9
Howard was in the lunch line of the university's cafeteria. He looked over the sandwiches, salads and assorted cold plates and wished just once he could get a nice non-kosher meal to violate his mother's strict Jewish regime but then buckled under and got the turkey sandwich with a side salad. Raj was coming up by him. He took the tuna salad sandwich with the broccoli salad.
"Howard? Howard Wolowitz?" A voice called Howard through his right ear. He and Raj turned in unison to the source of the voice.
"Hi, I'm William. William Samms…" He looked like Tom Cruise's nerdy younger brother. "I'm from the computer graphics lab. I was told you might be able to help me on a project I'm working on."
"Sure, what do you need?"
"I need someone who can write and link several algorithms of code." William nervously moved his leather binder from his right hand to his left hand to take a note from his shirt pocket.
"What are you working on?" Raj asked.
"I can't say…" William handed Howard the note. "It's a bit hard to describe. Anyway, the university is renting me this location to work at. Can you be there this Monday about eight or nine in the morning?"
"Yeah, sure…" Howard agreed, and William thanked him before turning away and leaving the cafeteria. Howard and Raj looked at each other, chuckled a bit then paid for their lunches and wandered over to their usual table with the guys. Leonard was acting hung over, slowly stirring more sugar into his tea, and Sheldon was uncharacteristically silent, mentally trying to figure out the idiosyncrasies and eccentrics of neighbors far above his own. Raj sat down next to Sheldon; Howard sat down next to Leonard stewing in his confusion.
"Are we going to talk at all about last night?" Leonard finally spoke. "I get seduced by a clone of Penny who leaves scratch marks down my back at the same time while she's in the living room with you guys, and no one says anything about it. You don't think that's weird."
Raj and Howard looked at each other waiting for the other to start talking first. Sheldon was still trying to rationalize it.
"Dibs on the new Penny!" Raj and Howard echoed together then looked disgustedly at each other.
"Oh, come on…" Leonard reacted logically. "Doesn't anyone think she could be connected to the Vannacutt's upstairs? What about all the look-alikes going up and coming down?"
"Friends of the family?" Raj guessed.
"Darth Vader and the Stormtroopers?"
"Star Wars fans?" Howard responded.
"Things are getting surreal in the building." Leonard commented.
"Maybe for you guys…" Sheldon spoke up. "But someone here is getting to go into space…" He grinned pompously knowing he deserved it. "That leaves it your problem to solve before I get back."
"That's your solution?" Leonard looked at him.
"Yes."
"Hey, Coopah…" Strolling past the table, Barry Kripke was another physicist employed by the institute. "I heard you could be going up into space. I was asked a few qwestions about you fwom a Fedewal agent." He also had a very odd way of speaking.
"Yes, I am…" Sheldon grinned. "And I'm sure you gave me a thoroughly glowing recommendation, right?"
"You kidding, wight?" He looked to Leonard. "Wenard, what did you tell the guy?"
"What? Well," Leonard thought about it the thought to pass the buck. "Howard, what did you tell him?"
"Me?" Howard chewed the part of his sandwich in his mouth and swallowed it. "Well, I told him about how you like trains, and… Raj, what did you say about Sheldon?"
"Everything."
"Oh, good…" Sheldon started grinning satisfactorily.
"I mentioned how you put me down for being Hindu, you put Howard down for just being an engineer…" Raj mentioned. "How you created your own physics team, feuded with Penny, created a one-sided roommate agreement, boss us around…"
"I'm not hearing anything bad." Sheldon was getting excited.
"They don't give those FBI agents very good notebooks." Raj added. "Three hours in, I had to loan him more paper to take notes." He sipped his tea on the table. "I also might have used the word, "nutcase," more than a few times. If we hadn't been up past midnight, I might have gone another hour or two."
Sheldon stopped smiling.
"Contrary to what you told him," He responded. "My reputation speaks for itself."
"Yeah, but your puh-sonawity scweams psychopath." Kripke carried onward to eat his lunch at his spot by the wall. Sheldon shot him a look.
"I'm not cwazy - crazy!" Sheldon was catching Kripke's speech patterns. "My mother had me tested!" He simmered down to eat his chicken salad sandwich. "I truly doubt there is anything any of you could have said that would have kept me from going into space."
"Dr. Cooper…" A voice from administration sounded.
"President Siebert…" Sheldon stood uncharacteristically chivalrous when he was about to get something he felt he deserved. "So, when do I leave for my astronaut training?"
"You don't."
"Well, that makes it a bit difficult for me to be prepared for the trip, isn't it?" Sheldon reacted unsure how to act.
"NASA called me to let you know they are going with Dr. Tannenbaum from the Seattle Institute of Applied Science." He watched as Sheldon reacted crushed and sat down upset from the news. Leonard, Raj and Howard also groaned. They were so looking forward for the summer without Sheldon.
"But why?" Sheldon slowly looked up.
"NASA says you passed your security screening, but you failed your personality screening across the board." Siebert announced a bit annoyed that he was not getting a summer without Sheldon. "They felt they could not justify your safety after trapping you in space with eleven other men. In fact, several of the other astronauts who had heard about you on reputation alone requested to be returned to Earth immediately if you came anywhere near the project."
Raj started whispering to Howard who suddenly started laughing. Even Leonard cracked a secret smile.
"So, let me get this straight…" Sheldon looked at them then back to the Siebert. "I am not going into space."
"No…" Siebert answered. "You're stuck annoying the hell out of us here on Earth instead. Good day…." He turned away from the table. Showing a rare emotional display, Sheldon sighed and looked down to his dinner on the plate. He had wanted to go into outer space since he was a little kid, and now he was prevented from going by people who didn't seem much different than the classmates in high school who stole his books, called him names and pulled his britches down during assemblies to hang his pants on the flagpole.
"Apparently Sheldon's ego is the one thing that NASA can't get into space." Howard started giggling.
Sheldon shot him a look.
"Well," Leonard was smiling. "It looks like someone isn't going into space." He leaned back dreamily. "This is going to be the most quiet week since I moved in with Sheldon…."
"Now, listen here…"
"Who wants to bet Sheldon can't stop talking for a day?" Raj leaned forward.
"Day? I say one hour." Howard pulled a twenty-dollar bill out.
"Hour?" Leonard shook his head. "I say one minute!"
"Now, you can't hold me to…"
"I win!" Leonard took the forty dollars.
