Mary Margaret and Henry left soon after they arrived. They'd taken a handful of books and thanked her before walking off down the street together. She wouldn't say that their visit had made her day, but it had at least made it better than it had been. Seeing Henry as a normal teenage boy brought her some form of comfort. It made her feel like his sacrifice hadn't gone to waste, that even if Henry couldn't remember the deed, he was at least living the life that he'd wanted him to have.

And Mary Margaret was kind, that had always been her impression of her despite the little that they'd interacted, but she knew that she just wouldn't understand what was going on inside of her. Her family was safe. She knew where they were and what they were doing. She knew they were alive. All she had was Baelfire. And right now she couldn't say with certainty that she knew where he was or what he was doing. As much as she hated to even think the words she had to admit the truth. She didn't know if Neal was alive. All she had was hope.

She wondered if this was what Rumple had felt like for centuries, after he'd lost his father, or Neal, or even her. She understood as she hadn't before, the unease that clawed inside of her, that made her want to close up and never tell a soul what she felt or thought because it wouldn't make any difference. They wouldn't understand. How could they? She didn't even fully understand the strange pains she felt. The sorrow. The determination. The wholeness that she knew didn't belong. How could anyone ever understand that? Understand her? They couldn't. The only one capable of that would have been him. They'd always understood each other. Always. With him gone, no one ever would again.

She'd heard nothing from anyone since she'd left the meeting, no calls, no news. Nothing. So she'd made herself busy, done her best to focus on the task at hand, and got to work. She found all the books that she had on magic. But they weren't the books that she needed. They were the books from this world. The Land Without Magic. She needed information from their world. For the first time she didn't need the fantasy adventure to give her a hypothetical item that didn't exist. She needed assurance. She needed the books from their world. Fortunately for her, she knew exactly where to find what she was needed.

So she'd locked up the library for the night, walked across the street, and into the pawn shop. It was still intact, still just as she'd left it yesterday night when she'd finally picked up the mess the broken shelves had made on the floor. Still comforting, still warm. As much as she wanted to bask in it, she'd wasted no time in going to the back, finding the row of spell books he kept hidden from prying eyes, and picking one to page through.

Items. She needed items. Something that was already in existence, already enchanted. She couldn't waste time trying to figure it out for herself. She found things, in passing. A glass that could see between worlds. A sword that could only be possessed by someone meant to rule. Even a reference to the magical beans harvested by giants that could open up the portals between worlds. But it wasn't what she needed! Their magic was too great, she knew that. Enchanting something to find someone or something would have been a simple spell. She didn't know what she was looking for but she knew that it would be small, inconspicuous. It would be the answer to everything.

She jumped as the bell outside chimed and her heart suddenly beat rapidly within her chest. Someone was in the shop. Someone was walking around out front. There were steps coming closer and closer. Baelfire?! Or someone much less friendly. She'd found a sword laying on the floor and placed it on the table before collapsing onto the cot. She didn't know how to use it properly but it was better than nothing. As the footsteps moved closer, behind the counter, and a shadow appeared by the curtain, she lunged. The book fell from her lap, she clutched the sword in her hand, and held her breath…before Ruby stepped into the back room.

The girl smiled as she stepped back and took in what she was sure was a shocking sight. "Were you going to use that on me?" she asked, glancing to the sword in her hand. Her nerves seemed to pass and she smiled as if entertained by the notion. It was a funny thought, if she'd been in a better mood she might have laughed with her. But she was different than before. There wasn't time to laugh. She didn't have the heart. She had to find Neal. It was what she had left.

"I didn't know it was you," she assured her laying the sword against the table and picking up the spell book.

"Sorry, sometimes I forget that not everyone can smell like I can," she apologized gently. But as she moved into the room she could have sworn she thought she heard her mutter "apparently I'm the only one here who can smell like I can".

"What?" she questioned.

Ruby shook her head and dismissed whatever comment she'd made as she glanced around the room with new eyes. Probably another place that she'd never been before and never would have been if Rumple had been alive. "I, uh...I was just making the rounds. Helping Anton with the beans, checking on the lost boys, and I went to the library to check up on you and tell you what happened but...I never know where to look for you anymore," she muttered sitting on a stool. "First you're living in his house, then I hear you're working in the library, now you're here. Are you a librarian or a pawnbroker? Or both?"

