Chapter 9: The Meadow

As he walked into the sun I almost had to shield my eyes from the shine. He was sparkling? I tried to keep a straight face as he walked over towards me. I must have been doing too good of a job because he looked worried. "If you want to go home…" He trailed off. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I started laughing hysterically.

"Of all the… stupid things… you thought… would scare me… off. This… is what you pick?" I forced out gasping for breath. A smile lit his face.

"This doesn't scare you?" That just made me laugh harder.

"How on earth is this supposed to scare me? I write stories about vampires. My vampires don't sparkle. I mean really? Come on Edward. I thought you knew me better then that." He walked over and sat down just a yard away from me beaming.

"How was I supposed to know that you would react this way?" He said rolling his eyes.

"Have you read any of my writing? I write about vampires with fangs. They can go in the sun because of elemental powers, a ring, or just because that myth's bullshit. How is sparkling supposed to convince me you're a big bad monster?" I questioned holding back yet more laughter.

"I'll show you scary." He muttered. I rolled my eyes.

"You really do think you're a lot scarier then you are. You don't scare me at all." I lied. It wasn't true. He had scared me, but he didn't need to know that. It would go straight to his head. He rolled eyes.

"Now I know you're lying." I shrugged.

"Not really. I mean seriously. You sparkle!" I started laughing again.

"Is it really that funny?" he said smirking. I nodded. "I guess you're right. It is rather absurd." I nodded in agreement.

Some amount of time later (I don't know how long! His face doesn't really have a clock on it and it's the only place I'm looking).

I was curled up watching him as he lay in the grass. The gentle breeze was moving his hair around his face as it shifted mine into my eyes. That wasn't going to work for me. I needed to be able to see his face so I did the unthinkable: I put my hair into a ponytail. I could sacrifice good hair to see him. He was magnificent. His skin cast reflected light over everything within a few yards. It was breath taking. Every now and then his lips would move. It was so fast it seemed like they were trembling. When I asked him what he was saying a while ago he told me he was singing to himself so softly I couldn't hear. That made me smile. It seemed we shared that habit at least.

He was seemed so much like a character out of my book that I was hard to believe he was real. How could someone so perfect actually exist and want me? I shook my head. There had to be some mistake. What was the catch? For now I couldn't find one and I was fine with that, but I had to ascertain that he was real. Tentatively I reached out and touched him. His hand was so smooth, like silk yet hard like stone at the same time. So his skin was like… marble. How odd. When I looked up his eyes were open, watching. "Do you mind?" I questioned ever cautious for he had shut his eyes again.

"No, you can't imagine how good that feels." He sighed. I scooted closer and used my hand to trace the contours of his forearm. I could feel my fingers shaking slightly. There was no way that would escape his notice. I ran over every muscle and vein. I flipped his hand over with help from him. I traced all the lines of his palm. I smirked. His palm was an easy read. Not that I needed to. Palm reading was for those without the true gift. "What are you thinking?" He questioned. "It's so strange not knowing."

"Everyone else feels like that all the time."

"It's a hard life." Why did he seem so bitter? "You didn't answer."

"I was wishing I could believe you were real. I was wishing that I wasn't afraid."

"I don't want you to be afraid." I knew he wished he could say there was nothing to fear, but he couldn't and I was glad he wasn't lying to me.

"That's not really the fear I meant, but it's something to think about." I shrugged. The next second he was propped up on one elbow. If I was normal I would have flinched away from him, but when had I ever been normal.

"What are you scared of then?" he questioned. His breath blew across my face. I instinctually leaned in and inhaled. Then he was gone. His hand ripped from mine. By the time I looked up he was standing on the other side of the meadow near the tree line.

"I'm sorry Edward." I forced out. My empty hand felt like a slap to the face. It felt… wrong. I worked my hardest to keep my shock and pain of my face, but it was hard.

"Give me a moment." He called. I sat still. Ten long seconds later he walked back over and settled down several yards away. "I'm so very sorry." My pulse sped up and adrenaline pounded through my veins as my body realized the danger. Just because they were suppressed didn't mean I had no human instincts. They were just very… very slow. He could smell that with ease from where he was. His expression turned mocking.

