Okay, hold onto your hats (seats?)! We're starting this off with a bang. :D

There was a convo in this chapter that I had to redo THREE times. I think it's better now, but... Well, we'll see.

Also, I think I need to recommend tissues for this chapter.

Enochian is spoken like this.

~Unknown ancient language spoken like this.~


Chapter 8


"Given how rusty you are, I would've thought you'd be at it for a while," Balthazar said when Gabriel joined them. "That was faster than I thought you had it in you."

Gabriel managed a smile, hands in his pockets. "I'll be honest: I thought it'd take longer, too."

Dean tilted his head, narrowing his eyes speculatively. Disconcertingly enough, the green was still just as bright even now as a soul. "You look a bit down. Not what you were expecting?"

Gabriel kept his face blank. "Not sure what I was expecting but…no."

Raphael was at his side, voice a low murmur as she said, "I thought I felt something? Did everything go all right?"

Gabriel inclined his head, the corner of his mouth twitching into a half smile. "Don't exactly know. What I saw…well…it wasn't Revelation."

"Isn't that what seeking Revelation is, though?" Sam asked, frowning. "You trying to see something you usually wouldn't have?"

"Not quite," Castiel said. "It's asking for guidance, searching for a truth that you're not certain of. What you receive might be as clear as glass or as muddied as dirty pond water."

"Poetic but true," Gabriel acknowledged, nodding. "Not that I've got much experience with it."

"And that puts you on a direct line to God?" Dean sounded slightly skeptical, which was all sorts of funny because he'd been in Heaven for so long and still didn't like their Father.

"Closer to Him, yeah." Gabriel shrugged. "Doesn't always work, but that's the point." Or so he'd heard.

"Did it work this time or were you just hollering into the abyss?"

"Dean," Castiel sighed, pressing a hand to his forehead.

Dean threw his hands up. "What? After the shit He pulled on us back then, I'm not going to give Him a freebie!"

"I get it," Gabriel said, cutting off what else Castiel might have said. "Really, I do. And…He didn't respond." He held back what he suspected but didn't know. They wouldn't believe him if he said it; they wouldn't want to believe him.

"Then what did you see?" Raphael asked.

"Something I don't know whether to believe." Gabriel didn't even know where it had come from. Like a dream, it felt completely normal until he was back to himself in the real world wondering "what the fuck." "I saw…fuck…" He rubbed his face with a hand. "I saw the birth of the Leviathan," he continued, not looking at any of them. "And Michael. I saw Michael's birth. So on the list of things I was expecting when I tried doing this, that wasn't even on it."

Everyone stared at him, even Raphael looking like someone had hit her over the head with a sledgehammer.

"There wasn't any explanation?" Raphael said at last, eyebrows almost in her hairline.

"Nah, you know how it is. Dad just can't help but be aggravatingly weird with His little hints." Gabriel made a face. "But I'm not sure what He's hinting at here. The Leviathan are all dead – kaput – I took care of them personally. And as much as I do miss good old big brother Michael, I didn't need to know how he was Created."

"Do you want to try again?" Raphael sounded like she already knew his answer but had to ask to be sure.

To be honest, Gabriel kind of wanted to, but something inside his Grace did a funky flip that had him feeling queasy from the inside out. And he hated feeling queasy. It was a feeling he didn't miss from being 100% human. "Don't think it'll do any good," he said instead, giving her a lopsided smile. "Tried what I came here to do, and all I've got are more questions and no answers. Kinda bugs me."

"'Course it would," Dean muttered. "Tony Stark doesn't like unanswered questions."

"You're right. I don't." Gabriel gave him a big grin. "But, unfortunately, unanswered questions are the spice of life."

"I thought that was variety," Sam said.

"Isn't that the same thing? Knowing everything doesn't give you variety." Gabriel waved a dismissive hand. "Besides, I'm pretty sure there're a dozen other sayings that've cropped up over the years." He paused. "Do people still speak English here?"

"Some variant of it," Castiel confirmed. "It's mostly been assimilated into other languages by this point."

"It's fascinating," Sam said, eyes bright. "Just seeing how the language's evolved over the years—"

"I've lived through it," Gabriel interrupted, suppressing a smile at Sam's dismayed face. "Several times. It gets annoying."

"It does," Balthazar agreed, making a face. "Just when you think you've gotten the hang of the language and all the numbers and different nuances, they up and change it on you!"

Slow realization spread across Dean's face. "Is that why you were asking about French when we first met you?"

Balthazar's grin was sharp. "You've got a good memory for a hairless ape. I'd almost forgotten about that."

"What happened to us being your favorite?"

"Doesn't change the fact that you're hairless. What's on your head and occasionally your face doesn't count."

