"S-SHE WON'T R-RESPOND!"
The words left him in a shriek, whether in frustration, terror, or pain, he couldn't tell. His worries and fears that he had worked so hard to push away, slammed back into his body with terrible force. He was shaking - no, he was more than shaking - he was convulsing. His teeth were gritted together so hard they creaked, his tongue stuck to the roof of his dry mouth. He felt the others gasp, moving forward out of concern, whether for him or Riley he wasn't sure. Maybe both. His hands had given up on pressing buttons, and now just lay there across the controls, griping so tightly it was a wonder he hadn't dug fingerprints into the metal itself. His mind was a panic. He felt claustrophobic. Trapped. Trapped! Can't get out! CAN'T GET OUT! CAN'T GET O-
"Fear?" That was Joy. She had actually reached out to touch him, something the others were too afraid to try. He didn't flinch or jump as her fingers wrapped around his shoulder, and he didn't fight her when she pulled him around to face her. "Fear, listen...Calm down...Deep breaths...It's going to be alright..." She breathed with him, holding him steady as though, if she released him, he would hurt himself in his hysteria.
Hurt himself further.
A trickle, a sort of prickling sensation slipped down his palm, causing the purple Emotion to look down as his breaths steadied...and then practically stopped breathing altogether. There, slowly leaking down his hand, was his body's equivalent of blood. Not red, like he knew Riley's to be, but a light lavender, glowing iridescently. Joy's eyes locked on it at the same instant he did, and she snatched his wrist to prevent him from hiding it. Fear thought he heard Disgust gag, but not in a dramatic, attitude-induced way, but a true, real sound of shocked revulsion. He must have hurt himself when he had been frantically moving the controls. Some of them could be quite sharp.
Joy had gone pale. They all had. None of them could remember ever seeing one of their own kind bleed. They hadn't known it was possible. Though, this wasn't necessarily blood; it was energy, but they were the same thing in either sense. Fear had been hurt. He was losing his life force. They weren't even sure if that was serious or not. It seemed to be the equivalent of a small cut on his palm, nothing more. Out of all of them, Fear was the most horrified.
"This needs to stop," he whispered, eyes fixed on the translucent purple liquid. His voice was surprisingly steady, despite the terror that was raging inside of him. His eyes were wide, and he lifted them to Joy's dull face. "H-help me stop this!" The desperation in his tone was heart-wrenching, adding even more concern to the faces of his friends.
Sadness looked close to tears. "We can't," she practically wailed, speaking into the neck of her sweater shamefully. "The console can only be controlled by the Emotion whose color glows within it...It's purple." As if that explained everything.
Anger stepped forward, his own gaze still locked on Fear's injured hand. His voice was frustrated, but only just noticeably. He sounded more desperate and determined than anything else. "But we've been using it for two years, mixing colors left and right! Lately, it's always purple, and we've still been able to function as usual...with only a few glitches."
Disgust had come forward, helping Joy in calming Fear's heavy breathing. She couldn't seem to bring herself to touch him, the blood causing her natural feelings to keep her at bay, but she hovered her small hands over his arm, giving encouragement that way with her presence. "That was when it was faintly purple...This is different. Riley's all scared, instead of just partly. She's not just anxious...she's totally freaked out."
"Which means Fear is in complete control," Joy intoned seriously. Fear shuddered under her grip, and her face softened with compassion. "You can do this, Fear. Panicking is only making things worse. We know you're not doing any of this on purpose. Just...Just calm yourself, and then...try the controls again."
Fear snapped his eyes to hers. "What?! Joy...J-Joy, I can't! I'm only making things worse!"
"You can do it...You can. Things can't get any worse. We're all right here to help you...You can do it." She grimaced, in what looked like pain. "Just relax and try again."
Fear gave a shivering sigh, one that came out more like a gasp. Things could always get worse.
Steeling himself, he turned back to the console, taking in the object's strong, pulsing glow of purple. How he hated it. To him, it only meant he was hurting Riley. Why? Why?! Why was it that his instincts told him to do this to her?! How could making her suffer possibly ever come to any good? Laying his uninjured hand back on the console, he took a deep, calming breath, or at least as calm as he could. The glow in the controls burned brighter for a moment, like the fed flame of a candle, before dimming slightly. Joy was gently rubbing his shoulders, whispering encouragement behind him. Her breathing sounded off, but Fear couldn't think about that now. Fear could feel the others around him, trying to support him the best they could without crowding him.
"Good. Good, Fear," Joy winced, "Again. Think about what you have to do. Bring her back."
Fear closed his eyes, breathing slowly through his mouth. His stomach was churning in anxious nausea, and dizziness threatened to make him unconscious before his task was done. But he held on, fighting silently with the console, with Riley, while Headquarters remained absolutely still and quiet. All at once, the daydream began to flicker, the car ride in the real world momentarily flashing into view, before fading again. Fear fought harder. The screen flickered again. And again. Then, like the blissful rays of sun after an eternal winter, the dull colors of the real world became clear, and the daydream retreated. Fear leaned forward against the console, gasping each breath in relief.
