And I'm back. Sort of. I'm at a three-week summer camp. I have little time for writing, unfortunately. Wait...I found time to do this. Well, I guess if I want to procrastinate doing AP summer work enough, it's easy for me to make time. Oh, and blondes, please don't be offended by the chapter's title. It's aimed at...well, just read.

Enjoy.


Kakuzu hated a lot about the place that dared call itself a school. The classes were completely irrelevant to the present danger, which, he had been told, was the possibility of the return of the most dangerous dark wizard in the history of wizards. How did botany, excuse him – Herbology – relate to that? How about History? The class taught nothing relevant to this 'Voldemort'. It was useless. Even the Defense against the Dark Arts class taught nothing applicable to defending against a powerful dark wizard. Heck, the Ninja Academies could teach more relevant things than this school did, and none of it was aimed toward this dark Voldemort.

Kakuzu also hated a lot about the inhabitants of this so-called school. The fitness level of the students and teachers was deplorable. They couldn't run up the stairs without being winded. It annoyed him to no end. And the level of focus and preparation the students had was something else. He'd asked the Weasley twins for an adequate inventory of items for their little pranking mission so many times it was ridiculous, and they had yet to answer him properly. He'd finally given up and made one up himself. Dung bombs, smoke bombs, flash bombs, explosive tags…that sounded adequate for disrupting the woman who claimed to be teaching them how to defend themselves against the dark arts.

However, the one thing that Kakuzu absolutely loved about the school was that its inhabitants could not handle money properly. Kakuzu had made so many bets against his fellow students and won that it was getting ridiculous. On the first game of what the wizards called 'Quidditch', he'd won a load of money betting on Gryffindor to win. Of course, it didn't hurt that Sasori had assisted him in making sure that the little gold ball the wizards called a 'Snitch' stayed just out of the Slytherin seeker's reach. Chakra strings worked wonders.

l l l

Sasori, like his housemate Kakuzu, hated a lot about Hogwarts. The classes, the people, and, well, pretty much everything. The one thing he did like about Hogwarts, though, was its art. Sasori could say with great certainty that the witches and wizards who'd run the school in the past had a healthy appreciation for the arts. And not Deidara's sort of 'art'. It was his kind of art.

The moving pictures intrigued him. Not only were they nearly eternal with all the strange and intriguing techniques the wand-wavers cast on them, but also they preserved the spirit of the picture's subject. The moving pictures were alive.

The first time Sasori had met one of the talking portraits was when he'd been heading to the library to read up on the wand-wavers' techniques since of the Akatsuki, only he, Kakuzu, Konan, Itachi, Leader, and the strange boy with Leader's eyes were fit and focused enough for heavy information absorption. The portrait he'd met was one of some famous witch whose name he didn't care to remember. The thing that had struck him the most about her, though, was the fact that she could tell him nearly everything that had happened since her finishing. Truly eternal works of art, Sasori had thought. They take on the personality of the thing they represent, essentially immortalizing the subject. Not to mention they could make handy spies. After all, who would suspect a picture? If he could figure out a technique to make them feed information to him directly, he could have spies everywhere and not have to worry about their discovery or defection. Now all he had to do was figure out the technique…

l l l

The two Ravenclaw ninjas went to the library when classes ended, as they always did. Both went their separate ways, neither really caring what the other did. As a pair, the two weren't the harmonious Kisame and Itachi or Leader and Blue/Angel (now known to them as Konan) but they certainly weren't completely incompatible like, say, Kakuzu and Hidan, or even worse, Hidan and Deidara. They just watched each other's backs and left each other alone. Which is how while Kakuzu was on one side of the library investigating advanced curses, Sasori found himself plagued by a certain platinum blonde who hadn't forgotten the day that he'd been tricked by a certain Weasley look-alike.

"You there!"

Sasori didn't look up.

"I said, hey you!"

Sasori felt his small amount of patience shrinking.

A hand was slammed on his book. "I'm talking to you," hissed Draco.

Sasori looked up. "And I was reading and clearly had no interest in conversing with you."

"Do I need to dock points for disrespect?" Draco threatened.

"Honestly, I don't care," Sasori said as he pushed the offending hand off the page he was reading.

"You really don't care about the House Cup?" Draco asked, both curious and annoyed by the fact that his threat did not threaten the young Ravenclaw.

"No," Sasori said shortly. "You came to talk. What do you want?"

"I haven't forgiven you for the incident," Draco said darkly.

"Really? I don't need your forgiveness," Sasori said. "In fact, I don't even want it."

Draco raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

"Really. Now if that's all you wanted to say, go away," Sasori said. And he tried to go back to ignoring Draco.

"I'm not going to leave you alone until you apologize," Draco said.

