Color Coordinated

"Where neither love nor hatred is in the game, a woman's game is mediocre." -Friedrich Nietzsche

Chapter Nine: Red, Yellow, Blue

Tomoyo wasn't sure what she was doing. She thought about her father, her mother, her uncle, Ren. The thoughts spiraled in her head - out of control.

How was she going to get her mother to consider seeing her uncle? Her mother had not talked to her uncle in 15 years. The only bond between them was her father, and that had gone years ago.

Seeing her uncle again was eery. He looked so old. Everything had changed. Even Ren had changed. She couldn't even recognize them. A 15-year old time capsule - time bomb - had just erupted in her life. She shivered as she navigated her way home in the dark wrapping her arms around herself; it was cold. A red umbrella dangled from her wrist.

Taking Ren to the wedding would require her to explain who Ren was to everybody. How could she do such a thing? She'd safely encapsulated her family and it's internal turmoil away from everybody. Explaining Ren's existence to anybody would undo her life -the well structured, sheltered life she'd built by herself for herself.

"What can I do?" Tomoyo asked herself. Her voice came out shaky as though she was... was it raining? She touched her face. A single teardrop had rolled down her face. She felt hopeless; she'd just been thrown into a cage to be tormented by her innermost demons. She could hear herself start to hyperventilate. The tears were now flowing like a torrential downpour down her face.

Had her father survived the car accident - she dared not fancy the thought. She spent the greater half of the last 15 years wondering how her life would have turned out, albeit, she had spent most of the last 15 years being alone.

The mansion was around the corner... but she couldn't make it. The uncontrollable breathing... the tears rolling down her face... anguish jolted her body as she knelt over trying to regain a semblance of togetherness. She clutched her left arm, trying to feel for where the bone was thicker... trying to find where her arm had once broken. How could she have survived with just a broken arm? It was unfair. She broke a bone; her father died. The unfairness of it all still hurt even after so many years. Tomoyo. Eriol's voice invaded her mind.

"No..." Eriol was looking for her. She couldn't let him see her like this.

His voice reached out for her again. "Tomoyo... where are you? Where are you?" His voice sounded urgent. He must be at home waiting for her. How could she get past him. Tomoyo leaned up against the wall that partitioned the Daidouji property from the street, falling into a kneeling position. She needed to compose and control herself. Perhaps she'd be able to get past him. Perhaps it would start raining, and Eriol wouldn't be able to see her clearly in her state. Father, please help me through this. She got up wiping her eyes. Careful composure - she could not allow anybody to see her weak.

Not like this. Not even Eriol.

She'd been this weak with Eriol before, and he'd only hurt her. She needed distance from Eriol, or she'd fall victim to his charm again.

Her tried and true mantra: Getting too close to anybody leads to pain. Tomoyo stood up wiping her face dry. She pat her cheeks trying to get feeling into them. Get past Eriol; win the battle. Turning the corner, she walked straight up to the gate and spoke through the com-system.

"It's me; let me through."

A female voice replied back through the speaker. "Ms Daidouji! We were very worried about you." Sure. Tomoyo thought sarcastically. "Mr Hiiragizawa is waiting for you inside." The gate started to open automatically.

Eriol was walking down the driveway directly in her direction. She stared at the ground and walked forward, praying for him to just leave her be. She needed to be alone; she needed to lick her own wounds, to rebuild her barriers - new barriers to keep Eriol out. No one needed to know that she was in emotional shambles.

I should not have returned here.

She walked towards the house. Right past Eriol. I should not have returned here because I don't belong here.

"Where've you been?" Eriol sounded angry. For a long time Tomoyo thought that maybe she could belong with Eriol, but Eriol probably kept her around because he simply wanted company after his breakup. "I've looked all over for you!" But he's over Kaho; it was time to move on again. "TOMOYO!"

Tomoyo stared at the yellow tinged lights that illuminated her "home." It was the beacon that called out privacy - the safe zone. She halted midpoint down the driveway. "Yes?" She turned knowing he wouldn't be able to see her face clearly.