"I'm gonna head back," Gabriel said, cutting off whatever witty retort Dean was going to come back with. "If you want to stay and exchange rejoinders with Dean here, be my guest. Otherwise you can come back with me."

"You're done here, then?" Raphael's face was impassive, although her Grace twisted slightly in regret.

"Don't give me that." Gabriel reached out to touch her arm. "You can come by anytime you want, you know that. I'd stay longer, but there isn't any reason for me to. My kids aren't expecting me to be gone so long."

"I know," Raphael assured him. "It's just…I do miss you. It isn't logical and makes no sense, but there you have it."

"Aw, I miss you guys, too." Gabriel softened his joking tone with a smile. "Really, I do. It's just…it's my kids' home. I'm not going to be leaving it anytime soon unless they have a sudden change of heart and want to move here."

"I'm not expecting you to." Raphael returned his smile, eyes soft. "Just…be safe?"

Gabriel's smile wavered despite himself, the worry in Raphael's Grace palpable. "Yeah. You, too, all right?"

"Of course."

Turning to the others, Gabriel went to Balthazar's side, putting a hand on his shoulder. "We'll be off, then. Sam, good luck with these two." He nodded towards Castiel and Dean, who both had the decency to look rather embarrassed.

"Thanks." Sam shot Dean a patented bitch face. "I'm gonna need it."

Snorting, Gabriel gave Castiel a nod and flicked his fingers in a small goodbye, then took off.

It was a moment before Balthazar followed after him, clearly unsure of the way back but hesitant to show it.

Gabriel slipped back onto the earthly plane before beginning to breach the dimensional walls. It was always his least favorite part of traveling between dimensions, since it wasn't exactly natural to do it. They had been breached off at one point, and he could still tell that they were originally supposed to stay that way.

As he broke through the wall to his own dimension, Gabriel had a brief moment of feeling the familiar energies of his home before something in his Grace twisted, burning him with the heat, and he stuttered—

And stumbled, nearly falling to his knees in the tall grass of a world he was emphatically not familiar with.

Gabriel whipped his head around, eyes wide as he took in his new surroundings. The grass came up past his knees, a vibrant green that he hadn't even seen on Earth unless it was chemically treated. The sky was too blue, an unnatural shade he hadn't seen before, and he distractedly calculated the chemicals needed to make that shade.

There was life all around him aside from the vegetation, but there were souls that he hadn't sensed before.

Forcing himself to keep his breathing steady, Gabriel did a slow circle, then abruptly stopped when he realized that he wasn't alone, and that he'd somehow missed the fact that there were people building what looked like a temple off in the distance.

He moved closer, seeing that they were carving it out of a mountain. The architecture seemed familiar, and he wasn't entirely sure why until the pillars registered in his brain, and then he realized that they were mirror images of what he'd seen around that portal on Earth.

Gabriel moved again, this time right into the midst of the bustle so he could more closely inspect the architecture. Now that he was right here, he recognized the symbols and stone. There was no need to look inside; he already knew what he'd see.

Rapidly backpedaling, Gabriel turned to go somewhere else – anywhere else – even if he wasn't sure where. He had no idea where he was, but there was a vague hint of panic tickling at the edge of his mind. A panic that hadn't been there the other times he'd experienced something like this.

And then he stopped, frozen in place at the sight of the Light and the Dark. He knew who the Light was, but…Ne wasn't yet the being he knew.

They were watching the building efforts, the Light with a sense of wariness, while the Dark seemed…pleased? There was no sign of the End, and Gabriel had no way of telling where they were.

Neither noticed him, like the other times he'd been in this situation.

~I don't like this,~ the Light said.

~Why not?~ The Dark seemed to turn to the Light, looking at Nem curiously. How Gabriel could tell that they were he didn't know. They seemed to suck in everything about them like a black hole, only worse. ~It only makes sense, doesn't it? I thought you would have approved.~

~Approved?~ The Light sounded confused for a moment before Ne seemed to realize something. ~Did you tell them to do this?~

~I thought it appropriate.~ The Dark seemed to consider the Light. ~But you disapprove?~

~What reason is there for this? It makes no sense to waste time building something like this.~

~To worship and respect us? They owe us life – they owe you their lives. Some kind of monument attesting to that seemed only fitting.~

The Light didn't answer immediately, and Gabriel couldn't quite identify the emotions he could feel flickering off Nem. ~You could have asked us,~ Ne said finally.

~Did it need to be said?~ The Dark seemed irritated. ~I thought you would appreciate the gesture. That you didn't is no fault of mine.~

~That isn't… I'm…surprised that you were able to hide this. That they were.~ The Light glanced at the scurrying workers.

