A/n: Almost to the end of what I had already written, so you may find that time between posts is a little longer, I will try my best to post at least once a week, more if possible. This is the longest story I have ever written and I have been working on it since Oct. Weather has been nice in Southern New England this past week and my wife and I just completed building a 8x16 floating deck in our backyard. Not bad for two middle aged women who are closer to "elderly" then "young adult", but the yard work takes time away from writing, can I wish for a little rain. At least after a few more weekends of work, I can spend my weekends sitting on my deck and just writing, hope to finish this by end of June.
As always I don't own any part of NCIS but it is fun to take them out to play.
A big thanks to my wife for proofreading but all errors are mine as I am constantly revising my work.
And a huge Abby Hug, to all of you who have taken time to read, review, follow and fav. I am incredibly humbled and honored by the comments you have left me. So again, Thank You all so very much. LAG
Chapter 15
Tony awoke to the constant beeping of the monitors in the ICU. He was warm and relatively pain-free at the moment, though his head had that floaty feeling that came from narcotic pain medications. A mask that he recognized as belonging to a CPAP machine covered his face. It was disturbing to have air pushed into his lungs but he was too tired and weak to try to remove it. A nurse came into check on him, giving him a smile as she made notes on a clipboard, noting the readings on the monitor. From experience he knew that his blood pressure, heart rate, respirations, temperature and O2 stats were being carefully monitored. He wondered what had happened to the dog, but Jimmy had assured him he would get her to a vet in the area. He trusted Jimmy and knew he would take good care of her.
He was glad to be alone at this time or as alone as he could be in the hospital, he knew he would have to talk to Gibbs but not yet, he was feeling too weak, too vulnerable. When he spoke with Gibbs he needed to have his act together. Gibbs was a force to be reckoned with and he was used to getting his own way. Thinking of what he would say to Gibbs, he drifted back to sleep.
Unfortunately for Tony it was three days before he was moved out of the ICU into a step-down unit. It had taken several changes in medication to get the pneumonia under control and while he still had a fever, he was no longer spiking temps over 104. Much to his delight he was now wearing a hospital gown and he was given a urinal to use, no more catheter. The CPAP machine was gone, but not the smaller oxygen mask, without it his O2 levels still dropped below 90% and as the respiratory therapist clearly informed him while doing his too numerous breathing treatments, he would need to remain on oxygen until his O2 levels stayed about 95% on room air.
Jimmy and Ducky had been in to see him in the ICU, per his instructions, Gibbs had not been allowed in. He would need to remind himself to ask Ducky how he had accomplished that feat, but he knew today he would at last have to face Gibbs.
Ducky had also told him that Gibbs had secured his service weapon and would return it when Tony was ready for it. Jimmy was holding on to his badge, wallet and other personnel items. Tony wondered if he would ever need his weapon again, as he prepared himself for the confrontation to come.
NCIS
Gibbs, Jimmy and Ducky sat in the hotel restaurant eating breakfast. Ducky and Gibbs had packed their bags and needed to return to Washington after their visit to Tony today. Over the last three days, the NCIS van had been recovered. Jimmy's Uncle and cousins had retrieved the trailer with the snowmobiles. Ziva and Tim were working on the case with Balbo and his team. Jimmy was staying behind in Harrisonburg with Tony until he was well enough to return home, his friend Maria, who was the veterinarian taking care of the dog, had offered them a room in her home.
Maria and her domestic partner Lilly had a large house with lots of extra rooms and a huge fenced in yard. Fuego as Tony had named the dog had been brought to their home when it was established that she was up to date on her vaccinations. She only had to receive a rabies vaccine booster and was recovering nicely from her tangle with the coyote.
Tim had assisted in finding the previous owners, who had been tracked down through the microchip. An elderly couple that had lived near Ashville, North Carolina had owned Fuego. When the husband had passed away and the elderly wife moved with her adult son to Wheeling, West Virginia. The family had decided to go up I-81 in VA, rather then going I-77 through West Virginia as the elderly woman wanted to visit her equally, elderly brother in Strasburg, VA. They had lost the dog in Strasburg when the elderly woman had accidentally let her out, in her confusion she thought she was still at home and had just opened the door as she did at home to let her out. The family thought that Ruby, as they called her was trying to get back home to Asheville. They had contacted animal control, but did not spend time looking for her.