She shook her head and settled back on the cot. "I'm neither," she informed her. "I'm just working, just trying to find Neal." Her breath caught on the word as she perceived the woman before her and hope rose within her. "Did they find him?" she asked suddenly, wondering if Ruby had come to tell her good news. "Do they know what happened? Do they know where Neal is or…"

Ruby shook her head, silencing her before she could finish asking. Of course they didn't know. Ruby would have told her the moment she'd come in if it was true. "I got a text from Emma before dinner. All it said was that there was a change of plan and we should just 'go with it'. Then Leroy came into the diner and told everyone during dinner that Emma had found Regina working on a potion in her office. He said that she'd been planning to use it to prove her innocence, to bring their memories back, and that as soon as it was finished we'd know who was responsible for all of this."

She furrowed her brow in confusion as she replayed the message over again in her head. It made as much sense the second time around as it had the first. None! That wasn't a change of plan, that was a different strategy altogether! "I don't understand," she confessed. "What are they trying to do?"

Ruby shrugged, offering another smile, though this one was unsure and nervous. She didn't know either and she clearly didn't like not knowing. "She didn't say."

She sighed and looked down at the book in her lap. Ruby didn't know. Ruby! Mary Margaret's best friend. The best friend of the mother of the savior was clueless! They wouldn't tell her. They never had. Despite the fact that she'd been permanently attached to Rumpelstiltskin's side, they'd never seen her as part of the little team they made up. She was support, but nothing more. Clearly, if they hadn't thought to inform her of what was going on, that hadn't changed. For all she knew they would find Neal, but it could be days later before they finally got around to telling her. They didn't understand her determination, her need to find him. They'd be of no help to her. In the end, her only hope, her only help, rested in the books. In finding the right one, the right plan, the right…whatever it was that she needed.

"What are you reading?" Ruby asked quietly. She nearly jumped, forgetting that she was there with her.

"It's a spell book," she explained.

"I thought you didn't care for magic."

"I don't, but…" But she was desperate. But she felt as though she was drowning in this sense of purpose and determination that she shouldn't have, that he should have taken with him. "I'm looking for something."

"What?" she questioned. Neal. Information. An item that she wasn't even sure existed but she hoped would. Help. Hope.

"I don't know," she admitted, shoving the book off her lap, sitting forward, and rubbing her hands over her face. How was it she couldn't remember a minute of the last year of her life, but she felt as though the last three days, ever since she'd woken up in that bed, seemed to have taken hundreds of years.

"There's something else going on, isn't there?" Ruby went on with a swallow, looking her over with suspicion. "There's something wrong, something besides the obvious? Something you're not telling me? Or Granny, or anyone else for that matter?" she prodded.

She glanced up at her friend, her curiosity growing again. Did that suspicion of Ruby's come from the look she had on her face? Or did it come from something that she felt too? Something that Mary Margaret hadn't trusted her enough to confide in her? Or was she really alone? Was she the only one that didn't feel like something was right on the inside?

"I don't...I don't feel like I should," she admitted quietly. "Something doesn't feel…right."

"What do you mean?" Ruby asked, looking her over with a sympathetic worried face. It wasn't accusing, didn't judge, which she appreciated seeing as she had nothing but a feeling. But she didn't feel comfort, her curiosity was like a strange itch she couldn't reach. She didn't want to have to explain it, she just wanted someone to understand it. She wanted him to understand it as he always had, with or without words. But he was gone and Ruby was here, sitting with her, asking if she was alright. He was gone. And she supposed she should just get used to talking to other people about what was going on within her. It wasn't as if anyone would ever be able to understand her as he had again. That kind of understanding came only once in a lifetime, the product of a unique love. But Ruby would be a start.

"Belle?" Ruby prompted at her silence. "What's wrong?"

