Hey y'all! Val's here to rock your socks!
What are you doing here?
Helping. Your intro made me want to give myself a concussion.
Why are you here?
To make this intro suck a little less. I mean, come on! I haven't even been here once but you've had Yakko co-host like, twice. What's that all about?
Yakko does NOT co-host! He barges in and-
What am I not sexy enough for you? Bring it sister!
Hey! You watch it smarty pants! I created you.
And it was the single most successful thing you ever did with your poor meaningless life.
Wow…that was harsh.
Yeah I'm sorry. I guess I got a little out of control there.
It's alright.
We're cool?
Yeah we cool. (Fist pounds Val.)
Animaniacs Go Animal Chapter 8
"Okay we need to hurry if we're going to find anyone today." Val looked up through the trees to the already reddening sky.
Yakko nodded. "Yeah. Do you think that they're even still…you know…"
Val shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine. But it's still better to check than to sit on our fannies."
Yakko raised his brow. "Better for who? The killer?"
She sighed. "I meant better morally. If you're chickening out, I'll go by myself."
"Yeah right. Like you're taking all the glory. Besides, I wouldn't want to leave you alone in these woods."
Val pressed her palm to her cheek and fluttered her eyelashes mockingly. "Why, I didn't know you cared!"
Yakko snorted and they continued on in silence for about a half an hour, picking their way over fallen trees and untangling themselves from ivy that hung from above. After awhile, Val stopped and looked around, frowning slightly.
Yakko gasped as he broke through the underbrush. "What's the matter? Tired already?"
Val shook her head. "Do you know where we are Yakko?"
Yakko frowned slightly, his hand at his chin in a look of deep thought and concentration. "Well…according to my calculations and judging from the general wind currents, I'd say…in a jungle."
Val applauded sarcastically. "Congratulations! You've won a new brain! Maybe you can put it where your normal brain would go if you HAD ONE."
Yakko crossed his arms. "Hey it's my job to come up with sarcastic and witty comments."
She flipped her hair as she strolled ahead of him. "Yeah well looks to me like you've met your match Warner. Better think faster next time of you're gonna beat me."
Yakko shook his head, smiling slightly as he watched her walk ahead of him, his eyes zeroing in on her hips that swayed when she walked.
"If you want to make yourself useful you can leave a trail as we go so we don't keep getting lost. If anything it should keep your eyes and thoughts away from my back side for a few minutes."
Yakko called after her as she disappeared through the brush. "Don't flatter yourself sweetheart!" He went to work on finding some sort of marker to leave behind. Yakko looked along the ground and saw nothing but dirt. When he peered under a rock all he saw was a giant spider that made him leap back in disgust, He never did like those multi-legged creatures. Continuing on, he made the decision that if Val wanted to leave a trail so badly, she could damn well do it herself. Then he got an idea. He began plucking leaves from trees as he walked and laying them on the ground individually, certain he had the best idea in the world.
…
As Val and Yakko headed deeper and deeper into the heart of the jungle, the crew along the shore decided to wait for them to return. Or to put it more accurately, wait until the bloody screams of the two brave travelers were heard so everyone knew they WOULDN'T return. What optimistic folk.
Wakko eventually grew bored with chasing after Hello Nurse and when Slappy smacked him over the head and called him an annoying hooligan,(who says hooligan?), he decided it was time to eat. Looking across the sandy beach, Wakko spotted his little sister sunbathing on a rock that jutted out of the sand near the water's edge. He strolled over casually and whistled a cheery tune until she sighed.
"What do you want Wakko?"
Wakko shifted awkwardly. "I was just checking up on you since I'm in charge and what not."
"Awesome. Want a medal or something?"
Wakko scowled at her. "No. I just wanted to check. So, are you sick?"
"Nope."
"Are you dying in any way?"
"Not that I know of."
Wakko nodded. "Good to know. Bye." He zoomed off, glad to have fulfilled his big brotherly duties for the hour. Now where can a toon find any mid afternoon snacks on this island? Wakko suddenly remembered Skippy had said something about a macadamia nut tree. A flicker in Wakko's subconscious told him that the tree was tied to something bad but Wakko had blocked the entire event from his mind when it occurred, something he learned how to do a long time ago.