Tim located the family in Wheeling and was informed that the elderly woman had been diagnosed with dementia and her son and daughter-in-law were overwhelmed by having to care for her, they requested that Maria find a new home for "Ruby". Tim had passed this information on to Gibbs and Jimmy. No one wanted to make a decision about the dog without input from Tony, so that was how she had ended up at Maria's home.
Maria and Lilly were thrilled to care for Fuego; they kept the name Tony had chosen for her as it fit with her beautiful orange red coat and amber colored eyes. She was a beautiful dog and even more so after she was bathed and groomed. A month of living in the forest had made for a very dirty dog. Maria and Lilly arranged it, so that Fuego would be allowed to visit Tony in the hospital, once he was moved to a regular room. Lilly was a social worker at the hospital and was able to get the necessary permission.
Without breaking any confidences Jimmy let his friend know that Tony had been going through a difficult time and being away from Washington might give him an opportunity to work out some personal issues.
The two women were warm and caring, they had a habit of taking in strays both the 2 and 4-legged type. Jimmy assured Tony that he would be welcomed and he would be with Fuego. Tony was not ready to be parted from Fuego. When they told him about her previous owners, he wanted to hold off finding her a new home until he decided what he was going to do with his future, maybe with some adjustments he would be able to keep her. Tony agreed to stay with Jimmy and his friends on discharge, as he would be able to spend time with his new friend.
Chapter 16
Tony lay in his hospital bed in the step-down unit, today was the day he would have to speak with Gibbs; he could not avoid it any longer. Jimmy and Ducky had informed him that Gibbs and Ducky would be leaving for Washington after visiting with him, as they needed to get back to work. He was saddened to know that Ducky would be leaving too but glad that Jimmy would be staying with him and that Jimmy's friends had taken Fuego in and he would be able to stay with her.
Dr. Mason and Dr. Miller assured him that he was improving, but he still faced a long convalescence. Tomorrow, if he continued to improve he would be moved to a regular room. After discharge he would need to keep up with his breathing treatments, the nurse case coordinator for the hospital had been in to see him and was going to order a nebulizer that he would use at home 2 times a day. He would also need to go for physical therapy for his shoulder and arm, once they were healed, to ensure he regained full range of motion and his strength back. The leg injury was healing nicely and despite some discomfort they had him up and walking a short distance with assistance. Normally he would have been trying to get out of the hospital sooner and he would have been in a hurry to get back to Washington and his desk, but now he was thankful for the break this was giving him. He needed the time to think and to decide what to do with his future.
Out there alone in the cold, hurt and sick, thinking no one would come, had him evaluating his place on the team and in Gibbs' life. He did not shy away from danger; he had been in law enforcement since he graduated from college and knew the dangers that came with the job. That he could take, but to be injured and hurt because his partners no longer had his back, because he had purposely been left behind, without regard for his safety, that he could no longer tolerate, he no longer trusted his teammates and the job was too dangerous to work with people you did not trust with your life because shit like this could kill you and he was not ready to die.
This left him with several choices, he could ask for a transfer to another team and stay in Washington or he could look for a position outside of Washington, he could take a position with another federal agency or he could use his law degree to do something completely different. He would put the time he had off to good use and explore his options, he knew this was a decision he could not make lightly and right now, with all the hurt and anger he was feeling he knew that he would make a decision he would later regret if he did not give himself time to let the rational side of his brain take over.
NCIS
Gibbs sat alone in the waiting room, Jimmy and Ducky had gone on ahead to check on Tony and to see if he was ready and willing to meet with him. If he had, had his way he would have been in that room three days ago, when Tony had first been brought in here, but Ducky had played his role of guardian of The Keep well, making it very clear that he would not be allowed in to see Tony until it was ok with Tony. He went as far as threatening to get a restraining on Tony's behalf if Gibbs did not honor his wishes.
At Tony's request Ducky had held back from saying anything to Gibbs over the past year but he had watched as Gibbs has systematically pushed Tony away and he knew the pain that was in Tony's heart. Ducky now made it clear to Gibbs that he was about to get what he wished for, it appeared he had succeed in his mission of driving Tony away, as Ducky was convinced that Tony would never return to the MCRT under Gibbs' leadership.
Gibbs knew that he had only one small opportunity to make things right with Tony. He had been struggling with his feelings for the younger man, but over the last few days he had time to really think about his actions and his motivation for his poor behavior. He was not comfortable with emotions; he always tried to bury his feelings. Dealing with the uglier side of life as a Marine and a Special Agent, had taught him to compartmentalize and detach to a certain level or he would not be able to do his job as he witnessed humanity at its cruelest and having to deal with all the raw emotions of victims and their families.