~It was intended as a surprise. Let it be, sibling.~

Yet the Light couldn't. ~But it was your suggestion, was it not? They wouldn't have considered it otherwise.~

~Of course not. Simple as they are, it would have been ridiculous. But they seemed eager enough to begin once the suggestion was planted.~

~I want them to live,~ the Light said slowly. ~Not…be beholden to our desires.~

~They are living. That was the point, wasn't it? Behind you Creating this? Let what comes afterward be.~

~As you did?~

~It was simply a suggestion.~ There was a slight snarl underlying the Dark's words. ~They could do what they wished with it. And they did. If you're so against this, you could stop them. So why don't you?~

~I…~ The Light hesitated, uncertainty written all over Nem. ~I'm sorry,~ Ne said eventually. ~You're right. I just didn't understand; I still don't, but you have a point. Let them do what they wish. We will still be here for them.~

~We will be. All of us.~

Gabriel glanced backwards at the people they were talking about. They had limbs, albeit more than he was used to. Their skin came in different colors, from dark to light and all the shades in-between. There wasn't any hair, and they didn't seem to have mouths either, all communicating through a mental link that Gabriel was somewhat familiar with, as it had the faint vestiges of the one he possessed with the Host.

There were eyes, although some didn't seem to have any, like the Light couldn't decide which was better. Noses seemed similarly optional, ranging from cavernous holes in their faces to small pinpricks.

And yet there was oxygen on the planet, or at least its equivalent.

Shaking his head, Gabriel turned away from the Light and the Dark and the people they were watching, aiming to find a way out. No matter that he didn't know how he'd gotten here. He could figure it out.

Only…

Darkness swirled at the edges of his vision, and for a moment he thought he heard someone shout his name. But it was gone before he could chase after it, and he realized that the sky was literally turning black.

No one else seemed to notice, even the Light and the Dark ignorant to what was happening above their heads.

Gabriel was frozen, breath still in his lungs as he scrambled for something to do. He could feel his Grace react to the sight, pushing out of his body as it started to defend itself against a threat he wasn't familiar with.

It was like the human instinct to turn the light on in the dark, so they could see that there wasn't anything there to get them. Except this instinct was far more visceral, aimed at defending himself against something that could literally smother him

His vision blacked out entirely, nothing around him, and then he found himself hitting icy cold liquid.

Spluttering, Gabriel flailed to the surface, spitting out the liquid that tasted suspiciously like methane and ethane as he gaped at a panting Balthazar. "What – what?"

"Are you back now?" Balthazar demanded, not answering his question. His eyes were wide, body on edge.

"Am I what?" Gabriel pulled himself to shore, flopping on the ground several feet away from a distinctly cautious Balthazar. Now that he wasn't standing or doing anything else, he realized that his Grace was aching, like he'd run a marathon and not realized it until it was over.

He couldn't get enough air, and it took several moments too long before it registered that it was because this world's oxygen content was too low to support life. It took another moment for him to make the adjustments that wouldn't stress his lungs.

"You seem to be back to normal," Balthazar said after a beat, relaxing slightly. His hands were reddened, but the color was fading back to his normal hue. He brushed his hand over his jacket, mending a rip that Gabriel hadn't even noticed.

"What do you mean?" Gabriel attempted to sit up, then gave it up for a lost cause when his arms gave out on him. His Grace pulsed, pain streaking up the old scars, reigniting the memory of old aches. Gritting his teeth against the surge, Gabriel forced himself to exhale slowly, squeezing his eyes shut.

"You started acting odd, not responding to anything I was saying." Balthazar crouched, eyeing Gabriel worriedly. "And then you just…made a beeline to the nearest planet. Which, er, given how you were acting wasn't a good idea."

Gabriel shifted, ignoring the pointy rocks sticking into his spine. He didn't trust his limbs yet. "How was I acting?"

"Not like your usual shiny self," Balthazar said, but there was no humor in his tone. "I'm not sure what happened, just that…you got kinda…dim? And you were moving weirdly, like you weren't sure of your body. But you definitely didn't like that I wasn't letting you go to that planet."

Gabriel swept his eyes up Balthazar's vessel, which seemed unhurt. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"Not as badly as you could've," Balthazar answered bluntly. "You didn't try stabbing me – which I appreciate, y'know. But you still threw some mean punches, and you burned me a little before I could get you here." He rubbed his hands together unconsciously. "Not that I intended on taking you here, but it worked as well as anything since there's no life."

Pulling in what oxygen he could, Gabriel took the opportunity to see what planet Balthazar had taken them to. He'd already had a firsthand introduction to the liquid, which wasn't water but liquid methane and ethane. The taste still lingered in his mouth, which was an altogether unpleasant experience.

The sky was a slate blue, the atmosphere thin enough that he could see stars and the form of the nearest planet. The ground was basically nothing but hard rock, and the air was cold.

As Balthazar had said, there was no life on this planet aside from the two of them.

