The next day, Hermione sat in Charms and absently listened to Professor Flitwick drone on about whatever it was that he was talking about. She had stopped paying attention ages ago. It wasn't exactly that she was uninterested in what he had to say, it was just that the thoughts in her head were making it hard to concentrate on anything. Especially school work. She had laid in bed, awake, long into the night and come to many conclusions. She was tired of fighting and tired of trying to change things.
She had decided to do the mature thing.
She was going to accept that, for the moment, things could not be changed. Which meant she had to accept them with grace and try to make the best of the situation. Things had pretty much gone as badly as possible, there was currently nowhere to go but up unless she wanted to challenge Malfoy to a Wizard's Duel. A life sentence in Azkaban had to be worse, right?
She had to organize her life and get things in order. She was treating her life like a complicated equation. She had to add some things and take some things away in order to get to an acceptable conclusion. First she was going to try to do away with some of that bitterness. That was easier said than done. Nigh impossible really. Every time that she thought about Malfoy she felt the anger and the bitterness flood through her like a violent storm.
Well that wasn't helping anything.
So she ought to stop it.
Hermione had actually come to that conclusion before when she was in the Trophy Room, and she had thought she was doing well with it. Then the whole Pansy mess had happened and she found herself resenting him all over again and just being angry. It took so little to bring back the blinding rage.
She felt bad for the way things had ended the night before. After all, he had called her up to the Astronomy Tower to apologize. Draco Malfoy had actually apologized and she had been anything but receptive. She still felt a little sad that she hadn't used the opportunity to push him off the tower. After all, accidents did happen. She chastised herself for the thought. She needed to play nice.
At least it seemed that he was not trying to make this harder on her. His actions last night surprised her and it made her hopeful, but at the same time she wondered if there was an ulterior motive. Who was she kidding, he was a Malfoy and Slytherin, that went without saying.
What if he had lied? What if he had known about his Father's plan and this was a huge way to set her up for a very big fall. Logical Hermione wanted to entertain the notion but tired, sad, end-of-her-rope Hermione just couldn't be bothered. If she ended up second guessing everything then there was never going to be a way to get through this. She had to believe him as much as possible.
Believe a Malfoy. That was a joke.
Still, there was nothing else she could do. Three years of her life were on the line and she wanted it to be bearable. The easiest way to do that was to get along with him as best she could, so she would try. Even if she hated every minute of it.
Before Hermione knew it, class was over. She had just stood up to make her way up to the Gryffindor tower when Professor Flitwick called her over to his desk. Hermione felt her face go red with embarrassment. He must have realized that she hadn't been paying attention during class.
"Miss Granger-"
"I'm sorry Professor, really I am. I've just had so much going about in my head and it's just a bit hard to concentrate. I promise I will pay more attention in the future and I sincerely apologize for my lack of attentiveness," she said in a rush.
Professor Flitwick was looking at her strangely.
"Ah… well… yes… Headmaster Dumbledore sent me a note. You are to meet him in his office after class."
"Oh."
Hermione felt completely foolish. She hurried out of the class room and into the hallway as she felt an overwhelming sense of dread that made her so nauseous that she worried her lunch was going to come up. She reluctantly made her way down the stairs and to his office. Once again, the stairway to his office was open and waiting for her. She slowly walked up the stairs trying to delay the meeting as much as possible.
She still hadn't quite forgiven Dumbledore for having her locked in the Trophy room for an entire night even if it had created a strained and tentative peace between them.
She knocked on the door and heard him give her permission to enter. She walked into his office and saw that Malfoy was already there and looking as unhappy about the meeting as she was. She took a seat next to him and looked at the Headmaster wondering what bad news he was going to tell her about next.
"Lemon drop?" he asked holding out a small bowl filled with the yellow candy.
Both Hermione and Draco shook their heads, Dumbledore shrugged and popped two into his mouth.
That was a good sign. Starting it out with candy meant that this hopefully wasn't going to be too terrible. Maybe there was news about the Marriage Law, maybe she wouldn't be getting married in a few days after all.
"I'm sure you're wondering why you've been called here. As you know, your wedding will take place on Thursday. I believe there are a few plans that need to be made."
