AN: Okay guys... please oh please don't hate me for taking so long to update! My internal organs decided to have a party. Sadly they did not invite me or the doctors. Because of this I've been super sick, and not been able to write. I'm so ridiculously sorry for taking so long! But now I'm starting to feel better, so I'll be able to start updating again! Thank you so much for your patience and I'm so sorry! But this chapter is fairly long, so hopefully it'll somewhat make up for the late update. Please review! Thank you to everyone who has!
The week went by super slow. Toris and I saw each other fairly often, but something kept like, nagging me. Oh, that's right. He went to see Scarf Monster at his office hours again.
And the giant talked to him before and then after class on Wednesday. Toris told me to go ahead and go home since they were going to talk. I huffed angrily out of the room and pouted the rest of the day. That is until Toris called me to apologize, and I totally forgot to be pissed. I was too happy to talk to him.
Friday rolled around finally and I was totally buzzing all day. Toris told me he wanted to take me to this super fancy Italian restaurant. He like had to make reservations and shit. I've never been anywhere where you had to make reservations. I mean I like never went out to eat, and when I did it was usually totally cheap places. I hated going out to eat. Seriously, who likes eating alone? And I was always alone.
Until now.
I spent the rest of the day after class hurrying, and trying to figure out what I should wear on my super awesomely wicked first date with Toris! I totally wanted to wear a dress... and Toris was totally fine with me in them at school... But like this was out in the world. It would have like rich old people peering from over wine glasses and crap. Shit, was Toris like old enough to drink? I still had another year after my birthday in November, and Toris hadn't actually told me when his birthday was. He like totally couldn't be too much older than me because we were like in the same year. But there was like this totally middle-aged lady in our Russian Literature class too... Oh well I'd just like ask him!
I freaked out, in like the most literal sense, over what to wear for hours and finally decided on a suit. I didn't really want to wear it, and almost never did. I like, only pulled it out of the closet when I wanted to make people super angry. Because sometimes people just have to see that I'm just as hot and sexy in a suit as in dress. I'm just wicked like that!
Anyway, so I put this suit on and waited for Toris. I actually totally didn't know how we were getting to the restaurant. Neither of us had cars, and all Toris had was a bicycle. Suddenly though I heard a knock on my door, and a like totally nervous cough.
Toris was finally here! I practically ran to the door and tried to open it all smooth and shit... but that did not happen. I think it like, hit the wall when I threw it open.
"Toris! Let's go! I'm so ridiculously excited!" I totally did not shout as I hugged him. Because I am like so too cool to do that. Right?
Okay fine. I yelled. I didn't mean to but it like, just popped out...
Toris seemed surprised for a second and then hugged me back and laughed.
"I'm excited too. But Feliks..."
"Ya?" I kept my arms around his neck but backed up enough where I could like, stare into his wonderful eyes. Damn I'm lucky.
"Do you... um... is that what you want to wear?..." Toris blushed and trailed off while staring at his shoes. Or my shoes. I had no way of knowing.
"Well... not really... but I thought you'd like it. Do you not?..." Suddenly I was worried he didn't like me dressed like this... Did he only like me dressed as a girl? What if like that's all I had going for me? Shit...
I guess I must have started looking like, upset or something. Toris looked at me and smiled slightly.
"Feliks you are beautiful. You look just as beautiful in this as you do in a dress." He took a second to kiss me on the forehead. "I just want you to wear what you want. Whatever that is."
I stared at him for a long minute.
Honey, I seriously don't think anyone has ever like, even gotten close to telling me that.
"Toris. You are perfect." I smiled at him, gave him a quick hug, and then ran upstairs to my bedroom.
Ya... problem is I totally hadn't thought about what dress I'd wear because I like, had planned on the suit. So now I had to dig through my closet, and try to pick out the perfect first date outfit.
I don't even know how long I was up there, but by the time Toris knocked on my bedroom door I had a like tower of dresses on my bed.
"Feliks?... We need to leave soon... Are you ready?..."
"Ug Toris this is so difficult! Like what color do I look best in?" I whined at the door. Normally I would have totally flung it open to talk to the person, but I was in my underwear... And that was something for like, later in the relationship.
"...Green..." Toris' quiet voice woke me out of my daydream where I did open the door in my underwear. Just so you know dream Toris was like, totally happy about it. It a certain way if you know what I mean. Hint hint. Wink wink.
Yes, I am a perv for Toris. Now like moving on.
Wait, green? OMG he seriously just said that! And I had the perfect dress! It totally made my eyes look awesome. It also just so happened to show off my legs, which I always enjoy.
I wriggled into the dress, and grabbed the appropriate heels and purse. Then, after fluffing my hair to make it look a little more feminine, I opened the door.