"So you're all right?" Gabriel asked finally, returning his attention to Balthazar.

"I'm fine." The corner of Balthazar's mouth ticked up in a small but genuine smile. "I'm a bit more concerned about you. That wasn't normal, even by your strange definition of the word."

"No, it—" Gabriel squeezed his eyes shut, shivering as something in his Grace wrenched.

"Okay," Balthazar said, voice going strangely high-pitched. "That happened."

"What?" Gabriel managed.

"You went dim, but you're still here, right?"

Gabriel clutched at his chest, feeling his heart pounding. "Last I checked."

~Little star, how bright you shine…~

His head jerked as he heard the words, clear and distinct like they were spoken directly into his ear. But Balthazar didn't seem to have heard them, eyeing him warily like Gabriel might suddenly decide to go off the deep end and attack him.

Gabriel couldn't help but ask, "You didn't…?"

"I didn't what?"

~So much concern, yet how dull they are…~

Balthazar didn't react at all to the words, even though they were so blindingly loud.

"…Nothing." Gabriel closed his eyes, swallowing thickly. "Thought I heard something, but I guess it was just my stomach rejecting what I swallowed when you threw me in that." He lifted two fingers to point to the lake.

Balthazar's brow furrowed. "It's not going to poison you."

"Doesn't mean my stomach likes it. Ugh." Gabriel poked his tongue out.

"You're trying to distract me," Balthazar accused him, eyes narrowing. "That's not going to work. What happened?"

Gabriel pushed himself upright, glad when his arms supported his weight. "Some kind of aftereffect of seeking Revelation, I'd guess."

"That didn't feel like Dad," Balthazar said skeptically.

No, it hadn't, but Gabriel didn't know. "It's not like I've gone seeking Revelation all that often. Maybe this is normal."

"Sure. You turning into a weird zombie and attacking me when I tried to stop you from heading to an inhabited planet is a normal side effect of seeking Revelation. One that I've never seen before from any other angel that did it." Balthazar's hands curled into fists. "I get that I'm not on your level, Gabriel, but don't insult me by lying to me like this."

"I—" Gabriel snapped his mouth shut at the glare Balthazar shot him. "I don't know." It galled him to admit it, but Balthazar would know if he was lying.

"Was that so hard?" Balthazar scoffed, abruptly standing and spinning on his heel to turn his back to Gabriel. "So you have no idea what happened."

"No, I…" Gabriel pressed his fingers to his temples. He had some of the puzzle pieces, and he wasn't liking the picture they put together. It still didn't give him an answer for what was happening. "I'm still figuring it out."

"How long have you been 'figuring it out'?" Balthazar shot him a look over his shoulder.

"Not that long." Gabriel pulled a knee to his chest, wrapping an arm around his leg. His Grace felt almost normal, although there were still shaky aftershocks running through it, sparks of pain that had his teeth gritting.

It felt like he'd pulled a muscle, although he couldn't remember doing anything that would strain his Grace like this.

Balthazar studiously didn't look at him, his back stiff. "Do Samael and Gadreel know?"

"No. There was…" Gabriel glanced up at the sky, to the planet that hovered there. "I didn't know there was anything to say."

"Guess you do now." Balthazar turned slightly to him, hands in his pockets. His mouth was twisted worriedly. When Gabriel didn't answer, he added pointedly, "You are going to tell them what happened, aren't you?"

Gabriel barely hesitated before answering, "Yes."

"Because you – what, really?" Balthazar looked so surprised that it was kind of funny. "For some reason, I thought you'd put up more of a fight."

All Gabriel offered was a shrug, accompanied by a tired smile. "You're right. This…I can't ignore whatever this is anymore."

"Huh." Balthazar scratched the back of his head, still looking taken aback. "Well, all right. So long as you do it." He frowned. "They'd want to know that something strange's happening."

They would, even if Gabriel didn't know what he would tell them. What could he say?

Balthazar moved closer, crouching by Gabriel's side again. "If you're feeling better, think you're up to leaving? I'm pretty sure we were headed back to Asgard before the unexpected detour."

"Yeah, let's go." Gabriel nodded, forcing himself to his feet. He regretted it an instant later when the world swam, and his legs threatened to give out on him.

Balthazar caught him before he could hit the ground, making a worried noise. "That's definitely not normal." He slung Gabriel's arm around his neck, hooking his own arm around Gabriel's waist to support his weight. "Okay, Gabe. Deep breaths; we'll be back soon."

He felt awful, leaning most of his weight on Balthazar, who thankfully didn't even stumble at the sudden shift. His vision wasn't swimming anymore, but the painful sparks in his Grace were stronger, jolting his muscles now as he struggled not to affect anything around him.

"On we go," Balthazar muttered under his breath, arm tightening around Gabriel.

