Okay, so here's another chapter...LoLs....
I just wanted to say thankyou to all the reviews that have been received - I didn't start the story again but I did re-upload it HaHa! Hopefully you guys will stick with through all the chapters that are to come!!
Have fun reading and enjoy!!!
P.S. Special thanks to Padma for this chapter and it's fully dedicated to her! :)
She stirred slightly, mumbling some incoherent words that made no sense – her fingers clenching tightly. She curled closer to the warmth, feeling the protection from it. She didn't want to open her eyes, she didn't want to face what was to come – she was more than happy to stay where she was.
'Lilly…'
"Mphhh…" She knew the voice, she could recognize it anywhere but, she didn't want to leave. She was comfortable. She was protected – she didn't feel the pain anymore. Wherever she was; she was safe.
'Lilly…'
The voice was a little louder but not enough for her to open her eyes. It was never easy to wake her up especially when she didn't want to leave. Gripping whatever she was holding tighter, she clung to it – burying deeper into its embrace.
"Lillian!"
"Go away…" she mumbled, waving a hand out towards the offending person. She was startled as her hand was gripped and yanked – pulling her right out of bed and onto the floor. Landing on her bum, she glared angrily towards the boy; daring him to say another word.
"We've gotta talk!" His voice was stressed from his quiet hisses and her angry looks. He knew that she'd be mad but she'd realize just where she was and then smile and nod – he knew her well-enough to know that she didn't want to wake up in Joes' arms just yet.
"Now? Really? Right when I'm sleep…why are you whispering?" Her voice was normal; there wasn't any cautiousness in it. She just wanted to crawl back to the safety – she just wanted to crawl back to bed.
"Turn around," he smirked, raising an eyebrow at the girl's clueless-ness. It was cute at times but at the moment, it was slightly irritating – he needed to get her out of there before he woke up.
She turned slowly, scared there was some sort of giant animal behind her – she jumped back in shock. There was Joe – clutching the pillow where her head had just lain. She knew that that was where she once was; she was in his embrace again. She still felt his touch. She still felt his breath.
Reaching out, she glided a hand along his tussled hair – placing the strands away from his eyes. Her hand slid along his cheek, remembering the contours of the face she knew so well – it was all like a memory. She hadn't seen him so peaceful since they were on tour. She had seen him so helpless since she had told him of her disease.
"Lilly…"
His voice shocked her out of her reverie – she shouldn't be doing this. She stepped back, breathing slowly as she was lead from the room. Her gaze never left the boy on the bed as she backed out. She knew that they had to talk but today wasn't that day. She couldn't face him today – not when her emotions were out-of-control.
"Lilly…I'm…I'm sorry about that. He must've just fallen asleep…his medicati-"
"You don't need to say anything Nicholas," she interrupted, shaking her head at the boy. He didn't need to apologize for his brother – it wasn't his fault.
"I shouldn't have let h-"
"You wouldn't have been able to stop him if you tried Nicky…seriously, don't worry about it," she smiled towards him, ruffling his curls. She liked that he was so protective of her but; no one would be able to stop Joe if he really wanted to do something.
"Still Lilly…I th-"
"Leave it alone Nick J, there's no need to go over it again," she snapped lightly, her soft gaze turning to a glare. She didn't want him continuously apologizing; there was nothing that could have been done.
"Sorry…" he mumbled, blushing slightly as he realized he had pestered her a bit. He just didn't want her to run again. He didn't want to see his brother like he was again. He didn't want to see anyone like that ever again.
"Nick! What are you doin-…Lilly…" Kevin interrupted their conversation, opening the hotel door. He had just gotten back from going for a run and he was startled to see the two up.
"Hey Kev…" she blushed lightly, running a tired hand through her hair. She didn't know if she was ready to face the brothers but it seemed as if her time was running out. They just seemed to appear out of nowhere – maybe it was just bad luck on her part.
"Lilly…wha…are…hey," he finished helplessly, unsure of what he was supposed to do. This was the girl that had broken his family apart but he couldn't hate her for it – she was doing what was best for her. She was just doing it to heal herself – he couldn't blame her.
She stared at him, his feet shuffling across the floor and her eyes widened – he was lost. She had always been able to read the boy like a book and she knew exactly what was going through his head. She didn't think he would have been so affected but she was wrong – everyone had seemed to be affected. The eldest Jonas boy was as lost as she was and she couldn't take seeing that.
"Oofmp…" His vision blurred as she tackled him, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. He didn't know what to do – he could hardy remember when she had given him a hug. His eyes widened as she squeezed, burying herself deeper into him – pulling him even closer to her.