"I'm the world's best predator aren't I?" Everything about me invites you in: my voice, my face, even my smell, as if I ever need any of that!" All of a sudden he was standing: instantly out of sight only to reappear beneath the same tree as before, having circled the meadow in half a second. "As if you could outrun me," he laughed bitterly. He reached up with one hand and tore a two foot thick branch from the trunk of a tree as if it was a twig. He balanced it in that hand for a moment, and then threw it with blinding speed, shattering it against another huge tree, which shook and trembled at the blow.

He was in front of me again; standing two feet away, still as a stone. "As if you could fight me off," he said gently. I sat without moving, more frightened of him than I had ever been. I worked to control my emotions. This made him seem more like my Ex's; more prone to violence… I'd never seen him so free or dangerous. His face was ashen, eyes wide. I sat like a bird locked in the eyes of a snake. His eyes were glowing with a rash excitement, then, as the seconds passed, they dimmed. His expression slowly folded into a mask of ancient sadness.

"Don't be afraid," he murmured. "I promise, no, I swear not to hurt you." I could tell he was working more to convince himself them me. He moved with exaggerated slowness. It would have made me want to slap him if I wasn't working to convince myself he wasn't like the others. "Don't be afraid." He whispered mimicking my thoughts. He sat slowly just a foot away from me.

"Please, forgive me. I can control myself. You caught me off guard. I'm on my best behavior now." He allowed time for a response, but I was still beyond speaking. "I'm not thirsty today, honest." That got a laugh out of me even if it was shaky and breathless. "Are you all right?" he inquired tenderly, reaching out slowly, carefully, to place his marble hand back in mine. I looked at his hand, and then at his eyes. They were soft, repentant. I deliberately returned to tracing the lines in his hand with my fingertip. I looked up and smiled timidly. How could I hold that against him? Everyone has … melt downs… His answering smile was brighter then the light reflecting off of his skin.

"So where were we before I behaved so rudely?"

"Ummm…. I really don't remember."

He smiled sheepishly like a child that knows he's gotten off easy. "I believe we were talking about why you were afraid besides obvious reasons."

"Well maybe obvious reasons are making a come back after your little… tantrum." I teased. He rolled his eyes and waited for me to continue. I sighed. "I'm afraid that no matter what I do. No matter how hard I try this is going to end the same way as last time and the time before that." I forced out. He squeezed my hand slightly.

"I'm not going to hurt you like that ever. I swear." I nodded.

"My heart believes you, but my head is doing everything in its power to doubt this and tell me I'm being stupid." I shook my head.

"I should have left long before your attraction grew this large. I should leave now." A crack in my heart started to form at the words.

"I don't want you to leave."

"Which is exactly why I should, but I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company far too much."

"I'm glad."

"Don't be." He said withdrawing his hand. I rolled my eyes. It was my life. "It's not only your company that I crave. Never forget that! Never forget I'm more dangerous to you then I am to anyone else." Now I was confused.

"Sorry if I'm being blunt, but… what the hell do you mean by that?" I questioned. He smirked at my lack of tact.

"How can I explain without frightening you again?" I shrugged.

"Just tell me how it is." I offered.

"Fine: Every person smells different; has a different essence. If you locked a recovering heroin addict in a room with joint what would happen?" I could tell he was worried about scarring me.

"Are you seriously calling yourself a gangster and me your drug of choice?" I nearly laughed at that. Edward as a gangster wasn't something I could picture.

"You are exactly my brand of heroin." He seemed relieved I had caught on.

"Does that happen often?" I questioned, curious.

"I spoke to my brother's about it. Seeing as Jasper is the newest to try our way of life it makes sense that to him each one of you are the same. He hasn't ahd time to distinguish the difference in smell, in flavor." He looked up to meet my eyes quickly. "Sorry."

"I'm fine. Just explain the best you can. If I can write about this stuff I can hear about it." I said confidently.

"Emmett has been with the family longer. He says twice for him. One was stronger then the other."

"What about you?"