It took a brief moment where Balthazar's Grace wrapped around his as he flew, but then they were in Asgard, right on the Bifrost.

"Can you – my room?" Gabriel winced at how ragged his voice sounded.

"Yeah, sure—" Balthazar flew them to the room, and then promptly let Gabriel fall onto the bed with a small oomph. "Sorry."

"It's okay." Gabriel turned his face to the side, giving Balthazar a thumbs up. "I'm good."

"Yeah, you really look it." Balthazar hovered anxiously, eyes flickering over Gabriel. "So, uh, just stay there, okay? I'm pretty sure they've noticed us here, but I'm gonna get them."

"Like I'm going to get up and go anywhere." Gabriel briefly thought about rolling over, but decided he liked this position. It let him bury his face in the blankets without moving an inch, and he didn't stir even when his siblings came in.

"What the hell – Gabriel." Samael didn't sound at all pleased, actually seeming rather freaked out.

"I'm fine." Gabriel realized a second later that he'd spoken into the blankets. He turned his head to repeat, "I'm fine."

"You don't look fine," Samael snapped, pacing back and forth along the fringes. "Gadreel, tell me I'm wrong."

"Er…" Gadreel shot nem a startled look, brow furrowing. He was standing by Gabriel's feet, seeming uncertain as to whether he should touch. "Don't you mean right?"

"Exactly!" Samael jabbed a finger in Gadreel's direction. "What happened? You went off to Heaven, not somewhere that'd leave you like this!"

Gabriel paused, plucking at a stray thread on the blanket. "What do you mean by 'this'?"

"I know you can't see yourself, Gabriel, but trust me when I say that you don't look very good."

"I can see myself just fine," Gabriel protested, pointedly looking down at himself. He managed to roll over in the process.

"Really? Then you already know that you're dimmer than usual." Samael raised nir eyebrows pointedly, arms folded.

Gabriel let his head fall back to the bed, staring up at the ceiling so he wouldn't have to look at Samael's and Gadreel's faces. The ceiling wouldn't stare disapprovingly at him. "So people have been pointing out."

"And?" Samael returned to pacing, anger sparking off nem. "What happened?"

Rather than answer, Gabriel waved towards Balthazar, keeping his eyes on the neutral ceiling.

"Balthazar?" Samael turned to him, tone carefully modulated.

"Okay, here's the thing." Balthazar sounded nervous, which anyone would be if faced with a pissed off Samael. Especially if he could see Samael's Grace now. "I wasn't there for the whole thing… He went to the Garden and came back a little shaken, said something about seeing Dad Creating the Leviathan and Michael. But he was fine, and we headed back without any problems."

"He doesn't look fine, does he?" Samael asked aggressively.

"Not now he doesn't!" Balthazar sounded peeved. "Not my fault if he doesn't tell me things, is it? At any rate, we came here, and then he just hares off to the nearest planet – which I think was Tarnax X, but I wasn't paying attention – which wasn't a good idea considering that planet's inhabitants. He wasn't listening to a single word I said either, and his Grace…" He paused, then continued, sounding increasingly disconcerted, "It kept flickering in and out."

"You didn't tell me that before," Gabriel interrupted, picking his head up to stare at Balthazar.

"Oh, was I supposed to? I was a little more concerned with how you were feeling!" Balthazar huffed, scowling. "And with how you reacted when I tried to get your attention, I wasn't particularly inclined to spend more time explaining what had happened than I needed to. Need I remind you that you can kill me?"

"I wouldn't."

"You weren't exactly thinking before, Gabe." Balthazar looked up to Samael, who was frowning. "He didn't pull out his sword or try anything that really would have hurt me. It was as if he didn't know what to do, which let me move us somewhere else and dunk him in a lake until he regained his senses. And, well, voila." He spread his hands, wiggling his fingers. He made a face. "I need a drink."

When Samael turned to Gabriel, a clear question on nir lips, he instantly said, "I don't know what happened. I didn't get any answers from seeking Revelation – I don't even know what happened there – and this just seems like an aftereffect of what did happen."

"Seeking Revelation doesn't work like that," Samael said, accompanied by Balthazar snapping his fingers pointedly.

"Yeah, when's the last time you did it?"

"That's not the point. I remember how it works, and what the two of you described isn't Revelation or its aftereffects. It doesn't have any aftereffects, except maybe a sense of loopiness because of too much energy." Samael eyed Gabriel pointedly. "Which is not what you're currently experiencing."

As if reminded of its current state, his Grace ached in response. "I got that much, thanks."

"Then what did happen?" Gadreel asked, wings brushing against Gabriel's. The warmth was startling, even though Gabriel wasn't exactly cold.

