Disclaimer: I don't own LoZ.

Youtube videos used to create this chapter:

OPFFIX The Legend of Zelda Walkthrough Twilight Princess 25, 26, 27, 28, 29

Chunglo's Zelda Twilight Princess 20, 21, 22, 23

This chapter is boooooring. It's basically a filler, thanks to all the crap getting the Iron Boots and saving Colin from the Bulbins and stuff, but I got it aaaallll out of the way in one chapter so we can have FUN the next! Have fun with your filler!


Random Kakariko Crap

My salvation from Eldin comes not long after I begin beating my head on the ground in agony, for the small voice of a child whispers, "Link?"

Eldin and I turn our heads to see Colin, standing in the doorway of the sanctuary. And I am really, really disappointed that one of the brats saw me, and I am also extremely confused as to why Colin is not spazzing at Eldin, who is a giant Walking Talking Flying Thesaurus Owl of Light and Boredom.

Only those with courageous hearts can see the Light Spirits of the land. Faron explains. Or maybe powerful or wise. But your little friend is none of those, so Eldin is invisible to him.

Okay, that makes sense. Now, before someone more courageous than that coward comes along, you might want to tell Eldin to scram.

Good point. Eldin, scram.

"WHY DO YOU ALL FUCKING HATE ME?! I swear, when I come back I will teach you so much rhetoric that..." his threat fades with his image. Finally, the Boring Owl is gone.

Oh. Apparently Talo shoved Colin out of the way and he and Beth came tearing out of the house giggling like idiots while Malo the Creepy Manchild just walked along behind them.

Introducing... the Village Brats.

Malo is by far the one I hate most, because he is a Creepy Manchild and also an ass. Talo is next because he is the Creepy Manchild Ass' brother, and also because he is more childish than his younger brother, not to mention an ass as well as Malo, although in a more immature way. I hate Beth because she's some kind of underage stalker fangirl, and when she and Ilia combine their forces, I run and hide in the woods. Colin, however much I hate the baby, is the one I hate the least, because he is not an ass, fangirl, or jerk. He looks up to me, and I like that, because it proves that at least ONE person looks up to my awesometude. Not like Horse Bitch Ilia, who always blames me for giving Epona imaginary injuries, or Impy, who torments me for fun, I think, or Monkey-God Faron, or Freakish Baboon, or Inka and all his relatives, or Bomb Baby, or... well, the list goes on an on.

So now two of the four brats are fawning all over me, and Beth is jumping up and down excitedly. Talo is yelling, "Ha ha! See, Beth, I TOLD you Link would come to save us!"

Liar. That was Colin, however much of a coward he is. Creepy Manchild agrees with me, as he rolls his eyes at his brother as he walks up to me. Speaking of which, the last time I saw Colin was a moment ago, face-down in the dirt. I glance in his direction, but he's all perky and gets up, running over to me. Behind him is that Renado guy, his daughter, and the Bomb Baby. Renado comes up to me and asks, "You are the one form Ordon these children spoke of?"

Yeah. I nod.

"We are well met," he says. "I am Renado, shaman of this town. And this..." he gestures vaguely to his left, and Bomb Baby flips his blast mask up and starts to introduce himself, but Renado continues, "This is my daughter, Luda."

Bomb Baby slumps over and sulks. I'm guessing Renado is still mad at him for the whole terrorizing-the-children thing.

"The beasts took us and left us to die...but Mr. Renado found us," Colin explains, looking up at Renado happily.

Renado looks down at him before turning back to me. "At first, I could not believe they had come from so distant a place as Ordon Province..."

Colin looked down. "Yeah, I... We don't remember much. All of a sudden everyone was captured, and then...until now... it's been like..."

"A nightmare" Malo interrupts.

Colin doesn't mind. "Yeah! It was like a terrible dream and we couldn't wake up."

"Nightmares are everywhere these days, it seems. This village has certainly seen its share of recent hardships..." Renado says. "The dark beasts attacked, but even worse was the sudden and inexplicable change in the mountain-dwelling Goron tribe. They had long been our friends, but suddenly treated us as foes. even now they refuse to permit us entry into their mines. It strains the limits of belief...To think that such a gentle and proud tribe could change so suddenly...It makes me wonder if something in those mines is the cause of this change..."

Probably. Now, can we let me go deal with the change, or will we spend five more hours boring Link to death like Boring Owl?

Eldin says "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Well, you tell HIM I say to shut the fuck up right back at him!