"Never," the word seemed to hang there in the air.

"What did Emmett do?" His hand clenched into a fist and he looked away. It was clear he wasn't going to answer. "I guess I can figure it out."

"Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?" His eyes seemed to be begging, pleading with me for understanding.

"What are you asking, my permission?" My voice was sharper than I'd intended. I could guess what his honesty must cost him. "I mean, is there no hope?" Where the hell had all this calm come from?

"No, no: of course there's hope. I'm not going to…" He let the sentence trail off.

"So if we'd met on say… a dark alley way…"

"It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and…" He stopped abruptly, looking away. "When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself." He paused, scowling at the trees. He glanced at me grimly, both of us remembering. "You must have thought I was possessed."

"I thought you were one of those racist retards I was going to have to deal with." He rolled his eyes.

"To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin… I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow." Holly shit. Was he trying to scare me? If anything it was giving me an idea for a story. His golden eyes scorched from under his lashes, hypnotic and deadly.

"You would have come," he promised.

I tried to speak calmly, "without a doubt."

He frowned down at my hands, releasing me from the force of his stare. "As I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there. In that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there… so easily dealt with."

I shivered in the warm sun, seeing my memories anew through his eyes, only now grasping the danger. Poor Ms. Cope; I shivered again at how close I'd come to being the reason for her death.

"But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself not to wait for you, not to follow you from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home. I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was. They only knew something was very wrong. I went straight to Carlisle at the hospital to tell him I was leaving." He actually skipped town? Now I really felt bad. "I traded cars with him. He had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to stop. I didn't dare to go home, to face Esme. By the next morning I was in Alaska."

He sounded ashamed, as if he was admitting a great cowardice. "I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances, but I was homesick. I hated knowing I'd upset Esme, and the rest of my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before, not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl," he grinned suddenly at that. I stuck my tongue out at him in return. "To chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back…" He stared off into space. I didn't speak.

"I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it. It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. Sure I got snippets of thoughts, but that was no where near enough. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Lauren's mind. It was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating." He frowned at the memory.

"I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions… and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again…

"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment: because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her.'" He closed his eyes, lost in his agonized confession.

I listened, more eager than rational. Common sense told me I should be terrified. Instead, I was relieved to finally understand. Common sense seemed to be loosing a lot of battles with me lately… I was filled with compassion for his suffering, even now, as he confessed his craving to take my life. I was finally able to speak, though my voice was faint. "In the hospital?"

His eyes flashed up to mine. "I was appalled. I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power. You of all people: as if I needed another motive to kill you." We both flinched as that word slipped out. Maybe common sense was still there inside my head somewhere… "But it had the opposite effect," he continued quickly. "I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time… It was the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice." He grimaced when he said her name. What was that about? I had an idea, but I wasn't about to voice it now.

"All that next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible, and every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair… it hit me as hard as the very first day."

He met my eyes again, and they were surprisingly tender. I mean come on. After all he had said I had expected anger directed internally or pain not tenderness. "For all that I'd have fared better if I had exposed us all at that first moment than if now, here, with no witnesses and nothing to stop me, I were to hurt you."

I was human enough to have to ask, "Why?"

"Lorianna," he pronounced my full name carefully; then he playfully ruffled my hair with his free hand. A shock ran through my body at his casual touch. "Lori," he used my nickname! I mentally rejoiced. "I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me." He looked down, ashamed again. "The thought of you, still, white, cold…" Was I the only one thinking he was describing me as a vampire instead of jus if I died? Oh hell no! I would be a vampire eventually if this thing lasted! "To never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses. It would be unendurable." He lifted his glorious, agonized eyes to mine.

"You are the most important thing to me now; the most important thing to me ever." My head was spinning at the rapid change in direction our conversation had taken.

From the cheerful topic of my impending demise, we were suddenly declaring ourselves. My heart sped up as I realized he was waiting for my answer. I looked down to study our hands between us; I knew his golden eyes were on me.

"You already know how I feel, of course," I finally said. "I'm here, which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." I frowned. "I'm an idiot."