Gabriel sighed, then slowly sat up, pleased when he could do so. "I don't know." He leaned forwards, propping his elbows on his thighs so he could interlace his fingers behind his head. "I…I've been seeing some things off and on. Like visions, except never when I expect them."

"How long?" Samael asked quietly.

Biting his lip, Gabriel was glad they couldn't see his face. "It… After we got back from that place."

A sharp inhalation, and a frisson of cold anger from Samael's Grace had Gabriel cringing despite himself. "That long?" Nir voice was emotionless, although he could tell there was anger just at the edges. "You've been seeing things that long and you didn't say anything?"

"I didn't know what it was!" Gabriel snapped his head up, glaring at nem. "There was nothing I could say beyond 'So, I'm occasionally seeing these visions, any idea what's up with that?'"

Samael's jaw tensed, a muscle twitching. "That would've been a start!"

"And you would've done what? You didn't understand what happened back in that place; what makes this any different?" Gabriel closed his eyes, grimacing as a spark of pain pulsed through his head. "We had other things to deal with," he continued, softening his tone. "And that was partly why I went to Heaven, too. I needed answers, and that was the only way I could think of getting them." He dropped his eyes, giving a short laugh. "Which I didn't get."

"And this happened," Gadreel concluded quietly.

"Yeah," Gabriel sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Whatever that was."

"What place are you guys talking about?" Balthazar's eyes flickered between the three of them, confusion written all over his face.

When Gabriel didn't answer, Samael did. "There was a portal on Earth that we investigated. Gabriel had been hearing something, which led us to another dimension." Nir lips thinned. "We're not sure where or what it was, only that it disappeared soon after we left and Gabriel closed the portal."

"That's like the scenario to every horror movie I've ever seen," Balthazar said after a moment. "Next thing you know, a ghost or monster's going to be stalking you."

"No one's stalking us," Samael said snippily. "Just about the only thing that's gone wrong Gabriel deliberately didn't tell us."

"Because I didn't know what to tell you! You know now, and is it helping any?" Gabriel put up his hands in frustration.

Samael glowered. "You shouldn't have to deal with it alone!"

Deflating, Gabriel covered his eyes, pressing the heel of his palm into his forehead. "Well, I am."

Samael deflated as well, crouching in front of Gabriel. "Just because I don't know what this is or have any idea what you're seeing or how it's happening doesn't mean you're alone," ne said quietly. "If you told us, it would mean sharing that weight. And…I know we all want to help, even if we can't understand."

Something stuck in Gabriel's throat, his heart squeezing for reasons unrelated to his aching Grace. "Thanks," he managed, giving nem a small smile.

"Of course." Samael slowly reached out, touching Gabriel's knee when he didn't negatively react to the overture. "That said…are you willing to talk more about what you've been seeing?"

"I…" Gabriel closed his eyes, remembering the sheer horror at being surrounded by nothing. The scenes that he'd been privy to played out again behind his eyes, things that didn't make any sense. "Later." He looked at his siblings, hoping his smile didn't look as strained as it felt. "I need a little time first."

"We'll let you rest," Gadreel agreed, something in his shoulders relaxing.

"I'll distract the kiddos," Balthazar volunteered.

"Find me when you're ready," Samael told him, worry written all over nir face.

Gabriel nodded once, then flopped back onto the bed as his siblings left, shutting the door behind them.

Well, that could've gone a lot worse.


Technically speaking, Gabriel really didn't want to do this. As in, on a scale from 1 to 10 with 1 being "yeah, I'm all right with this" and 10 being "nope, nope, nope" he was a 20. There were things he didn't want to say, but he knew had to be brought up for what it meant for all of them.

And yet, for all his skill with words, he had no idea how to say any of it.

Sure, he had some idea of how they might react, but that didn't mean anything. Not when there wasn't anything he could do.

It was with that cheery thought that Gabriel sought his siblings out in the middle of the night. All of them were on a large balcony, sitting in silence.

It was kind of eerie, but Gabriel hadn't really expected anything else.

When he arrived, they turned to look at him as one, eyes glinting in the starlight. None of them spoke, waiting patiently for whatever he had to say.

Shifting his weight anxiously, Gabriel considered how he should start. "I'm…not sure where to start," he admitted slowly, putting his hands in his pockets and leaning back against the wall.

"From the beginning's generally good," Samael answered neutrally.

"Which beginning?" Gabriel grimaced, shaking his head. Refocusing, he turned to the view, eyes on the darkness beyond the stars. "Did you ever wonder why we're essentially light?" he asked.

The three shared confused glances, their eyebrows doing funny things as they communicated silently.

"Because we're made in Dad's image?" Balthazar offered after a moment.

"Sure, let's go with that." Gabriel held out a hand, letting his Grace pool in his palm. It glowed comfortingly, a white light amidst the dark. "But why? Why His image? Why didn't He do something else? Like with everything else He Created?"

