They finished the remainder of their meals, and Mei retreated to the back of the van for a round of baby wipes and fresh clothes without grease or bloodstains. The junkers had no such qualms and lazed about with the effects of the battle still evident all over them, the freshly-healed wounds still raw and red upon their flesh.
When she had cleaned up and returned to the campfire, Roadhog was gone. She glanced about, and finally saw the silhouette of his figure further down the canyon, tinkering with his motorcycle. "Oh no, did you tell Roadhog to leave again?"
"Wasn't me this time, mate, swear it. Just left on his own. He does that. Says it's the only time he gets any peace around me. But!" He gestured to the blanket next to him, the firelight illuminating his features eerily and really doing nothing to help his cause. "Figured you still might want to talk. We never got around to talkin', last time."
She scrunched her nose in hesitation, but quickly relented. With a nod, she slipped forward and settled down next to him, and didn't protest when he went to drape his arm around her like before. "I suppose we never did finish our talk from before," she said.
"Too roight. How you feeling, darl?"
"A little rough, to be honest. It's been a while since I've been shot. I really shouldn't complain, though, I'm very sorry for how you must be feeling after all that."
"Me? Aw, this is nothing, I've had worse. Nothing keeps Jamison Fawkes down for long!" He thrust a finger into the air, then winced slightly and drew his arm back down. "Might take it easy for a bit, though. Still can't get the taste of that ol' drongo's blood out of me mouth. Luckily, I came prepared." He spat into the dirt before unlatching his flask of tea, taking a gulp before offering her a taste.
Just as before, she accepted and took a swig. Apparently today's flavor was strawberry. "Oh, I love strawberry."
"I know."
"Do you have any more?"
"Oh-ho-ho, do I! See, I told Roadie that tea heist was worth the trouble, but the old blubberknuckle never wants any. Come on, let's see what I got!" He sat up and scampered back towards to the van, returning with his own rucksack full of personal supplies. Within moments he had a pot of water boiling above their little campfire, and Mei watched with interest as he led her step by step on how he made his outback teas. It was really quite involved, and she was surprised at just how precise and delicate he could be with all his measurements, even if his measurement system consisted of an old tin measuring cup and he could only explain things not in numbers but 'just above the dent here' or 'before it gets up to knuckle height here'. Apparently much trial and error had gone into his processes, but he remembered, tried again, and perfected. It was honestly fascinating to watch him work, dumping in flavor powders and sugar and measuring out the dried tapioca orbs and condensed milk levels.
She could easily imagine him doing much the same with his makeshift explosives, measuring gunpowder instead of sugar, twisting and fiddling with charges instead of flavored powders. And he had done this all with little to no education. He may have been crazy, but he also was crazy smart, in his own way. She knew of scientists and college-educated scholars who couldn't work with chemicals the way he did. It made her wonder what he might have been capable of if he had the correct opportunities.
Moments later, she found herself holding a tin cup full of more strawberry boba tea, and Junkrat sitting back beside her with his own flask, other arm draped about her shoulders.
"And that's why you -never- mix up your blue jars and your yellow jars, you end up with gunpowder black boba, and it don't taste as good as you'd think it would!" he finished, apparently having rambled on with some story or other while Mei's mind had wandered.
She glanced about before giving him a little grin. "I have an idea for it," she said, before reaching to where her cryo-liquid canister and gun lay nearby. She twisted one of the release knobs, took aim with her gun, and with two little puffs of ice, their tea was nicely chilled as she passed it back to her companion. "It's not really wasting ammo if it's for an important cause," she remarked slyly, a little thrilled with even the most benign naughtiness.
He grinned back at her, clinking his flask to her cup before pulling her back into his embrace and drinking deep. It was surprisingly nice to simply be relaxing with him; with Junkrat, of all people, something she never would have expected herself to be doing several weeks ago. Perhaps it was simply from bonding over several life or death situations by now, or seeing how much more easily he fit into his natural home than he ever had back at base, or just from simply spending time with him that didn't involve exasperated sighs or patiently counting down until he would go away. She was almost getting…well, fond…of him. Of Junkrat. Jamison Fawkes.
"Mei? Mei! Oi, you're dazey tonight, your head all right? Need to get another biotic pack?"