"You are an idiot," he agreed with a laugh. Our eyes met, and I laughed, too. We laughed together at the idiocy and sheer impossibility of such a moment. So this had been what I had seen in the vision. This had been what had led me to take the chance. This moment was worth all the effort it had taken to get me here.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb." He murmured. I looked away, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word.

"What a stupid lamb," I sighed.

"What a sick, masochistic lion."" He countered. He stared into the shadowy forest for a long moment, and I wondered where his thoughts had taken him. I racked my brain for a new topic. I didn't have to ask him why he had run from me before. It was painfully obvious: I had gotten too close. So what to ask…

"The blush in your cheeks is lovely." He said reaching up to lay his palm gently on my face. The second he placed it there an electric shock raced through my body. Every nerve in my body was on fire. I was hyper aware to his touch. "Be very still." He whispered, as if I wasn't already frozen.

Slowly, never moving his eyes from mine, he leaned toward me. Then abruptly, but very gently, he rested his cold cheek against the hollow at the base of my throat. I was quite unable to move, even if I'd wanted to. I listened to the sound of his even breathing, watching the sun and wind play in his bronze hair, more human than any other part of him. With a deliberate slowness, his hands slid down the sides of my neck. I shivered; I heard him catch his breath, but his hands didn't pause as they softly moved to my shoulders, and then stopped.

His face drifted to the side, his nose skimming across my collarbone. He came to rest with the side of his face pressed tenderly against my chest listening to my heart. Not that he needed to be that close. My heart was beating so fast and loudly that he probably could have heard it from miles away. "Ah," he sighed.

I don't know how long we sat without moving. It could have been hours. Eventually the throb of my pulse quieted, but he didn't move or speak again as he held me. I knew at any moment it could be too much, and my life could end, so quickly that I might not even notice. And I couldn't make myself be afraid. I couldn't think of anything, except that he was touching me. All too soon, he released me. His eyes were peaceful.

"It won't be so hard again," he said with satisfaction.

"Was that very hard for you?" I questioned worried.

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?"

"No, it wasn't bad… for me."

He smiled at my inflection. "You know what I mean." I smiled. "Here." He took my hand and placed it against his cheek. "Do you feel how warm it is?" And it was almost warm, his usually icy skin. But I barely noticed, for I was touching his face, hell yes!

"Don't move," I whispered. No human could be still like Edward. I leaned in and carefully traced the line of his jaw and the shape of his nose. I ran my hands over his eye lids and I traced his lips. His lips parted with a sigh. I could feel his breath against my fingers. This time I was smart and leaned away. I didn't want to push him too far. He opened his eyes. They were hungry. It tightened the muscles in my stomach and sent my pulse speeding in my veins

"I wish you could feel the complexity, the confusion I feel: that you could understand." He raised his hand to my hair, and then carefully brushed it across my face.

"Tell me," I breathed.

"I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger, the thirst, that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand that, to an extent, though as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely." I shrugged.

"Sorry I didn't get hooked on crack." He smiled in response.

"But…" His fingers touched my lips lightly, making me shiver again. "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."

"Now that I'm pretty sure I can understand. Though this is stronger then I've felt it before."

He held my hands between his. They felt so feeble in his iron strength. "I don't know how to be close to you," he admitted. "I don't know if I can.""

I leaned forward very slowly, cautioning him with my eyes. I placed my cheek against his stone chest. I could hear his breath, and nothing else. "This is enough," I sighed, closing my eyes. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed his face into my hair. "You aren't that bad at this."

"I have human instincts. They may be buried deep, but they're there." We sat like hat for another immeasurable moment. Was he as unwilling to move as I was? But I could see the damn light was fading; the shadows of the forest were beginning to touch us, and I sighed. Damn it all! "You have to go." He stated.

"What happened to not being able to read my mind?"

"You were just swearing at the sun." He said repressing laughter. I rolled my eyes. Maybe I wasn't that good at keeping him out. "Can I show you something?" he asked, sudden excitement flaring in his eyes.

"Show me what?" I questioned worriedly.

"I'll show you how I travel in the forest." I grinned.