Please don't come near me, she thought. She struggled to keep her wits whenever she was around Eriol. Eriol approached her, coming close enough for Tomoyo to make out how messy his hair looked - even in the dark.

"Where've you been? I was worried."

Lie. "I had an appointment with a florist... and then I had dinner at a restaurant."

"What restaurant? With who?"

Lie again. "At a French restaurant, with Sakura."

"Lies. I don't believe you."

"You're calling me a liar?" Tomoyo acted stunned, but of course Eriol could see through the fiction.

Eriol grinned that charming grin of his at her and then up into the skies. "Yes... I suppose I am."

It was her chance to escape. She bolted for it. Don't follow me.

His footsteps thumped lightly as he briskly followed behind. "You managed to remember an umbrella, but you would forget your phone?" She heard her ringtone suddenly go off. He knows. Tomoyo panicked, she wasn't going to get away. "Sakura's packing tonight. She's leaving for Hong Kong in the morning." Eriol looked down at the caller ID on the phone; it was Sakura. Eriol rejected the phone call. "You werent with her, so where were you?"

Tomoyo was at the door, she'd just have to lock him out. Eriol would at the least respect her privacy. The door opened to her will, and but shut just as she'd opened it. "Please turn around and tell me the truth," his voice invaded her mind. She refused. His arms trapped her in. "Turn around, Tomoyo... please. I can't protect you if you don't let me," a whisper into her ear.

Protect her? That was the reason why he'd spent the last three years with her. She still didn't know what to think of her mother. Protect her? She knew he had an old soul, but was she a child to him?

"Who asked you to protect me? My mother?" She tried to muster her voice, it came out shaky. She had to escape the situation. "Did you spend the last three years with me because I needed protecting?"

"What? No!"

She pulled the doorknob adamantly. It wouldn't budge; Eriol's hands were still in the way. She slapped his hands and struggled to push them out of the way. His arms in response bound her in, his deep voice whispered into her ear, "Why didn't you tell me today was your father's death memorial?" Tomoyo would've assumed he would respect her privacy; he'd blatantly disregarded it. How could he? "I was worried about you." How dare he?

"Please don't cry, Tomoyo." Was she crying? She could have sworn she'd felt raindrops. She couldn't be crying.

Eriol turned her and was rubbing away tears from her face. She was supposed to be in control; she didn't need anybody to wipe her tears. What was he doing?


Eriol felt as though Tomoyo's front had cracked ever so slightly. He stared at those lips wanting them to confide in him, wishing they would confide in him.

He kissed her.

And somehow it felt different from any other time he'd ever kissed her before. They'd done so for game many a time, but this was something different altogether. He'd hit a nerve in Tomoyo, opened one of many locked doors, and he was drunken by her intensity, her sheer willpower, her emotions. It was electrifying.

He'd always been attracted to her, even enamored. His magic dug into Tomoyo's being, trying to grab hold of her soul but was suddenly pushed back and slapped back to reality.

He opened his eyes, reevaluated his surroundings and looked at Tomoyo; he'd made a mess of her lipstick. He looked into her eyes and saw violent anger and hurt; he'd unconsciously breached her mind and violated her mouth and personal space. "I'm sorry," automatically fell out of his mouth. The door slammed shut, leaving him as the sole dweller on the porch. I'm so sorry, Tomoyo. He knew she'd heard him, but knew it was a long shot from getting her to come back out.

He ran his hands through his hair and then rubbed the tension in his facial muscles. As he turned to leave, only then had he realized it was pouring rain now. He disregarded it, walking down Tomoyo's driveway drenched, he kicked the large fountain wanting to crumble it with magic. Why would he try to ruin the one stable thing in his life?

Of course he knew why - he was destined to follow in Clow's fate. Clow had spent an entire lifetime pushing people away, and of course he was no different. He slicked his wet hair back from his forehead and ignored the rain.

You're forgetting something important.

He'd have to wait for Tomoyo to cool. In the meanwhile, he'd go back to London. He'd turn the entire old mansion upside down before taking back a lifetime of another man's memories.


