Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
Chapter nine
Burt Hummel was a proud and strong man. He rarely ever cried, and could count on one hand how many times he'd really cried in his life.
Four.
And those times were not including when he was a kid, because really? Who counted those anymore?
The first time was when his wife had said 'yes' when he'd asked her to marry him. He'd been ecstatic. And no one could really blame him; he'd been in love with her for a few years before he got the courage to ask her out.
The second time was when Kurt had been born. With his wife sleeping like the dead, Burt had reached into the small crib-like bed that Kurt had been placed in and taken Kurt into his arms. He'd leaned down and said, "Hey there, little guy. I'm your dad."
Kurt had opened his eyes briefly, smiled a tiny smile, then fell back asleep.
Burt just couldn't hold the tears back any more. He was a father, and he'd be damned if he didn't do a good job of raising his kid.
The third time was at Liz's funeral. Kurt had grabbed his hand and had asked, "Is there a way to wake Mommy up, Daddy? I don't want her to go in the ground. She's my Mommy, and she's the best. Can't they just make her better?"
Burt turned and pulled Kurt into a tight hug, and he found himself crying as he explained why they were putting her in the ground, and why she wasn't coming back.
Number four was when he told that his kid was going to die.
He'd already lost Liz, and now he was going to lose his son? It just wasn't fair. But he'd told himself that he had to be strong for Kurt, that he had to be there, because this was going to be harder for Kurt than it was going to be for him.
But when he'd walked into the exam room where Kurt was sitting, Kurt had looked up at him with red and wide eyes and tear tracks on his cheeks. "Dad," he'd whispered. "I don't want to die... I don't want to leave you."
And Burt broke.
Other than those four times, Burt had never really had a good hard cry. He thought that he had a while before his next hard cry, but as Kurt walked into the kitchen, painfully slow, Burt just knew that something was wrong.
And then Kurt looked up at him and Burt knew: the time was coming.
Kurt's cheeks were more hollow than they had been the previous week, the dark circles were darker, and from where he was standing Burt could see that Kurt's limbs were shaking. Kurt went back to staring at the ground, as if it was too hard to keep his head up. "I'm so tired, Dad..." He whispered. "I've been sleeping so much, but I'm still so tired."
Burt walked forward and pulled his son into a gentle hug and he could feel the tears beginning to fall. He had thought that this day wouldn't come for a while. Kurt had been doing great according to his doctor. But it seemed like his heart just couldn't take it any more. After he picked up an unwilling Kurt and put him back to bed, Burt went to his room and cried, because he wasn't ready for his son to leave.
No father is ever ready to lose their child.
Twenty minutes later he got up and made all of the calls, to Kurt's friends, his boyfriend, and to his family. Then, there wasn't much else to do but wait. He knew that later Kurt could possibly feel better, but he knew not to get his hopes up.
So, it surprised him when Blaine called him on one of Kurt's good days and asked if he could take Kurt out. It was going to rain later on in the day, so Burt really didn't want Kurt out in the rain, even if he was feeling stronger. But Blaine persisted, mentioning something about Kurt's bucket list and about Kurt wanting to have a dance in the rain. He said that he'd take really good care of him, and make sure that he got Kurt back if he showed any signs of weakening. Burt could hear the love in Blaine's voice as he talked, and who was he to keep Blaine away from his son?
Burt said yes.
[*]*[*]
It was raining.
He didn't know why Blaine had been so adamant that they go to their pond, but he'd agreed. Blaine had shown up at the house at eight, and Kurt had been surprise when his dad told him to go with Blaine, then told Blaine to have him back at the scheduled time. Blaine had already been holding Kurt's hand in one arm, and the look on his face was one that Kurt couldn't ignore.
He'd nodded, then said simply. "Let me get my shoes on..."
Blaine had an umbrella waiting for them on the porch, and as soon as the door had closed behind them, he'd flipped it right side up and opened it, hugging Kurt close to him as they walked to the car. He'd refused to answer Kurt's questions as to what they were doing, and eventually Kurt stopped asking. They'd parked in the empty parking lot, and Blaine had told Kurt to stay in his seat, then rushed out of the car, opened the umbrella, and the proceeded to open Kurt's door for him.
"You're being a real gentleman," Kurt had tried to joke, but it was ruined when Blaine looked at him with wide eyes and then leaned forward to kiss him.
As much as Kurt had wanted it to be longer, Blaine pulled away as quickly as he could, then began to drag Kurt towards the pond.
"Blaine," he'd said. "What are you doing?"
