"Excuse me, Mr. Litwak?"
The mustachioed owner of the arcade turned around at the mention of his name, dropping the broom he'd been using to sweep a discarded Subway cup out from behind the Fatal Assault console. It was well into Friday afternoon, one of his busiest periods during the summer, and the arcade was packed with kids. One of his regular customers, a moppet-faced girl with glasses and mousy brown hair, stood beside him.
"Oh, hey there, sport-o", Mr. Litwak said jovially as he clambered to his feet. "What can I do for you?"
The girl pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. "I just had a question," she mumbled. "Is there any way for you to, like, pick more characters in Sugar Rush? Besides the nine that come up on the selection screen, I mean."
Mr. Litwak scratched his head. "Mm, y'know, I don't think so," he muttered. "Why, was there an avatar you wanted that didn't come up?"
"Well, I guess it's not that big a deal," she replied, shifting from one foot to the other, "but I just like Vanellope Von Schweetz best, that's all. She hasn't been in the lineup for the last couple of days."
"Yeah, sorry, honey," Litwak said, glancing over at the Sugar Rush console, "but the game picks a new roster every day totally at random. Luck of the draw, I guess – nothing anybody can do about it, really."
The girl rolled her eyes. "That figures."
Mr. Litwak adjusted his glasses. "Funny you should mention Vanellope," he continued. "Do you know, I've had that game for fifteen years, and in all that time, she never started coming up in the roster until just about a month ago? Weirdest thing! Must have been some kind of glitch in the system or something. But you're not the only one who likes her best. I get kids all the time telling me how they love to play as her. It's made Sugar Rush more popular than ever."
"Yeah," the girl said with a shrug, "'cause how many other racing games let you teleport around the track? Ah well, thanks anyway, Mr. Litwak."
"No problem, kiddo," Litwak said as he sunk back to his knees and picked up the broom again. "Have fun!"
The girl turned back towards Sugar Rush, jingling her pocket full of quarters. Before she could sit back down, though, two older boys dashed over and claimed both driver's seats.
"Buzz off, four-eyes!" one of them teased. "We were here first!"
"You were not!" she insisted, her brow furrowing.
The other boy stuck his tongue out at her. "Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it?"
Putting her hands in her pockets, the girl sulked over to Hero's Duty. Maybe blasting a couple of Cy-Bugs would make her feel better.
"Hey," the first boy said as he scanned the racer selection screen. "Where's that little teleporting girl?"
Taffyta leaned against her car, savoring her strawberry-flavored lollipop. Life was good.
The arcade had just closed, and the racers were checking over their cars as they prepared for the Random Roster Race. Excited candy spectators began to fill the stands, chattering among themselves. Taffyta was taking a few private moments at the edge of the track to bask in the glory of her accomplishments. She had won five gold trophies during the day. Without Vanellope glitching all over the place, she was the unquestioned queen of the racetrack, with the highest stats and the fastest car. And now she was the president to all who resided within Sugar Rush, beloved by everybody, just as Vanellope had been until a few days ago.
A satisfied smirk crossed Taffyta's lips whenever she thought about how quickly and easily she'd risen to the top in just one short week. This president gig isn't so bad, she thought. Win a few races, shake a few hands, you've got it made!
A tug on the hem of her racing jacket snapped her out of her reverie. She looked down to see Sour Bill, looking more put out than usual, clutching a large folder full of papers.
"Hate to bother you, Ms. President," he groaned, "but before the race begins, you really do need to review this fudge-drilling proposal. It's been on the table all week long…"
Taffyta sniffed derisively. "Fudge-drilling, huh? What's that all about?"
"Well, ma'am," Sour Bill droned on, "the Peanut Buttercups of West Candy Hollow want to construct a resort hotel on the outskirts of Candy Cane Forest, and they want permission to tap the natural underground hot fudge reserves for the spa."
"All right, fine, go ahead and let them," Taffyta said without a second's hesitation.
Sour Bill looked puzzled. "But ma'am," he continued, "tapping the hot fudge wells is an expensive and dangerous process, and it could lead to a number of very large sinkholes…"
Taffyta scowled. She had better things to do than listen to this trash. "Well then, don't drill for the stupid fudge! Jeez! What do you want me to do?"
Sour Bill's normally hangdog expression contorted into something resembling disdain.
"With all due respect, Madam President, I'd appreciate it if you did the job you were elected to do," he drawled.
Crumbelina DiCaramello looked up from beneath the hood of her car. "Taffyta, you know you have to make tough decisions like that if you're going to be president. But just between you and me, I hope you give 'em the okay to build. I can't wait to visit that spa!"