"I'm sorry Kevin…everything…everything is just so screwed up," she whispered into his chest, breathing deeply as he wrapped his own arms around her. She had always hugged him like she was; desperately clinging to him. Their relationship was different from the one she held with the other two – it wasn't as conventional. He was all three of them in one; a brother, a best-friend and a boyfriend. He was always there whenever she asked and she had loved him for it.
"It's okay…we'll get through it Precious," he smiled, squeezing her gently as she let out a giggle. He could hardly remember when he had felt as whole as he did right then and he was thankful that Lilly was back – maybe things could return to the way that they had been. Maybe his brothers could get back to the way they were.
"You were always the special one," she grinned, leaning out of his embrace. He was always the special one – even though he didn't get as much attention as the other two, people still loved him. He was the kind, heartfelt supportive hand as the boys' got on-stage; he was the driving force behind his two younger brothers – he was the glue that held the family together. If he broke apart then everyone else would slowly follow.
He just sent her a wink in return to her compliment – grinning widely at the girl. She really was a catch and he was gonna make sure his brother didn't screw it up like last time. She had run far too long – she needed to stay for awhile.
"I like how you guys just ignore me…" Nick muttered angrily, pouting at the duo. He knew that they were like that but he wanted to know what Lilly was about to do. Joe would wake up soon and if he found her gone then the shit would hit the fan as some would say.
"Aw Nicky…let me give you a hug…" Kevin grinned, enveloping the boy in a big bear hug.
"No…no! Get away!" Nick squealed slightly, blushing as he heard the girlish-ness in his voice. It just wasn't fair when Kevin hugged you – he was just too strong for them to escape.
"Come on! Give your big brother some love…"
"Kevin! Awa-"
"You know you wanna…"
"Ten feet Kevin! Ten feet-"
"Just a little one? You look a little unlov-"
"Ten feet! I'm warning you"
"Or you'll do what lil'bro? You know I'm strong…"
"No! It's a tie Kevin! It's a tie!"
"In your dreams! I'm older, wiser and stronger!"
"At least I act my age!"
"What are you talkin' about?! Of course I act my age! How can I not when I have you guys as brothers?!"
"At least we're fun! You just drink coffee! And…and have scones!"
"I don't even like scones!"
"What are we arguing about?!"
"I dunno…do you?!"
"Are ya done yet?" she asked, giggling slightly at their flushed faces. It was amusing to watch the two brothers fight – especially when she knew that they'd forget the starting topic. It was always the same when it came to the two; neither could ever remember.
"I think so…" Kevin smirked, ruffling his younger brothers' hair. It was fun to fight, especially with Nick, just because it let out some pent-up energy.
"Yeah…we're done," Nick nodded, putting his hair back in place. He hated when his brothers touched his hair.
"Good…because I'm hungry," she pouted, rubbing her stomach slightly. She couldn't remember the last time she ate and she was looking forward to the food in the hotel – it was always nice.
"Always one to think of your stomach aren't ya Lillian?" Nick laughed, slinging an arm around the blondes' shoulders. It was just like old times having the girl with him – it made them forget. She fit perfectly into the missing piece of their puzzle that it was just so easy to go back to the way they were; forgetting all the hurt that had been produced.
"You betch-"
"Lilly?"
She turned around, eyes widening in shock. She knew it was stupid – she knew he'd be there but it was just too soon. She didn't know what to say to him and she didn't know how to act around him. She could still remember his arms around her and even though she had loved it, she couldn't go back there. Too much had changed and she just couldn't take that step backwards. "Joe…"
"Hey…" he breathed, leaning casually against the doorway he stood in. He had woken to his brothers' yells but he didn't want to move from his bed – she had slept next to him. There wasn't the pain that had invaded their lives when they were sleeping – it was just them. It was like it used to be and he didn't want to leave that. He was disappointed that she wasn't there but he did understand. Things still weren't resolved.
"H…hey…" she stuttered slightly, blushing as she felt his gaze travel along her form. She hated that he was able to make her feel so insecure but she loved it all at the same time. The boy before used to be her life and when she walked away – she also walked away from her past; she just didn't know if she wanted to step back again.
He smiled gently as he took a step into the room – watching as his brothers slightly backed out, leaving them to some privacy. He was nervous, it wasn't really a different feeling where Lilly was concerned but it was for a completely different reason – he didn't know where they stood with one another.
"Joe…" she sighed, stepping back as he decreased the distance between them. She didn't want him too close to her – she couldn't think when he was there. He still affected her just as he used too and it was unnerving. Time hadn't changed her feelings for him one bit.