Once they'd reached the pond, Blaine had let go of him and stepped out from underneath the umbrella. Kurt could only stare at him. "Blaine, get back under here! You're going to get soaked!"
Blaine shook his head, letting the rain pour over him. Then, he held out a hand. "Dance with me, Kurt."
Kurt stared at him. "What?"
"Come dance with me." He sounded like he was trying to resist pleading, and Kurt didn't know what to do.
"...why?"
Blaine took a step towards him, hand still stretched out. "Because, you always said that something you wanted to do in your life was dancing in the rain with someone who loved you." His eyes were wide, and his tone was taking on more of a pleading one. "It's raining," he said, looking up at the sky for a second before turning his gaze back to Kurt. "I love you, and I want to dance with you. Please, Kurt. Please."
Kurt looked down at the ground to his left, biting his lip and tightening his grip on the umbrella handle. He didn't know why he was hesitating, but...
He glanced back up at Blaine, who was still holding his hand out and who was breathing heavily; he looked so sad and helpless and in love, and that was what caused Kurt to lower the umbrella to the ground and take Blaine's hand. Blaine's grip on his was tight, and he pulled Kurt towards him and tucked his head against Kurt's neck.
Kurt inhaled and closed his eyes as Blaine rocked them slowly, feeling the rain fall all over him. He sighed, then let his head fall against Blaine's and he smiled. It was only a second later that he realized that Blaine was singing. Well, he wasn't singing, but more like saying the words to the beat of the song in his head.
"Before you met me, I was all right, but things were kind of heavy. You brought me to life..."
Blaine cut off, and Kurt could hear a sob escape. "Blaine?"
"Now, every February, you'll be my Valentine..."
"Blaine...? Blaine, are you okay?"
Blaine pulled his head back and looked him in the eye. Kurt could make out the tears on his face and so he leaned in and planted a kiss on Blaine's lips. It was soft, not passionate at all; just a small kiss to confirm that, yes, he was there, and yes he was still alive. Blaine's grip around his waist tightened until he decided to pull away.
Kurt hummed a little, but smiled all the while. "Why did you do this for me, Blaine?"
Blaine stared at him, then leaned in and planted a needy kiss on his lips. As much as Kurt wanted it to go on, he wanted to know why Blaine had done this for him, so he pulled away and eyed his boyfriend intensely.
"Blaine, please tell me."
Blaine sighed sadly. "You told me one of your dreams was to dance in the rain with someone who loved you... You have a list of things that you wanted to do in your life, and so help me god if I couldn't make at least a few of them come true."
Dammit, now Blaine was going to make Kurt himself cry. "But, you know you can't make all of them come true. I mean, I want to do so many things."
"But if there was any that I could make happen, I wanted do my best to make them come true, Kurt. I love you." Blaine leaned forward and placed a kiss on his lips. "I love you, I love you, I love you."
Each word was accented with a kiss to his lips, and Kurt didn't want the moment to end. He wanted to kiss Blaine forever underneath the rain. And when Blaine kissed him again, then ran his tongue over Kurt's bottom lip, he groaned and shivered. He kissed back as passionate as Blaine was, but eventually pulled away and muttered. "Blaine, I'm tired." He hated to say it, but it was true, and if they stayed in the rain they would both get sick.
Blaine nodded against his head. "Okay, okay... I'm going to spend the night tonight, okay?"
Kurt nodded at him and together, hand in hand, they headed back to the car.
The ride back was completely quiet, neither of them talking, just holding hands and letting the warmth from the other fill them to the brim. Blaine's grip eventually got too tight, though, and Kurt had to let go. Blaine transferred his hand to Kurt's thigh then, and Kurt placed his on top of Blaine's, letting the small caresses of his hand soothe him.
When Blaine dropped him off, it took all of Kurt's willpower to get out of the car. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay in the car with Blaine forever. "Blaine?"
Blaine turned and pulled Kurt into a tight hug. "I love you," he said firmly. "I love you."
Kurt hugged him back as tight as he could. "I love you, too. I love you so much."
Blaine eventually let him go, but said with a small smile, "I got permission from your dad to spend the night with you for as long as you want."
Kurt allowed a smile to appear on his face. "Really?"
"Yeah."
Kurt leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on Blaine's lips. "I'd love that."
Blaine returned the kiss with a smile. "Me too.
[*]*[*]
Somehow, Blaine spending the night all of the time reached the rest of Kurt's friends, and they started appearing at Burt's doorstep at around five each night, donning pajamas, pillows and sleeping bags. A few came with some of Kurt's favorite movies, and later in the night, Burt would walk into their living room and see all of them sleeping, every one of them as close to Kurt as they could be.