"I-I did it..." he panted, disbelief and surprise evident in his face. "I-I can't believe I did it..."
Joy smiled weakly, giving his shoulders a light squeeze. "You did it." Then her eyes rolled back in her head and she collapsed to the floor in a heap.
"JOY!"
They all crouched beside her, their faces masked in horror. Their calls and shaking of the weakly glowing Emotion proving to be in vein. Fear clutched her like a lifeline, forgetting all about his bleeding hand. The purple energy smeared on Joy's arm, unnoticed by her frightened companions. Joy was the sun to their every rainy day. To see her like this...It was as though someone had killed every hope they had ever had. She would be alright, wouldn't she? She'd be up and about and smiling, just as always. Of course she would. Wouldn't she?
"What's wrong with her?!" Disgust cried out, flapping her arms as if she were a bird about to fly away.
"How should I know?!" Anger snapped, true fear shining in his eyes as he attempted to lift the unconscious Emotion into a limp, sitting position. Fear helped him, his fingers trembling, but holding firm.
Sadness hovered anxiously beside Disgust, as the two boys tried to figure out what to do now that they had Joy leaning against them. "We should bring her to the couch," she suggested worriedly. "Lay her down until she comes to." If she comes to.
Anger nodded, helping Fear lift Joy to her soft, bare feet. Between the two of them, they managed to get her up and forward. Luckily, she wasn't that heavy, even at a dead weight, and the couch was not far from where she had fallen. Settling her still form on the sofa, Anger and Fear stepped back, joining Disgust and Sadness in silence.
Disgust shook her head in disbelief, rare tears sparkling in her eyes. "What happened to her?"
"I'll tell you what happened!" Anger suddenly exploded. "He happened!" His thick, red finger shot out accusingly in Fear's direction. "He's hurting Riley, and now he's hurting Joy!"
"Anger..." Sadness's voice was filled with shock, her eyes flitting to Fear as if she was afraid the worlds alone might be enough to crush him. But Anger wasn't finished.
"He started this whole mess; him and his stupid fears! What is even the use of worrying and trembling and cowering?! He's taken over! Joy can't survive in a place where only fear exists! YOU'RE KILLING HER!" The shout seemed to reverberate off the walls, echoing in all their minds, even if it didn't in real life. Anger blinked, a look of horror passing into his expression as his anger abruptly faded and he realized what he had just said. A sense of surreal shame crept inside of him, prompting him to stutter. "F-Fear..."
But the purple Emotion wasn't listening. Hands clenched tightly at his side, his eyes had screwed shut, as if blocking out something terribly painful. His voice came out strained and hurt, sorrow and anguish pouring off of him in torrents. "I-I never meant to...Oh, please...somebody, please, help me...Stop me." He sank to the floor, the very image of dejection, weeping softly. Broken.
Two sets of accusing eyes landed on Anger, making him wish for all the world that he could just disappear. He knew he had been wrong in what he had said. He hadn't meant a word of it, he knew that. His anger gone, his own words repeated in his mind, haunting him and making his heart incredibly heavy. "Fear..." He didn't know what to say. How could he possibly undo what he had just done. Take away the incredible burden he had just thrown on his friend's shoulders. He didn't know how to fix it. Fix what he had said. All at once something dripping from Fears clenched fist caught his attention, filling his heart with even more shame. Fear's hand was still bleeding.
Sending the girls a look that told them he would handle Fear, try his best to fix what he had done, Anger moved forward, slowly pulling the purple Emotion back to his shaky feet. Fear let him, so desperate for help that he didn't care who it was. Anger felt Fear stiffen slightly under his firm hand, but made sure he didn't hold on too tightly. If Fear wanted to pull away, Anger wouldn't stop him. Anger wouldn't blame him. But the thinner Emotion didn't even try to move out of his reach, instead allowing Anger to lead him up and around to behind the Memory shelves, where they could be alone. The moment they were out of the girls' sight, Anger's facial expression changed from one of gruff worry to intense, compassionate, and heartbroken concern. He took hold of Fear's wrist, scanning the injury as though he expected the wound to be deeper because of his words. Having nothing else to work with, he removed his black tie, using it to bind the cut. Fear winced as the cloth was quickly, but gently, wrapped around his palm, fighting the urge to whip his hand out of Anger's grasp. His tear-filled eyes were fixed on the floor, not even aware of Anger's change of attitude. Anger worked swiftly, his natural personality urging him to keep physical contact at a minimum. As soon as the job was done, he let go, looking up at Fear as he struggled to find the right words. Fear beat him to it.
"Y-You're right, you know," he sniffed, dragging a sleeve under his long nose. "I-I don't have any use...I can...can only h-hurt those I care for..."