"Sorry," he muttered, dropping his gaze towards the floor. He clenched his fist as he realized her close proximity but the fact that she was just out of reach was slowly killing him. He hated that she seemed to be afraid of him.
She breathed out, biting her lip gently. She could still read the boy like a book opened before her – it wasn't difficult. Joe always wore his heart on his sleeve; years in the entertainment industry had obviously taught him nothing. "I'm not scared of you Joe…I just can't have you there right now…"
"Right…right," he nodded gently, letting the held breath escape his lips. He didn't want her to be scared of him – especially when she was still everywhere around him. It didn't help that the girl was haunting him in his dreams either.
The silence enveloped the two – neither of them wanting to take the first step. It was deafening; the silence was frightening. So many things could be said with just words but silence made you think. Silence made you reflect on past pains you'd rather had kept where they were – in the past.
"Why'd you do it Joey?" Her voice betrayed her; she didn't want that much vulnerability expressed. The sound was frail and weak, showing the pain that the boy before her had caused her. She didn't want to show him weakness. She didn't want to show him that he had hurt her – especially when he had promised he never would.
He locked gazes with her, his eyes widening considerably. He didn't expect the question to be so sudden but he knew that they both needed answers. The only problem with that was that he didn't have any to give. He didn't exactly know what had driven him to do it; all he knew was that it caused him to lose the greatest thing in his life.
"I…I do-"
"Why?" The tears were already clouding her vision. Clenching her eyes closed, she straightened her shoulders and breathed deeply – she needed to hear this.
"You weren't there…" he shrugged helplessly, watching as her eyes narrowed. He knew what she was about to say, what defense she would use but he was there too – she wasn't there. She was busy with all the other artists who demanded her attention and there was nothing left of her to give to him…or his brothers.
"I wasn't there? I wasn't there?! I was there every step of the way Joseph! Or don't you remember that? That blonde slut shoved her tongue all the way to your brain huh?! I knew she looked like an ape but I didn't think she had the tongue to back it up!" Her face was flushed and the unwanted tears scattered across her cheek. She furiously wiped them away; there wasn't supposed to be any more tears to dry. Everything had become so messed up in her life and she didn't need Joe anymore – she had everything she needed to last the 3 months, she could last the rest-of-her-life…maybe.
"Lilly, I don't thi-"
"No! There's no way your blaming this shit on me! I didn't do anything wro-"
"You did nothing wrong?! How 'bout ignoring me for a good month? How 'bout the photos within the tabloids? How 'bout the txt messages? How 'bout the phone-calls at random hours of the morning?" He snapped his control loosening as the girl continuously berated him. He hated that she was able to get under his skin so easily and make him snap. It was a talent of hers – no one could conduct his emotions as well as she could. "Nothing wrong Lilly? I think maybe you should re-think that aspect…"
She widened her eyes at the accusations. It wasn't really her fault – her mother had pushed her to be an image and she had to be that. She had to be what was expected of her – it was just the way her life was. "Joe…You can't be…you can't be serious…"
"No Lilly, you can't be serious…I wasn't the only one to blame…" He didn't want to blame her but he had to make her understand that it wasn't just his fault. There were always two people involved and he needed her to understand just where he stood. They couldn't go on like they were – not anymore.
"We…it was for my…my mother – things weren't going great for the company…we needed…we needed to get new arti-"
"So that's an excuse to play with my feelings?" He questioned quietly, his gaze locking with hers. He hated being so far away from her but so close at the same time. He could feel her breath on his skin – whether it be from last night or from the stillness in the room. He itched to touch her but she wouldn't let him – he stepped an inch, she stepped a mile back.
She read his eyes – startled that he was so open towards her. She could see everything; she had played with him but she just didn't know. Everything that her family had worked for, everything that she had worked for; it was hurting him. The nights, the phone-calls, the meetings – the secrets. He had just recovered from all the ones that she had hidden and new one's were being developed.
"That gives you an excuse to lie to me?"
Her breathing stilled, her eyes tearing up slightly at the statement. She never lied to him – she couldn't. "I never lied to you Joe…" she whispered painfully, biting her lip to prevent the tears. It wasn't supposed to be the way it was with them – he was supposed to be her happily-ever-after. Their world wasn't supposed to be tangled in deceit.
"I find that hard to believe," he retorted, crossing his arms in defiance. He hated that he could see the tears hidden beneath her gaze – he hated that he had caused them. He wanted to wipe them away, kiss every scar that her broken heart had – he wanted to be there for her but she wouldn't let him. She wouldn't let him through the wall again; not after everything.