Sasori sighed. The ignoring thing was not working. "What am I to apologize for?" he asked.

Draco, thinking that the little redhead was cooperating, answered, "For the incident."

"If I recall correctly, you were the one who made assumptions and therefore a made a fool out of yourself," Sasori said.

"You were disrespecting me," Draco said.

"How so?" Sasori asked, feeling his patience ebbing every second he spent speaking to the Slytherin prefect.

"You talked back," Draco said.

"You did most of the talking," Sasori said. "I am a master of saving my breath."

"It was rude," Draco insisted.

"You thought I was rude?" Sasori snorted slightly. "Try talking to Itachi. He's a master of monosyllabic answers, as well as non-verbal."

"I still demand an apology," Draco said stubbornly, pulling the book out of Sasori's hands.

"Why must I attract the most infuriating blondes?" Sasori asked with a sigh as he made a half-hearted grab for the book. As he expected, the second annoying blonde he'd met decided to play keep-away.

Draco looked annoyed at the blonde comment, and examined Sasori's book. "Looking up how magical pictures are made? Well, you're certainly not a Weasley. Mudblood, clearly. I'm not sure which group I hate more- the mudbloods or the blood traitors."

Sasori decided not to ask what a mudblood was. Instead, he held out his hands, focused, and used chakra strings thin enough to be invisible to yank down a shelf of books on himself. Draco looked at him like he'd grown two heads. Madam Pince came running over. "What's going on here?" she asked. "The books!"

Sasori used his young appearance to make himself look victimized. "He took my book and when I tried to get it back, he made the books fall on me!" Sasori said, doing his best to appear helpless.

"Liar; he made the books fall on himself," Draco said.

"Did you?" Madam Pince asked, eyeing him.

"I don't have a wand," Sasori said.

"You don't have a wand?!" Madam Pince asked, startled. "Why ever would you not?"

"My friends and I have no money," he said, playing pathetic.

Madam Pince flicked her wand and made the books fly back to their proper places. Examining Sasori, she saw that he indeed possessed no wand. "Well, well, well," she said, looking up to glare at Draco. She held out her hand. "The book," she ordered. Draco handed it to her, glaring at Sasori. "Thirty points for Slytherin for such conduct. Twenty more because you're a prefect. I'll be reporting to your Head of House. Now apologize to this young man and get out of my library."

"Sorry," Draco said, his tone filled with loathing.

"Apology accepted," Sasori said shortly. Satisfied, Madam Pince left.

Draco also turned to leave. Looking back at Sasori, he hissed, "My eyes are on you. That's two times I'm going to get you for making me look foolish."

"Honestly, you don't need me to look foolish," Sasori said, rubbing his head. He definitely was not a puppet anymore – he could feel where the books had hit his head. "I've seen those goons you hang out with."

"Don't insult my friends," Draco snapped.

"You're right, they don't need to be dragged down by a short-tempered idiot like you," Sasori said absently. He turned the page in his book. "I don't know what it is that you blondes do to get a rise out of me. I'm usually more controlled than that."

Draco ignored that comment and said, "I'll find a way to get even. And I'm gonna find out what you did to make those books fall. Wandless magic, hm? I'll discover your secret and make your life miserable."

"You do that- well, I can't really call you brat because technically, you're older than me. Also, Deidara holds that title. Hm. What's that word you people use here? Ah! Prat. You do that, prat," Sasori said. "Now I do believe that the librarian told you to leave. Goodbye." And Sasori turned back to his book while Draco stormed away, sending him murderous glares.

Sasori sighed, rubbed his head again, and looked up. "I sense you, Kakuzu." Kakuzu dropped silently from the ceiling. "You were there the whole time. Why didn't you show yourself?"

"It was interesting to see that boy 'get a rise out of you.' Quite amusing, actually," Kakuzu said.

"I put him in his place," Sasori said. "He honestly thinks that because he's older than me, that he's better than me. And he's not even older than me."

Kakuzu snorted. "That's right. What are you, thirty-something?"

"Something like that," Sasori said. "I stopped counting. After all, I am eternal."

"Were," Kakuzu corrected. "You're no longer a puppet."

"I will fix that," Sasori said. "I need to age more, though."

Kakuzu nodded. "That boy mentioned that he will be watching you. Will that impair our mission?"

Sasori shook his head. "It shouldn't. He's just a civilian, even if he's a wizard. All he can do is shoot pretty lights that can be easily dodged."

"Point," Kakuzu said. "I'm heading back to research more."

"You do that," Sasori said.