Once in his life, he had truly loved, totally, completely, with every once of his being, but it had been ripped away when his girls had been killed. He had not let anyone else get close, building a fortress around himself, oh he had gone though the motions getting married again three times, but that was about companionship and sex, not really about love. He had no intention of falling for Tony, but in a job that required them to spend so much time together, too trust each other explicitly, Gibbs had started to find some holes in his walls. The months they were together before the explosion had shown him that sometimes you find love in the most unexpected places, occasional sex with a man was something he had done because in the past there had been no feelings attached. With Tony he found someone he could love. Their relationship was still in its infancy, but Tony made him smile, made him laugh, and gave him joy.
After the explosion, the amnesia, the time apart, he had initially forgotten their time together. When he came back from his retirement, he was annoyed with Tony, the young man had held his team together, but when he found his 2nd in command continue to give orders and directions to the team, he made it his mission to teach him were he belonged. Six months had passed before he remember what he had with Tony, but by then he had made Tony the teams scapegoat and it was also clear that Tony had moved on and was involved with someone, he did not give any indication that his memories had returned, but it hurt to see Tony, sneaking off to be with someone else. When he found out Tony had been uncover he was angry and felt betrayed that Tony had not trusted him enough to tell him about the operation. He had not considered how his treatment of Tony at that time had made it impossible for Tony to come to him. Watching Tony's car blow up over and over had been heart wrenching, but as he always did he hid his feeling and only let his anger be seen.
Leaving Tony alone at the crime scene in the snow was stupid and careless. His reaction was despicable, he was scared and feeling overwhelming guilt that Tony had been seriously hurt because of his actions, that Tony could have died because of him. Instead of giving the younger man some comfort, he had acted like a total bastard, as he always said that was what the 2nd B in Gibbs stood for, didn't mean he really had to act like one.
That first night at the hospital, waiting for an update on Tony, Ducky had told him he needed to figure out what he wanted, he made it clear that he was on the verge of loosing Tony forever, not that death would take him but that this time he would finally walk away. After three days of some serious self reflection and pushing from Ducky, he reached the conclusion that not having Tony in his life, was not an option, he had come to depend on Tony, to trust him, to desire him and to love him, now he just had to convince him to give him a second change, to believe that he had really changed and that he was no longer going to push the him away. Gibbs knew it was a lot to ask for and this was not one of the movies Tony so loved to quote from.
Real life was messy and complicated and people did not get over hurt feelings after a well-scripted apology. In real life some people never got over the hurt, never forgave and happiness ever after was only a fantasy.
Gibbs was in for the fight of his life, he was not going to let Tony go easily and he knew he had only himself to blame for everything that had happened. He could not have prevented the explosion or the following amnesia, but he had control of his behavior when he returned and his behavior was deplorable. He was a man that lived by a strong set of rules and with Tony he had broken several of his cardinal rules: Never screw your partner, Never leave a man behind, and Don't waste good.
He had broken all of these. He had screwed Tony over by not supporting him and leaving him out on his own without back up. By not respecting him or his place on the team, he wasted the talents the young man had brought to the job. Once he had treated Tony as a valuable member of the team, now he had tried to make Tony feel like he was an incompetent fool, finding fault with everything Tony did.
It was the time for him to break the one rule he should throw away Rule 6: Never say you're sorry. It's a sign of weakness, Gibbs knew that he had been so wrong that groveling on his hands and knees would not even come close to cutting it. Gibbs was not a man who wore his emotions on his sleeve, but he was going to have to show Tony just how truly sorry he was, how much he cared about him and the depth of his love for the young man.
The other rule that he should throw out in this case was number 12: Never date a co-worker, because if Tony would have him, he planned on showing the younger man, that buried under a gruff exterior was the heart of a romantic.
Jimmy and Ducky disrupted his chain of thought when they came out and advised him that Tony was ready to see him, while he was in with Tony they were going to get an update from the doctors. Tony had been moved to step-down this morning after spending three days in the ICU. Gibbs watched as they walked away, then taking a deep breath he braced himself for what was to come.
A/N: I told Xenascully I would pass on this information. She is working very hard on planning the 3rd Annual Fanfic Convention
in Roanoke, Virginia July 20, 2014.
If you are interested in attending send her a PM for details. Wish I could attend but already had summer vacation planned. LAG