Everyone is starting to stare at my frown and twitching eye. I think I need to improve holding verbal and telepathic conversations.

Fortunately, Renado passes it off as (fake) concern for the Gorons instead of me getting pissed at Light Spirits yelling at me from within my mind, and says, "In any case, you must take these children and flee before more nightmares descend. I, of course, cannot leave my village at such a time. There is no telling what may happen to us here...But it is my job to coax the Gorons back from their recent change of heart."

OH, NO. You can keep them for all I care, Renado! And a word of advice: if you ever see these brats wandering around in the wilderness again, DON'T help them! I nod and give him a smile.

Crap. The brats are giving me a look. A kind of look I don't like. It's the kind of look that says, "Liiiiiiink? Will you pleeeeaaase do something about everything bad so we can be happy?"

I hate you, you stupid brats! How about you do something for yourselves for a change and go solve the Goron problem instead of me?! Ugh...well, I'm the only awesome one here, so if I don't do it, it won't be done right.

Don't flatter yourself.

I keep my face almost perfectly normal as I reply, SHUT UP.

Anyway, knowing that I'm the only one who's brave enough, strong enough, and AWESOME enough—shut up, Faron— I make my way through the village and up the path leading to Death Mountain.

This time, I get up using the ladder, and I am relieved when there is no Goron at the top. Once up, I take all of three steps forward before I hear, "Ah! No humans allowed!"

DAMN IT!

"These lands ahead belong to the Goron tribe! The elder said no humans may pass! Then he rolls into a ball and...oh shit, he's rolling my way!

Despite me preparing to catch him and slow him down, I still get thrown over the cliff and land on my back.

...OW.

"A weak spirit is no match for the might of the Gorons!" the Goron bellows. "Do you understand me, human? Then away with you!"

Well fuck you, you stupid Goron!

Hmph-ing, I turn and storm back down the pass towards Kakariko Village. Renado greets me at the entrance.

"Ah! How fortunate you are in one piece!" he exclaims, clearly relieved. "I saw you heading up the mountain trail, so I was worried."

Hmph. One piece, my throbbing ass. And my throbbing legs, arms, back, neck and head. You try getting hit in the face with a rock and getting thrown two house-stories to the ground. I may be in one piece, but everything inside is broken. Including my pride.

Awesome, are we?

SHUT UP, FARON!

Eldin says to tell you that you were bending your knees too slightly and that you did not center your weight or brace yourself properly against the ground, and that to gain optimal performance your legs should be bent at right angles, leaning ten degrees forward, with your elbows bent slightly above waist level at twenty-three degrees to reduce impluse, and--

Tell Eldin to go bend his OWN DAMN KNEES at twenty-three degrees! GODDESSES DAMN IT!

Faron begins laughing in my head at my weak comeback, and Renado has backed up several steps, looking at my red, twitching face with disturbed-ness and wariness. I take a deep breath and immediately fix my face. Renado continues a little more hesitantly. "Are you trying to reach the Gorons of Death Mountain? It is far too dangerous, Link! They recognize only strength! A normal person could never persuade them..."

...IS THAT LONG-HAIRED STICK-FIGURE GIRL OF A MAN INSINUATING THAT I AM WEAK?!

Yes.

SHUT UP I DON'T NEED YOUR INPUT!!!

Luckily, my face is controlled this time, and I only slightly frowned.

"But...I do know one person who was able to best them and earn their trust...." Renado ponders.

Alright, then, who is this amazing, completely not normal person who is apparently somehow more awesome than me?

"His name is Bo. You may know him as the mayor of your hometown, Ordon."

What.

BO?! AS IN THAT FAT, DO-NOTHING MAYOR IN ORDON, BO?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! GODDESSES, WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!

"Please, go to him. And while you are there, please let him know that the children are safe. Of course, getting them back would be best...but we could not keep them safe from the monsters on the road without a horse and cart...Please, return to Ordon and inform the parents that their children are free from harm. Give them my word."

Wonderful. I have to go back to my dear old backwoods, backwards home village, on an errand. This should be a fun time, indeed.

I barely get to the other end of town before the already fun time starts sliding downhill. Off in the distance, with my awesome Hylian hearing, I notice a small noise. It is a regular pounding on the ground, like running, growing steadily closer.

And Epona, my fricking stupid horse, finally decides to show her face after all this time. And to make matters worse, she's rabid. I really don't need this right now...

She keeps running, and running and running...