Kakuzu left. Sasori went back to figuring out where he'd been before he'd been interrupted.

l l l

Later that evening, the two Ravenclaw ninjas slipped out of their dorm room to the designated meeting place set by their leader…s. Neither Kakuzu nor Sasori quite knew what was going on with their Leader who now had blue eyes, his partner, and this new boy with Leader's old eyes. They knew that everything had become strange when Tobi had messed their whole situation up. Leader became more upbeat and called himself Yahiko, his partner revealed herself and her name- Konan, and a strange new boy appeared out of nowhere bearing Leader's strange ringed eyes, acting more like Leader than Leader, and called himself Nagato. Both Kakuzu and Sasori had their hypotheses on the new development and neither was willing to share.

On the rooftop, Leader, rather, Yahiko, told everyone to lay low, not do anything suspicious or attention drawing, and above all, stay out of the janitor, his cat, and Professor Umbridge's way. He glared at Tobi and Hidan as he said this. Nobody asked. Then he asked for everyone's reports.

"I've been making bombs for Kakuzu's inventory, un," Deidara said.

"I've been doing homework and learning this place's techniques slowly," Kisame said.

"I've been f- swiping that pink b-'s Jashin-blessed quills," Hidan said. "Hey, Sasori, Kisame mentioned some s- about you wanting to f- around with them. Some s- about sealing. Here." Hidan threw a couple of quills at Sasori. Sasori caught them.

"And these do what?" he asked.

"They f- use your own f- blood to write," Hidan said excitedly. "Best Jashin-damn thing ever f- invented."

Sasori examined them. "Hm. I'll see," he said. "Since I'm here, I'll report. I'm looking into the living pictures. They could be handy information gathers."

"I'm investigating advanced curses," Kakuzu said.

"Wards," Itachi added.

"Tobi is doing what Leader and Leader Two said and is staying out of trouble!" Tobi said cheerfully.

"We are tailing Professor Umbridge," said Zetsu. "She looked appetizing at first until we found out that she wears chemicals to make her scent somewhat appealing."

Yahiko visibly sweatdropped. "Don't eat her until I say you can," he ordered Zetsu. Zetsu nodded. "Good. Konan, Nagato, and I are working on a way home. We're not exactly sure how we got here anyway, but we suspect that it something to do with Tobi's dimensional transport abilities and maybe one of this world's portkeys accidentally ending up back at home. We're still working on it. Anyway, good work and, like I said, lay low. We don't need any more attention drawn to us."

Sasori sighed. He should probably report his prefect problems to Yahiko. "Leader, I have another development to report."

"Yeah?" Yahiko asked.

"You remember how I was mistaken for a Weasley a few weeks ago?" Yahiko thought a moment, and then nodded. "The prefect is angry and wants to get even. He ended up with another score to settle with me."

Kakuzu chuckled. "It's amusing how easy it is for blondes to push his buttons," he said.

Sasori shot him a look. "Anyhow, he's going to be watching me for any excuse to get me in trouble."

Yahiko sighed. "That's annoying. Well, be careful. I trust you to watch yourself around him." He glanced at Konan and Nagato. "I think that's all we've go, yeah?" Konan and Nagato nodded. "Good. Dismissed. Hidan, if you're going to pray, go out to the forest and do it. I could sense your chakra in the blood you left on the roof. That's no good. If I can sense it, there's too much left over up there. Clean it up and pray somewhere else."

"You f- have no f- respect for f- Lord Jashin," Hidan snapped.

"The way you say it, sometimes I wonder if you do yourself," Kakuzu said before he flickered away. Sasori was about to follow his housemate when Deidara stopped him.

"Blondes get a rise out of you, un?" he asked.

Sasori gave him a look. "Unfortunately, it seems so," he said. "You're both brats. Done." He wrenched his arm from Deidara's grasp and flickered away. Even in the Ravenclaw tower, he could still feel Deidara's chakra flare up in anger.


So there you have it. Yay. Leave your comments, ideas, and everything.

Did you notice the cover art? I drew it myself! ...Actually, I just drew the Akatsuki. I used Google Images for the picture, cropped it, and recolored it red. But I did do the chibi Akatsuki all by myself. I'm so proud!

Oh, by the way, I have a little self-promoting to do. I have a new story called Spirited. It's basically an AU where a bunch of our favorite characters (Akatsuki included) get possessed by spirits and therefore have unique abilities. They're not in a ninja universe, which makes their powers a great asset, especially in wartime. Therefore, it's up to Jiraiya and Tsunade, Commander Sarutobi's most trusted generals, to hunt them down and train them to work for the Big Five Alliance (Konoha-Suna-Iwa-Kiri-Kumo). They're in for quite an adventure...

I haven't made it very far with this one yet, but all stories have to start somewhere. I mean, Akatsuki at Hogwarts started out with a kinda lame title and little bit of sudden (but never unwelcome) inspiration. Check it out if you have time. In the meantime, I'll do my best to keep updating both of them.

Until next time.