Chapter 9: In the Corners of the Soul
Lou leaned against a tree, her arms wrapped around herself, and stared into the sunset.
She'd never known such a long night and day in her life. Raven Wing had been with her most of the time, but her worry over Curly was great also, and they hadn't been able to offer much comfort to one another.
She was alone now. Raven Wing had gone to pray with the medicine man for the safe return of her husband and father.
Lou did some praying herself.
The uneasiness she'd had since she lost sight of Jimmy had not gone away, and it only grew worse with every passing hour he did not ride back. Her stomach twisted into a tight knot, and for the hundredth time that day, she was almost sick.
It might have been my wedding day, she thought ironically.
She shivered and tried to think of something else but Jimmy's absence.
She'd seen Dark Wolf earlier in the day. He was healing quickly. He walked with a slight limp on the leg that had been burned, and he wore a loose fitting white man's shirt over his charred shoulder. His hair had been cut, stopping just above his shoulders. She could only see the burns on his neck, but thought they would likely scar. Dark Wolf would always remember her, she thought, whether he wanted to or not.
She'd avoided him altogether, abruptly going in the opposite direction, and was glad she had. Raven Wing had told her his soul was dark after his disfigurement and also because he had been told he would not ride with the Sioux tribe. He was highly unsatisfied with how his injury had been handled by Running Horse, thinking as a captive, Lou should have been punished by fire. His blood was hot, Raven Wing had said, and he was more dangerous than ever. Thankfully his injury would limit his actions for a while. She was thankful that Jimmy would not meet him in combat.
Thinking of Dark Wolf inevitably brought her thoughts back to Jimmy, and she glanced at the darkening sky. Over and over again, she could see in her mind how the surrendering warriors from yesterday had been annihilated.
"Please God, let him be all right!" She whispered.
She was still standing by the tree in the darkness, watching the trail the braves had ridden out on when she heard hoof beats. Her breath caught in her throat as other women began running out of their homes. Would it be the Sioux riding in, or the Paiutes to finish them all? There was no way to know, and nothing they could do either way.
A sigh of relief escaped her as Running Horse appeared, sitting proudly in his saddle, but obviously nursing a bad arm. Raven Wing cried out and went to him.
The other braves rode in the same tired, but proud manner. Many of them were hurt, some badly. Lou's eyes searched every face that appeared in the firelight of the village, her breath coming faster in panic as Jimmy didn't appear.
Curly finally came through the clearing, swaying unsteadily on his horse. Raven Wing left her father's side to go to him. He was hurt badly and fell off the horse into her arms.
Lou ran to him, wild with panic.
"Curly, where's Jimmy?" She demanded in desperation, nearly pushing Raven Wing aside.
"Do not know," He mumbled and grimaced in pain.
She darted here and there, frantically asking the other braves, but they either didn't understand her, or even if they knew who she was asking about, knew nothing of him.
Lou left them all to run up the trail. Her breath was coming in hitching gasps, she was fully in the grip of a blind hysteria. Finally, drawing all the breath she had in her body, she screamed his name at the top of her lungs.
"I'm right here, Lou," he said, quietly, from behind her.
A sob of relief caught in her throat as she turned, found him sitting on his horse behind her. He climbed down and she catapulted herself into his arms, taking them both backwards several steps.
"I went looking for you at the teepee first," he said by way of explanation.
Lou hit him lightly on the arm in a teasing scold, but when he hissed in pain, froze.
"You're hurt!"
"A scratch," he assured her, but she was already at his side, her fingers at the buttons of his shirt. And damn him, much as his arm hurt him, his body roused to the touch of her hands.
"It's too dark to see anything. Let's get you back...home," She only hesitated a moment before calling it that. "What happened?"
"I, uh, took an arrow."
"You what?" She shrieked, and then calmed herself, and repeated. "You got shot with an arrow."
"Yeah-it just grazed me through the meat of my arm I think...I-I pulled it out."
"You pulled it out. Yourself." Lou muttered and then without waiting for him to answer said, "of course you did, Jimmy Hickock."