Toris was about to say something, but didn't. I wanted to like squeal because he was just totally staring at me!
"Ready to go sexy?" I said as I winked and jutted out one hip in a seductive pose. Toris' face flushed and his mouth opened... and then it closed. He was so totally cute! I loved flustering him, and totally started planning how to more often.
"U-um... yes let's... let's go." He said as he turned and started walking down the stairs.
"Toris... like how are we getting there?" It had been bothering me for a while, even though I had the most adorable mental picture of Toris pedaling his bike with me perched on the back.
Okay, we'd totally have to do that sometime!
But I so did not want to in this dress.
"Oh, I borrowed my cousin Eduard's car." As I followed behind him I couldn't really see his expression.
Why did he sound slightly frustrated?
I blew it off and locked the door after us. The car was normal. Okay so I like, know nothing about cars. It had four doors, four tires, and I assume an engine.
Boom, it's a car.
Oh, and it was blue.
Now! Back to super awesome first dateness!
Toris had told me to dress up, but hadn't told me where exactly we were going. Since I totally never went out I had even less of an idea. We didn't really talk in the car. Toris seemed super nervous, so I just sat there and stared at him.
Okay so that probably like totally didn't help, but I like watching him. So I did. When he finally parked Toris looked over at me.
"Um... Are you ready?" God damn that boy could blush more than... what's pink? My favorite sweater. Anyway you'd think he'd stop after a bit. Oh well! That's what made my Toris so damn cute!
My Toris? God I hope so...
The restaurant was a cute little place, sort of out of the way from the majority of restaurants. I totally didn't look at the name, and just walked right in. Toris I think like, tried to open the door for me, but I was too fast. I was already inside and smiling at the Spanish dude who smiled right back at me. So cute! Ah, smiles are so wicked! I don't get them much.
"Um... I had a table for two under Laurinaitis..." Toris had come to stand next to me, and my smile got like, even larger after hearing him speak. I liked being with him. I liked being a table for two under Laurinaitis. I started feeling all sappy and wanted to hug him. I decided to settle for holding his hand. There were like a ton of people, some of whom were already watching me.
A ton of people...
Suddenly I looked up at the silly Spanish maitre d' with wide eyes. I was going to embarrass Toris in front of a restaurant full of people.
After a minute of watching us he spoke, "I have the perfect table for you two. It is one of our more private tables. Perfect for lovey-dovey couples!"
I wanted to hug him. Hell, I wanted to kiss him. He grinned at me and winked.
"My boyfriend is shy too. Ah, but he blushes like a tomato!" He held the menus to his chest in a dreamy way as he led us towards the back of the dining area. Like a tomato? Seriously? Like, how would that be cute at all? Nothing like my adorable pink Toris. If Toris turned red he'd look like he was having like... a heart attack or something.
Wait, do people like turn red in the face during a heart attack?
Probably. Anyway so like we totally got stared at. This old dude with glasses like grabbed his fuck toy's hand in shock. Okay, sorry I guess that's really rude. But this chick was like late twenties with totally fake boobs. Sorry honey but physics doesn't hold them up like that.
We finally got to the table, and Toris almost ran me over trying to get to my chair before me. My ridiculously awesome boyfriend actually pulled my chair out for me! Now girls how many of your boys do that?
Ya that's right. Toris is perfect.
We ordered water and then started looking over the menu. Antonio, after like daydreaming about his tomato boy for a thousand years he finally told us his name, left to tell someone about our drinks. I watched Toris for a second, and then looked at my menu. I didn't know what I wanted...
But holy shit when I looked back up where were Toris' eyes? Hell ya honey they were on my legs. MY LEGS! Thank you God! You totally DO exist!
"So you were looking at my legs when we first met hmmm?" I leaned across the table towards him and winked.
Now I know what Antonio meant when he called his boyfriend a tomato. Toris wasn't totally red, but he got pretty damn close! He tried to do that 'Oh I wasn't looking at you, I was staring at something else' thing.
Okay boys. Lesson number one is that never works. Girls learn that one too. It just makes it even more obvious when you like, look away as awkwardly and quickly as you can.
Total give away.
"Um... I... Uh..." He shifted in his seat, and I just leaned forward more.
"I'm listening."
"You... the skirt you had on... it just... looked really good on you..." Toris proceeded to completely die of embarrassment, and I fell more in love. Why is he so amazing?
I grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently. "Thank you Toris."
Suddenly two waters were plopped down in front of us and we looked over to see a little Italian with a really random hair curl. I didn't think hair could like, even do something like that.
"I'm Feliciano! Veh~ A dinner for two lovers!" The Italian grinned at us. Toris started blushing, totally as usual. Was Toris thinking of us as lovers? Not like just in love lovers, but like I want to get naked with you lovers? Of course then I started think about that too... kissing his bare chest... his fingers in my hair...
