Just a little note before I do this. I know a lot of you want Niley, but one reviewer, BookwormX0X0 gave me a great idea, so I kinda went with the flow and did this. I know you kinda didn't expect it, it's a bit strange, so I thought I mgiht warn you. Also, I dedicate this chapter to BookwormX0X0 because of the amazing suggestion. Thanks, BookwormX0X0!!! If I knew your name, I would say it, but I don't, so sorry about that.

And remember that Joe's diary is in italics and Kevin's is in bold in this.

Please enjoy reading :)

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The Unicorn, the Monkey & the Pig

03/02/07

Hey diary. I'm so upset. Today, my mom grounded me for not doing the dishes. I gave her a perfectly good reason; Joe was sitting on me and trying to make me eat cushion. But she told me I was irresponsible and I had all day to do it, but I was clearly traumatized after having a face full of butt, but no, she wasn't having it today. She's still angry at Kevin for trying to jump off the balcony. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I haven't gotten over that. He keeps hitting me and blaming me, but I think it's so funny that he tried to jump off that I'm gonna wet myself one of these days.

Well, today's gonna be real bad. Mom set the rules straight: no friends, no talking to my brothers, no going out of my hotel room, I'm allowed water and juice to drink and I'm not allowed to use my cell phone. And I'm not allowed any sugar. At ALL. I've eaten an apple and a granola bar so far today. I'm going to starve one of these days.

I might call that candy girl. I still haven't. I still have her ice pack, since it's been way too funny here to leave and give it back to her. Oh, my mom has my phone. Hmm...

I wonder where Joe is. His bag is lying on his bed and I can see his iPhone just there. Yep, I can see it. Hmm, he won't mind if I borrow it...

Haha! Here it is. Her number...

Be right back diary. :)

-

WOW!

WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW AND DOUBLE TRIPLE WOW WITH SUGAR, CREAM AND A BIG FAT CHERRY ON THE TOP!

I have a date this Saturday! Her name's Bridget and she said on Saturday I can return her ice pack to her because she's having lunch there. She was going with her friend, but her friend's gone to hospital so she asked if I wanted to come.

I can't believe it! A) She was actually FLIRTING with me. B) She's 3 years older than me! C) She said my hair was cute. Not that I care or anything, because hair is hair, but wow!

Oh my god. Sorry God, but I have to go against your wonderful rules for a second.

I gotta pick my outfit NOW. I have to go and see her.

I want to tell Miley, she'll be so... oh. Miley. I forgot about her!

She'll be crushed that her soul mate has a girlfriend.

Wait a second; I have to ask my mom for the phone...

-

Yes! She gave it to me! The lie about Miley needing her $750 earrings by tonight worked. I phoned her and told her I needed to see her. My mom says I have to drop them off now. I'll just put on my sneakers and give you a bit of Joe's diary to entertain you while I'm out.

---

Kevin tried to commit suicide today. I missed it because I was showing a girl how guys from America kiss. She was from Germany and she was so cute. She hardly spoke English and I was rubbing it in her face that England thrashed them in WWI and WWII. She didn't get what I was saying, and I was shouting ENGLISH CHICKS RULE and she just kissed me. Germans are such good kissers. If she has a brother, I'll let you date him. Or if you're a guy, sorry, she has no sister. You can turn gay if you want.

...maybe we should kiss. You know, to break the tension...

Damn. Kevin just walked in and saw us kissing. He looks like the living dead. His hair's sticking up everywhere and his face is a greenish color. He looks upset, I feel for him. Not. He was the one committing suicide here, not me.

I want another girlfriend. Emily's gone to her Gran's house in Canada and won't be back for another week. When she comes back she said she'll turn up on the doorstep with taffy, but it doesn't ease the pain. I'm lovesick. I need another kiss from that hot girl! Or I might do a Kevin. Oh, that balcony is just calling my name...

-

I just jumped. I'm a ghost now, I just picked up a pencil and now I'm going to write my last words. I'll miss you, Frankie. You're a great guy and I think you'll be a great drummer in the Jonas Brothers. Nick, I always loved you. You are so cool and your hair is better than mine by far. I'm sorry I sat on your face all those times and I'm sorry I chased you with that baseball bat. I'm sorry if I ever offended you or your pout. Kevin, I took a page from your book and it turned out great. Now, I'm hurting in all different places and I'm missing you and Emily more than ever. I do love you. I look up to you so much, I mean, the first time my voice broke or a girl rejected me, you were the one I came to for advice and you let me cry onto your shoulder. Mom, dad, don't go into lives of craziness, keep the Jonas kids as stupid as ever and make sure they don't turn out like me. Emily, you are my one true love but you went too far. You left without saying anything and you ripped my heart out. I still love you and I always will. Never have I loved a girl like you. I'm sorry I kissed that German girl, but she kissed me first and I was missing you too much. I guess it helps than I offended her and sad bad stuff about her country. You are the one I need to help me live. Now you're gone, so am I. Bye everyone else. Fans, you're great, I hope you'll still listen to Nick and Kevin's band. Diary, you were great up until now. Now you're useless and you're just ready for someone to pick you up and sneak a peak at my secrets. I'll rip them out... oh. Nick's cut most of them out. Oh well, thank you Nick, for keeping me secrets in your diary. I love you. I have just declared I'm gay. I'm gonna go and chase after a topless angel now. Have fun with your living lives. Goodbye from your gay brother.

