I'll give Jade a hug from you," I promise, heading for the door.

"Yay! Thanks!" Cat calls, closing the door behind me.

I get back into my car, driving a little down the road and parking.

I need to think. I need to plan.

I begin brainstorming a way to apologize to Jade.. For everything I did.

I decide to be extremely sincere and to the point.

For Cat's sake, I'll make sure to add in lots of deep breaths and hugs.

I guess I'll say something along the lines of 'I'm sorry for being an asshole.. I'm a complete son of a bitch who doesn't deserve to live. I love you.. Nice shoes...' But a lot more glorified and wordy sounding.

Maybe I should just say that. Jade would probably slap me in the face.

I laugh internally a bit at the mental image before seriously composing myself.

It's time to fix this.

It's time to fix everything.

I drive back to the RV in an almost business like manner, my heart pounding upon arrival.

Deep breaths, deep breaths, I remind myself, approaching the RV door. The last thing I need is for Jade to make an angry but truthful comment about what a big asshole I am and for me to get mad and become an even bigger asshole.

Slowly, I lift my sweaty nervous fist, knocking it against the metal door loudly.

No reply.

I knock again.

No reply.

My heart sinks, realizing she probably left with all her stuff. I open the door to stare at the RV that looks exactly like mine in 2012 looks.

Empty, bare, unbearable.

The only thing of interest is a small note taped to the mirror.

I feel my heart pounding in my chest as I rush to pick it up.

Hey, Beck, I can hear her bitter voice in my head as she writes my name.

I got all my stuff like you asked. I guess you like it better this way.

Where'd you even go anyway?

With hate, Jade.

I cringe, reading the way she wrote the word hate so serious and truthful. I hate that she hates me.

Ps. I hate you.

PPS. Just in case one of us dies or something before we see eachother again, I don't hate you.

I love you? I don't deserve that.

I just really really really dislike you.

I'll take it!

PPPS. Coming from me, that's pretty much a compliment.

PPPPS. You don't deserve it though.

She's right.

PPPPPS. Asshole.

Can't argue with that.

Heaving a sigh, I put the note back on the dresser, wishing its writer was here with me.