"No! I'm sorry, no. I'm fine, really, just have a lot on my mind. There's been so much that's happened since I arrived. It seems like every day something strange happens. Is it really always like this?"
"Nah, love. Maybe it's just luck, but most days are usually spent driving or traveling, avoiding other junkers or trying to beat them to a score, and real long periods of nothing. You just seem to be getting all the exciting stuff, lucky you! This is way better than doing nothing! The real Aussie experience!"
She gave a little groan of disagreement. "My ribs think differently, thanks."
"Thought your lil' icicle move took care of that?"
"It does, to an extent. It basically cauterizes, but it certainly doesn't mean it's pleasant. And I don't…really like doing it…"
"That why you always look weird when you come out of it?"
She furrowed her brows at him. "What do you mean, that I look weird?"
"I dunno. Not bad! You never look bad. But you got this look on your face when you come out. You look scared."
"I don't like to use the cryo-freeze until there's no other option. And even then, I can only last for a few seconds before I need to get out. I know Winston and I designed it for longer capabilities but…I just can't do it. I count the seconds until I can break it." Mei looked down, feeling somewhat uncomfortable even speaking about it. "It's a shame, I can't use it like it's supposed to be used but…I just can't do it. Not after everything that happened."
"Yeah, heard you was on ice for a while in the Antarctic. Brrrrr, I get cold just thinking about it! How long were you chilling out, anyway?"
"How old do you think I am?"
"That a trick question? This one of those things where I'm not supposed to ask a lady's age because it's rude and Ana will cuff my ear again?" Junkrat grumbled to himself, lifting a gloved hand to the side of his head and rubbing it as if trying to soothe a painful old memory. "That was my favorite ear, too. I swear it was all red for weeks."
"No, really. How old?"
"Okay, I mighta peeked at your file. I was gonna find your birthday and then get you something real good, I mean 'blow your socks off!' kind of good. Maybe literally! Uh, hold on, you were in your thirties I think? A few years older 'n me, so what? Not a problem, what good blue-blooded bloke doesn't admire an older woman." He wiggled his thick brows pointedly.
"I know my file says I'm 31. In a way, I'm 31. I mean, I feel 31 but, technically…"
"Huh?"
She coughed lightly. "I'm closer to 42."
Junkrat's eyes bulged, head tilting his head this way and that, and she could practically hear his mind buzzing as he processed that bit of information. He sputtered, for once seeming at a loss for words, then seemed to regain his senses and held up a finger pointedly. "42! Roight! Uh. Well! What…good blue-blooded bloke doesn't admire an older woman?" he tried again. "Hooly dooly, that's near on Roadie's age. You don't act like it. Or look like it. I mean, not that not acting or looking like Ol' Pigface is a bad thing…"
She shrugged helplessly. "But in a way I'm still 31. But I was in that cryostasis pod for just over a decade. Isn't that hard to imagine? Ten years going by while you're asleep? But we never meant it to last that long. We thought we'd just be under for a few weeks, a few months, maybe. But then everything malfunctioned and even though I was preserved, ten years of my life went by and my body's cells were still aging. Nobody would know it just by looking at me. But ten years of my life are gone, and I never knew them."
"What's that mean for you?"
"It means I'm over 41 years old, with the look and mind and everything else like I'm 31. But still, I'm 41. Because I lost a decade. Even if I live to be very old, I'll die ten years before I should. I try not to think about it. I get very sad about everything if I think about it too much."
"Yeah. You know, sometimes I think that too. Think I'll survive long enough for the radiation n' everything else to get me? Junkers don't live real long, and if I start thinking of it, get this real bad feel in the bottom of my gut, like I drank a bad boba or something, but worse. Makes what's left of me arm and leg bits hurt too, real strange. So I decided 'to hell with it!' and don't much think of it at all. I like to focus on building or testing instead, put out a few good kabooms! Always brightens my day!" He offered her a lopsided smile, gold tooth gleaming.
"Is that why you don't seem to care about all the danger you put yourself into? You don't care? Do you want to die?"
"Tch! Of course not! That's mad!"
"But it's mad to be throwing bombs around and working with explosives and I mean, I've seen you fall asleep on top of one of your mines before. Any one of those could kill you."