HOLY CRAP. She almost blew right through me! Holy Din, how stupid can a horse get?! Well, I suppose I should deal with her rabies before she infects everyone in Kakariko and they all start stalking me like ReDeads, so I jump on her back. I resist the urge to smack her, because that will probably agitate her more.

For about three hours, I grapple for control while Epona throws me off on the dirt and sometimes into the springs. But finally, I manage to calm her down. And then Impy shows up to congratulate-annoy me. "Oy, pooping dude fair!" she exclaims. "Poop, I eat you. And cheap bears."

The more I learn about her diet, the more disgusted I become. It's a wonder she hasn't died yet... But, since she indicated the direction of Ordon and Epona, and then made a sign that said, "hurry up!" I'm guessing she wants me to ride Epona to Ordon. That's a good idea Impy. I was already thinking that. Besides, why do more work than I need to?

So, I squeeze Epona's sides to make her go, run through a fence, get a few cuts and bruises from the fence pieces, and begin the route home to Ordon.


My ride back to Ordon is pretty nice for all of about three seconds. The wind whipping past my face is the only thing I can hear until...

"Mr. LINK!!!!! WAAAAAIIIIIITTTT!!!!"

The Sprinting Stalker sprints up to me, and Epona, oblivious to the danger, does not move as I frantically try to make her run. The Sprinting Stalker jogs up, covered in burns, bruises, and blood from various monsters, which he is again oblivious to, and makes the most surprising announcement in the world.

"Greetings, Mr. Link I have come to deliver a letter."

The news is so shocking I have to squeeze the reins and stirrups just to prevent myself from falling off Epona.

"It is a letter from Ooccoo," he says.

Now really and completely shocked, My grip loosens and I tumble off to the left, landing face-first in the dirt path. How the hell did Ooccoo write a letter, and more importantly, how the fuck did she get it delivered to the Sprinting Stalker?! She must be the Evil Flying Stalker! Who knows if she's watching me EVEN NOW?! The Sprinting Stalker is holding out the letter to me while I spaz, rave, and scan the skies nervously. "Well, my business is concluded! Onward to mail!" The Sprinting Stalker sprints away.

I hold the letter with a shaking hand. I'm almost too afraid to open it.

Get on with it, Mr. Courage.

Faron, I really, really really don't need your input right now.

Just open it! Or I'll call Eldin!

I can't decide which is worse: Ooccoo or Eldin. I eventually decide that as much as I don't want to open the letter, I really don't want to have Eldin start talking forever to get me to open the letter and then have to deal with both psychotic birds. So I tentatively open the letter.

...

"It's about fucking time you opened this! If you ever wait to open a letter from me again, I will send one of my...'associates' to...'deal' with you..."

Um, holy shit.

"Dear Adventurer, I was so happy to meet you and spend a bit of time with you!

I am planning a trip to a new location, just so you know.

If you continue your journeys, we might see each other again!

So take care of yourself....OR ELSE.

P.S: I didn't properly introduce you to my son. I'll introduce you WHEN we meet again! He's a good boy who can help you like an item, so be nice!

From Ooccoo."

...

Alright, I think I'm going to stay in Ordon once I get there and never ever leave again, even if Horse Bitch Ilia and the Village Brats manage to come back and annoy the shit out of me again.

Oh no you won't. You are doing your quest.

Says who, Faron?

Says me. And says ELDIN. And LANAYRU. And ORDONA. And the GODDESSES.

Fine, fine, I concede to higher powers...

So without wasting any more time, I keep going, traveling across Hyrule Field for the better part of the day before finally reentering Zit-Poo Woods and slowing Epona to a trot as we walk through the forest path and across the bridge to Ordon.


I pass my house, and lead Epona into the village.

Ah, home sweet home. How I hate this place.

"LINK?!"

Mayor Bo is gaping at me from outside his house, looking as if I've grown three new heads in the shape of Diababa, sprouted a Creepy-Evil-Chicken-Thing Ooccoo out one of my shoulders, and acquired an inflamed Freakish Baboon monkey butt.

Hi, Bo.

"Whoa, it IS you, Link! You're safe and sound!"

Yeah, if being transformed into a wolf, tormented by Impy, forced to free the land from Twilight and defeating gigantic monsters while putting up with Light Spirits in your head is "safe and sound", then sure...

"Your clothes...what happened to you, lad?"

Ah, that's an easy question to answer. You see, Bo, after I was transformed into a wolf and stole the sword and shield and saved the Zit-Poo Woods from Twilight, I was restored to my human form in the Faron Spring where the telepathic annoying Monkey-god Light Spirit Faron told me that I am a descendant of Hyrule's hero and that I'm wearing the Hero's clothes. Isn't that nice? I'm wearing a deceased hero's dusty green man-dress.

