Chapter Nine – Any Given Sunday
Alex had seen many things in her career but this was something she hoped that she would never have to see again. Hilary James had been killed by the very man that had raised her and loved her. Her own father had taken her life because he was in love with her and when she refused his affections, he lost it and locked her in the sauna. A young life taken just because her own step father could not posses her. As Alex watched the broken man sob over his situation, the same familiar feeling of hatred washed over her that she always had for men like this. Men that represented the lowest of the low, the very thing on this earth that did not belong there. This was why she did her job, to rid of people like this. Henry James would be looking at the death penalty for what he did and Alex could not feel sorry for him.
"It's horrible when a case ends this way"
Alex turned to see Catherine had come up behind her, a small smile on her face.
"What do you mean Catherine?"
"When it does not end the way you expected it to. No one expected him to be the killer. It was her father, someone that she trusted who did this. It always hurts more that way"
"I see. It's a shame that Grissom wasn't here to see the closing of the case."
"I emailed him as soon as I heard. Sara isn't doing very well so they may be home sooner then expected."
"What's wrong?"
"She's just gone down hill"
"Can I ask you a question Cath?"
"Sure."
"Are Sara and Grissom together?"
"No. Not as far as I know."
"He cares for her though, doesn't he?"
"Yeah he does. She means more to him then he realizes. One day he may see it but until then, he lives in denial."
Alex followed Catherine down the hall and into the break room. Catherine poured two mugs of coffee before finally sitting down beside her.
"So Alex, what brought you here to Vegas in the first place?"
"Why, what have you heard?"
Catherine was a little taken back by Alex's sudden defensiveness, followed closely by an intense curiosity.
"Alex, why do you think I know anything about you?"
Alex relaxed further into her seat and began the battle that she had been waging for the last twenty odd years. This was why she never told anyone the truth this was why she hid it from everyone, her parents included. When she had finally told them two years ago, they had freaked, just as she knew that they would. As far as they were concerned, they no longer had a daughter and that was the end of that. When her mother had died, she had gone to the funeral but her own father had ignored her as well as her brother and sister. Then her mother had died and instead of repeating the same mistake as she had done with her mother, she didn't hang around for the wake. In living her life, she lost her entire world and now, it was just Conner and her, no one else. As far as she was concerned, she didn't need anything else.
"I left LA for a reason Cath. To be more precise, I might as well have been chased out."
"Why?"
Alex took a deep breath, trying to contain the need to run. She had been running her whole life and she was tired of it. She was who she was and that was that.
"I'm a lesbian"
Catherine's reaction was far less then what Alex had expected it to be. She did nothing more then blink once and smile widely.
"You do know that both Nick and Greg have a crush on your right?"
"Yeah, I noticed that. I don't need everyone knowing about this Catherine. I like it here and I really don't need people judging me for something that they know nothing about"
"I'm not about to tell anyone. I just don't understand why you would want something like that to stay quiet"
"Like I said, I've had to leave places before because of the way I choose to live my life. I've lost everything because of my sexuality"
"What did your parents think when you told them?"
"They disowned me along with my brother and older sister. I never got the chance to change their minds before they died a couple of years ago."
"I'm sorry"
"It's not your fault. It was they who refused to believe that their so called perfect daughter was anything but."
"It was their generation. My mother freaked out when I divorced my ex husband. It was just the way that they were raised."
"I know."
"So are you involved with anyone?"
Alex could not help the smile that came to her face. She had been with Conner going on ten years now and she still got the same goofy grin on her face when they had first started going out. She had no idea why, but Conner made her so happy that it was almost un-human.
"Yeah I am. Her name is Conner and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me"
"How long have you two been together?"
"Almost ten years. She's an incredible person Cath"
Catherine drained the last of her coffee from her mug and began to rinse it on the sink.
"How about you and Conner come to dinner at my house tonight? Warrick is coming around and it would be good to get to know you outside of work"
"That would be great."
"You don't mind that Warrick will know your secret?"
"I get the feeling that it won't remain a secret for very long around her. Everyone knows about Sara and it's only been two days."
"Welcome to the Las Vegas grapevine."
When Sara woke up, she had no memory of getting sick at the club or having to be carried out to the car. All she knew what that her head was thumping painfully and that Grissom was holding her hand. Laura fussed over her, making sure she was warm and comfortable and ensuring that she drunk plenty of water. Sara spent a good ten minutes convincing them all that it was ok and that she wanted to stay for the rest of the weekend. She would be fine and all she wanted to do was forget the entire thing had ever happened, which was funny considering she could not even remember it in the first place.
"I think I know what made you sick"
Geoff held up the bottle of meds that Sara had been taking, the ones that were meant to boost her immune system so that she would recover from the surgery a little faster and be more then ready for the chemo.
"There's castor oil in this, that is what made you throw up. What the hell were the doctors thinking giving you this? My advice would be to stop taking the pills and to just rest."
Geoff left the room mumbling under his breath about the hopelessness of doctors, Laura following closely behind. Sara closed her eyes and sighed.