Tomoyo lightly closed her bedroom door. Eriol had no right to kiss her in such a fashion. She walked into her restroom and looked at her reflection, grimacing as she wiped her lipstick off, washing her face. She didn't know what type of kiss that was. "Are we just friends?" The question had been creeping up on her for years, just to be shoved to the back her mind. Wiping her face dry, she looked at her reflection in the mirror. But who would want someone as broken as me? She was rather positive he'd see her differently if he knew how broken up inside she really was. She stared at the lip-stick stained tissue she'd wiped her lips with - ruby red.

She stared and stared at the tissue mindlessly. It was the same colored lipstick she'd worn to Kaho's wedding.


[2 years ago]

Tomoyo and Eriol passed the fountain to the stairs leading up to the reception. Tomoyo stopped Eriol, pulling him to face her. She smoothed away imaginary wrinkles from his suit. "You have to look presentable when you go in," she mumbled weakly as she took a slight glance at Eriol's face... Eriol was non-responsive, lost in his own little world.

Tomoyo was nervous as well though not nearly as nervous as Eriol. She looked him up and down -of course Eriol looked presentable, she'd chosen his outfit herself. "Turn heads tonight, Eriol. I want you to see for yourself that you're just as good, if not better without her."

It was the sweetest and softest tone Eriol had ever heard her use. He pulled his eyes off of the twinkling yellow lanterns leading up the stairs and looked Tomoyo in the eyes. "Thank you... for everything." Trying to lighten the mood, he pulled himself away to get a full view of her own gown, "You don't look too shabby yourself."

Tomoyo was wearing a pale yellow gown. V-neck in the front, back-baring from behind. Eriol remarked jokingly, "But I can't go in there if my date doesn't have any jewelry to flaunt." Eriol lifted his hand, an intricate sofia pearl-yellow diamond necklace dangled from it; Tomoyo was astonished. "A beautiful necklace for a beautiful woman.

"And matching earrings, of course." Eriol clasped the necklace on and suddenly yellow diamond earrings dangled from her ears.

Eriol took Tomoyo's hand and started for the stairs. Tomoyo asked in a whisper, "Are you sure you want to do this?" She kept her eyes on the steps as she ascended.

"Do what?"

"Go in there." Tomoyo gestured with her head. Why reopen old scars, Eriol? Has she not hurt you enough?

Kaho left Eriol in complete shambles. It had been a year since that day in the park when Tomoyo found Eriol. How could Kaho have done that to you, Eriol? Tomoyo spent a year putting Eriol back together. She helped him regain some semblance of a life. It was crazy, Tomoyo thought, that Kaho had that sort of power over Eriol. Of all things, she was most scared that Eriol would fall apart again. "Are you sure you want to go in there?" she asked one final time as they approached the flurry of gowns and suits inside the glass doors.

"Never been more sure." As Eriol pulled the door open, he added as though an afterthought, "But don't overeact when you see Nakuru and Spinel."

Tomoyo was confused. Nakuru and Spinel? Tomoyo had not seen Nakuru or Spinel the entire year she'd spent with Eriol. Tomoyo had suspected that something had happened to them. Nakuru and Spinel. Had he separated himself from Nakuru and Spinel because of Kaho?


Nakuru stood in the corner with a headpiece on, acting like she was talking on the phone. "Master's here!"

Spinel's head popped out of the bag. " I did not expect him to come tonight."

Nakuru was suddenly antsy. "I knew he'd show up!" Nakuru was ecstatic, "Should we go talk to him right now? We should talk him into coming back to manor with us."

"Slow down Ruby Moon," Spinel hissed. "Let him get through tonight first."

Nakuru stared at the woman in the yellow dress "Who is he with? Master has a new girlfriend and he didn't even bother to tell us?"

Spinel popped his head back into the bag. "She's probably just a date."

Nakuru watched them walk and search for their table. "If only she'd turn this way so I could see her clearly."

"Ruby, leave him alone."

Nakuru pouted, "We've left him alone for a year, I want to go talk to him."

"Nakuru, he's not ready."