This went on for two weeks, Kurt being able to sleep with them. But one night, he was barely able to stay awake for the opening credits of the first movie. Burt believed that was when it all hit them for the first time since he'd called to let them know of Kurt's current state of health.
Kurt's heart was almost done.
It was scary, thinking about it. Watching someone slip away was terrifying, especially if everyone around them was helpless to do anything about it. It kept getting harder and harder for Kurt to keep his head up, his eyes open, and he kept growing silent. And when Blaine leaned over to press a soft kiss to Kurt's temple, he didn't have the energy to smile back at him.
Kurt passed out against Blaine ten minutes later, and when Burt had reached down to pick him up, Puck said that he'd be the one to do it and smoothly lifted Kurt off of Blaine. Looking down at him, Puck whispered. "I kind of just wanted to be able to pick him up once, and to have it be a good thing. I know that it won't make up for all of the times I picked him up and tossed him into the dumpster, but..." He drew off, then left the room smoothly, trying to to bump Kurt in anyway. Eventually, Puck came back down to an incredibly silent living room and returned to his original spot.
Two hours later, everyone was crowded in the Hummel living room, as close to each other as they could stand. Carole was sitting next to Burt, a comforting hand on his back and her other hand gripping her skirt in a death grip. Mercedes was sitting next to Blaine, their shoulders touching; Blaine had his head in his hands and Mercedes' fingers were constantly tapping an unsteady rhythm on her thighs. Finn and Rachel were holding hands, and she was whispering to him, saying things like, "it's okay," and, "he'll make it", although she seemed to be saying them out loud to try to convince herself more than Finn.
Santana had a lap full of Brittany, who was clutching the stuffed dolphin she'd given Kurt for his Almost-Birthday to her chest. Mike and Tina were huddled together on the ground next to Artie's wheelchair, while Sam and Quinn held hands by the window. Puck and Lauren had taken their spots by the door. Puck was pacing. "God, I hate this," he said, trying to resist slamming his fist against the wall.
Rachel looked up from hers' and Finn's clasped hands. "We all do, Noah, but... I mean, what can any of us do?"
"All we can do is be here for him," Blaine whispered.
Burt lifted his head up from where they had been resting on his fists. "The doctors say that they aren't sure how much longer his heart is going to last, so... Kids," he said, sounding exhausted. "Why don't you just go home? You'll just lose sleep sitting here."
"No," Tina said sternly. "What if something happens? I know that I for one don't want to be in bed sleeping when..." She cut off, then turned and buried her head in Mike's chest.
The room fell silent again.
They let the silence drift over them, each of them going over some of the memories they'd had and shared about Kurt, thinking that maybe one of the happier ones would be able to make them smile, even for just a second, and for a while only the sound of their breathing was heard.
Five minutes later, a creaking sound joined in with the breathing, along with a beeping sound.
"Dad?"
Everyone looked up to see an exhausted Kurt standing in the entrance to the living room. The dim lighting of the room accented the dark circles underneath his eyes, as well as the paleness of his skin, but his eyes were glowing and he looked scared, shocked and happy all at the same time.
Burt stood up quickly. "What is it, kiddo?"
Kurt held out his hand slightly; in his palm he was holding his pager.
It was beeping.
"W-what does that mean?" Artie asked, pointing to the pager.
Blaine was smiling, as well as Carole and Finn. Burt had grabbed his son and had pulled him into a tight embrace. Turning to the rest of the group, Carole said, "It means that he has a donor. The hospital has a heart for him."
[*]*[*]
The trip to the hospital seemed to pass by in a blur. Kurt had been admitted and taken to the prep room faster than anyone could count. They were told to wait in the waiting room, and left alone. None of them could say if this wait was harder, or longer, than the wait for the damn pager to go off.
The surgery was risky, because Kurt was in such poor health. There was a high chance, Dr. Walker had said, that he wouldn't make it out of the surgery. "There might be a chance that his body will reject the heart. I know that right now all you want to hear is good news, but I have to be real with you as well, no matter how much I want this for him as well," she'd said stiffly, immediately going into doctor-mode. "The donor heart could also fail over time as well, but don't worry. If it fails, he will be able to get a retransplant if there is a heart available for him. He has been taking the immune medicine described, yes?"
Burt had nodded, gripping Carole's hand tightly.
"Then you know of some of the risks involved in that, like leaving the kidney open to damage, which, over the years, could result in it failing. Also, and I will tell you all of this again if he comes out of surgery safely, that osteoporosis, the weakening of one's bones, can also appear."