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Hello. I've just heard Joe's killed himself. I checked in his room, and he's lying in his bed, crying. I think he's missing Emily. She phoned a minute ago, and I was gonna give him the phone, but dead people can't talk on the phone. I think he must've called her before because she asked if Joe needed anything. I told her he was having a moment and to phone back in 5 minutes. She said she was about to play her Gran in a knitting competition, I was so interesting, our conversation was. I had to hang up before I turned into a Gran myself. Emily knits, wears glasses on the rare occasion, wears purple hair, dresses like a colorblind teenager and says the stupidest things at the stupidest times. That sums up my Gran. My Gran's holidaying in Malibu right now. I dunno what's she doing, but she didn't call yesterday. Mom says the phone line from here to there is really really bad, but she could at least try. Maybe she has, but I dunno.

-

I'm so bored. There's no TV on. I crumble without TV, it's my rock. If no one invented TV, I would probably have to collect stamps. Little stamps that look like I'm staring at a television screen. I've been put in a trance by a TV before. It made me go and buy a muffin and a frappucino from Starbucks. They're really nice, all bubbly and creamy. I felt sick afterwards, but it was all good. I just threw up on Joe's bed.

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I'm back. I regret my last moves. I just told Miley about Bridget. Okay, I'll take you back.

I walked up to her room, Billy just let me in and told me she was watching cartoons in her room, so I just walked in and sat down. She started talking to me about when the episode of HM was going on TV, and I just blurted it out. I said, "Miley." And she nodded and I felt like crying, I really did. I didn't want to hurt her. And, she looked so pretty and cute, she was smiling and she was trying to watch TV and look at me as well. "I have to tell you something, but I don't know how."

"Okay..."

"Do you like me?" slap me, please. I'm an idiot. I don't know why I said that, I just had to know, I guess.

"Well, yeah. You're a nice guy."

"No, I mean as more than a friend."

"Oh... yeah, I do."

"I thought so."

Then she leaned in and...

"No, that's not what I mean. We can't date or anything."

"But, why?"

"A girl called Bridget asked me on a date yesterday. I wasn't thinking... I said yeah. I didn't want to tell you, but I thought you should know; I don't want you to get hurt."

Then she walked out in tears. I thought it would be a good time to leave, so I went downstairs and Billy was eating muffins. I stole one for me and one for my two suicidal brothers and walked out slowly. He shouted at me and called me a sneaky brownnoser or something like that but I couldn't be bothered to laugh.

And now I'm here.

-

I'm cuddling up to Joe's stuffed unicorn. I need more company. I just went and got Frankie's pet pig and Kevin's cuddly monkey. They're all so comforting. I never liked cuddly toys, so I never remember snuggling up to them. I might even need to attack Frankie's collection of Care Bears, I'm feeling so low. I might cry. In fact, I am crying. Yes, I admit it, there's one lone tear rolling down my cheek, now as I write. I would wipe it away, but that would mean I would have to either drop the toys or stop writing. I'm not stopping; I'm on a roll here.

I just named all their toys.

Monkey - Crying

Pig – Angry

Unicorn – Miserable

3 Care Bears – Depressed, Upset and Heartbroken.

Creative, hmm? I need some coffee... all my coffee's been used. I'm upset. I'm not allowed to go get some either. And it has caffeine in it. Oh, I understand. I understand all right. My mom's gone and hid the coffee so I won't get hyper on caffeine! Oh, thanks mom, you've sent me into depression. A deep, cold depression and I'm coming out of it. And I'm not blaming my stupid diabetes for this.

Crying, please help me. Angry, I need you. Miserable, please listen to me. Depressed, why am I such a failure? Upset, do you think Miley still loves me? Heartbroken, was this worth it?

I'll never know the answers. All these toys are ignoring me for giving them such rubbish names. I'm so upset. That is terribly awesome. I'm going to sleep now, WITH Miserable, Upset and Heartbroken, the rest are going with Frankie tonight. I hope they sleep well.

I think I might suffocate myself with the pillow.

I might jump off the balcony like Joe and Kevin. It's raining outside, so it won't hurt as much when I hit the ground. Also, it's freezing down there; I think it might snow soon, so I'll die of frostbite if the fall doesn't work.

-

Now its 6:00pm, no one's around, they're all downstairs having dinner. They're so lucky; Bridget's working in the restaurant tonight. Joe said he'll talk to her for me. I know that means he'll kiss her, I'm not stupid. So I gave him a dead arm before he left. I'll just ring Bridget with my iPhone, yeah; mother gave it back just in case there was an emergency.

-

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's Nick."

"I'm working!"

"I know I just had to talk to someone."

"Oh honey, what's wrong?"

I love this girl, you know. She's so kind.

"Well, I can't really say."

"Okay let me guess. Some girl, who you liked, liked you back but you already agreed to go on a date with me."

"How did you know?"

"It's obvious! You didn't want to tell me. It was either something embarrassing or it was about a girl. You didn't sound embarrassed, so I guessed."

"Wow. You know, I really do love you."

"I love you too Nick. Well, I gotta go now. I think Joe wants to kiss me."

"Yeah, he does. Please don't. He'll brag to me if you do!"

"Don't worry, I don't like him. Well, I kissed him, but he's a bit of an arse."

"I know. Okay, I'll let you go. Bye!"

"Bye, honey."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

Aww!!!!!!!!! True love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not.

Me and Miley equals true love.

Not this hocus pocus.

Well, I better leave.

Goodbye. My pillow is trying to lie on my face. I better let him; he's a bit aggressive sometimes. He might stab me if I don't do as he says.

X

Signed:Nick Jonas

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There you go. Any questions, just ask in a review. Thanks for all your reviews already, I know compared to quite a lot it's not many, but it's enough to keep a smile on my face. It's just so... Wow, really emotional... Okay, I'm not too deep, so I'll just sayt he word I was trying to describe sensibly... it's just all so AWESOME!

Oh, and Joe and Kevin aren't really dead. Joe was mucking about... and Kevin really did try and commit suicide. God, that puts a smile on my face every time I think of that. It's hilarious!!!

Love Chloe xxx