"Now, hold on a second!" Jubileena Bing-Bing piped up as she tossed her socket wrench into the front seat. "Those hot fudge reserves are very fragile! We can't tamper with the game's ecosystem too much! It could do serious damage to the code!"
"Well, that's why Vanellope had the idea to move the hotel to the foot of Soft-Serve Summit," Adorabeezle Winterpop interjected. "There's already natural hot chocolate springs there, and she figured – "
"Oh, to heck with Vanellope!" Taffyta blurted out. "She didn't know how to run this game like I do! I'm like a million times the president she ever was!"
"Then when are you gonna prove it?"
Taffyta was stunned as she turned to see who had made such a bold inquiry. It was Candlehead.
"I'm just sayin', y'know," Candlehead mumbled, tugging on one of her green pigtails. "I don't really know much about politics and stuff, but I was thinking about all the things you said during your campaign and your inauguration speech, and, well, maybe it's just me, but it kinda doesn't seem like you have any real ideas for how to lead us."
"Y'know, I almost hate to admit this, but she's right," Gloyd Orangeboar said, squinting at Taffyta. "You talked and talked about what a lousy president Vanellope was. But when did you ever tell us what you would do better than her?"
Taffyta scoffed, trying to ignore the prickly feeling that was expanding on the back of her neck. "Well, y'know, I, uh… I think that's pretty obvious, don't you?"
"You mean like after the inauguration this morning when you mentioned to me that you planned to repeal Miss Vanellope's amendment that puts the Random Roster Race on a different track every night?" Sour Bill mumbled, with a surprising hint of a smirk.
"What?!" Minty Zaki squeaked incredulously. "You'd get rid of that? I thought that was a great change! That was one of the best things Vanellope ever did!"
"Yeah," Snowanna Rainbeau shouted, "and don't forget, that's what led to them building that new track outside the Kart Bakery! She put people to work! What would you have us do, just run the Royal Raceway over and over again like we used to?"
"Just because it's your own personal track now, Madam President?" Swizzle Malarkey added disdainfully.
Taffyta fidgeted against the front of her car. The itchiness had spread down her whole back now. Every racer was glaring at her with skepticism, and even the candy spectators were starting to mutter restlessly.
"What was so bad about Vanellope, anyway?" Jubileena protested. "I never had anything against her! She was a great president and a great racer, and she was nice and friendly to all of us! And the players, they loved her too! You saw how happy they were whenever they got to play as her!"
"But what about the glitching?" Taffyta insisted, sounding a little more desperate. "She'd never have won all those races if it wasn't for that weird little glitch of hers!"
"Heck, we never used to care about who won the stupid races!" Minty piped up. "It was you with all that smooth talk about cheating and unfair advantages that got us all caught up in a frenzy!"
"Yeah!" Adorabeezle interjected. "All that stuff about how we all deserve a chance at our own personal victory! Since when has being a playable character ever been about personal victory? This is supposed to be about helping the player win, not about which one of us crosses the finish line first!"
"Vanellope was cool, man!" Snowanna added. "She made this game more popular than it ever was before! And it was because of that glitch, Taffyta, and the players loved her for it! We loved her for it!"
"Aw, shucks, guys, I didn't think you cared!"
The racers all turned around in unison. There, at the foot of the bleachers, stood Vanellope, surrounded by Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun.
"Vanellope!" Rancis shouted. "You're back!"
"You're darn right I'm back!" Vanellope snapped, glaring at Taffyta with utter condescension in her eyes. "And I just dug up some pretty intriguing dirt about our new president!"
Taffyta leapt off the hood of her car, stalking towards her rival. "What do you want, glitch? A recount? I won this election fair and square!"
Vanellope laughed out loud. "Muttonfudge, I'm surprised you even know what those words mean. Calhoun, show 'em the photo."
Calhoun pulled out a small handheld gadget that looked like a fountain pen. She clicked a button on the end, and a hologram shot out of it, projected over the racetrack for all to see. It was a close-up of the tire tracks that Vanellope had seen on the floor of her old home.
"You all know about Diet Cola Mountain," Vanellope said, pacing back and forth in front of the starting line. "But what you don't know is that there's an abandoned bonus level inside it. I only know about it because I lived there for fifteen years while Turbo had you all turned into toffee-nosed zombies. And yet, despite the fact that I'm the only one who knows how to get into that bonus level, take a looky-loo at whose tire tracks I found all over the inside!"
The tread marks bore an endless pattern of three dots in a row. Everyone gasped as they recognized them as Taffyta's tire tracks.
