Disclaimer: Me No Own, As Usual!

Annotiation: Hello! And thank you for all your wonderful reviews. You know who you are. This is a filler, sorry. To susana75; From that night they were "in bed" they had an affaire. Just not physically. Yet. The song I can't reveal anything about. Yet. The cellphones and the whole thing that they find this house *cough-"accidentally"-cough* and the whole thing that there are food and clothes, and that Jasper, even with his super-sight didn't notice they were going the wrong way... Has anybody thought of that? And about Spain, nice to know you're from Spain first of all, then I will have to say that they're in Spain because of football. (I know, how uninspirrated it is for me to think of football, when Spain have many other things worth looking at.) And YES I'm mean! I know, I know "When will they DO IT?!" They still haven't done it. Yet. *Oh, how I LOVE teasers.* I would REALLY like to say that they're going to do it...but who knows? *OMJ, did I just question myself?* And yes, I'm being really evil by not releasing any chapter yesterday. Weeeeell, that's because I made a teaser *You know I love them, right?*

Oh, and song for all you lovely persons out there: Dido ~ My Life.

Jasper Hale:

She sat in the window. The rain was pouring down outside. Big, fat drops, just like back then… She was full of anger. Confusion. She felt like she had been betrayed. I knew why. I sighed.

"Won't you have some tea?" I stood with the cup in my hand, feeling the burning heat from it. A normal human wouldn't have hold it in their hands. She kept on looking out the window. I was a vampire, and I could stay silent for years, but her silence was excruciating. It was like a scolding to me with emotions. She looked indifferent. I heard something break. I felt something hot run down my fingers. I looked at them. Well, then it didn't matter with the tea. I felt her anger affect me. Now I was angry. Great! Just simply great! I pulled myself up on the kitchen counter. I swung "my" guitar around and started playing. Even though I was really old in age and maturity, I was really childish. I just knew that this would probably piss her off for a moment. A moment, because she had a really good hold on her emotions and she also thought on when I played for her back then…

She reached for me. I lay down at her. The face of Alice was torturing while the lust became stronger by the second. I was cheating on Alice. Had our years meant nothing? Would I cheat on her, even if I hadn't fall for Bella - 'cause I had fallen for Bella? I kissed her, even though feeling the agony in my body of venom and lust. It took all of my concentration to not kill her. I wanted to… so badly that I didn't know how to react. The strop on Bella's tempting, red dress I pulled down. I felt like I was doing something that would change our future. The future for everyone. She felt it, too. I did the worst thing afterwards. I pulled back. I wouldn't have sex with her. Tonight at least. When we could have our emotions under more control, perhaps then… But I would have to stop right now.

Now I felt like I was all alone in the world. I couldn't hear Bella's breathing or heart thump or the sound of my guitar. Darkness surrounded me, light faded from my sight. Yet, I can still see everything around me. I hated this.

Days went by. Bella loosened a little up by the day. Her blisters were almost gone. Or so it seemed. She still needed me to get around. She wanted me to go and find a phone. I wouldn't. I won't leave you. Edward will be mad. Lame excuse. I hoped it would work. And I hoped that when she asked me it was because she felt guilty to Edward. Edward. He was my brother. I saw him as a brother in some ways. We weren't as close as we could be. I hated him, actually. I wanted to kill him. The anger was consuming me into another darkness. I liked to linger here. To feel the pain. How masochistic it was of me. I didn't even hear her as she approached me.

"Jasper?" She was uncertain. I clenched my jaw. I almost spit the words with acid on her: "What is it?" She took a step back. I had frightened her. "I don't want… I want to…", she stopped talking. Took a breath in, then exhaled, starting anew. "I don't want Alice and Edward to find out…about…well, us." She looked me straight in the eyes. I thought how brave she was. This must have been hard saying to me. I could feel it. "I… I want to be with you, Jazz." Her voice was frail, deep and slow as she spoke. Trying to let it get to me probably. Amidst the words, her breathing became uneven. What was she thinking?

"Jazz", she ghosted, "I want to be with you. I know we can't, but for the time we're here, I want to be together with you. I believe, that if we're not, this will affect us all after my, uhm, ´transformation´. But after this", she was making this very clearly to me, "we can't be together. Ever." Her heart thumped. "And… I… won't let things like that happen." Things like that. Things like us. In bed. Together. "I… understand." She wanted for us to be together, but not passionate like I wanted to. I felt a bit on the side. I was just her other experience. Nothing to remember, just a fling. Nothing serious. Nothing at all. I had a little trouble smiling at her. My "smile" probably looked false. I know she always looked right through my deceit. She wouldn't comment it. But she would think it over.