"I never lied to you," she stated through clenched teeth, glaring at the boy. She couldn't believe that he had to audacity to proclaim things he had no idea about. There was so much going on around him that she knew he had no idea that she was still helping them – even as she had turned away.
She glanced towards the boy as he casually leant against the doorway – challenging in his stare. She took a step forward.
"Lilly…you…I saw you with him…you lied where you were that day…" he said quietly, his eyes widening as she took her step. She was only about four steps away now and he could swear he could feel her heart beating the same rhythm as his.
She bit her lip, her eyes widening at the response. She knew what he was talking about but she didn't believe him. She didn't want to believe him – it would make it her fault. She would be the cause to the break in the relationship; she would be just as everyone viewed her to be. She didn't want to be that person.
She took a step towards him.
"Lilly?" he asked quietly – his words weaving through the silence. He didn't know what she was doing but it scared him. She was never the one to initiate anything between them. She was never the one to offer anything of herself.
She stopped, taking in his appearance. He was scared – frightened of what she was about to do. She hated that; she hated that she had made him so insecure about himself. He was never meant to be that way. "What you saw…it wasn't like…it wasn't like that – there's so much more t-"
"Why didn't you just tell me that? Why didn't you just explain things? Why didn't you j-"
"I didn't tell you because it's apart of my job – just like press is for you and your brothers. I didn't explain things because you wouldn't understand. I didn't just tell you because there was nothing to tell Joseph…there was nothing you needed to know," she stated, unaware of the hurt her words would cause. She didn't know that he was so unsure of himself when it came to her – she didn't know that he needed her just as much as he needed air.
He looked at her – really taking in what she looked like. He could see the damage of the last 3 months, the pain that she had been through – her eyes always told her story, especially to him. She was telling the truth; she firmly believed that he didn't need to know. She believed that truth didn't come with love. She didn't know just what she had done to him with those simple words. Just a few words and everything shattered.
"No one was supposed to see me…" she said, taking another step forth. He was just one step away – he was within arms-length. She didn't know what she was doing. She was mad at him. She was betrayed by him. She didn't want to be near him but she needed to be. She needed to feel him close to her once again.
"I see you…" he whispered, swallowing the tears stinging his eyes. His hands clenched into fists as he saw her smile. He had to get everything out before she was too close to him. He had to make her understand just what he was going through.
"I see you…I've seen you at your worse and at your best. The more I was around you…the more I realized that I loved just being in the same room as you. I loved to just hear you talk, even if not to me…I lo-"
"Joe…"
"No Lilly, I think…I think I need to say this just as much as you need to hear it. I love you…everything in you. I'm in this…whatever this is? I'm in it – till the end. I'm always gonna be there…only, I'm gonna be one step behind…I'm gonna be the one left behind. You always run Lillian…you run and leave everything behind – including me…" He finished brokenly, running a hand through his hair. He just couldn't be there for her when she wouldn't let him anymore. He couldn't always be that one step behind because she wouldn't let him catch her.
She stood there – eyes closed as his words washed over her. He was right. She always did run. When things got tough, she ran the other way. It was a defense. It was a safety-net. She didn't want him to be right – but she knew he was.
"Joe…" The tears stung her eyes as she opened them. She could see the hurt radiating form him – she didn't know what to do. She didn't think about what she had done to him. "I didn't…I didn't mean…"
"You never do Lilly…"
She breathed in sharply, lifting her head to meet his gaze. It was burning with pain. The hurt was rippling off of his skin – it was hard to look. She had never seen him like she was; she had never seen him as he truly was. He was always molded to her ideal – he was always just a perfect image.
"Joey…I do love you…I do…" She was pleading – she knew she was. Her tears leaked through, running down her cheeks. She ignored them, focusing on the bruised boy in front her. He needed her attention – she couldn't keep him at a distance anymore. She either needed to let him in or let him go.
"Just…tell me if you're in this or not Lilly…I can't guess anymore. I can't be waiting on the edge anymore. If you're in this, then be in this…if not, end it now. Let me go if you don't want this because I can't be him anymore Lillian. I can't give and give…I just…I can't…" His voice was soft; as if he was scared he'd frighten her away. He didn't want that. He didn't want the girl to run again but he needed to know. He needed to know if he was the only one in their relationship. It was selfish and it was hurtful but he just couldn't do it anymore. He wanted her – not just pieces she was willing to give.
Her eyes widened, her tears slipping slowly down her cheeks. His words had shattered every belief within her. She was teetering on the brink and she didn't know which way to lean. One offered her old life whereas the other offered the unknown. She didn't want to answer him. She didn't want to make the decision – she didn't want everything to rely on her. She loved him, she did, and she knew she did but she didn't know if she could give him everything he wanted. She didn't know if she could fit into his mold of what she was. She didn't know if she could be his everything.