Hermione sat there stunned wondering how he could expect her to plan a wedding that she didn't even want. She didn't care how it took place as long as it was short and to the point, or better yet it didn't happen at all. There was nothing she wanted to give input on. This wasn't her "dream" wedding and she wasn't going to lend any of her dreams to this. This marriage meant nothing to her.
"Mr. Malfoy, your father is going to pay for any arrangements the two of you would like to make. If you two would like permission to visit Hogsmeade to get measured for your dress robes that would be –,"
"I don't want new dress robes," interrupted Hermione firmly. Part of her was tempted to have the most elaborate, expensive, robe made just to irk Lucius Malfoy but she told herself that she was being petty. The thought of getting married in the robe of her dreams made her sick to her stomach. She had always wanted to get married in a muggle dress anyway. Since she was little that had been her dream. She was quickly learning that dreams didn't mean very much.
Dumbledore nodded and turned to Draco. "What about you Mr. Malfoy?"
"I'm sure I can find something to wear," he muttered. She could see that he was not keen on the idea of having to go shopping either.
"All right, with that settled where would you like the ceremony held?"
Hermione looked over at Draco who shrugged helplessly. She glared at him. This was by default his wedding. She didn't want to have to make all the decisions but if he wasn't going to say anything then there wasn't much of a choice. She had studying and homework to do.
"In here is fine," said Hermione simply. She hated it in here anyway, no use in sullying her memories of the Great Hall or anywhere else for that matter.
"You want to get married in my office? I'm not sure it's large enough to fit many guests..."
"I'm not inviting anyone, so I'm sure it will be fine." Hermione didn't want her friends to have to see her go through with this, let alone her parents. She wasn't going to even tell them about this whole situation until it became absolutely necessary. She was also afraid that Harry and Ron would try to become violent with either Draco or Lucius and she didn't want to make the day any worse than it was already going to be. Even now she wasn't sure that she was going to be able to get through the ceremony without completely breaking down and doing her best to eradicate the Malfoy line right then and there.
"Is that all right with you, Mr. Malfoy?" asked Dumbledore raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, it's fine."
"Then let us move on to living arrangements."
"What do you mean?" Draco asked. Hermione sighed. She'd had a feeling that this was going to happen so she couldn't say that she was entirely surprised by it.
"As stated in the contract, after the marriage ceremony the two of you must share living quarters," Dumbledore explained.
"But I thought that only counted after we graduated. It's against the rules for a male and female student to share a room here," he protested. Hermione didn't bother adding her opinion. She was quickly learning that protesting didn't change much as far as this situation was concerned. She felt defeated at the thought. Hermione Granger of years gone by would have given her a scathing look.
"The contract is legally binding whereas the rules here at Hogwarts are not. I've had a room prepared on the sixth floor for the two of you to stay in until graduation."
Draco turned to her and Hermione could see that he was annoyed. "Don't you have anything to say about all of this?" he asked.
"There's not much I can do about it but accept it. This was your Father's idea remember? As you said, your Father gets what he wants," she said crossing her arms around her chest. What did he expect her to do? Refuse so that he didn't have to and he could keep up the pretense of being the good, obedient, son? No thank you.
Even though she knew she was getting married soon, she knew they were supposed to share a room together, she knew that they were supposed to "consummate" their union, none of it seemed honestly real. She wondered when, if ever, she was ever going to accept that this was actually happening. She didn't think she ever really would accept it.
The details seemingly taken care of, Hermione went off to find somewhere where she could think in peace. She needed to take a few deep breaths and start processing what was going to happen to her over this next week. The bright side was that it was only three years. When their marriage was annulled she'd only be twenty-one. She'd still have plenty of time to do all of the things she wanted. Might even be able to get started on those things while she was married.
She had to look at it as nothing more than undesirable living arrangements. Like having an unpleasant roommate. Draco had said that Malfoy Manor was nice and large, so perhaps she could avoid the Malfoy's altogether. Better yet, the contract specified that they had to live on Malfoy property. His family was rich so it was a sure bet they owned more than one property. Maybe they had a flat in London somewhere or a house in Timbuktu, she really wouldn't be picky.
She took another deep breath. Perhaps she could talk Draco into purchasing a separate residence, and they could both get away, make their own rules about where to sleep without Lucius watching their every move.
There had to be away to make this work and she was determined to find one.