"Yeah, then I'd be dead, wouldn't I? S'like, the big finality. Won't have to worry about anything then, I guess. Besides, won't be so bad if I die younger. It's real likely I'll die before the radiation withers or cold fevers can really hit me. Ooo, darl, I've seen what it does to you. Spooks me, the thought of living that old." He let an exaggerated shudder run through him.
Mei sat up and gave him a hard look, dark eyes meeting gold. After a moment she merely shook her head and leaned back against him. "I don't think I really understand you, a lot of the time. I'm scared to die young and you're scared to die old? Do you think that means anything?"
"It's funny, ain't it? It's all right, love, we don't gotta agree on all the finer bits. Fuck knows it's not up to us in the end. But…" He pecked his lips to the top of her head before resting his chin atop her. "Suppose I can try to stick around a bit longer since you need me for all these missions and whatnot, you know, keep an eye out for you. Let it never be said that Jamison Fawkes struck out early when Miss Mei still needed him! We got a lot to finish!"
She paused, trying to think of something that might lighten the mood, turn the conversation away from lost years and the impending death of the both of them. So she pondered his words for a moment, biting her lip, before commenting quietly, "Don't worry. I'd never suggest that you finish early."
Junkrat froze before grasping her by the shoulder, eyes wide as he pulled her back to look at her. "Did you just make a dirty joke?"
"Wha-no! No! Maybe! I just…I overheard McCree make a joke one time about-you know!" She buried her face in both palms.
"You did! You just said a sex joke! Blimey! I never thought I'd be alive for the day! Forget everything I said. I can die happy. I'm dyin' right now." He immediately flopped over onto her, letting his wiry form go limp across her as she struggled from the sudden weight. "Ya killed me, Mei. I'm dead."
" Wǒde mā ya! Get off, you're heavy! You'll be dead if you don't get-…WAA!" She shoved against his chest, and and he immediately redoubled his efforts to drape over her.
"Making filthy sex jokes and threatening to kill me? I knew us junkers would be a real bad influence on ya."
She gave up against the pressing weight of him. How did he manage to be both gigantic and scrawny at the same time? With an oomph, she collapsed onto her back onto the blanket with a little wince as her ribs protested, and Junkrat landed backward, sprawled across her stomach with his fists risen into the air in triumph. He twisted slightly, then finally lifted himself on one arm to loom over her, his eyes seeming to literally glow in the shadow from the firelight.
They were so close together. It had just been him teasing her, of course, the way he always teased her, combined with his simple inability to recognize personal boundaries. And she'd let it happen. She really should bring it to a stop; try to force him off her again, or tell him he smelled and shove him away, or scold him for possibly re-opening their injuries. She started to do just that, inhaling, but found she was merely holding her breath and saying nothing.
Mei stared up at him, mouth going unexpectedly dry. She just needed a moment, that was all. Her blood was singing because of simple adrenaline, the remainders of the a tough day and their impromptu wrestling match. Her arms were starting to wrap around him just in retaliation, to try and ready herself against his play, and the reason her fingernails were starting to scrape lightly at his flesh was because…she couldn't think of an excuse for that one, nor one for why her other arm shifted up around his shoulders and her hand brushed the coarse sandy-blond locks of his hair.
He made a little desperate noise in his throat as he pulled himself half atop her, hands planting on either side of her shoulders. Something had changed between them. His eyes were dilated black rimmed with gold, and there was tension in his stance. After a moment she realized he was waiting on her, waiting for that scolding or for her to reject him yet again. When that rejection did not come, his eyes widened down at her, drinking in the way she looked with her arms looped around him, a black smear on one side of the her face that did nothing to conceal the charming flush of her cheeks, her hair tousled and messy on the blanket below, and how dark her eyes were, drawing him in…
There was a pause, the length of a heartbeat as they looked at one another, before his head dipped suddenly and his rough lips covered hers.
It had been years. Technically, it had been decades, though she had slept most of them away and could not remember them. The last person she had been with had been a member from another eco-point she had been visiting in Greenland. He had been blue-eyed and soft spoken and respectful, and they had taken refuge under a thick blanket together, enjoying each others' warmth because it had been so cold out.