I had to shake my head to clear it. My pervert brain was getting like, super annoying. Every time I got around Toris I turned into a total creep.
I promise I haven't always been this way.
"No?" The waiter's confused tone brought me back to reality. I'd just shook my head no to being lovers with Toris...
"Uh no! No, we are lovers. Well like, sorta, but not like naked lovers or anything. Not that I don't want to with you, but I mean its like, totally too early and like..." I trailed off completely losing what I was trying to say. "I was trying to clear my head..." I finally explained, though more to the napkin in my lap than Toris.
"Oh! Fantasies can be wonderful for a relationship! My Ludwig is very fond of them! It keeps things spicy!" Feliciano smiled at us. He had such an odd, but adorable smile. Seriously, how does he keep his eyes closed like that?
Toris and I both blushed this time.
I wondered what his Ludwig would think if he knew that their sex secrets were being told to two random strangers. At the Italian's place of employment no less.
"Uh... um... Could I have... the manicotti please?..." And that is totally another reason I love Toris. Thank you for totally saving us from that!
"I'd like the minestrone soup, and a salad please. Italian dressing." I handed him the menu while totally trying to avoid eye contact. I was scared if I looked at him I'd like, start picturing him with 'Ludwig,' whoever the hell that was. No matter what I so did not want to get that stuck in my head.
"Do you want something more? You don't have to worry Feliks." I looked up at Toris and smiled.
"You are so sweet Toris. Completely. But I really do like minestrone soup, and I haven't had it in a super long time. Thank you for dinner."
"I'm glad you came... I'm so happy I met you." I melted immediately as he reached out and softly took my hand. We talked about our days as we waited for the food. He didn't have much homework this weekend which was totally rare for him. I always had homework. Sometimes I did it, and most of the time I just didn't feel like it.
"PASTAAAA~"
A second later water was covering the table and Toris was trying to sop it up with his napkin. Feliciano was back with our food.
Why the hell would you like, scream at a couple and scare the shit out of them? I'd knocked over my water glass with my hand when I jumped. But it totally wasn't my fault! Loud Italians should not be allowed to sneak up on people like that!
"Veh~ I'm sorry!" His eyes were open all the way now, and it was weird. He didn't look right with them open. So weird...
Antonio had bobbed over and helped us clean up the mess. Eventually we were given food, and our overactive Italian was given a lecture.
Actually it was one of the scariest scoldings I'd ever heard. I won't repeat what was said. Hell I don't even know half of what Feliciano's scary doppelgänger said. He stormed up to him and dragged him off. The commotion from the kitchen was terrifying. You'd think with his yelling and Feliciano's crying that someone was being killed.
"My Romano is adorable isn't he?" Antonio sighed and wandered off.
"...That was his tomato?" Toris looked tempted to giggle.
"Now we know why he turns red..." I snickered.
We ate our dinner in awkward silence. You know the kind right? You want to tell the other person something but the whole time your head is like, "That's a dumb thing to say." and "He totally doesn't need to know that." and then "He sure as hell doesn't WANT to know that." So I just ate my soup. It was delicious, but I was more focused on not letting it dribble down my chin.
Yes sometimes I'm like totally retarded when I eat.
Wait can you still say shit like that? Okay fine, I'm like, eating challenged.
Anyway.
So we sat there. I think we tried to talk but nothing really happened. Toris seemed as focused on his food as I was so I like, just let him eat.
The little Italian cleared our plates away and looked so totally depressed I wanted to hug him and feed him a cupcake. I guess the tomato yelled at him a lot more than we thought.
"Um... Feliks would you... would you like to split a dessert?" Toris glanced up at me sheepishly.
The chance to share food with my sexy boyfriend? Hell ya I will take that offer!
"Totally! What do you want Toris?" I propped my chin up on my hand and stared at him.
"Um... Would you mind if we tried the strawberry gelato? It sounds good."
"I love strawberries! You just keep getting more wicked Toris! Bring it on!"
The gelato was delicious, and I had particular fun thinking of how Toris and I were sharing a wet sticky dessert. One that melted and became liquid, and both our spoons dipped into the same bowl...
Anyway. Dessert was delicious. Toris payed, like the gentleman he is, and we left. I wasn't sure what he had in mind for the rest of the date.
"Feliks I was wondering if you'd like to go for a walk?" I nodded figuring he would just take me to a park or something. Instead we drove in silence out of the city. For some reason the country scenery flashing by the window was subduing me. I felt calm, but tired. I didn't know why. "Uh... Toris where are we going?" He didn't answer me and just shook his head.
Finally Toris stopped the car.