Draco walked into the Slytherin Common Room and saw Pansy sitting alone in one of the black leather chairs. She had been ignoring him since yesterday and he wondered if she was mad because he was marrying Granger or if it was more because she wasn't going to be spending her days in Malfoy Manor anytime soon. He was surprised to feel relieved that he wouldn't have to spend every day after graduation with her. Granger was by no means a picnic, but compared to Pansy and her moods, he wasn't so sure she wasn't the better option.
Granger was annoying but at least she would leave him alone for the most part, Pansy on the other hand wanted his attention all of the time and if she didn't get it, she liked to throw things. Draco debated upon finding Crabbe and Goyle so he could release some of his anger with a few well aimed curses in a friendly duel, but they were probably in the Great Hall pigging out, as usual.
He felt the insane urge to talk to someone about what was going on, but the problem was he didn't have anyone to talk to. It wasn't the first time he'd felt that way, it was a feeling of frustration that he'd grown used to as child. The first time he'd found a toad and happily had shown his father, only to have him sneer in disgust, or when he was eight and his first owl had died. He'd cried and his father had smacked him with his cane. Malfoy's didn't cry, and they didn't talk about anything to do with feelings.
They didn't talk about much of anything.
He decided a few laps around the Quidditch Pitch would do him some good. He needed to get away, let it all out, and make himself stop caring.
When he was younger it had been so easy to justify every single thing he did in life. He was making his father proud, it would get his father's attention, it was what his father wanted him to do. Those three reasons had stopped him from thinking too hard, from questioning his actions. Those three reasons had made everything he did okay. From torturing Granger and her friends, to being on the Quidditch team, to the Inquisitorial Squad.
Those reasons, those excuses, had begun to fall apart, and it had started a year and a half ago when his father had been imprisoned in Azkaban after the Ministry of Magic fiasco at the end of Draco's fifth year. Draco's sixth year at Hogwarts had been the best of his life. His father hadn't been able to contact him, hadn't bothered him, hadn't even existed in his mind. For the first time in his entire life he had been able to think for himself. It had been scary, it had been liberating, it had been the best feeling in the whole entire world.
That had all ended last summer when his father had finally been released and found not guilty due to influence by dark magic, aka the Imperius curse. Draco had wanted to rebel, but one year of freedom didn't give him the courage to fight against seventeen years of imprisonment.
As he walked to the pitch, wearing his green Quidditch robes, he saw someone sitting on one of the benches by the lake and he was surprised that he recognized the bushy hair as Granger's. He didn't want to talk to her so he continued on to the pitch, enjoying the walk and the cold air against his face. He mounted his broom and kicked off the ground, enjoying the rush of adrenaline as his broom shot up into the air.
Flying was the only time he felt truly free anymore. He could leave everything behind, forget that everything and everyone existed. There was nothing but him, the broom, and the wide open sky. Today that wasn't quite true, he could still see her in the distance, sitting on the bench.
Despite wanting to admit it, the comment she had made in the Headmaster's office about his father always getting what he wanted had jabbed at him. He knew it was true, after all, he had said it. He didn't enjoy the fact being thrown in his face like that. It was his fault for telling her, for letting her see that he didn't want this. For showing vulnerability.
People would always use vulnerabilities against you, he had learned that a long time ago.
If he could go back just a few days and change things he would. He would have forced himself to be cold and aloof with her. He would have put on the cold, calculated, Slytherin façade that he wore so well. Instead, he had opened up to her, it had only been a little, but it had been too much.
He'd not make that mistake again.
An hour later he decided that he ought to get back to the castle and do his homework. As he started the trek back to the castle he could still see her sitting on the bench. He wondered what she was thinking about, if she was thinking about him. More specifically about their situation. It didn't matter if she was. He couldn't afford to care.
Draco made his way down to the Dungeons, intent on tackling the growing pile of homework he had accumulated in the last few days. He entered the Common Room and then made his way up to his room. He opened his door only to see Pansy lounging on his bed.
"I've been waiting for you," she said sitting up, while he took off his Quidditch robes, revealing his school uniform underneath.
"What do you want?" he asked taking off his tie and letting his vest follow.
"I wanted to apologize for yesterday. You know how I get when I'm angry. You deserve so much better than that Mudblood." Pansy had come up behind him and started expertly unbuttoning his shirt.
"You deserve someone much better, someone like me," she whispered in his ear as she pulled his shirt from him.
Draco didn't know what he deserved anymore.
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