Santana's P.O.V.
After Quinn finally calmed down, she told me what happened. Apparently her father had a heart attack at work and was rushed to the hospital. The doctors told Quinn and her family that he's in a critical condition. He wasn't responding and he's being closely monitored. That was three fucking days ago and...it's weird. I should be fucking happy about this, ecstatic even but...every time I see Quinn's puffy pink eyes...my fucking heart hurts. I guess I just feel for her since I know how it feels to lose a parent or parents. She's been at his bedside since she got the news and I've pretty much been here too. I met Quinn's mom, she seems nice but under these circumstances...I wouldn't really know.
Francine and I have been taking turns comforting Quinn. Quinn's been...silent, she's barely said anything really. Her friends came by to show support and she barely acknowledged them. She's been almost in this trance like state. She sits and cries, occasionally talks to the doctors and lets me hold her. That's it. It's killing me seeing her like this. I mean...it's just so sad you know? The only person who isn't a blubbering mess is Francine. I've been trying to do everything I can to help Quinn and Mrs. Fabray but I only help to an extent, Francine covers what I can't.
I've never been this close to...the emotional side of death. I know Russell isn't dead yet but I'm watching his family mourn as if he is. I've never saw how much death affects people. When I look at Mrs. Fabray, I feel bad but I also feel like he was a cheating bastard and she'd be better off without him. When I look at Francine I see her worry but her anger is far more overpowering. Then when I see Quinn, I see some of the deepest sadness I've ever witnessed. The look of devastation and heart break fucking kills me. I can't explain the pain I get from seeing Quinn sad. It's the worse feeling in the world. I just want to make her smile again. I want my girlfriend back.
"Hey." I hear from behind me. I turn my head and see Francine. When did she get there? Did I fall asleep again?
"We're going to get some coffee." She says and I stretch in my chair and nod my head. I check my phone for the time and it's about one. I glance at Quinn who's sitting next to me, she's still in her same position. Right next to the bed, looking straight ahead with Russell's hand in hers.
"Q, you want some coffee?" I ask and she shrugs slightly.
"Could you get two coffees, black." I say and Francine nods her head then puts her hand on Quinn's shoulder briefly before she and Judy walk out.
"These chairs are going to fucking kill me." I say as I stretch my back. You would think hospital chairs would be more comfortable. I roll my neck back and forth then look back at Quinn. Her head is down now and her hands are in her lap. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and try to get as close to her as I can.
"I don't know what to do." She says quietly.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"If...if I lose him...I don't know what I'll do." I sigh and put my hand on her knee. She rests her head on my shoulder and exhales a shaky breath.
"Look, I know how you feel. You know I lost both my parents." I say as I lie my head on top of hers.
"You haven't lost anyone. You have to stop thinking the worse is going to happen." I continue.
"But it might..." She says softly.
"Yeah it might...and it'll be hard but no one knows what's going to happen. Just stay positive alright. He's stable now so all we have to do is wait for him to wake up. That's it." He was beginning to get better yesterday so I'm hoping that will help her feel better. I feel a little nod against my shoulder and Quinn's hand on mine. I grab her hand and squeeze it lightly.
"How did you move on...after your parents?" She asks and I sigh. I never really did move on. If I really moved on...I wouldn't have killed the people I have or have this vendetta against her father. I would actually visit my parents grave and not feel guilty about not going.
"I never really did. I guess I just...got use to not having them. It was a hard adjustment but eventually...you just get use to it. It'll never get better...you just live with it." I tell her. I hate when someone dies and someone tells you it'll get better. It's a huge fucking lie and gives false hope. It never gets better and that pain will always be there, it just dulls over time. You accept that the person isn't here anymore and you live with it. That's it.
"Thank you...for being here." She says.
"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." I kiss her temple and we sit in a comfortable silence. Quinn's mother and sister return after a little while and Francine and I strike up a conversation. While we're talking...Russell wakes up. He made some weird gurgling sound then his eyes opened. I felt the fire in my chest, that had been a slight simmer since I got here, ignite into engulfing flames. I want to kill him right here and now but that fire...it instantly cooled when I saw how happy Quinn was. Her smile was brighter than I'd ever seen it before and I feel my rage dissipating. How does she have this affect on me?
I got up and left the room. I told them I was going to tell a doctor he was awake but in reality I had to get out of there. While I was walking to the hospital entrance, I did tell a doctor. I just really need some air. Something isn't right...This assignment is a lot more complicated then what it should be. Maybe I should have just been Quinn's friend or just killed Russell and left. I think the latter would have been the best. I put my headphones in my ears and turn on a random song as I walk outside. I need a distraction. As I listen to the beat of the song blasting through my headphones, I look at the passing cars and enjoy the slight breeze, I notice Rachel walking towards me.