"He has His pride," Samael said, no emotion in nir voice. "You know that."

"But light…" Gabriel closed his eyes, remembering his Grace's instinctive reaction whenever faced with that awful blackness, that nothingness.

"Where are you going with this?" Samael asked.

Opening his eyes, Gabriel flashed nem a smile. "I don't know. Just a thought." He shook himself, letting his Grace sink back under his skin. "I still don't know what I've been seeing, but I think they're memories. I'm not entirely sure whose memories, since the people involved haven't all been the same, but I know what I've been seeing. The Leviathans' birth and Michael's directly afterwards was only one scene." He paused, then added, "I saw that in the Garden."

Gadreel's brow furrowed in thought. "Are they Father's memories?"

"Maybe. I don't know." Gabriel dropped his eyes to the ground. "But there was someone in that dimension we were in. When we were at that altar, I met them. And they…I've no fucking idea who they are, only they're old." He swallowed, pushing back the terror that rose in him at the memory of the sheer nothing. "They're who I heard whispering."

"The being the temple was devoted to?" Gadreel asked.

Gabriel almost said yes, but then he remembered the last vision he'd had. The one where he'd seen that temple constructed, clearly dedicated to the Light. "I don't know. I don't… There were three beings mentioned on that altar. The Dark was one, whom I spoke with. There were also the Light and the End."

"Are they gods?" Balthazar tilted his head.

"The Light," Gabriel said quietly, "we know. Our Parent."

"What?" Samael's head jerked up at that. "Seriously?"

"Yes. Everything I've seen, it points to that. I'm not sure who the other two beings are, but they're related to Him. The Dark called Him sibling."

"But that—" Samael broke off, clearly thinking. "He never told us anything of Himself, beyond what you know…"

"That He and Death were born around the same time, yeah." Gabriel remembered that story well. "And that neither know who came first. No mention of a third party. But the point remains that's what I saw."

Samael visibly swallowed. "Was it true?"

"That's the question, isn't it?" Gabriel wasn't sure he could trust anything he saw, even if it was all terrifyingly real when he experienced it. "I don't know. But it's what I've been seeing."

"And what happened earlier?" Balthazar asked. "When you went all zombie-like."

"I honestly don't know." Gabriel offered an apologetic shrug. "Just…I was seeing something and the next thing I know I'm floundering in a lake that tastes disgusting."

"You're welcome."

"I'm not sure if I should be thanking you for that insult to my taste buds, but sure." Gabriel grimaced at the reminder. "Anyway…I went to seek Revelation because I had questions. About that place we saw, why Balthazar found his Grace now, and what's been happening. I did try reaching out to Him the way I normally do but…" He swallowed, pushing back a small shiver. "It felt…off. Wrong. It's been a while since I last reached out, but it didn't feel like that then.

"Even if there's no response, I get that sense He's listening. There was nothing when I tried last time. It felt like I was shouting in a void." Gabriel glanced at an impassive Samael. "You suggested Heaven, since that's closer to Him. I went, sought Revelation, and…nothing."

"As you said," Samael said.

"No, I mean literally nothing." Gabriel abruptly folded his arms across his chest, steeling himself. "Emptiness. There was nothing there when I reached out. Oh sure, Heaven was filled with the usual energy; I could sink into that receptive state easily enough. But there was nothing there to send." He didn't meet any of their eyes. "I spoke with Joshua, and ne told me that Dad's last words to him were 'goodbye.'"

"Goodbye?" Balthazar's voice was almost a yelp. "What's that mean? Did He leave again? Like last time?"

"He didn't even bother saying goodbye last time," Gabriel said shortly. "I remember that all too well. There one moment, gone the next, leaving us on our own. I know you wouldn't know, since word was never spread along the lower ranks, but that's the truth."

"Maybe He learned His lesson?" Balthazar suggested, eyes wide. "That it isn't a good idea to leave the nest empty without warning?"

"I don't think so." Gabriel took a steadying breath, forcing himself to meet each of their eyes. "That sense of wrongness we've been feeling? That thing we can't pinpoint but we've all noticed? We know what it is; we just don't want to admit it."

Samael shook nir head in denial. "You can't be suggesting what you are."

"I am, Samael. We've always sensed His presence; He's always been there, something in the background. Even when He was out of Heaven and incommunicado, we could tell He was still around."

Ne paced to the other end of the balcony, hands tight fists at nir sides. "He's not gone."

"I'm just calling it like I see it," Gabriel said helplessly. "And I don't see any other explanation for this. I can't reach Him; there's a void where He's usually listening. Nothing's there to give Revelation; He said goodbye. Something we've always lived with isn't there anymore; it's what we're missing."