TUNIC.

Whatever, Faron.

Apparently Eldin made a comment that wasn't so helpful, because Faron starts yelling at the other Light Spirit in my head, and since I can only hear one side of the conversation, I can tell that Eldin was very long-winded and Faron was so ticked off with us calling his precious tunic a man-dress that he had ceased to be coherent and settled for yelling at the top of his telepathic lungs. All the while this is happening, Mayor Bo keeps on talking and leading me into his house, ignorant of my inner plight, and I do my best not to make any weird faces or slap myself and yell at them to shut up.

When we get inside his house, I explain to him that Renado told me to tell him that the kids are all safe in Kakariko and Renado can watch after them for as long as is needed. His eyes light up at the news. "I see... So the young'uns are in Kakariko Village! Well, that's good... Renado's an old friend. If they're in his care, then we can relax. So... Don't keep me waitin', lad! Tell me of my little girl! Ilia's with the rest of them, right?"

In a short and clipped a tone as possible I tell him Ilia was nowhere to be found, making sure to make it appear as if I am concerned distraught, and falling apart at the seams at her disappearance. To add to this act, and to make sure my face doesn't give me away, I turn away from Bo.

"...Oh! I see...That ain't what I wanted to hear..."

Well, nothing you can do about it, Mayor Bloated, so don't blame it on me.

"Ahh...But Link..."

I said DON'T blame it on me! Please don't crush me under your enormous weight!

"I guess I need to think of all five of those poor kids, not just my own...they're all in danger. What I should be askin' is how I can help out..."

Well, you see, I have this problem... this rocky, overly proud, Goron-sized problem...that I KNOW you can help me solve, because Renado said so...

"What's that now? The Gorons of Death Mountain? I see...so Renado told you that...Well, it's true, I did defeat the Gorons in a contest of strength and earned their trust...with the help of a little secret. I CAN teach you the secret, but can you promise me that you absolutely, positively will NOT disclose it to anyone.

Yup. I nod. I hope he didn't notice my fingers crossing...

"Good. All right, then, absolutely no one. Come this way," he says, leading me to a back room I've never been in.

It's a huge room. You would never think so from the outside of his house, but the huge stone platform in the middle of the room has a lot of empty space surrounding it, and a couple torches. I wonder what it is.

"Link, you've heard of sumo wrestling, right? Gorons like to match strength in sumo contests. Luckily for you, the basics of sumo wrestling are the same as stoppin' chargin' goats...

Say no more, Bloated, I got this down.

So he sets up the sumo ring, and gets right down to training me how to sumo wrestle.

Mayor Bloated stand on one side in what can barely count as underwear, and I think I can hear Faron, Eldin, and Impy laughing at me as Bloated lifts his enormous weight and stomps on one foot with a crash.

I stand on the other side, feeling very exposed without my shirt, and attempt to mimic Bloated's foot-stomp. It's pathetic. The two voices in my head and the one in my shadow abruptly start laughing so hard I hope their lungs might burst.

It doesn't take long for me to smack and puch Bloated out of the ring, but....I had to touch him...I will never recover from that...

Bloated is oblivious to my scarred condition and congratulates me after getting off the floor. "Hmph! You seem to understand the basics. All righty, next time I won't go so easy on you, lad! fight me as if you were fighting one of the Gorons!"

...Next time?!

Goddesses, why?!


After way too much sumo wrestling to be healthy for my mental state, Bloated thinks we've had enough sumo wrestling and leads me back to the front room.

"You've gotten a sight stronger in the time you've been gone, Link...Strong as you are, though, you can't hope to beat the Gorons wrestlin' with power alone. Those Gorons are made of rock! Naw, the secret to beating the Gorons...is locked away in that chest," he says, pointing behind him to a blue chest I hadn't noticed before. "Take it with you, lad."

So I go over, and after much unnecessary to-do, I finally find...

You got the Iron Boots! Wear these and you'll become so heavy, not even a Goron will be able to move you!

Sweeeet.

"You can probably tell, those boots are made of iron, lad," Bo says.

No shit, Captain Obvious. Did you not just hear the imaginary VOICE?

"Whoever wears 'em won't easily be pushed around...even by a Goron."

Again, no shit.

"If you're fixin' to fight a Goron, be sure to wear those boots. ...Let's be square, though, lad: you can't ever tell ANYONE about those boots! 'Specially Renado!"