"We should at least get to him before Kaho and all of Kaho's friends and acquaintances do." Nakuru added in childlike annoyance.

"Give him space, Nakuru. In due time."

The night was a never ending series of toasts to the married couple. Every bout of applause, another glass emptied. "Eriol," she whispered, "Are you sure you want to drink so much?"

Eriol stared at her smilingly, Why not? It's not as though I'm making a commotion."

Tomoyo stared at him with chagrin and worry. Part of her could understand why he would want to get drunk and forget tonight, but part of her didn't understand why he had to come tonight if that was his agenda.

Eriol and Kaho had been together for nearly a decade, but within less than a year after splitting up, Kaho was already engaged to another man, now married. Tomoyo knew she should've burned the invitation when she saw it in their mailbox. What use is it to mentally kick yourself now, Tomoyo? Eriol performed well thus far into the night with greeting and socializing with old friends - ever charming and witty- but the night steadily wore on Eriol. With each congratulatory speech and declaration of approval to the newlyweds, Tomoyo could see Eriol's mood plummet.

Everyone at their table was on the dance floor. "I'll be back," Tomoyo said as she stood up; she gripped his shoulder for a moment before heading to the ladies room.

Tomoyo walked into the restroom flustered, she had to masterfully walk around every table to avoid all the single men. She stared into the mirror to fix her hair as she was nabbed by the shoulder and pulled into the large stall. "What the-"

Nakuru covered Tomoyo's mouth as she locked the stall. Two women walked into the restroom together.

"Can you believe Hiiragizawa had the nerve to actually come to the wedding?" The voice was high pitched and hoarse.

A nasally woman's voice replied, "I know, right? And that woman he brought tonight?"

"I bet she's a work of plastic!" Tomoyo grew indignant.

"That was what I was thinking!" Two water faucets came on as the two women continued to talk. "You know what would be fun to watch?"

"What?"

The nasally woman was whispering to the other in a whisper that Tomoyo could not hear over the running water. The faucet turned off as Tomoyo overhead the last three words, "...have Eriol toast."

The two women laughed on there way out of the restroom. Tomoyo turned to face Nakuru to be overtaken by a hug.

"Tomoyo! I didn't recognize you when you came in with Eriol." Pulling away. "How are you here- with Ma- I mean Eriol?"

"We ran into each other about a year ago; we've been living together," Tomoyo answered. She had been looking for Nakuru in the hall the entire night, but did not see her. "Where have you been all this time? I thought something happened to you and Spinel!" Spinel's head popped out of Nakuru's bag, although he didn't speak.

Nakuru quickly, "We've been living at the Manor. After Eriol and ... you know," Nakuru gestured her head in the direction of the banquet hall oustide, "Ever since they broke up, Eriol's refused to come back to the Manor. Aside from tonight, we haven't seen him in a year." Nakuru brought her hands up together as if in prayer to Tomoyo, "Can you help us talk to him?"

"Of course, of course." Tomoyo didn't expect to be ambushed in the restroom. "Those two women..."

"They're absolutely dreadful! I'm at the same table as they are. The accumulation of years and years of jealousy and bad thoughts."

Tomoyo interrupted Nakuru before she could start again. "I have to stop them from doing whatever they're going to do to Eriol... something about a toast..." Tomoyo almost left the restroom before turning around to face a sad looking Nakuru knowing exactly what Nakura wanted. "Don't worry, I'll talk to Eriol about the manor."

Nakuru was reassured by Tomoyo's smile as Tomoyo left the restroom. "I told you talking to her would work."

"We'll see." Spinel replied before pulling his head back into her bag.

Tomoyo walked quickly back to Eriol when she was stopped by a voice, "Daidouji-san?" It was Kaho. Tomoyo turned around to face one of the most iconic figures of her preteen years.

"Mizuki-sensei," Tomoyo's mouth stumbled trying to find the right words.

"Can we have a talk?" Tomoyo looked into Kaho's expectant face; she couldn't refuse. Tomoyo followed Kaho as Kaho headed out the glass doors, giving one lingering, worrying look on Eriol as she exited.