When Wakko was a little boy, no more than two or three, he had a knack for pulling his hat over his eyes when he was scared or didn't want to listen. The primary example for that was when The Warners' parents had died. The memory was more than a little fuzzy for him and it wasn't because he was so little as people suspected. When Wakko didn't want to hear things, he just didn't. He would pull his hat down, close his eyes in his quiet little sanctuary and not listen. Wakko knew it was bad but he couldn't bring himself to regret the things he hadn't heard. Why stress over the bad stuff right?
So Wakko decided it was alright to go find the macadamia nut tree, choosing to ignore the sickening feeling in his tummy that told him otherwise.
…
"HOLY CROW'S NEST! SWEET GRILLED CHEESUS! HOLY CRAP!" Dickens yelped out every "bad" word he could think of as he yanked the painful stingers from his rear. This was turning out to be a very bad day for Dickens, much worse than he ever feared. It had all started with two very attractive young females and ended with stingers in the butt and a hungry panther. Girls were nothing but trouble. Dickens remembered his father telling him the very same thing when he was no more than a pile of down feathers.
'Now you listen here son.', his father had said. 'Girls ain't nothin but trouble. Sure they seem cute at first but the next thing you know, they're complaining how their feathers don't match their beak or how they want to talk about FEELINGS and have a bunch of eggs. I'm warnin ya, get out while you still can.'
What Dickens's father hadn't known was that his wife was right behind him the whole time. A sharp smack to the head with a rolling pin was all it took for Dickens's father to never bring that up again.
Dickens suddenly knew how deeply his father's advice had run. Looking up to the sky, he saw it was getting late. Not to mention the fact that Dickens hadn't eaten since long before the panther ran him up the tree. His stomach felt like it was trying to eat itself, his vision blurring. The realization suddenly came over him, hitting Dickens hard like the rolling pin had hit his father's head. He was going to die. Whether it was by panther or starvation or infection from bee stings. He had to do something. Dickens had tried playing the waiting game but it was time to play the action game. All his life Dickens had been mocked for being an awkward chicken-duck. Well, this chicken-duck was about to make something of himself. He was NOBODIE'S supper. Dickens looked down a branch to where the bee hive stuck. Judging by the sting marks, only about twenty bees had bothered to come outside and play so that left plenty for the panther. Now if only I had a branch. Dickens looked around. Oh, right.
He snapped a branch off the tree from above him and looked down at the panther, who was watching him with new interest. No doubt hoping for another comedy act. Dickens scowled. Well I'll give him something to laugh at!
With a bravery completely new to him, Dickens thrust the tree branch into the hole of the bee hive, yanked it from the tree and flung it as hard as he could as the panther below. He prayed with all his might that the bees wouldn't figure out the culprit. Hearing a sharp yowling sound followed by hissing, Dickens peeked over to see the cat running frantically away with the bees chasing him.
"Take THAT!" Dickens shouted. "And let this be a lesson to all! From here on out, I am not Dickens Chicken, I am Dickens Chicken, wild man!
…
Wakko hummed a cheery tune as he walked through the woods, keeping his brother's warning in mind as he walked. He promised himself he wouldn't go any deeper than the macadamia nut trees. He knew where they were anyways. Wakko continued on until he found the little clearing that held the trees. He looked around for the best nuts until something caught his eye, hovering way up in the branches. Wakko jumped back in fright, his first thought thinking it was a ghost. His second realization was scarier.
It was Chicken Boo, hanging, his head drooped, from the macadamia nut tree. The wind picked up and Wakko shook with fright as the chicken turned slowly in the breeze, his eyes lifeless and dull. Wakko suddenly remembered exactly what had happened and for the first time, wish he hadn't blocked it out. The chicken's feathers ruffled and Wakko saw something written on the tree below the hanging corpse. He forced himself forward to read it, deciding it would be important to tell Yakko. Carved in the tree, was this:
Chicken Boo what's the matter with you? You ran off and got yourself screwed. You wore a disguise and now met your demise and those that read this will end that way too.
A rustling in the leaves made Wakko leap in fright, turn on his heel and book it as fast as he could back to his sister and the safety of numbers.
Yakko and Val trudged on for hours until it was too dark to see their hands in front of their faces. Well, not really. Yakko's gloved hands held an eerie glow in the dark but other than that they were both completely blind. Yakko and Val slumped to the ground in front of yet another tree and Yakko dropped a leave beside them before leaning his head back.