Alright, tell Renado it is. Thanks Bloated. Goodbye and good riddance.

With that horrible task out of the way, I decide to not tell the parents that their kids are safe, since that will mean another hour of dealing with imbeciles. Instead, I walk back to my house, climb onto Epona, and head out.


But just as I'm about to leave Ordon, I remember that the Skeleton-Man was waiting for me in the Ordon Spring, so I go to see what HIDDEN FRICKING SKILL he will bestow upon me this time. He's waiting for me by the now boarded-up "secret" entrance to Ordon Spring and when he sees me, he crouches, growling. I draw my sword again, but before I can do anything, he's lunged at me, and the world's all white again.

We're in Skeleton-Man's white netherworld again, and the golden wolf howls and becomes Skeleton-Man.

"We meet again," he says. "You have a little more the look of a hero that you did before...Do you feel ready to earn your next skill?"

Oh hell yeah.

"Very well...But before we begin, I must test you to ensure you have mastered the last skill I taught you... the Ending Blow. Now then, come at me!" He raises his goliath of a sword and gets into a ready stance, but lets me slash at him and perform my HIDDEN FRICKING SKILL. Then, after I jump off him and he stands up, he nods in approval. "Excellent. It appears you are certainly capable of performing my lost art. Very well. My second skill is... the Shield Attack! Let it be hewn into your mind!"

The shield attack? Really? Aren't shields you know...for shielding? Ah, whatever... I'll learn it anyway, since it's a HIDDEN FRICKING SKILL!

Skeleton-Man begins his explanation of the attack. "No matter how well-tempered a blade is, if a foe is clad in armor and bears a shield, the sword will do it no harm. When facing such a foe, you must target them and thrust your shield forward against the defenses of your enemy. Target me, then try it! You have learned much, so I am sure you will know the moment you can do a Shield Attack!"

After crossing our blades, he crouches and raises his sword again, and I play the waiting game. As he inches towards me, I suddenly lunge with my shield and follow up with a jump and a vertical slash trough the air. Skeleton-Man gets knocked off balance, and when he gets back into a stable position again, he nods in approval. "Excellent! Open a hole in your enemy's defenses and use your sword to strike without hesitation! The shield attack I have just taught you can also be used to repel an enemy's projectile attacks. Would you practice? Then repel my magical attack with your shield attack!"

Then he sends a rather slow orange ball of energy at me, and I use my Shield Attack on him. He gets hit, but immediately recovers and nods again. "Perfect! When your enemies assail you with projectiles, this is how you will defeat them with ease! Done! You have learned the second of my hidden skills, the Sheild Attack!"

Yay! He stopped talking! I demonstrate one last time and do my awesome annoying sword-twirly-thing. I now have not one, but two, HIDDEN FRICKING SKILLS!!!

"But I have five more secrets to teach you...in time," Skeleton-Man finishes cryptically. "The path to becoming the true hero is a long one, but once you have grasped all of the hidden skills, you shall be worthy of walking it. You must persist on the lonely path of the sword to obtain true courage and earn the strength to conquer the great evils of the world! Do not forget your discipline with the blade before we meet again!

Now he really finishes talking, and disappears as the world goes white again.


I really need to find out why Skeleton-Man is so hung up on having the world go white all the frigging time.

Oh, well. No time to worry about that now. I walk back over to Epona and climb on, and steer her out of the Ordon Spring and back onto the road. Time to go back to Kakariko Village...

Thankfully, the rides through both Faron Woods and Hyrule Field are pretty uneventful. I got a bottle full of oil from Coro the Coward before I headed out, and I crushed most of the monsters I came across with Epona.

But about halfway through Kakariko Gorge, I saw a battalion of Bulbins on Bulbos charging for Kakariko Village. And I'd be damned if I had to find those stupid helpless brats all over again.

So I put on my best scary face and followed them. However, when I got there, the biggest, ugliest Bulbin of the lot was holding up an unconscious Colin (stupid Colin...), and urged his ugly blue Bulbo forward.

I hate everyone right now. And since I'm not allowed to kill any of the brats, it looks like this King Bulbin douchebag is going down.

I force Epona to sprint out onto Hyrule Field, and King Bulbin is waiting for us once we're there. He somehow managed to tie Colin to the very top of his spear, and then he took out a horn and blew into it, making a very loud, ugly sound.

I really need other words for ugly...

Eldin suggests "cacophonous"

Tell Eldin I suggest he shuts up.