"You look like you want to be smoking." She says.
"I could really use it right now." I say.
"How's she doing?" Rachel asks.
"A whole lot better. Russell woke up." Rachel smiles softly.
"Good for them...I think." She says. I don't respond and look straight ahead at the passing cars.
"Alright, what's wrong?" Rachel asks.
"I can't even begin to explain." I say and Rachel shrugs.
"Try." She says and I shake my head. We walk into the hospital and I sit in the first chair I see. Rachel sits across from me.
"So start." She says and I roll my eyes.
"Something about this assignment...it's not right." I say.
"Do you mean Russell?" She asks and I shake my head.
"Quinn. She...complicates everything." I say.
"How?"
"She makes me feel...weird. Like when Russell woke up, I wanted to kill him but I actually thought about how that would hurt Quinn...and when she smiled I felt this warmth...in my chest and none of this makes sense." Rachel nods and puts her hand on her chin.
"You got too close to her." She says.
"What?"
"You got too close San. You care about her feelings." Rachel says and I shake my head.
"It's true. I think it's more to it but I'll let you figure that out on your own. If you feel like things are getting complicated, distance yourself from her. It'll help you figure things out." Rachel says. Wait...let me...what?
"Let me figure out what? There's more to what?" I ask but Rachel just shakes her head.
"Nothing. Just distance yourself a little."
"How can I just abandon her right now?" I say and Rachel leans back in her seat.
"Once Russell goes home, she'll probably want to spend a lot more time with him. She'll probably want to spend all her time with him right now because he's awake." Rachel says and I nod. She has a point.
"I think it's bullshit he has people who cares about him this much and he doesn't deserve it. How much do you want to bet that his fucking secretary was blowing him when he had his heart attack?" I say and Rachel shakes her head.
"No one knows about that but you."
"They should. He's been fucking living three lives and they have no idea."
"And it's not your place to tell them." Rachel says and I nod.
"Why are you here anyway?" I ask.
"Show support. I see how broken Quinn is." I nod and Rachel stands.
"I'm going to go up and say hi and I'm glad your well."
"He doesn't even know you." I say but Rachel shrugs.
"It's polite." She then leaves and I watch her walk down the hall to the elevator. I go to put my headphones back in my ears when Francine appears in my peripheral. Where the fuck did she come from? She sits next to me with her coffee in hand then takes a sip before speaking.
"How do you know about my fathers affair?" She asks. Oh shit, she heard me talking to Rachel? How much did she hear? Oh fuck! Okay just stay calm. Maybe she didn't hear a lot.
"You eavesdropped?" I say and she shrugs.
"Not really. I left out another door and on my way back in I heard you and Rachel talking. I really only heard you talking about the affair. So how do you know about it?" She asks.
"I...I wanted to surprise Quinn one day before work with flowers. I woke up late so I figured I'd leave them outside. I went to the house and your dad was on his way in with another woman." I lie. Francine looks at me long and hard before nodding her head.
"Bastard doesn't even try to hide it." She says lowly then sips her coffee again.
"So you know?" I ask and she nods.
"I've known since I was 18 when I came home and found him and some woman on our couch."
"I knew there was a reason you pretty much hated him."
"Oh I hate him alright, for more than that. We got into a huge fight when I found out and that's when I really found out what kind of person my father really is." Oh I highly doubt that.
"Having your father threaten your life, seriously, will change your views about the person who raised you." She finishes.
"So that's why you didn't tell your mom?" I ask and she shakes her head.
"Fuck Russell, he doesn't scare me. I didn't tell because...I don't want to break my family. My mother has loved that bastard since she was 14 and Quinn...you know she idolizes him." She says and looks over at me again.
"I don't know how to fix them once this comes out." She says and I nod my head.
"So you think they'll find out eventually?" I ask.
"Oh yeah, Russell is too sloppy and he has another kid." Wait what? I didn't know that.
"How do you know that?" I ask.
"A few years back I found baby pictures of a kid I didn't know with my father holding him and another woman I didn't know. I now know that's his secretary and the son they have together."
"You've got to be fucking kidding me?" I say and she shakes her head.
"Nope. All true. I'm telling you this because I trust it will stay between us."
"I won't say anything." I say.
"I know." She takes another sip of coffee.
"That'll crush Quinn when she finds out." I say.
"Without a doubt. Hopefully she'll have you to be there for her." I nod my head and look ahead. I will be there for her if I can.
Francine and I go back up to the room but I don't go in. I tell Quinn to come out to the hall so I can talk to her. I tell her I don't want to intrude on the family moment and that I'm just going to go. She hugs and kisses me then Rachel and I leave together since I ran into her on my way to the room. I feel like Rachel may be right about the distance thing but...I don't want to distance myself.
