Ash stood in solitude, forehead rested against his cheval-glass mirror. He watched intently as the metallic, silver surface fogged over with his hot breath. There was a breeze blowing in from the open window dousing his bedroom in a biting cold, but Ash didn't mind too much, he was more concerned with the way his intake of air caused the water vapour on the mirror to recede then return.
Ash abruptly swiped at the condensation with his hand, glaring at himself in the mirror. His reflection showed a raven-haired boy, eyes filled with desolation and lips puckered in a frown; even his hair seemed to hang depressingly. Ash's gaze returned to his lips, lifting his fingertips up to brush over the soft tissue. Nothing about his lips appeared to be different as he prodded and pressed, but, of course they were. No one had ever kissed him before and as he looked in the mirror he expected to see some evidence of the change, something to signify what he had experienced, but they were exactly the same. In some sense, he supposed that made the kiss easier to forget but...did he really want to.
Ash still hadn't changed his clothes and he didn't really care about it either; he didn't care how his bare chest was exposed to the wind or how his jeans chaffed uncomfortably, he only moved to make sure everything was ready for Pikachu. He carefully draped the bedspread over the empty mattress that lay next to his own bed, placing down a fluffy pillow and thin blanket. He then moved towards his wooden-oak drawers, retrieving underwear, a pyjama shirt and trousers for Pikachu to wear. The material was made out of an elegant, dark blue silk and he was sure it would make nice contrast with the boy's golden eyes. He carefully folded the clothing and placed them too on the mattress.
Despite Ash's best attempts to distract himself, his internal conflict didn't let up. His real restlessness wasn't because Pikachu was technically a Pokemon, or the fact that Pikachu was a boy (though you must admit though they're both issues in themselves), it was that Pikachu was his best friend. He took advantage of the person he cared for the most. Did Pikachu even know the importance a kiss held?
Ash glared at himself in the mirror with disappointment and self-contempt, glaring until he couldn't even bare to watch his own form any longer. He walked away, pulling his wet jeans down, discarding them to the side as he opened his drawer, fishing out a new set of briefs and his pyjama top.
Once he was done changing, he slumped down into his desk chair, letting all his emotions sink there with him. He was tired, physically and mentally and yet he still waited, swivelling his chair round from side to side for the moment Pikachu would return.
After half an hour or so, just as Ash felt his eyelids drooping shut, the door handle rattled sounding the entrance of the boy he waited so patiently for. Pikachu entered the room, towel suspended around his waist, shutting the door considerately behind him. Ash watched as Pikachu roamed towards his mattress, catching the smallest details of his muscles contracting, even the goosebumps forming on his usually smooth skin.
Ash revolved his chair in the opposite direction, leaning over the desk to fix the window shut. The loud click of the bolt startling a flock of Pidgeys in the nearby tree, causing them to soar away through the ink-coloured sky. Though Ash was no longer directly viewing Pikachu he could see him in the obscure reflection of the window, his eyes moving on their own accord. The blaring lights of the bedroom insured nothing indecent was visible, but even so, Ash felt his cheeks rush with colour as the towel from Pikachu's hips fell to the ground. Ash averted his gaze elsewhere, not being able to watch anymore.
"Are you done yet?" Ash impatiently asked after waiting for what felt like an eternity.
"Umm, almost. It's just my shirt, I can't seem to do up the buttons." Pikachu responded, a struggle clear in his voice.
Ash rotated in the direction of the blond haired boy. Pikachu stood there, his eyebrows scrunched and tongue poking past his lips in concentration, all the while his fingers fumbling hopelessly.
"Hn, I should've known you would struggle with a simple shirt." Ash scoffed, letting his bad mood demonstrate itself as he rose to assist the boy. "Stop." Ash ordered assertively, pushing Pikachu's hand away from the seam of his pyjama shirt. Ash ignored the way his fingers brushed against the boy's skin, focusing solely on the swift fastening of the all the buttons up to the base of his neck.
When Ash was done, he tugged at the shirt collar straightening it out, maybe tugging bit harder than necessary. As his gaze met with Pikachu's, he saw a fondness glistening in the boy's honey eyes, one he he didn't deserve but received anyway. Pikachu drew closer to Ash with a hesitance that made Ash think he was carefully testing the boundaries between them.
Ash's breath brushed against the other boy's lips, reminding him of his own breath from earlier brushing against the mirror surface, however this time the boy in front of him wasn't his reflection but a boy clearly beguiled. Ash placed a hand on Pikachu's chest, ignoring the resistance he felt.
"We should probably sleep." Ash mummered, his voice sounding out of place in the silence. He turned away from Pikachu, his fingertips lingering on the his silk shirt before ripping away completely. Ash hit the light switch, immersing the room in darkness and then quietly lay in his bed, deliberately facing away from Pikachu. "Goodnight." Ash spoke.
Pikachu stood alone, consumed by the cold atmosphere in the air. "I'm sorry, Ash." He commenced, his words hanging without a response. He was unsure if the Ash was even listening since the boy made no movement to suggest he was, but regardless of this Pikachu felt the need to continue."If I did something wrong then I'm sorry, Ash..."His words disintegrating into a whisper. "...I don't want you to hate me."
Ash didn't move in his bed, he was torn between pretending to sleep or letting his frustration get the better of him, the very idea that Pikachu was apologising when he was guilty seemed blasphemous. He adjusted his position in bed so that he could see the outline of Pikachu's small frame.
"Why are you apologising?" Ash growled, speaking in a harsher tone than he intended. He wished he could speak kindly to Pikachu, to whom he thought looked beautiful in the gleam of the moon, but he couldn't. He couldn't speak with anything other than the backlash of anger he felt for himself, for the trouble he had caused.