Eldin says that unless you want to hear him directly while you fight off these idiot Bulbins you'd better call the noise that horn made cacophonous.

Hold on, he can directly use telepathy?

I can project his thought-voice through my telepathy for a little while.

You choose NOW of all times to tell me this?!

Just fight the fucking Bulbins!

Did I mention that during this internal conversation, Several Bulbos had charged from near the Twilight Curtain and were currently trying to main me terribly while King Bulbin was trying to get away, and that now I had to knock all the annoying distractions off their Bulbos while forcing Epona to keep up with King Bulbin so I could slash at him too? I forgot? Oh, well now you know.

Not to mention, Epona can't ever move FUCKING FAST ENOUGH to reach King Bulbin, so she keeps putting on these bursts of speed and then slowing down right as his minions catch up. So then I attack them. After a while it kills them and sends their Bulbos hurtling over the cliff, but it's so annoying, too, and I can't imagine how tired Epona's going to be after all this. Oh, well, serves her right for not moving fast enough...

The fight takes the better part of the day, and takes us over the field and towards a huge bridge, It's about there at sunset where I finally hack King Bulbin's armor off. He slumps backwards on Lord Bulbo, and sits up again as he reaches the bridge, me fast behind him. However, me jumping over the wooden barriers after him turned out to be not such a good idea, because the moment I get over the barrier, a Bulbin archer fires a fire arrow at the barrier, preventing me from going back.

Well, shit.

At the other end of the bridge, another barrier is burning behind King Bulbin, and Lord Bulbo is pawing at the stone, preparing to charge.

...Apparently they're into jousting.

Suddenly, Lord Bulbo starts snorting, rears his head, and charges rather fast for a huge fat blue boar with stubby legs. So Epona rears and charges him. I suppose I'll have to slash away at King Bulbin again, but do they have any idea how dangerous this is? Jousting on a narrow stone bridge with no railings or walls or anything over a Goddesses-know-how tall drop into whatever's at the bottom? Idiots.

So, for being such idiots, I whale King Bulbin in all of two runs. The second time I hit him, I manage to swipe under King Bulbin and send him hurtling into what looks like a gorge, amazingly not sending Colin with him. Shame. I guess you can't always win...

But that's not important right now, because the sun is setting, there's an amazing background behind me, and Link senses a HERO SCENE MOMENT!!!

I send Epona to the center of the bridge, and she rears magnificently while I raise my sword above my head with the Twilight behind us.

Okay, people. Enough of that. Show's over; go home.


Colin wakes up back in Kakariko about an hour later. "Link..." he mutters, "Is everyone...OK?"

I nod, smiling. Unfortunately, yes.

Then he notices Talo and Beth crowding around him as well. He doesn't see Luda or Malo or Renado, but he was more worried about Beth. "..Good..." he mutters, smiling, taking a mental head count. "Beth...I'm sorry. You know... for shoving you. Are you mad?

Jeez, she better damn well not be after he threw himself in front of an ugly giant blue Bulbo just to save her. Heck, if it'd been me I would've snapped photos and cheered for King Bulbin.

Beth shakes her head violently.

Colin turns to me. "I...I think I finally understand. I understand what my dad meant when he told me I needed to be stronger, like you, Link..." He raises his hand. "He wasn't talking about strength, like lifting stuff. He was talking about being brave..." He closes his fist with a really funny look of childish determination on his face before letting his fist drop. "Link...you saved me, didn't you?"

Yup. I have an image to maintain, after all...

"You...you can do anything..."

Because I'm awesome. Keep going, Colin.

"You can do something to help the Gorons in the mine, too, can't you, Link?"

Oh, why does everything have to go back to the Goddess-damn Gorons?!

But after getting my affirmation, he randomly passes out and gives everyone a shock. Talo tries to lift him up, but he's too small and it's really funny to watch him struggle and fail until Renado walks over and carries Colin to the Elde Inn to rest. They leave without another word.

With a determined look of my own, I turn and face the mountain before me. It's time to face the Gorons.


Yeah, in case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm semi-bashing all the characters, since Link's sarcastic and hates everyone.

Cacophonous: dissonant, strident, grating, raucous; having a harsh or discorded sound. Antonym: euphonous: having a pleasing sound. Example: Koji Kondo's works for Legend of Zelda are euphonous. Me attempting to recreate them with no instrumental experience using a one-man band set would be cacophonous.

So, despite the fact that Impy only said one or two lines, what do you think? Chapter 10 to be up soon, hopefully.