It was nothing like now. Now she was sweating in a desert, being kissed by a man who couldn't be more different from her if he tried. He was as warped and strange as the land he came from, towering in height, his back hunched just to be able to reach her. He was lean with sinew and muscle and his body peppered with scars from a lifetime of hunger and bloodshed. She drew in a breath, and he smelled like sunlight and gasoline and smoke and it nearly choked her. Those strange amber golden eyes stared pleadingly into hers as he tried to kiss her again, his searing lips landing on her half-open ones. Hot breath exhaled across her face.
Another kiss. And then another. But when she still didn't seem to react, his scorched brows furrowed and his expression was crestfallen, an apology choked in his skinny throat as he tried to untangle himself from her and draw away, gaze downcast.
He found he could not. Her fingers had latched themselves into the thin meat of his back, slowly curling against him and holding him there. He blinked and looked back to her, confusion and the beginnings of hope written on his features.
Mei swallowed audibly, and her voice came out as an embarrassing squeak before managing to whisper, "No, sorry. I just…didn't expect…It was fast."
His unique grin returned, though he still seemed unsure of where they stood. "S'pose I'm a pretty unexpected sort. Uh…mighta got carried away?"
To assure him otherwise, she tightened her grip around him and leaned upward, pressing her lips back to his. Junkrat's expression melted into pure happiness, eyes drifting half closed as he positioned himself back over her and readily kissed her back. He was an enthusiastic kisser, as enthusiastic as he was with everything he did, and threw himself into it headlong. His head tilted to the side, lips still locked as he urged his kisses deeper, trying to taste her as his tongue slipped forward against hers. She was more shy, and her tongue darted back until several more kisses and a low moan reassured her, her mouth finally opening to his.
She wasn't sure how long it went on. Time had simply stopped mattering to her fogged senses. There was nothing but the feel of lips and hands, one warm flesh and the other cold metal. She could have easily lost herself further, let herself be drawn in by the scent of smoke and the promise of more heat and more pleasure. His breath was getting faster, nearly panting, and even that was nearly drowned out by the way her heart pounded almost painfully against her ribs. She wanted nothing more than to draw him closer, lose herself in that heat and become part of it, and burn with it. She was only dimly aware of his long fingers slipping into the bottom of her shirt, slithering upward through the fabric, towards the swell of her chest…
She gasped against his lips, "Wait."
He paused immediately, eyes opening with a questioning look. "Hnn? S'wrong?"
She reached down to still his seeking hand, starting to pull it from her shirt. "Jamie…I can't."
"Wot?"
"Not yet," she answered gently, and tried to soothe him with another kiss to his chin.
He wasn't the sort to ever hide how he was feeling, and made no effort to conceal the disappointment written on his features. He cleared his throat a little, nodding furiously as he pulled himself off her. "Gotcha. Okay. Did I do it wrong?"
She shook her head quickly, sitting up. "No, no, it was…it was nice. Really nice. I just think it shouldn't be too fast. Roadhog might come back any second, and my ribs still ache a lot and you're still hurt, and just, it's been a while for me and I just…I suppose I need a bit of time. But nothing was wrong, please don't think that."
He looked somewhat relieved but still unhappy, managing a grin that was clearly half-hearted. "Roight. Well, don't want to freak you out or nothing. And I guess I'm still not in tip-top shape…was really making me feel better, though. You liked it though? Really? Know I did."
"I did too." She glanced out at the rapidly darkening shadows beyond the fire before leaning to whisper in his ear, "A lot."
His scrawny chest puffed out at that, clearly pleased with himself. "Well, guess we can put a pin in it until next time."
"Thank you for understanding."
"'Course!"
She gave his hand a little squeeze before pulling herself upright, dusting the sand from her rear. "I'm going to go get things ready for bed."
He nodded. "Yeah, sure. I'm uh…gonna go do some things. Be back in a tick."
She offered him a smile, his favorite kind. It was slow and genuine and made dimples just below the apples of her plump cheeks, her eyebrows perking just slightly above the crease of her eyes. It was very different from his own grin, with wide stretched lips and bared teeth that was more snarl than smile. Her smile was beautiful. He offered her a little wave, fingers wiggling before she turned and vanished into the back of the van.