"I don't know...' Pikachu solemnly repeated. "...I just don't want you hate me, Ash."
"Stop saying that. As if I could hate you." Ash retorted.
"I..don't know.."
"You mean everything to me Pikachu." Ash interrupted, huffing in anger. He couldn't restrain his feeling anymore than a dam could restrain the sea. "I would die for you and yet you think I could hate you. On the contrary, you should hate me."
"Why?" Pikachu exclaimed, expelling the air from his lungs in shock.
"I took advantage of you. I took advantage of you and you're so innocent, so naive, you don't even know that you should be a-angry at me, shit." Ash stuttered with frustration.
"I'm not as innocent as you think I am." Pikachu spoke, his voice unfaltering. "I've been everywhere you've been for the past six years, I've seen everything you've seen. Do you think I'm so stupid that I can't comprehend whats around me?" Pikachu's asked, vexation radiating off him as his figure remained unmoving in the dark.
"I didn't mean it that way, Pikachu. I don't think you're stupid." Ash back-tracked.
"No, of course you do." Pikachu angrily interrupted. "What, just because I was a Pokemon, just because I couldn't speak your language, you think you know more than me? What's best for me? Please, Ash, don't stress yourself. I can make my own decisions from now on, okay? I don't need you."
"I don't need you." Pikachu repeated, pain seeping through his voice, the words hurting himself more than anyone.
Ash didn't know what more to say, he had clearly fucked it up big time, he never wanted to hurt Pikachu but that was the very thing he ended up doing. Ash stared in silence as the boy shivered violently in the cold room.
"Come here," was all Ash could manage to articulate.
"Why."
"Come here... you're freezing and my bed has the thickest duvet." Ash spoke, he just wanted Pikachu close to him, if he couldn't succeed in this then he knew his friendship would be damaged for a long time. He couldn't let that happen.
"I'm fine, thank you." Pikachu curtly responded.
"No, come here. Your going to catch pneumonia with your wet hair. There's no reason you should suffer on my behalf."
Ash heard a sigh come from Pikachu and in that moment he knew the boy would follow him. No doubt a few seconds late a brief "okay" was heard.
Pikachu moved towards the bed, stepping over his own floor mattress. He peeled back the duvet and slipped in next to Ash, refusing to look at him and instead counting the glow-in-the-dark stars that decorated the ceiling.
Pikachu continued to tremor next to him and it vividly reminded Ash of memory that took place many years ago, a memory that marked the true beginning of their unyielding friendship. The memory filled Ash with nostalgia and he knew at once he had to remind Pikachu, this was the only way the blond boy would forgive him.
"Pikachu...do you remember..." Ash took a deep breath to compose himself "...do you remember that time when we, Misty and Brock included, reached this simple mountain, [1] and it was snowing terribly, I mean snowing like we've never seen. And I, of course, being dense as always, forced you guys to climb it with me because, well, because I said something stupid like 'a Pokemon master always stays on course'. Then somewhere along the way we got lost and, damn, Misty was so angry, she was just about ready to kill me, remember?" Ash asked, it was his turn to hear no response but he guessed it was only fair due to how he acted earlier.
"Well, we got caught in this huge blizzard and you got blown away. I was so scared I had lost you that I ran into the snow to search for you alone. I was glad that I had though, because I found you hanging on to edge of a cliff and only just managed to save you. I sometimes wonder what my life would be if I hadn't saved you... I can never think about it too long.
"Anyway, we took haven in a little cave. It was still so cold though and you looked close to freezing to death, so I told you to enter your Pokeball but you refused. You just clinged to my body as tightly as you could. You weren't able to speak but I knew from the gesture you were telling me that you would rather freeze to death than abandon me. I...It meant so much to me...you actually cared about me. Even when we were safe the next day, I vowed to myself I would never let you be so cold again, that I would protect you, and never, ever hurt you."
Ash breathed in deeply again, "I guess I failed on all three promises." He paused to take in the sight of Pikachu's side profile, the gentle curve of his nose and his beautiful, oval face. Pikachu didn't respond but that was okay with Ash, he only wanted him to listen.
"I don't hate you, I could never hate you." Ash continued, watching as the boy's lips quivered and breathing became shallow. "I just get so frustrated when I feel upset because I know I shouldn't let myself get upset and I'm sorry I did."
Ash brought his hand up from under the duvet to delicately brush away Pikachu's damp hair from the boy's face. He felt a warm wetness on Pikachu's cheeks rub against his hand.
"Are you crying?" Ash asked, now certain that the boy had heard every word of his story.
"No." Pikachu replied breaking his own silence, from the hiccup in his voice Ash knew that the warm wetness he felt were tears.
Ash lifted the corner of the duvet to dap the moisture from Pikachu's cheeks, turning him gently sideways, bringing him into a hug. Nothing had really changed from the time the we're stuck in the cave, Pikachu was still able to convey all he was feeling through his gestures.
"It's okay to cry, you know." Ash comforted.
"And it's okay to feel upset, Ash. No one expects you to be happy all the time, at least I don't." Pikachu gently added.
Ash said no more but he repeated Pikachu's words over in his mind, finding his own comfort too. They stayed in the embrace, drifting to sleep with the knowledge that everything would be okay in the morning. Everything would be okay.
[1] This snow story is all canon, the episode is called 'Snow's way out'. It's super cute and the whole reason I got into Pikashipping.
You may have noticed this was super angsty, (seriously what got into me while writing this!) I don't know exactly but I thought it was necessary to make the relationship stronger and I also kinda wanted to try another writing style hehe :)
Also I made Ash take the kissing incident very serious because let's face it he doesn't get a lot of action and kissing means a huge deal to him. My poor baby.
Thank you for reading!