They walked down to the fountain before Kaho turned back to her, "Thank you, Tomoyo."

"Thank you for what?" Tomoyo was confused.

"For coming with Eriol... so that I could see that he was okay after all the memories... and changes." Tomoyo didn't quite understand, but knew there was one question she'd been wanting to ask for a long time.

"What happened between the two of you?"

Kaho's turned up to the stars, "We were simply not meant for each other." She looked back down at the fountain. "People come into our lives for a reason. They will just the same leave for another reason... It was time."

Tomoyo wanted concrete answers, not vague declarations. She wanted to push the subject but did not know how to tactfully go about it.

Kaho turned back to Tomoyo, "But Eriol and you, I should have seen it back then. You two are good together."

"But..."

"With Eriol... in the state of mind that he is in, I know you will be there for him, but..." Kaho seemed worried now. She paused and looked into Tomoyo's eyes. "But you need to be careful." Kaho grabbed Tomoyo's hands. "Eriol's soul and magic are old..." She stared intensely into Tomoyo's eyes. "You must be very careful."

Kaho looked up the stairs when the groom came out of the hall looking for her. Tomoyo wanted to speak, but Kaho was in a rush to head back. "Thank you, Tomoyo. I was initially very worried about Eriol, but seeing you two together puts my heart at peace."

"You see, it's not at all like tha-"

"I must head up." Kaho was already walking away, up the stairs.

Tomoyo watched as the bride and groom kissed before heading back in together. The conversation was short and anything but productive, Tomoyo thought to herself. Where are you? Eriol's voice popped into her head; she'd left him all alone in there with the vultures. She headed up.

Entering, the two same two woman were already surrounding Eriol. A different bottle of wine had replaced the one Eriol emptied just a moment before.

She came up from behind slowly, overhearing what they were saying. The nasally voice woman had a pudgy figure; she spoke to Eriol in a much sweeter tone than the one she overheard in the restroom. "Eriol, I don't think you're too drunk at all. I think everybody would love to hear you toast the happy couple."

The other female was as tall as her voice was high. She kept edging inward toward Eriol in a coquettish manner. "You're so charming even when you're drunk. Don't worry about it... Here, I'll ring my glass."

"That wont be necessary, ladies..." Tomoyo added. She needed to put them and all the other vultures here tonight in there places. "Thank you for looking after my boyfriend while I was gone. She walked in between Eriol and the tall woman, gracefully falling onto Eriol's lap, hands wrapped around his neck, "I missed you, babe," and with good measure, Tomoyo leaned in for lingering kiss.

Pulling away, she wiped the lipstick off of Eriol's lips as she looked the pudgy one directly in the eyes, "And yes," in a hushed voice, "It's all real." The woman looked mortified when she realized Tomoyo had overheard them in the restroom. She immediately stormed off to be followed by her tall and skinny counterpart.

"Let's go, Eriol; you're drunk." Tomoyo stood up grabbing his arm pulling him up.

"Wait... wait..." Eriol added in a playfully drunk manner. "The wedding present."

Tomoyo was confused, she kept pulling Eriol, nudging him to stand up. "I thought we'd mail one; we didn't bring one."

Eriol smiled at Tomoyo, "Oh beautiful one, you underestimate me." He lifted the table cloth hiding and a beautifully wrapped box appeared. He picked it up, ignoring Tomoyo and immediately started for the newlyweds in a drunken determination. Any untrained eye would assume that the great reincarnate was sober except perhaps Kaho or Tomoyo.

Eriol carried himself with an air of dignity and presence that would usually command the attention of those around him. Drunken Eriol carried himself in a way that allowed him to go unnoticed; well demonstrating that as he weaved around tables, chairs and people. He was walking too fast for Tomoyo to stop him without making a scene. She grabbed his arm and walked with him; not sure what Eriol would say.

"You look breathtaking." Kaho turned around in response to his words.

"Thank you, Eriol." Kaho and Eriol looked at each other for a long moment. Tomoyo watched both of there faces at that moment; she couldn't identify the emotions expressed by either.

"For you," Bringing up the box to Kaho, another hand outstretched to take it.

