Title: You're a moron, James

Summary: James does something that he never thought he'd do in his life.

Author: Mikesh

Disclaimer: Don't own House.

Part: 9

Warring: Contains MPREG(male pregnancy) So if You don't like then don't read

AN: This is kind of an AU. It doesn't take place after any eps. House and James are friends and House has his team working him.

AN2: Thanks to my Beta reader for correcting the mistakes

James was happy that it was Monday because it meant he could get away from Greg and his crazy family. Ok they weren't crazy, they just drove him nuts at times. But what were families for if not to do that?

"Ok I called this little meeting because we have a new case that'll top all that we've ever seen," Greg said pulling close the curtains in the conference room.

"What now?" Foreman asked biting into his lunch.

"I'm the new case," James said.

"What?" Cameron asked.

"Let's just say that this will be a year you'll never forget," Greg said taking a seat.

"What's going on?" Foreman asked seeing Cuddy walking in.

"You all knew Frank right?" James asked.

At the shake of their heads he went on.

"So what's that got to do with us?" Chase asked after James told them that he was two days shy of being three months pregnant.

"Because you get to help Brit boy," Greg said smile on his face.

"I'm Australian," Chase said irritated.

"Whatever," Greg said.

"There's more," James said.

"What?" Cameron asked.

"I have to go into hiding," James said.

"Why?" Cameron asked.

"Because like I said there are people after either me or my baby and I'm not chancing it," James said.

"So where are you going to go?" Cameron asked.

She didn't want to see James leave. He made working fun and House behave himself.

"I'm going to stay at my parents' house for a couple of months," James said while thinking 'I hope for only a couple of months because I don't think I can stand much more then that.'

"How do you know they won't follow you there?" Chase asked.

"Because I'll be a woman while I'm there," James said turning bright red.

"WHAT?" all three yelled at the same time.

"Here comes to fun part," Greg said stealing the bag of chips James had just to have them snatched back by Cuddy.

"I won't really be a woman. Just acting like one. Blame Greg, it was his brilliant idea," James said pointing at Greg.

"Thanks," Greg said.

"Wait if you're going to be a woman where are you going to be?" Chase asked.

"Here's how it's going to work. While I'm at my parents' house acting like a female. Everyone will say that I'm out of the states helping a friend in a foreign country," James said.

"So what's the cover story as to why you'd be at your parents' as a female?" Cameron said.

"That's where you, Greg and Chase come in," James said.

"Why me?" Cameron asked.

"Because you've got a thing for me," Greg said.

That made Cameron blush bright red.

"Knock it off Greg," James said.

"You are no fun Jimmy," Greg said.

"So be it," James said.

"So what about this story?" Foreman asked.

"Cameron you and Greg are married…" James said before getting interrupted.

"There is no way on Earth I am going to act like he is my husband," Cameron said horrified.

"You don't want to be my wife?" Greg asked faking hurt.

"Anyhow you two can't have children because Greg screwed up his sperm with all those pills he takes. So you either had three choices: adopt, find a surrogate mother or not have children. You want a child but adoption would be out because of your work schedules. You and I've known each other since we were little girls…don't laugh. Jamie is dating me James and her doctors have put her on bed rest for awhile since she's not a young girl anymore. She is after all 33 years old. And Greg was pushing for it. Greg and Allison are both afraid that something will happen to her while they're at work so they asked James's parents if she could stay with them and they said sure. So that's why she's staying out there with them while James is gone. He's supposed to be back about the same time the baby is going to be born," James said.

"Wait one thing. If I'm supposed to be long time friends with your female half. How do you know your male half?" Cameron asked noticing how weird that sounded to her.

"Greg introduced us to each other and we've been dating ever since then. So we've been dating for five months because it took two months before she actually got pregnant," James said.

"So where do I come into all of this?" Chase asked.

"The cover story is that you and Jamie dated back in med school. Well you did her so she's not embarrassed to have you looking down there. She doesn't want Greg looking down because he'd either make wise crack or take pictures so you opted to be her doctor. Got it? Good," James said turning red.

"Great," Chase said.

"Well I need to go get my charts ready for the doctor that'll be taking over for me," James said.

"Wait just one more question. You don't think people are going think it's weird that you're only three months pregnant but on bed-rest?" Cameron asked.

"That's why he'll be four months along almost five," Greg said holding up a pregnancy belly.

"Oh," Cameron said.

"I refuse to wear that," James said.

"Now come on honey. You know the doctor said you need to stay off your feet," Greg said getting up.

"Move your hands or lose them," James said.

"Fine see if I ever try to be nice again," Greg said.

"Umm…so when do you go to your parents' house?" Cameron asked.

"Tomorrow afternoon. You and Greg are driving me there," James said.

"Oh," Cameron said.

She really couldn't fight this because she knew in the end she'd still be made to go with.

"Well I'll see you all later," James said before exiting the conference room and going back to his office.

"This will be an interesting year," Chase said.

"By the way no talking about this to your little friends," Greg said.

"What? I was just saying," Greg said after all three just glared at him for the comment.

The rest of the day was pretty boring for the team. After work James and Greg headed back to the house so James could get packed. He didn't have to worry about buying women's clothing because Cameron was taking care of that for him. Greg had volunteered her for the job. Little did James know as he went to bed what Greg had in store for him tomorrow.

Next morning…

When James woke up he found a purple shirt hanging from the TV stand. There was a note pinned to it but James couldn't read it so he put on his glasses and then went to read the note.

James this is for you. House made me buy it I swear! I'll see you on Friday.

Love,

Cameron

"Oh rats did she rat me out?" Greg asked coming into the living room with a med for James.

"You have got to be kidding me," James said after taking it.

"Nope," Greg said.

"Great this just keeps getting better and better," James said sarcastically.

"And it only gets better from here," Greg said handing over the pregnancy belly.

"Stop glaring at me," Greg said.

"Really stop that James and just go get ready so I can get back here before midnight," Greg said.

"What are you talking about?" James asked.

"Well at soon as you're ready to go we'll be leaving. My wife has to work today so she can't make it," Greg said.

James didn't realize until they were half way to his parents' house that Greg had a wedding band on.

"You're actually wearing a wedding band?" James asked.

"Well I am married," Greg said.

"Whatever. I'm going to nap until we're there," James said feeling like an idiot dressed in women's clothes and wig.

He was of course wearing his glasses because he found that if he didn't he looked too much like his regular self.

"Ok," Greg said.

"Hey we're there," Greg said rubbing the pregnancy belly.

"Remove that hand or lose it," James said waking up.

"Come on Jamie you know that's my child you're carrying," Greg said pulling into the driveway.

"Just get out," Greg said seeing the glare that James was sending him.

Once James got settled into the guest room Greg left to head back home since it was already noon.

"Well I'll see you Friday," Greg said giving Jamie a hug.

"Bye," Jamie said waving as Greg pulled out.

"I'm going to go rest for awhile," Jamie said.

"Good idea," Sandy said.

Next chapter: Christmas day