"If we walk through these fields for a bit there it something I'd like to show you." We got out and he offered me his hand. I wasn't too excited about hiking in heels, but Toris wanted to show me something, so I totally couldn't refuse.
Okay he said a little bit? Nope. It was a long bit. A pretty long bit, but I like, had to take off my heels after a short time. My feet were totally killing me. It was starting to get dark by the time Toris stopped walking. Neither of us had said much the whole way. I normally hated silence, I'd had too much of it in my life, but this was something I didn't mind.
"I found this place a long time ago. I was visiting some friends with my family who live nearby. I went for a walk and got lost. The farmer who owns the land we walk through uses it for grazing, but lately hasn't done anything with it. So I didn't think he'd catch us, or mind if he did." Toris stood on a slight hill overlooking another field. This one was different though. I don't think the land had ever been touched. Wildflowers and small shrubs dotted the field, and the clear sky wasn't covered by any trees. Toris sat down and gestured for me to do the same. As the sun went down we settled into the grass with contented sighs. I liked fields like this. Peaceful and quiet. No one to judge me or talk to. Except Toris now, but he was my exception.
We laid there and gazed up at the stars in silence. It was comfortable, but I wanted more. I was getting into an odd mood... not the good kind... I was falling totally head over heels for Toris, and was nervous as hell. Was he the same? Was he happier when he didn't know me? Or was he like me? So lonely he could burst?...
"Hey Toris?... Are you happy?" It came out as a whisper. I honestly hadn't meant to ask him that...
"...I am now..." His voice was just as quiet as mine.
"I mean... before you met me... and even now when we're apart, are you happy?" Toris finally turned to look at me.
"Well... no not really... Before I met you... I was lonely, but honestly I don't think I realized how lonely. I don't talk to many people, and I think I had given up that I would. You made me work for it, but you were the first person I wanted to talk to, that I wanted to be around in a very long time..." The way he said those words... they were simple but hurt me.
They hurt me because I knew exactly what he meant.
I reached out for him, and I could feel tears in my eyes... like a total idiot... I was ready for him to sit there, or back away and laugh at me. Toris didn't though.
He reached out to me too. Toris wrapped his arms around me, and I cried for the both of us. I don't know how long we laid there, but a while after I stopped crying he broke the silence.
"I should get you home Feliks... Can... Would it be alright if we saw each other tomorrow?" I relaxed my hold on him and nodded. I didn't say much as we got in the car, and he drove me home. Then again neither did Toris. I hadn't felt awkward before, but now I certainly did... Had I ruined the lovely evening he had planned for us? Was he upset with me? Did he think I was stupid or too emotional? As I got out of the car I had all those things running through my mind...
That is until I started unlocking my door and heard a quiet cough behind me.
"Oh my god Toris. I'm so totally sorry. I just... I was spacing out..."
"Is something wrong?..." He stepped towards me. Very close I might add. I still wasn't used to having someone be so close to me... in many ways.
"I'm just... I'm sorry for crying and ruining you evening... I had such a wonderful time with you and I don't know what was wrong I'm just so not used to having someone around me to talk to and to... well hold me..." A hand slowly brushed my cheek as I gushed.
"I was surprised Feliks... But I want you to show me your feelings. So please don't worry. I had a wonderful evening too." I looked up at him and smiled a little.
Then I did something I'd wanted all night and then some. I reached up, took his chin in my hands, and kissed his lips. Did I mention how perfect his lips are? Wet, but not slobbery. Warm and soft. When he'd surprise kissed me the first time I hadn't gotten a good feel... or taste... But I'd save pushing my tongue into his mouth for another time. Tonight wasn't the night for passion. I needed something warm and reassuring. I think he did too.
Toris sighed slightly and wrapped his arms around me. It was a long, slow, gentle kiss. The kind you don't get much. It seems like everyone is so focused on hot kisses that they forget how wonderful the other kind can be.
And I was thoroughly enjoying the other kind.
Eventually we broke apart gently to breathe. Toris pressed his forehead to mine and whispered to me. "Goodnight Feliks. Thank you."
"Thank you Toris. Good night." He let me go and started back to the car. I waved to him, and after unlocking my door I went inside. There I heaved a sigh and tried to calm down enough to go to bed... I felt odd. Light and yet heavy... Toris was wonderful... but for the first time I started to worry a lot... Okay well like, more than usual. I had a lot of baggage. A lot of shitty baggage. What if Toris didn't feel like dealing with that? What if he didn't want to have to deal with my crying jags and craziness?
But he had held me. I had reached out to him and he had understood.
Still unsure I got ready for bed and finally collapsed into my blankets and pillows. Tomorrow we could talk more. Tomorrow maybe I could learn more.
AN: Thanks again! Please let me know what you think!