Anger felt his heart sink further. "Fear, I-"
"I used to be the protector...M-my job used to be to keep Riley safe..." His gaze lifted from the floor, fixing a piercing stare straight into Anger's own. "What is my use now? It's not the same. I-I don't understand." He closed his eyes with a shuddering attempt to stow away a heavy sob. "A-and now Joy's...Joy's being hurt by me too...Anger, I can't stand it...I feel like one more blow and...and..." He shuddered, as though it were all to much to even think about. "I'm killing her," he whispered faintly, cradling his injured hand against his chest, curling in on himself in grief and emotional pain. More than he had ever experienced before.
Anger felt like smashing something, most of all himself. He hated his temper. Hated how it made him speak without thinking. Act without thinking. Fear was hurt by his words. Badly. Genuinely. "Fear, I never meant any of that," he tried, his sentence sounding lame even in his own ears. "Disgust is the one whose right. Each of us serves a purpose. You do keep Riley safe, every minute of every day. Don't let jerks like me tell you otherwise." Fear calmed slightly, so he continued. "This whole mess isn't your fault. Something just seems to be...aimed at making you do what you're do'n...I don't understand it either. But you have to keep it together, OK? I'm..." Anger swallowed, his next words going against everything that made him who he was. "I_I'm sorry, Fear...What I said was...was wrong. We'll get you through this. You, Joy, and Riley." He hesitantly reached out a stubby hand, patting Fear's trembling arm uncomfortably, in a subtle attempt to sooth his unsettled colleague.
Fear shook his head, shifting uneasily. "I-I'm not sure of that anymore...Anger?"
The red Emotion flinched at the nervousness in his friend's voice. "Yeah?"
"C-Can you take over for a while?"
"Now, wait a-"
"The console's fixed...a-at least for now. And anything has got to be better than me driving. You're so strong and...and steadfast, I know you can get Riley to stop these daydreams. I just...can't do it anymore...I'm so tired..." He felt as though he would melt, his body suddenly incredibly exhausted.
Anger backed away a step, rubbing the base of his neck while looking around him as though looking for help. He turned back to Fear, his resolve crumbling under the purple Emotion's moist, pleading gaze. "But we don't know what that will do!" he hissed. "We don't know what I might do to her!"
"It's got to be better than me driving," Fear repeated, brokenly. "Please, Anger. I-I can't do this..."
Anger stared up at him, two warring thoughts visible in his face. He was afraid to give it a try, though he'd never admit it. He was afraid for Riley, and Joy, and Fear. Afraid for them all. It made him irritable, and frustrated. But, with what he had said to Fear, how could he refuse his friend's one request. He needs a break, Anger thought carefully, his eyes taking in Fear's shivering form, hand bandaged and stained with a smear of purple. Just do it...until we can figure out how to help him. Sighing in resignation, Anger made his decision.
"Alright, Fear. I'll drive."
Riley blinked, a frown of confusion crossing her face. By now, she had become very conscious of her ability to daydream the real world away, and enjoyed the safety it brought her. She loved the colorful worlds and characters her imagination had made up and gathered over the past two years. She had mastered the art of drifting away into her little world, leaving everything she dreaded behind her. She had almost forgotten the whole cashier incident, riding in the back seat of her mother's car, on their way home. She had triggered a particularly violent scene, of one of her favorite characters saving the life of another by putting himself in danger. As graphic as it was, it soothed her, as she subconsciously wished that there had been someone to take the cashier's verbal blow for her. It made her feel better, seeing the character suffer like her, or even more than her.
But then it was gone.
The images froze, flickering away to reveal nothing but the leather backing of the passenger seat. Her daydream interrupted, she felt disoriented. Stunned. And then, a strange sensation, one that she had managed to avoid for some time, crept into her chest. Fear. Trapped, the feeling seemed to scream. TRAPPED! Trapped in what? She couldn't tell. Her mind flickered again, regaining the daydream, only to lose it again. Suddenly, she wanted to terminate it, she wanted to stop the daydream. She was scared. What was happening? Her brain felt thick, like she was mentally stuck in quicksand. She released a shuddering breath, feeling all at once a huge wave of hopelessness and despair. She blinked again, focusing on the world around her.
All the joy she had ever felt about her self-discovered ability, faded. Wiped out of existence, unconscious within her. This was wrong. Something wasn't right about this...And yet...She still loved those daydreams. Loved the safety that they gave. Her mind was in a war with itself. All happiness seeming to have disappeared from view. Suddenly, she felt upset. That feeling gave way to frustration.
And then pure, unashamed anger.
Two kinds of anger. An anger that she couldn't seem to get herself to daydream...
And an anger at herself for wanting to.
Kind of short again. Sorry. I have to write this stuff in bits now...It's bringing back some rather intense memories for me. But it is TOTALLY worth it. If even one person reads this story, and walks away with something, it's worth more to me than anything. :)
You are all so worth it.