She sighed, trying to think of the words of a way to describe it. A way to make her understand. "When he was in Neverland..." picking the only place she could think to begin, "when he was in Neverland and I wasn't sure when or if I'd ever seen him again, I missed him day and night. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, but I knew that he was alive. I can't explain how, I just knew that if he were gone I would have felt it. And I did, a year ago." She pressed a hand to her heart as she swallowed the lump that had risen in her throat as everything she'd felt that day, that moment, flowed back into her as though a dam had broken somewhere in her heart. But they were only memories, ghosts of the feelings she'd had. They weren't really within her now. And she wanted to know why more than anything else.

"I felt what happened to him. It felt…like the end. Like nothingness. Like someone had reached inside of me and pulled out my soul. Broken a connection that I'd always had. It was certain and unquestionable and undeniable, and I'd have felt that pain if he'd been right in front of me or in another realm. But now?!" she laughed falsely, it was either force a laugh or cry and she wasn't sure that she had the strength to cry at the moment. "Now...ever since I woke up that morning…I still miss him, but I don't feel like I did. I miss him. But it's the same feeling I had when he was in Neverland. He's gone, but I still feel as though I'm just waiting for him to come back. There is nothing certain about it. I just don't understand why I don't feel it! How something like that could change over such a short period of time with or without memories!"

Ruby looked her over sadly, as if she might be the one to cry if she said something more. Had she gotten through to someone? Did she understand? Did she think she was crazy for wanting the feeling she'd had before? "You think it means something?" she asked.

Meant something? She hadn't considered that. That it might mean something. That there was a reason, a purpose, for the feeling. But if there was something that it meant, she couldn't fathom what it was. She'd seen him die, she'd felt him die, her brain seemed to understand just fine. It was the rest of her that had suddenly refused to believe the truth. "I don't know," she answered honestly.

"Is that why you're reading spell books?" Ruby asked. "You think it might tell you what's wrong?"

"No," she shook her head and pulled the large volume back onto her lap. She hadn't thought to check his spell books or notes to see if he had anything written down on true love, but now that she mentioned it, it wasn't a half bad idea. He'd studied true love before the curse was cast, he'd told her that before but said little about what he'd discovered. Maybe he'd have something at home that could help, something hidden away to answer her questions. For all she knew, what she felt was perfectly normal. "No, I'm looking for something. Something to find Neal and anyone else who might be missing."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, but there has to be something!" she insisted turning the book open again to the pages she'd been on before Ruby had turned up and paging through it again. "Some object that exists to find something. Fairy dust. A magical bow and arrow. A-"

"Compass?" she glanced up at Ruby's suggestion. No, not a suggestion. There was more than a suggestion in her eyes. It was an idea.

"You have something that could help?!" she assumed eagerly. "A compass?"

"Well…I don't have anything," she corrected. "I've only ever heard stories. Declinatio de Adpeto, that's what they called it."

"Compass of desire," she translated. If it was what it sounded like that might be precisely what she needed. Her desire, her greatest wish was to find Baelfire, if there was a compass in existence that could lead her straight to him then that was what she needed to find! "Do you know where to find it?!"

She shook her head, "I only ever heard a story or two, never saw it, never learned where it came from. People searched for it, but I've no idea if they were successful or not. I don't even know if it's real or just a legend!" A legend? Real? Legends always started somewhere, even if they morphed into wild fantasies over time, there was always something true about them! "I'm sorry I don't have more than a name for you, but-"

"It's more than I had before!" she corrected Ruby. It was a name, it was a place to start.


Okay, see that little tiny scene at the diner is also why I tend to think that the entire thing was staged. It appears that Emma told Grumpy what to say there, or Regina told him and for him to listen and change his opinion of her on the spot like that...it just all seems planned to me. Not spontaneous at all. But again, I'll let ya'll be the judge for your own opinion on the matter. It's up to you!

Thank you to Onlyinyourdreams77, Meredith Pechta, Magicklibra, Sara K M, Grace5231973, Katido, Deweymay, Galloper, and LaurieAHancock for your awesome reviews of the last chapter. I'm glad that there is something we are all looking forward to with Belle and her father! Peace and Happy Reading!