Val looked around, not seeing anything. They didn't even have the comfort of the moon tonight, clouds hovering above them.
"What now?"
Yakko grinned at her wolfishly. "Wanna make out?"
Val balked at him. "How stupid are you?"
"It varies. Come on you know you want to."
Val shoved him away. "You're disgusting. Haven't you seen horror movies? The killer always, ALWAYS goes after the ignorant kids who are making out in the woods. One second their kissing, the next their choking on each other's blood."
Yakko grimaced. "Ew. That's morbid. Face it Val, you're crazy about me."
"Is this how you get your kicks? A little girl is missing an all you can think about is kissing?"
He sighed. "You're right. I'm selfish. I just miss them sooo much!" Yakko opened his arms and whimpered slightly, his eyes alight with mischief.
Val frowned at him. "Nice try. But I'm all over you."
Yakko blew a kiss. "Goodnight everybody. Now if you'd like to come a little closer and say that again…"
"Goodbye Yakko." Val leaped up into the tree behind her, as graceful as a tree frog.
"Try and come up here and I'll pelt you with acorns."
"I might like that." Yakko growled. An acorn came down and clunked him on the head.
"Ouch!"
A giggle floated down from above.
Yakko glared up. "Oh yeah real funny. You know the killer could come get me while your all nice and cozy and you wouldn't even care would you?"
'Probably not."
Yakko grabbed himself by the throat and hollered. "HEEEEELP! He's GOT ME!"
'Nice try. Really excellent effort. But I'm still not letting you up here."
'Why?"
"Because you're a pervert."
Yakko hollered up. "But I'm cute right? I'm a cute pervert."
"Goodnight Yakko."
He frowned and sat on the ground in frustration. "I just don't understand girls." He curled up on the dirt and made a feeble attempt at getting comfortable. He was just about to doze off when he heard a rustling in the bushes about three feet from where he sat.
"Val." He hissed.
She didn't answer. The cracking of twigs was getting closer now and Yakko stood up, pressing himself to the tree. "Val help."
'Shut up Yakko!"
He glared. "Sorry to interrupt your beauty sleep but there's something down here."
"You already tried that remember? It was worthy of an Oscar. Now shut up."
Yakko stared into the brush, trying to make out a shape. "I'm serious now!" Suddenly, a shape lumbered out of the brush. It was a feline, at least it looked sort of like on. The cat's face was half swollen and it looked very VERY angry.
"N-nice kitty."
The panther roared and sprang for him. Yakko was nailed to the ground in shock, not able to escape. I hope Wakko and Dot get off this island. Please let them live. Please let them have each other.
"Back off ugly!" Val leaped down with a branch in hand smacked the panther over the head with it. The cat growled and yanked the branch from Val's hands.
"Okay new plan. RUN!"
Yakko was snapped from his trance by her hand yanking him up the tree and they scrambled as far up as they could, hugging each other in fear. Val looked at Yakko with wide, terrified eyes. "What is WRONG with you? Here's some advice: when a panther or any thing for that matter goes to kill you, you DON"T stand there and make it easy for them. Geez I almost lost you!"
Yakko felt himself smile despite the terror still pumping through his system. "You almost lost me huh? I thought you didn't like me."
Val blushed, grateful for the dark of night for concealing it. "I don't. It's just that in case we run into the killer, I can throw you in the way so I can run off faster."
'Oh so I'm your bait?" Yakko frowned. Val smirked and pulled herself out of his hug.
"Is he gone?"
Yakko peeked over. 'Yep. And as nasty as ever. What's wrong with his face?"
"It looks like bee stings."
"Well whatever it is, I don't think he's enjoying it. Maybe we should stay up here tonight."
Val nodded. "Good plan."
They curled up and slowly drifted off, letting the hours tick away. As the night wore on, the wind picked up and Yakko pulled Val against his chest protectively, as if to block off the outside world and keep this little bit of something better against him. In his dreams that night, he saw his brother and sister peeking out from behind trees, laughing and playing. It was the best relief he'd gotten all day.
Awww. I hoped you all loved it. Why wouldn't you? I'm in it!
That's enough Val.
Yeah okay whatever. Sorry folks the kill joy has arrived. It's time to say goodbye.
That's right. By 'til next time. Later alligators!