"It was in my way," he explained.
She didn't ask him for more details as she dragged his good arm around her shoulder and helped him back to their spot. Once there, she sat him on his bedroll and went about making a fire.
"I've got some whiskey…in my saddlebags. I need some…" He told her through teeth clenched in pain, when the lodge was bathed in flickering warm light.
Lou didn't question why he was carrying whiskey when the company forbade drinking, and was just desperately glad that there was something to ease his pain. She retrieved the flask quickly and when she noticed his good hand shaking, she held it to his lips for him.
Then thinking the better of it, she took a good, long swig herself.
Jimmy sat stoically while Lou cleaned the nasty puncture wound and bound it She had seen worse, actually-the arrow had really only grazed him, but she imagined he'd done a lot more damage when he insisted on pulling it out himself than if he'd let someone tend it that knew what they were doing.
"Jimmy, how does it feel?" she asked at last.
He smiled and met her eyes. "I'll do, Lou. I've had worse."
Drums beat outside as prayers went up to the Spirits for the many wounded braves clinging to life. They seemed to thrum up through the earth and into Lou's stomach, making her feel even more uneasy. She wondered briefly if it had been another century when she and Curly had danced so freely around the fire. Had that only been a day ago?
"Jimmy, what happened? You were gone so long, and I-I thought..." the endless night and day of waiting caught up to her suddenly, and her voice refused to obey her, and she knew she could not speak without crying.
He saw that she was beside herself with worry, and realized that while the last 24 hours had been hellacious for him, it would have felt an eternity to Lou, waiting for word, not knowing what had happened to him, and what would become of her if he did not return.
"Lou, come here," he murmured softly, and was pleased when she did so, scooting under his good arm and wrapping her arms tightly around his middle.
"Damn it, Jimmy." She breathed, and turned her face up to his, her feelings bald and plain in her face. Since he'd ridden out, she'd had little else to contemplate than her feelings for him. She knew she was in trouble. She loved him. She couldn't put he and Kid in separate columns and compare what she felt; she didn't have the perspective for that. But she loved this man who fought for her, and for others. While the world feared him, she loved him. And she did not know what that meant for either one of them tomorrow, but tonight, he was back, and he was mostly whole, and she needed him to understand how she felt. And for once in her life, she didn't need to plan, to study the consequences from every angle until she was exhausted.
She looked up at him for a long moment, the firelight catching his eyes. Putting a hand against his cheek, she rose up to kiss him.
She held nothing back. He met her there, and his kiss possessed her and sent heat spiraling through her entire body, head to toe. It was as if something was unleashed in him by her boldness, and she trembled at the power of what was there between them.
There had been so much death in the past days. This was life. This was love.
Jimmy shifted subtly, ignoring the slight protest in his arm, and bore Lou down to the bedroll beneath him, stretching out alongside the length of her. His mouth and hands explored her slowly, reverently. He learned the plains and curves of her that he'd thought of plenty of times, but never imagined knowing. He learned she was ticklish behind the curve of her knee, and that his breath along her neck could raise chills all the way down her wrists. To his delight, he learned he could make her squeak by nipping her earlobe. He learned the little growl she made when he brought his hand through her hair to cradle the nape of her neck and lifted her mouth closer to his, and that sound made him burn.
His exploration was unhurried, like he had all the time in the world, as if he would study her cell by cell. Lou was simply awash in the raw emotion and physical havoc he brought down upon her, alternately wanting him to show her mercy and never stop.
There was none of the shyness she'd experienced in the beginning with Kid. No wondering if what she did was right, or proper, or what Jimmy would think of her for it. She relied on him and on the sensations he was pulling from what felt like the deepest corners of her, and she simply knew that whatever she did would be the right thing, that her pleasure brought him pleasure.
Suddenly, Jimmy pulled back, eyes on hers in the firelight. She blinked, stunned by all she was feeling.
"Lou," he began, and she saw the guilt rise up in his eyes, the uncertainty.