"Fuck!" he gasped, though the expletive sounded more frustrated than angry. He leapt upright, the joint of his peg leg audibly squeaking, before hurriedly going to lope off beyond the dim light of the tiny fire, out into the shadows of the gully.
He passed by Roadhog, who was sitting by his motorcycle with a tiny booklight, reading quietly and guarding the entrance to their camp. Junkrat snorted and lifted his head, skulking past him and trying not to call too much attention to the severely noticeable and nearly painful tent at the front of his shorts. Roadhog didn't even look up, but as he passed by, the larger man shifted slightly in his seat and rumbled a low, "Hope you're being careful."
Junkrat whirled upon him. "Oi, piss right off, wanker."
Roadhog snorted a chuckle. "I don't think I'm the wanker here."
"S'fuckin' crude, mate, that's what that is. I'll have you know, we had a brilliant time! I hit all the bases! First all the way through fourth!"
"There's no such thing as fourth base."
"Oh, there is! But I'm not gonna tell you shit about it, because she wants a proper gent, and I'm a proper gent, and proper gents don't kiss and tell! Uh…I'm just gonna…go take care of some things real quick. Got some business." He skipped a step and then turned and practically dashed out into the dark, desperate for a bit of private time.
"Don't hurt yourself," Roadhog advised, turning another page of his novel.
"Fuck off!"
Night had long since fallen but Mei, once again, found herself laying awake in her sleeping bag inside the van. She tried turning this way and that, tried sleeping on top of it, tried wadding up her hoodie for more of a pillow, but nothing seemed to help. Her ribs ached fiercely and her mind played the events of the day over and over again; the trouble back at Lucky's Station, the massacre in the canyon, their conversation about the time they'd never get back. Most of all it played that kiss. Or, kisses, plural. It wasn't regret, not really. It had been warm and sincere and she kept wondering what would have happened if she'd not said to wait. Well, she knew exactly what would have happened, Jamison wasn't exactly shy about that. And she really did need the time to think things through. Think about what all this meant…
For the past hour she had sat and listened to the hushed voices of the junkers outside, and by the sounds of it, they were starting to turn in as well as she heard the rustle of bed rolls. She rolled over to stare at the dull, torn-apart ceiling of the van for several minutes more before coming to a decision. She pulled her leggings back on, rolled up her sleeping bag, and rolled open the door.
The lantern immediately switched on outside, Junkrat blinking at her as she climbed down. "Mei? Somethin' wrong?"
She looked over at him. He had already removed his prosthetics, the stump of his arm cut off just below the elbow and a suspiciously flat area beneath the blanket where his leg should have been. She shook her head quickly, lifting up the messily-rolled lump of sleeping bag in both arms. "No, no, I'm fine. It's just not very comfortable in there. I thought maybe I'd try sleeping out here?" She glanced over at Roadhog, who was little more than an unmoving mountain atop his own bedroll, his back turned to her and offering no response. "If that won't disturb anyone? I don't want to be a bother."
Junkrat's usual grin spread back across his face as he gestured the remainder of his arm beside him. "Here! Yeah, clear spot right over here, real nice!"
"Thank you."
"Just sayin', you get cold in the night or anything, I am right here. Real good for warmin' you up."
She gave him a pointed look. "You are saying if I get cold. Me. Zhou Mei-Ling."
"Okay. Okay, point taken. But, offer stands."
Nodding, she went and dumped out her sleeping bag a polite distance away from the junker, trying to ignore his clear excitement. She couldn't deny that her time with Jamison had turned from a kiss to full on making out, but she wasn't quite ready for anything involving sleeping with the man, even in a literal sense. At least outside, the night air was cooler and fresher, and as the lamp switched off again, she rolled onto her back and stared up at the vivid array of stars overhead, above the stretching darkness of the canyon walls, just as spectacular as the first night she'd seen them. It was far nicer to be out here. Junkrat was muttering softly to himself in such a way that she couldn't tell if he was asleep or not, while Roadhog's breathing was a deep, steady rumbling baritone every time he breathed out.
With a contented sigh, she removed her glasses and tucked them next to her makeshift pillow, as the world above blurred before she closed her eyes and willed herself to sleep.