"God I'm tired."
"Try and get some sleep"
Sara rolled over to face Grissom who was sitting next to her.
"I'm sorry for ruining your weekend."
"You didn't ruin the weekend Sara, don't be silly"
"We go back tomorrow and I don't want to. I want to stay here forever and pretend that what's coming next is not coming at all."
Grissom put his hand over hers.
"I know Sara but we're here for you. Laura and Geoff will look after you and anything you need, the rest of us are more then willing to help where we can."
"I know but I hate the idea that I can do nothing to control this situation. I am so scared of what will happen to me. Do I write a will? Do I tell my mother?"
"Sara, you will get through this. There will be no writing of wills or anything like that, do you hear me? You need to get through this"
"Because your life would be dark without me right?"
The moment she said the words, she wanted them back. Grissom's face fell and he released her hand, placing it back on his own lap.
"You heard that?"
"Yes."
"You should have said something Sara! For Christ's sake, do you really think that I would want you to know that?"
"Grissom calm down. It's not a big deal"
Grissom stood and began to pace, rubbing his head with his hands.
"Yes it is! What I said….it was private"
"Yet you told me?"
"You were asleep! I didn't expect for you to hear that Sara."
"Well I did. And I am shocked that you never had the courage to tell me otherwise."
"I didn't want to tell you that Sara! I'm scared for you and I let something slip that should have never been said."
"What and I'm not scared? Like I want to die or lose both of my breast's? I may never be able to have kids, I may lose things that I never knew I wanted and you're worried about telling me how you feel? Don't be stupid, what you feel is nothing. Toy with the idea that you may lose your life before it's really begun and see how you feel!"
Sara had never screamed so much at Grissom before. Tears were streaming down her face and her heart bet hard in her chest. Grissom looked at her for a long moment before he stormed out of the room.
"GO ON LEAVE, JUST LIKE YOU ALWAYS FUCKING DO!"
Sara fell back onto the bed, sobs racking her body. She suddenly didn't care about the cancer or anything else, she just wished that she could take every word that had left he mouth back. She didn't want to lose Grissom, not with this looming before her. She needed him now more then any time before and instead of welcoming him into her life and into her heart, she had done nothing more then push him away.
Warrick was glad that tonight was over and he got to spend the rest of his time with Catherine. The Felton case was finally closed and he wanted nothing more then to leave it behind him. The fact that Kimberly had been killed by her best friend over an English teacher was horrifying. He hated the fact that there was no limit to someone's madness. He arrived at Catherine's the same way he had a few night before, a bottle of white wine in one hand and a bottle of red in the other. Except tonight would be different. For one they were dining with Alex and her partner Conner and two this was their first, more or less, public declaration of their togetherness. He had arrived before Alex and Conner on purpose, trying to get in as much time with Catherine before they arrived. They cuddled as they set about making dinner, sneaking kisses and touches. When the door bell rang, he was a little disappointed. Catherine gave him a wide smile as she pulled from his embrace and moved to the door, allowing their guests in.
"Hey guys, come one in."
"Hey Cath, Warrick. This is Conner."
Warrick shook Conner's hand and they made small talk as Catherine and Alex slipped into the kitchen to finish off dinner. Warrick, despite all his years of experience not only in law but in Vegas, had never met many lesbians. It was an interesting experience for him and he suddenly found all the stereotypes that he had had going out the window. Conner was nothing like he had expected her to be. Alex was stunning and decidedly feminine, as was Conner which meant that the female/butch thing was a lie.
"Dinner"
Warrick and Conner took a seat across from Catherine and Alex. They ate almost in silence, it was only broken when cutlery gently banged against the plates and glasses being placed back on the table. It was only when dinner was over that the conversation started again and Catherine slowly began to relax. When they left a few hours later, Catherine helped herself to another glass of wine and curled up on the sofa with Warrick, happy that the night had been such a success. It was only when Warrick stood to call a cab that Catherine realized that this evening was more then introducing Alex to a world where it did not matter what your sexuality was, it was a turning point for herself and Warrick.
"Stay"
Warrick out the phone down and leaned against the cabinet that it was on.
"What?"
Catherine moved so that she was kneeling over the back of the sofa.
"Stay"
Warrick moved closer to her, his hand coming to rest on her shoulder.
"Catherine, I don't want to rush this, you know that. Staying the night may not be the best idea"
"What, you don't want to stay?"
"Of course I do."
"Then stay. We are adults Warrick. I think we can both handle you staying the night."
"Are you sure?"
"Would I ask if I wasn't?"
Warrick moved closer still and kissed her slowly, building the tension, making Catherine's toes tingle. She pulled him closer and he climbed over the side of the sofa until he was on top of her, kissing her the entire time. It was only when they were completely breathless, their hands seeking bare skin when Warrick pulled away.
"Are you sure you want this Cath? Really sure?"
Catherine stroked the side of his face, tracing his lips and nose.
"Yes. Stay Warrick."