"As long as you're fast and you don't get me killed." I joked.

"Don't worry, you'll be very safe; of course I'm fast." His mouth twitched up into that crooked smile so beautiful my heart nearly stopped.

"Please tell me you aren't talking about turning into a bat." I said warily.

He laughed louder than I'd ever heard, "Like I haven't heard that one before!"

"Right, I'm sure you get that all the time." I rolled my eyes.

"Come on climb on my back, or are you scared?" I rose to the challenge.

"I am not scared!" I stated heatedly before climbing onto his back. I clamped onto him tightly the way I would an unbroken horse I was riding for the first time. There was no way in hell I was going to allow myself to fall!

He startled me by suddenly grabbing my hand, pressing my palm to his face, and inhaling deeply. "Easier all the time," he muttered. Thank god for that. I added to myself mentally, and then he was running. I had to bite back a scream of exhilaration. It was like riding a firkin roller coaster! It got my adrenaline pumping and my heart racing. It was amazing!

He streaked through the dark, thick underbrush of the forest like a bullet, like a ghost. There was no sound, no evidence that his feet touched the earth. His breathing never changed, never indicated any effort. But the trees flew by at incredible speeds: always missing us by inches. The cool forest air whipped against my face and burned my eyes but what did I care? I didn't want to miss a moment of this. Then it was over. We'd hiked hours this morning to reach Edward's meadow, and now, in a matter of minutes, we were back to the truck.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" His voice was high, excited.

"Hell yes! That was amazing!!!!!" He laughed at that as I climbed down. He took me in. my hair windswept and my face flushed from excitement.

"You really liked that, didn't you?" I nodded. He smiled happily. His beauty stunned my mind. It was too much: an excess I couldn't grow accustomed to.

"I was thinking, while I was running…" He paused.

"About not hitting the trees, I hope." I joked with him, though now it seemed like that was something I should have worried about.

"Silly Lorianna," he chuckled. "Running is second nature to me; it's not something I have to think about."

"Show-off," I muttered. He smiled.

"No," he continued, "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." He took my face in his hands again. I couldn't breathe. After a brief pause his cold, marble lips pressed very softly against mine. What neither of us was prepared for was my response. I tried to reign myself in, but it just wasn't happening tonight. Blood boiled under my skin, burned in my lips. My breath came in a wild gasp. My fingers knotted in his hair, clutching him to me. My lips parted as I breathed in his heady scent.

I immediately I felt him turn to unresponsive stone beneath my lips. His hands gently, but with irresistible force, pushed my face back. I opened my eyes and saw his guarded expression.

"Oops," I breathed. He kissed me. He kissed me! It was like a chant stuck on replay in my head. The damn voice wouldn't shut up. Did I mention he kissed me? :)

"That's an understatement." I shrugged. Even as I took in his wild eyes and tense muscles.

"I haven't been kissed in over seven months. Give me a break." He rolled his eyes, which gradually faded and gentled.

"I haven't been kissed ever. I think I have more of an excuse than you." He replied. I shrugged it off.

"I said oops…" He rolled his eyes at me.

"I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know." He muttered more to himself then me.

"I wish I could say the same. I am sorry."

"You are only human, after all." I just stuck my tongue out in reply. He was on his feet in one of his lithe, almost invisibly quick movements. He held out his hand to me, an unexpected gesture. I was so used to our standard of careful noncontact.

I took his icy hand, needing the support more than I thought. My balance was off…

"Are you faint from my kissing expertise?" How lighthearted, how human he seemed as he laughed now, untroubled. He was a different Edward than the one I had known, and I felt all the more in love him. It would cause me physical pain to be separated from him now. I had known this day would come. I smiled happily that I had not been wrong…

"Probably," I allowed answering his previous question.

"I think I'll drive then." He said. I shrugged.

"It's your car. If it gets totaled it's not my fault."

"I have never wrecked a car."

"Lies," I yelled before continuing. "Let's just hope you can manage not to with a human inside." He shrugged.

"I may be able to do that." He said playfully. I shook my head and climbed into the passenger side. What a hell of an experience.