"It could be something else. Maybe something else's changed in the universe—"

Gadreel and Balthazar both looked stricken, shock and disbelief roiling through them. Yet there was also the faint sense of realization, a dawning sense of horror as they accepted what Gabriel was saying.

Samael was still talking, coming up with excuses for why it couldn't be true. Excuses Gabriel desperately wanted to believe, but something told him that they were all wrong. That there was really only one conclusion to draw from all the available evidence.

Maybe if he'd still been only an archangel, he'd be in a similar state of denial, refusing to accept this. But he was human, too, which did afford him a different viewpoint.

Samael's soul was also different, affording nem an even different point of view for things. But it couldn't block out what Gabriel was saying, what Samael already knew.

Heart aching, he stepped forward, moving closer to Samael. Nir Grace was a roiling mass of barely restrained grief and loss, but it was still warm. "Samael." He kept his voice soft.

"There isn't supposed to be an end," Samael said, whirling to meeting Gabriel's eyes. "Not to Him. Not to Him." Nir voice shook, vibrating the balcony they stood on. "It can't be true."

"Death comes to all," Gabriel said quietly. "We know that. No one's exempt."

"But now? He didn't – He didn't tell us! He just…left. And we're—" Samael's voice broke. Nir eyes shut, tears leaking out at the corners. With a horrified gasp, ne clapped a hand over nir mouth, muffling a sob behind it.

"We're not alone," Gabriel said, letting his Grace curl out to embrace all of them. He set his jaw, bidding the burning in his eyes to go away. Bidding the tightness in his throat to leave. He couldn't afford this now. "We have each other. We always did."

"I couldn't talk to Him," Samael said, gasping. Ne wrapped an arm around nemself, curling in. "He came after – after I remembered – but I couldn't talk to Him. I was still so angry, and He just…He understood. He said – He said He loved me, that He'd forgiven me my sins – my transgressions – everything I've done – and I couldn't forgive Him." Ne shook nir head, staggering back from Gabriel's outstretched hand.

"I never spoke to Him again. I couldn't – there wasn't anything I could say." Samael's eyes were wild, Grace-light flickering in their depths. Tears streaked down nir face, but ne didn't seem to notice. "And now I can't. Why didn't I?"

"He knew," Gabriel told nem, quiet. "He understood. It's okay."

"It isn't!" Samael's true voice cracked the stone around them. "It isn't okay! It's not going to be okay! Why would it ever be?" The next words were a scream, windows shattering under the force of nir true voice. "Our Parent is dead!"

The palace would have woken up from the force of that shout, if they hadn't already woken before from the din. Gabriel should do something about that, but all he could do was lay a heavy suggestion around the area that would ward off prying eyes and give them privacy.

"Fuck," Balthazar choked out, a heavy thump signaling he'd sat down.

There was no word from Gadreel, just a wordless anguish that rent at Gabriel's Grace.

"Yes," Gabriel said instead, helplessly. He had no idea what else to say. His own grief was a heavy lodestone in his chest, choking anything else he might have thought to say.

"Why aren't you more upset?" Samael demanded. "You—"

"I am, Samael, I am," Gabriel managed, stepping forward again, until Samael was in arm's reach. He touched nir shoulders, fingers trembling. "But someone's got to hold it together—"

"Don't." Samael reached back, curling nir fingers in his shirt. "Don't. Let it go."

His breath caught in his chest. "I-I can't—"

"He's dead," Samael said, the words falling flatly between them. "You couldn't grieve your family; you refused to. What about now? Are you—"

"I'm grieving!" Gabriel shouted. "I am! But I've grieved for so long that it's all I know how to do. I'm done; I'm tired. I don't know what else to do. All I can do is hold on, but I don't know how much longer I can do that. For fuck's sake, Samael, I can't – I just can't." With a ragged gasp, he swallowed back a sob, his shoulders slumping. When he'd composed himself enough, he managed, "I'm barely holding on; I don't know what to do."

"Don't hold on." Samael's breath hitched on a sob, nir head falling to Gabriel's shoulder. Nir body shuddered. "Don't – let go. Let go. None of us are alone, right?"

Gabriel's arms were around Samael before he could register moving, his hands clutching Samael's shirt unconsciously. His eyes were burning, his throat was tight, and his breath was coming in harsh gasps.

The tears came unbidden, and he heard a pained noise that he didn't realize had come from him until it came again.

Samael wrapped him in a tight hug, silently crying into his shirt. Burying his face in nir hair, Gabriel let himself go, legs collapsing under him until they were both kneeling on the ground, wrapped up in their shared grief.

None of them were alone, but it didn't stop him from feeling so lost.


Yeaaahhhh... So, that happened? It did. Right. I hope I got all the emotions across properly in that scene. It was a tough one to write.

Anyway...thoughts?