"Joe…"
Knock. Knock.
She bit her lip as she waited for the door to open – anxiously pulling at the top she was wearing. She didn't now what she was doing. She didn't know why she was where she was; it wasn't what she was supposed to be doing.
"What are you doing here Lillian?"
"I…can I…can I come in?" She looked up at the boy, keeping the tears at bay. She didn't expect this greeting from him – he was supposed to be her best-friend. He was supposed to be the one that was there for her.
He sighed, looking the girl up and down. He could see that she was confused about something – she was always easy to read. He just didn't know if he wanted to listen; not after everything that had happened. He didn't know if he wanted to be there for her anymore.
"Please…"
He stepped aside; knowing that it would've taken a lot for her to come. She never pleaded – not when it could be avoided. She hated to rely on other people but she was offering something to him and he had to take it. Whatever she gave, he'd take.
----
"What are you doing here?"
"I just…you asked what was happening…you asked for some answers for…for everything. You still want them?" Her gaze was at her feet as she took a seat on his couch – her shoulders hunched. She didn't know what she was doing but her feet had led her where she was – they had led her to him.
"Only…only if you want me to hear them Lilly – you shouldn't feel pushed too…"
"I don't wanna feel this way anymore Ollie…I don't wanna be this way anymore. There's so much…there's so many things that could've happened but didn't. There's so many things that could've been done but no one did anything. I know I shouldn't have run…I know okay? But…everything was crashing down – everything was closing in on me and I couldn't breathe Ollie…I just…I couldn't breathe anymore," she whispered, letting the tears fall. She didn't want to show any weakness before him but he was her best-friend. They had known each other for so many years and she had left him in the dark. She had left him with the others and she was sorry for that. They had made a promise to each other to never lie or keep things from the other – she had broken that vow.
"Lilly…" He wanted to go to her – hold her in his arms but he held himself back. He could tell that there was more to explanation than that little piece of information. It was hard to understand but he was beginning to understand. All the pieces weren't crashing down – they were coming together. Everything in her life was fitting together perfectly and she couldn't handle that. She wasn't ready to heal just yet.
"Joe…when I saw him in the hospital…he was all bro…broken. I don't think…I didn't realize what had happened. Nick and Kevin were by his side – defending him against me. They were defending him against me Ollie…they were so angry at me. I've never…they've never been that angry before – I've never seen them like that…"
He ran a hand through his tousled hair – sighing deeply as the girl before shattered. He knew how hard it was for her to express her feelings through communication but he knew she also needed it. She needed someone who was there that couldn't judge – he just didn't know if he was the person for it. He just didn't know if he could let her back in when she continuously pushed everyone away.
"I was supposed to be protecting the boys…their parents – Jesus Denise and Paul must hate me! I was supposed to be the one the boys could go to for everything but I wasn't. I wasn't where I was supposed to be…" She was rambling – she knew it and he knew it but she couldn't stop. Once the words had started to flow then there was no stopping them. There wasn't anything holding them back anymore and she was thankful that she could let them go – at least it was one thing she could let go.
"Why don't you give it up then? Run away…but this time…this time maybe you shouldn't…maybe you shouldn't come back," he murmured, looking towards the girl. He didn't want his words to hurt but he was just saying what he was thinking. If she did run again and didn't come back – maybe then everyone could slowly begin to heal. She was playing with everyone's' hearts when she went and came back as she pleased. They couldn't do it anymore; no one could take the continuous heartbreak and pain she caused.
She gasped, raising her gaze to meet the boys' in front of her. He really believed what he was suggesting would make everyone okay. She just didn't want to though. She couldn't even if she tried – she was the CEO of Hollywood Records, she couldn't just disappear.
"Lilly?"
"Because Oliver…" she whispered, gathering herself to her feet. She looked towards him – his gaze steady on her raised figure. She didn't want to leave him; she didn't want him to be confused anymore than he already was. He just needed to understand that she couldn't just not come back – not when everything she ever loved was with them. Not when her heart was torn to pieces with each step she took away from them.
"I'm not ready to give up Joe…I'm not ready to be without him. It's not just his looks or…or his personality. It's that moment…that moment where the world stops and I feel safe…" She walked towards the door – her words lingering in the silence. She was willing to fight to get everything back that she had lost. She was willing to stand-still and wait for him this time. "I just feel safe…"
Did you enjoy it?? Did you like it?? Was it too long?? It's the longest chapter I've ever written for any story lols - there was just so much to get on the page.
Read and Review!
Thanks for reading!
Sparkz :)
