Diary of a Rogue
Chapter 9
Xxx
February 14
Dear Diary,
Wow, you're probably wondering why I haven't written in over a month but I swear I have a really good excuse. I've apparently been in a coma for over a month. Go figure. I woke up about a week and a half ago but it seems like everything is falling in on my at once.
When I woke up I was alone in the med bay, that is until the Professor, Logan, and Dr. McCoy walked in. they told me everything that happened with Mystique and Carol and Kurt and how everyone was worried about me cause they weren't sure I would survive. I weird little part of me was sort of happy to hear that, to know that they all cared that much about me.
Anyway, that's not even the biggest news. Apparently, when the explosion happened between me and Carol that day it set off a reaction in my x-gene and now, after years and years of being covered up and hidden away from the world, I ,Rogue, can touch. I can touch, people, physically, no barriers, no boundaries, no nothing, just touch.
I've waited for this all my life…..so why am I still holding back.
It seems like after all this time, after all the effort I put into trying to be normal, now that I am it just doesn't feel right. Like its not supposed to be or its not going to last or something really stupid like that.
I've been avoiding Remy and I just know he knows. I don't know why I'm so hesitant to get near him, it seems really stupid to me and nothing I do can change my mind. It's like a part of me won't let myself relax enough to do what I've always wanted to with him. Well actually there are several things I've always wanted to do with him, but I guess you're suppose to go one step at a time. You know I actually made a list once. I know it's sounds stupid and childish but I don't I was in one of my self deprecating moods and decided to remind my masochistic self what I could never have.
Anyway the list went something like this;
1. Hug him, no long sleeves, no gloves, just hold him as close and as tight as I possible could.
2. Kiss him until neither of us can breath, and not a second shorter.
and three, well three is really stupid I should have never have even thought about it, I'm blushing just remembering it. But anyway.
3. Make him you first….everything.
God, looking at this list now I feel so stupid. So childish, so naïve. I mean why would Remy want to be with someone like me. It's no secret to anyone that he's no virgin of any kind and I bet the thought of having any kind of relationship with me makes him cringe. Why would he want to be with someone like me when he can have any woman he wants just by batting those unnaturally long gorgeous eyelashes and letting the shine come out in his perfectly magnificent eyes.
God, I want him so bad it hurts.
Gambit set the diary down on the bed next to him, completely unable to continue reading. How could she think he wouldn't want to be with her. How could she think he wouldn't want to hold her, to make her his. How could she not share this list with him? He would be more then happy to help her with it. He'd give anything to help her with it.
Gambit looked down at the diary again and read the date. According to it, it was written about three months prior, about the time she started pulling even farther away. Gambit sighed as he turned to the last page.
A/N: One more chapter to go. Reviews please and thank you.
-RED
