Packing
I threw clothes and toiletries into my suitcase with fervor. I didn't know how long I'd be gone so I threw in about 2 weeks' worth of clothes. I looked around my room for what I might need. I grabbed the cell phone charger out of the wall, my netbook, and my external hard drive which contained pictures of Bella should I need them. I looked like a madman throwing everything into my suitcase so crazily. I sat down on the edge of my bed and laid back, staring at the ceiling.
How could I have let this happen to her? I should have kept her protected from people like this. I knew that Carlisle told me not to beat myself up like this but I couldn't stop feeling like it was entirely my fault. I got off my bed and looked at the suitcase. It was a disaster inside but I didn't really care about how it looked inside, so long as it had the stuff I needed. Normally, I would never allow my stuff to look like such a mess. My apartment is immaculate: bed made, clean counters, everything in its proper place. I don't have a housekeeper because I would never be able to find anything. If anyone even moves my stuff to a different spot in my house, I can't find it later. Looking back at my suitcase, I remember the last time I saw a bag that looked like this.
She was grabbing her clothes from my closet and taking her purse about to leave. I repeatedly tried to grab her arm. She continuously pulled away from me, trying to leave. I gave up and stood, watching my precious angel throw her stuff in the bag furiously. She threw a skirt in the bag and suddenly sat on the bed with her head in her hands. I cautiously approached and sat down next to her. She had started sobbing and I put my arm around her shoulders. I was surprised when she let me leave it there but glad as well.
"What is wrong?"
I had been thinking about what had just happened and I still couldn't figure exactly what it was that I had done wrong.
"Remember how I said we had to take it slow?"
"Yes. I have been very cautious."
"Well, saying that you want to spend the rest of your life with me isn't exactly taking it slow."
Oh…I had forgotten I had said that. I said it thoughtlessly obviously. I hadn't realized that it would affect her so profoundly though. I only meant for her to learn how I felt about her.
"I just wanted to tell you how I felt about you."
"You know I am still struggling with commitment! I can't stand being forced to say something in return."
"I'm not trying to force you to respond. I am honestly just happy to be with you. You can tell me you don't think our relationship will last through this week and I will still be happy. I still would like to spend the rest of my life with you but if you are uncomfortable with that then I can understand. If you would like, I will not mention it again until you are ready."
"I like that you care for me so deeply. I can't care for anyone that deeply. I've never cared for anyone that deeply. Not even my parents; honestly, how could I when they didn't even want me to pursue my dreams. They just care about looking good to their friends. Truthfully, they'd adore you; you are the ultimate dream for parents who only care about keeping up appearances. I may not care about your money, but they would love you for it. If they knew I was with you, they would start planning the wedding now."
"So, are you afraid of commitment, or are you just trying to spite what your parents would do if they knew we were together?"
"You think I actually would commit, if it weren't for my parents?"
"Do you?"
"Potentially. I have acted as a sort of 'bad seed' in our family. I don't really follow what my parents want because I am too busy listening to my own heart. I have wanted to be a doctor for years and this is a dream come true opportunity. I dated in high school but only after the guy was approved by my parents. I couldn't do anything without them. Once I left home, I started acting out more and more. I was trying to spite them for all the years they kept me under their control. I would go months without calling or visiting. I started calming down after I got my undergraduate degree. I still don't talk to them much though."
"I think you resent them. I think you don't want to commit to me because you know how much it would please your parents."
"It is just so hard to deal with them after all these years. I don't want to do something they would like so much."
"Well, you being with me may make them happy, but you aren't with me for the reasons that they would like."
"That's true. I'm with you because I love you. If you lost all of your money overnight, I would still love you just as much."
"See, then there is no problem with you committing to me. You may please your parents in the process, but maybe it's time to heal those old wounds. You've grown up since you acted out."
"I suppose…it is really hard to forgive them though."
"I think we should go visit them."
"You're kidding right?"
"Um…no."
"I just told you that they would start planning the wedding if they found out about us. I know that you may like that, but I don't."
"I don't want a wedding right now either. I want your parents to understand that you have grown up and will start to forgive."
"Ok fine. But if anyone mentions wedding, we are leaving."
"Done. Now let's unpack your stuff."
"I could just take it back to my apartment you know. I don't really need clothes here."
"You don't want to help keep me warm in this bed? It is so large and I get so cold in it."
Bella smiles at me and lies down on the bed. "Well, if you insist."
AN: Next chapter, tomorrow! Meet Bella's parents!