Wordlessly, she stood, and he sat up, dazed. He watched her, thankful that one of them had come to their senses and put a stop to this madness, but then realized what she was doing.
Her fingers rose slowly to the ties of her buckskin dress, and with a deft and sure motion, she tugged first one side, then the other. The soft hide slid down her body and pooled like water at her feet, and she stepped out of it. She stood there a moment before him wearing nothing but the shadows the firelight threw upon her honey-colored skin.
He couldn't speak, because his eyes were full of her, and his heart was somewhere in his throat where his air should have been.
"God, Lou." He managed at last.
She smiled, and his breath was gone again. She crawled into his lap, fingers working into his hair, mouth on his.
Jimmy reached up and grabbed her wrists, stilling her for a moment.
"Lou, I can only ask this once. You're sure? Damn sure?"
"Damn sure, Jimmy," she confirmed, and there was no turning back for either of them.
After, he dozed, physical exhaustion overtaking him. She was emotionally spent, but still wide awake. She tried not to, but she couldn't help compare what had just happened with what she'd known before.
With Kid, she'd felt revered, worshipped, loved. Kid held her like he would never let her go, never let anything bad happen to her, like he wanted to protect and cherish her. He had given her his whole heart. And starved for love, she had responded to it. He'd called to her soul with his tenderness and his passion, and they discovered the depths of their love together, hesitantly at first, but with more confidence as the trust between them had grown.
Jimmy had not held her like she was a fragile thing, and there was no hesitation in him. He'd made her feel powerful, like wildfire ran in her blood. Where Kid asked, Jimmy demanded, had known the places she was capable of going long before Lou got there. But while he'd demanded, he'd also given. He'd patiently and relentlessly drawn responses from her body, and Lou had met him, challenged him. It was a battle of sorts, both of them on the same side. Now she wasn't sure if she felt conquered or victorious, or both, but she had never felt more alive, or more like a woman.
With the heat of passion cooled, she wondered at the consequences of what they had done. What would tomorrow bring? Would Jimmy regret what had happened? Would his guilt dampen what had been between them? Would hers? Had they irrevocably destroyed the deep and complete friendship that she valued above all else?
And whatever happened, if and when they left here, what in the world was she going to do about the two men she loved?
She shifted, might have made some sound of distress, because Jimmy stirred. His arm came around her more tightly, his lips passed over her temple.
"Alright, Lou?" he whispered, voice rough from sleep. His hand skimmed down her arm, fingers intertwining with hers.
She couldn't help but smile in response. In this moment, she was content.
Somewhere in the dark corner of her mind, the part of her that had lived such a turbulent life warned her that her happiness in this moment would come at a cost.
She woke at dawn and rose from their shared pallet, taking a moment to admire the strength and grace of Jimmy's chest and shoulders, feeling a wash of desire through her, though they'd made love twice more during the night.
There were dark shadows under Jimmy's eyes and his handsome face was carved into exhausted lines. As much as she wouldn't mind waking him, she knew he needed his sleep.
She did not bother with the dress and instead took one of his shirts from his saddlebag, buttoning it over her as she took their bucket and went outside, planning to address the call of nature and bring water back from the creek quickly in the cool morning air.
Casting a cautious eye around, she bent and brought a cold mountain water up in the bucket. Smiling to herself, lost in thought over some of the finer moments of the night before, she turned back toward the teepee, anxious to face Jimmy in the morning light.
And crashed into the solid wall of Dark Wolf's chest.
She reeled backwards, sloshing water over her bare legs.
He regarded her undress with leering distaste, like he smelled something bad.
"Get out of my way," She growled at him, her bravado the only weapon she had with the exception of the bucket. Knowing he didn't understand her, she set her jaw and decided to walk around him.
He then did something that sent fear and dread straight through her heart. He spoke to her in perfect English, his words not shocking her half as much as the fact that he had deceived all of them, his own tribe, by pretending not to know the language.
"You marry him, you white whore, and not a soul you care about here will survive the night!"