"Ok"
Soon their clothes were discarded on the floor, that night's dinner long forgotten.
The trip home was in complete silence. Sara refused to talk to anyone and had settled herself in the front seat, her iPod firmly in her ears. She was by no means relaxed. She sat straight backed in the seat, her chin held stiffly, her eyes glued to the passing scenery. Laura did what she could to lessen the tension that had built but failed as Grissom did as Sara was doing, soaking in his own misery. He felt embarrassed that Sara had heard what he had felt but he knew that there was no reason for what he had said in the room. There was no need for him to be so angry, except he had no idea as to why he was so mad. Was it because she now knew what he wanted to keep quiet? Or was it the fact that that little confession left him so completely exposed that the flight or fight survival instinct had come through? Either way, he felt ashamed at what he had done to her. He had made the last day a horrible won and had ruined the weekend entirely. He had stumbled all over himself and now he had no idea how to fix it. There was only so much he could give without hurting himself. He kept trying to catch Sara's eye, wanting nothing more then to talk to her, but she kept looking away, refusing to respond at his poor attempt to fix what he had done. So for now, there was nothing he could do. Laura stopped just outside of Vegas, ushering the men out of the car so that she could try to talk to Sara, Grissom presumed.
"Let's go for a short walk Gil"
Grissom followed Geoff away from the car, throwing glances behind him as he saw Laura lean forward and pull Sara into a hug.
"So if you don't mind me asking, what happened last night?"
Grissom shoved his hands in his pocket and kept his eyes in the ground.
"We had a fight"
"What about?"
Grissom felt almost like running back into the car. Sara being pissed at him was nothing hugely new but this male bonding that he was doing with Geoff scared him. His idea of bonding was teaching others, not talking about something as intimate as this.
"I said some things to her when I thought she was asleep and last night she told me she heard everything. I panicked and she blew up at me."
"You must have said something pretty bad to get her this pissed off."
"Bad enough. She does not need this added pressure. She starts her chemo next week."
"I know. Laura is stressing out about it and is worried about how Sara will take it."
"I hope that she's ok."
Geoff paused and turned to Grissom, a small smile on his face.
"I've seen Sara fight bigger demons then this one and she has come out stronger then when she had begun. Sara is stronger then most people give her credit for. She has had to be."
"I saw her scars for the first time"
"I hate to say it but I'm glad that her mother killed her father. Because if he was still hurting her when we first met, I would have killed him myself."
Grissom looked Geoff in the eyes and realized for the first time just how much Sara meant to Laura and Geoff. She was more then just a friend to them she was part of their family. Grissom would truly believe that they would do what they could to protect her.
"You love her don't you?"
Geoff's question came out of left field and almost knocked Grissom from his shoes.
"What?"
"You love her."
"No I don't"
"Yes you do. I can see it in the way you look at her, the way you watch her. It's the same way that I watch Lu. You love her."
"Geoff-"
"I won't give you any long-winded speeches about how you need to tell her and crap like that. I know it's not the easy to admit your vulnerability. What I will tell you is that you need to be there for her. She needs you for this, whether you like it or not."
"She doesn't want me there with her. She tried to push me away when she found out about the cancer"
"Gil, how long have you known Sara?"
"Almost eight years on and off."
"Then you know that she will happily cut off her nose to spite her face. She pushes people away when she needs them the most."
"It's an irritating flaw."
"But one that she's had to develop. That way no one would get to close and she would not become to expectant to people there. It took almost two years before she trusted Laura and me enough to know that we were not going to leave her alone. We had better get back to the car."
Grissom followed Geoff back, doing what he could to drag his feet. He never got the chance to get back into the car, because Sara was waiting outside the vehicle, her arms crossed over her chest.
"I didn't want to do this but Laura said that we would not be going anywhere until this was done."
Sara scuffed the ground with her sneaker, her eyes lowered. Grissom didn't know what to say, becoming more and more confused and desperate as the silence became deeper and deeper.
"What do you want me to say Gil?"
"Nothing. I'm sorry. Will that be enough to get us back into the car?"
"I don't think so. I get the feeling that Laura is expecting more then that"
"Like what?"
"A hug or something. She's almost impossible to tell with her."
"So if we hug we can back into the car?"
"Maybe."
Grissom made the first move, extending his arms and allowing Sara to step into them. Sara pressed her face against his chest and breathed deeply, inhaling his deeply comforting scent. Grissom did the same, enjoying the short moment of having her in his arms.
"I'm sorry Gil. I'm terrified of what's coming and I took it out on you."
"I'm sorry too Sara. I want you to know that I'm here for you, whatever you need. You know that right?"
She nodded against his chest, irritated at herself when the tears started again. The just to top it all off, big rolling sobs ripped through her but Grissom kept her in a tight hug, waiting for the tears to stop. She felt like her world was being turned upside down and the only thing keeping her from sinking completely was Grissom. That in itself was far more terrifying then the prospect of cancer. She could handle that, she could fight it. But Grissom was something that she could not fight.