She'd stopped, but then a smile appeared on her face and she relaxed. "Professionally, I needed to tell you that, but personally? I think that he'll make it. He's strong, so I think that he'll come out of it just fine."
Her words echoed through all of them for a while even after she'd left to watch the surgery.
"He's going to make it," Finn said, being the first one to break the silence that was being held over the group. "I know it. We all know it," he said, gesturing to everyone around him. "He's strong."
Puck let out a strangled laugh. "Don't we all. I remember, one time I was tossing him in the dumpster, he didn't go down without giving my face a good kick. My nose almost broke. Good times..." He blinked, then threw his hands up in a gesture of peace. "I mean, I don't throw him in any more; I think he's totally cool and shit, and I would never toss him into a dumpster now..."
Quinn let out a small laugh. "He... He kind of brightened the choir room a bit with his sarcasm and his constant attacks on Rachel's clothing."
Rachel let out a soft, "hey," but other than that she didn't let the small smile vanish from her face. "He did give me rather good fashion advice." She let her head fall into her hands. "I really do like him, even though we go at each other all of the time."
Mercedes reached over and placed a hand on her back. "You can cry if you want... I'll need a buddy to cry with eventually."
Rachel nodded, then turned into Mercedes' offered arms and began to cry.
Santana clenched her hands into fists and bit her lip. "Why is this so fucking hard? I don't even like him that much-"
"You like him," Brittany said softly. "You told me that last week when we were making out."
Everyone turned to stare at Santana, who rolled her eyes. "Okay, fine. So I have a soft spot for Kurt, whatever. I've just never actually cared about someone else other than me. And sometimes Britt."
Brittany stood up and walked over to Santana, then crawled into her lap. "I care about you too, Santana. And I know that Kurt would be happy knowing that you cared about him, because he loves you too." She began to run her fingers through Santana's hair. "I think that's why his heart is not doing so well."
"What do you mean, Britt?" Tina asked, her arms wrapped around her waist.
Brittany shrugged. "I think that his heart was too small to carry all of the love that Kurt has for everyone. He just loves so much that his heart couldn't take it any more."
Santana tightened her grip on Brittany, and finally allowed her tears to fall. "Yeah, Britt. I think so too," she said softly.
Brittany looked up from Santana's hair and motioned for Blaine to come to her. He stood, then slowly walked over to their group and allowed himself to be pulled into a hug. One by one, each of Kurt's friends joined, until they were in a small circle, each hugging each other and trying to find some sort of comfort.
Burt watched all of Kurt's friends, he watched as each of them cried, and he tried to resist the urge to join them as well. Eventually he clapped his hands together to get their attention. "Guys, I know... I know that this will sound weird to you but, I really don't think that Kurt would want you to be crying over him."
Finn pulled himself away from the group hug and stared at his soon-to-be step-father. "What do you mean?"
Burt shrugged. "I talked to him, before he went in. He... he told me that if anything were to happen, he didn't want anyone of us to cry for him. He doesn't want us to remember the sad parts of his life. He wants us to remember the happy memories."
Blaine, who had also left the group hug, nodded. "That sounds like our Kurt. Even when he's in pain and there's a risk he won't make it out, he's still thinking about us."
"Kurt's like that," Artie muttered. "He's a good guy."
"He's a great guy," Blaine mumbled.
Sam reached forward and placed a hand on Blaine's shoulder. "He's amazing. I just wish that I'd gotten to know him better sooner."
"I'm just glad that I got to know him," Mercedes said firmly. "He made my life better."
Eventually, they found it hard to talk, so they fell back on memories once again, each of them holding hands with the person they were closest to. All of them were lost in their own thoughts, so none of them noticed when the surgeon walked into the waiting room. He cleared his throat to get their attention.
"Mr. Hummel?"
Blaine glanced up, and as the surgeon gave them the news everything seemed to fade away. HE was vaguely aware of Mercedes and Tina grabbing each other tightly, as though their lives depended on it. Finn was holding a crying Rachel in a death grip, his mouth open. But they were all Blaine was able to see. He was unable to see Artie's reaction, or Puck's, Quinn's, Sam's. He didn't care that Quinn was sobbing uncontrollably, and that Lauren was attempting to stop Puck from tossing something, her own tears falling down her face. All he could think about was Kurt. His Kurt, who was the most beautiful thing in the world. In his head he was able to hear Kurt's last words to him before he went into surgery.
"I love you, so much. Don't forget that, okay?"
He repeated that over and over again in his head as he fell to the ground, tears streaming down his cheeks.
"I love you, too. And I'll never forget. Ever."
Author's notes: Um... thoughts?