"Thank you, Eriol." It was the groom. "It is great having you hear tonight."

"No, it was a pleasure being here tonight." Eriol took one lingering look at Kaho, as though trying to remember her every detail. "But I'm afraid we must leave."

"So soon?" Arnold asked goodheartedly, "The night's festivities have only begun." Eriol and Kaho's husband knew each other? Arnold seemed cheery and extremely good-natured; a man with a very agreeable disposition. What exactly happened, Eriol?

"I'm afraid we must leave; we're driving back into the countryside tonight." Eriol's words surprised Tomoyo; there had been nothing about heading back to his English manor before.

"Your presence will be missed." Arnold added as the two shook hands.


Tomoyo was confused. They'd only been inside for about an hour. Eriol was stumbing down the stairs, pulling Tomoyo's arm. "Eriol!" Tomoyo repeatedly called his name; he was pulling her dangerously fast. "Slow down!"

Tomoyo collided into Eriol as he abruptly stopped and turned toward her. Tomoyo backed up slightly looking up into Eriol's blue, blue eyes. Eriol turned his head upward and away, leaning his chin on the top of her head. "Close your eyes, Tomoyo."

"No." She answered weakly. Why should she close her eyes? She'd consented to going to the wedding service with him; she'd consented to coming to the reception; she'd consented to not asking questions about his past only to be pulled into it all in one day. "No," she repeated, this time with certainty. "Why'd you bring me to this reception?" Without pulling away from Eriol, she turned her head slightly and looked at the yellow lights. "Why am I even here? What purpose do I serve in your wise and all-knowing world?"

Tomoyo didn't understand Eriol. She'd been living in a bubble, she'd realized. There must have been much more ugliness in Eriol's world than she could ever fathom. All of a sudden, the lamp she'd been staring at changed. She pulled away from Eriol and looked around. They were standing lamp lit garden. "Where are we?"

Eriol laughed. He repeated her question. "Why am I even here?" He laughed, louder, repeating her question even louder. "WHY AM I EVEN HERE?"

Tomoyo suddenly felt embarassed and regretted asking him that question. "You're drunk Eriol."

"I'm more sober than you think." Eriol, turns a full circle slowly taking in his own garden. "You ask me why you're in my life. Is it because you'd like to leave it?"

"That's not what I meant." Tomoyo answered immediately. "I've been here for a year now, and I barely even know you."

"But it seems that I know you just as well as you know me." More lamps lights up. Suddenly all the lights in the mansion come on. They were at the manor. Yellow fluorescent lamps were everywhere.

"You're beautiful, you know that?," Eriol said all of a sudden, looking off to the side. It was the first time anyone had ever, so frankly, told her that.

"And you're ridiculously handsome. You know that?"

"Don't play any more games with me."

"What did you give Kaho as a wedding gift?" An unrelated subject.

"A book." Eriol answered. "Is this another game Tomoyo?" All of a sudden, Eriol was inches away from her. In the dim lights, she could still see his dark blue eyes. "You've been here, by my side, all this time. You tell them that we are more than friends... Is this a game we're playing?"

Tomoyo can smell the faint scent of alcohol still on his breath. His face gets ever closer. "Is this a game, Tomoyo?" His lips lull on her lower lip, before taking her mouth. One hand runs through her hair while the other runs down her back pulling her closer to him. She felt as though the electricity in the lights were running through her instead of the lamps.

Eriol suddenly pulled away. Breathing heavily, "Is this a game, Tomoyo?" His hands cup her face.

'No,' she thought. Tomoyo could still smell the alcohol on his breath. "Yes."

Eriol lowered his forehead onto hers and looked her in the eyes. "Then let's keep playing the game." Eriol pulled away and started walking toward the mansion.

Tomoyo used the back of her hand and wiped away the smeared lipstick. Ruby red.


[Present Times]

The memory ran around in her mind over and over as she readied for bed. How well did she know Eriol? Were they still playing the game? Was it ever a game?

She looked at the lipstick stained tissue one last time before throwing it in the trash. "Is this a game?"

[tbc]