I got home from school tired and still confused as to what I had gotten myself into. I went up to my room and fell backwards onto my bed, letting my legs hand of the side. I was laying there thinking about everything that has gone on this past week in a half, everything has been moving so fast I haven't really had time to really think about anything. And all day today at school the biggest question that's been bugging me all day is, 'I wonder if Christian told the others he saw me, what was he even doing there, and with Dimitri?"

I know I had promised myself that I wouldn't slip into Lissa's head anymore, but I just had to know. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing, then I felt it deep down the cord that connected me to her. I focused on it and on her and I was in.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"I'm nervous about starting school," She sighed, and I could feel she was depressed, that everyone has been walking on egg shells around her worried that she break at any minute, she was annoyed by this but also she appreciated it, it made her feel cared for and loved, she felt I abandoned her. This hurt me, knowing that I made her feel this way, but it also made me mad, because that is exactly how I felt right before I left, like her and Dimitri and everyone else I cared for abandoned me, well everyone but Adrain; he loved me I knew that, but I felt so guilty being with him when all I wanted was to be with Dimitri. "I just wish rose was here, she wouldn't be nervous, she would flaunt through the place like she owned it, and would make sure everyone knew not to mess with us." She said laughing a bit, she shook her head and looked down at the ground trying to clear her thoughts.

I reached into her further, trying to feel more of her emotions and to see if I could get a hint as to whether or not she was told about me. I could feel that she has been struggling with the darkness since I left, and that it was only Christian who barely managed to keep her from cutting herself.

She looked up in time to see Dimitri and Christian exchange a look, but I could feel her confusion at this. She had no idea what the brief exchange between them meant, but I did, they didn't tell her they had seen me.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo O

I pulled out of her head not wanting to see anymore, but not before I pulled a lot of her darkness into me and out of her. It was like a bottomless pit of rage and despair; I ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind me jumping into the shower and turning on the hot water. I slid down the wall and to the ground pulling me knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around my legs. I hadn't even bothered to get undressed; I was too caught up in trying to keep myself from being pulled into that darkness that filled me now, all I wanted to do was keep my head above water, I didn't want to drown in those emotions and I didn't want to get lost in those thoughts that I knew would eat away at me until all I wanted to do was end the pain. I cried, because I felt helpless and powerless and because I missed everyone, but I think Lissa was the only one who missed me, and that was only part of the time. I cried because my heart would never be whole again. I don't know how long I sat like that before I got up and turned off the shower. My eyes hurt from crying so much and I could tell without looking that they would be swollen and red. I got undressed and put my soaking wet uniform in the laundry hamper, I felt bad that Liz was going to have to try to deal with it, but at the same time I was so wore out that I didn't really care all that much. I pulled a long cotton robe out from the bathroom armoire and climbed under the covers into bed. It didn't take long for sleep to pull me under and I welcomed it as long as it promised me I wouldn't dream.