Things between us got better. Except, I wasn't with her as I thought she said she would like to be. I tried to approach her, trying to caress her sometimes. She would always recoil, bend or something so I wouldn't touch her. It became like a game to me. You-may-touch-me-but-you-can't game. She was my game, my prey. But I shouldn't think of her as my prey. I would only kill her then. Perhaps that's why I hunted unusual much more than I used to. But somehow it seemed like that the only blood I would be satisfied with would be Bella's. I loved her. Though, this "relationship" we had hurt me. Sometimes I felt, if I had one, my soul would have been devoured. I couldn't take it. Being with her, though not touch her or have sex with her and having this relationship, that sooner or later would have to end. I wanted to touch her… so badly. The urge stronger than the bloodlust. It seemed like that this end of paradise, as Bella called it, would end. Just like our relationship. And speaking of endings, suddenly, one day, the rain stopped. It had rained for days, the same sound as that night. It was patting on the roof, making it's own little background noise. Sometimes, Bella would have a headache, and would ask me to play something. I don't know if she was having a headache because of the rain and wanted me to block it out or she just wanted me to play. I really hoped she wanted me to play. I couldn't feel her emotions clearly as much any longer. It was a bundle of emotions contradicting them selves before she even spoke the next word on her beautiful lips. The rain stopped, but she didn't ask me to stop playing.

It was a beautiful day. I loved teasing Bella, so I made her a suggestion. Bella, go find a bikini in the closet. We're going swimming. She looked at me like I was crazy. We-we're going swimming? she asked disbelieving. But the rain just stopped- I cut her off with something about that the weather was too good to stay inside and just sit.

So here I waited in my jeans at the beaches' side. I was only wearing my jeans and underwear. Just because I didn't underwear, it doesn't mean that I feel so comfortable without them. I could see things reflect from my sparkling body. The sun was at its highest when Bella finally came. I could see that she was wearing a bikini, but she didn't seem….quite at ease. I didn't even have to read her emotions that she was embarrassed over wearing the bikini, glad to see me and hating me for pulling her out. She had even wrapped a towel around her. I walked fast over to her. "Bella, you don't need this", I said. Then, a thing I wanted to do, I just did. A spur of the moment. I took the towel and ripped it out of her hands. Bella, flushing all the way down to her feet, hit me for fun. "Jasper!", she gasped. I looked at her. Oh no. The desire was already there. I couldn't help it. Standing there in almost nothing, having me got all turned on a few days ago and flushing like that, I couldn't help but attack her. I pushed her to the ground, gently. She looked at me, first confused, then she…she… she invited me! She stretched her hands towards me. I got close to her. She whispered my name like it was going to save her from my kisses. She moaned. I felt a high at that. An energy sprang up from inside of me, and the monster I am revealed. I felt malice coming from myself. I wanted to hurt her. I pulled back, and it was very hard not to continue. "Bella, please! Remember your own words." I got up on my legs and walked out in the water, trying to let the water clam me, when not even my own powers couldn't. But I could feel her emotions. Regret. Yeah, that was the one. Regret. I can only hope that the regret was because she had told me those words. Then, in her dark blue bikini she came out to me.

She wrapped her arms around me. I could feel the contours of her body in my back. Her arms were like snakes made of fire around my body. I felt a surge in my stomach. "Jasper, I'm sorry I've been so cold to you. It's just…you know." Apparently she wouldn't finish that sentence. "What?" I asked, trying to turn my head so I could see her. "I probably can't stop if we're close. I feel so…" I turned around, putting a finger upon her lips. "Hush."

The last of the day we spent together in the water. Me swimming, Bella clutching at my body. When we were done and the sun had gone down, I walked her back to her room. She went into a bath. All I could do, was to stand outside her door, trying to convince myself, that I shouldn't walk in on her. Right before the knob turned and she opened the door, I still wasn't sure. She said goodnight to me, then she gave me a brief kiss on my cheek. "'Night, Jazz."

Oh, if she only knew what I had done. I don't regret it. But I feel like a monster.


Oh, I'm so evil! And as usual, the REVIEW must be made! Post your thoughts to me, and tell me what you think. I'm really interrested in listening what you think of all this. Push the Revew-button, you knoooow you want to! -Marianne.