"That's right," Vanellope continued. "When I nudged our fair president in Monday night's qualifying race, she skidded off the track and accidentally warped through the hidden entrance to the interior of Diet Cola Mountain! Surely, she had no idea where she was, so she decided to just follow the path in front of her – which eventually took her out the other side of the mountain and spit her back out onto the main track! Right when I, in first place at the time, was passing her! And then I had that horrible crash that never would have happened if she hadn't taken the shortcut!"
Taffyta began to sweat as eight pairs of eyes turned to look at her. She could feel the heat rising in her face.
"Hey," she stammered, "I didn't mean to do it! It just sort of, y'know, happened…and then I, uh, didn't bother to tell anyone…"
"You cheated!" Candlehead spit incredulously. "And after all that junk you told me and Rancis about fair play! How could you sink so low, you stinkin' hippo crate?"
"I think you mean 'hypocrite'," Swizzle muttered under his breath.
A low roar of dissent began to drift in from the stands. The other racers all looked furious.
Taffyta wiped the sweat off her brow. "Well…well, what about Tuesday's race, huh? She said she wouldn't glitch and she still tried to!"
"Yeah, because a certain somebody cut my brakes, if you'll recall!" Vanellope shot back, her eyes darting towards Rancis. The expression on his face was a bizarre mix of bitterness and nausea.
"Well, you can't blame me for that!" Taffyta spluttered. "I already told you, I was doing test runs with Minty and Crumbelina! And besides, Rancis already confessed, didn't you, Rancis? Go ahead, tell her again how you wanted to take her down a peg! Go on, tell her!"
Rancis didn't reply. He just sat there in his kart, his lower lip quivering.
"I said tell her, you little peanut butter puke!" Taffyta screeched.
"No," Rancis said softly.
The blotchy red color drained from Taffyta's face as quickly as it had risen there.
"I'm done taking orders from you," Rancis said, his voice rising unevenly as if even he couldn't believe what he was saying. "You told me that you were doing what was best for Sugar Rush and everyone in it, but you lied, Taffyta. You lied to Vanellope, you lied to all the other racers, and you lied to me. And then you had me lie to everybody too! Nobody needs to know, you said, because it was all for a greater good! But it was all just to satisfy your stupid ego, wasn't it? Well, I'm through playing your stooge, you hear me? I was an idiot to ever let you push me around! I've sacrificed my dignity and hurt the people I care about just to impress you, but darn it, you're just not worth it!"
Vanellope was amazed. Even she hadn't expected this.
Tears streaming down his cheeks, Rancis turned and looked Vanellope straight in the eyes. "I didn't want to cut your brake line, Vanellope! I could never, ever dream of doing anything like that! But Taffyta made me do it, and told me I'd have to take the rap alone if I ever got found out! She said she…" He gulped, blinking back more tears. "She said she'd break into the game's code and dummy you out again if I didn't!"
"I wasn't really gonna do it!" Taffyta screamed desperately, as another wave of horrified gasps rippled through the crowd. "I don't even know how! I was just trying to scare him a little!"
"Turbo!" Jubileena cried, pointing at Taffyta in horror. "You're worse than Turbo!"
"No, worse would be if she was actually smart enough to pull any of this off," Vanellope said, a smirk beginning to form on her face. "She's just a selfish little brat who talks a load of bull-honkey and thinks this whole game deserves to revolve around her."
"What?" Taffyta stammered, laughing nervously. "C'mon, guys, it was all just a joke! Really, that's all it was! I mean, I… uh, y'know, 'cause I… um, that is, uh… it was a joke!"
"Funny, I don't hear anyone laughing," Vanellope said smoothly.
Taffyta turned around, brushing her disheveled hair out of her eyes, to see the other racers staring at her with a mix of stunned disbelief and scandalized contempt. A loud chorus of boos went up from the crowd, as the candy spectators from Taffyta's box began hurling their banners and pennants at her in disgust.
"So, let's recap here," Vanellope said to the crowd. "We're currently living under the administration of a president who accidentally cheated in a qualifier race and 'conveniently' forgot to tell anybody, deliberately cheated in the next race and even exploited one of her friends to do it, and basically lied right to everybody's face about all of it, all so she could get a little bit of spotlight to herself. I don't know about you guys, but that sounds like pretty stinky behavior for a politician!"
Wynchell and Duncan stepped out from behind the bleachers, brandishing a set of licorice handcuffs. Taffyta's stomach seemed to drop out when she saw them.
"Officers," Vanellope said, suppressing a small giggle, "do your duty."
As the cops advanced on her, Taffyta leaped back into her hard candy kart. But before she could start it, Ralph dodged in front of the vehicle and picked it up by the front wheels.
"Sorry, kid, but your license to drive just expired!"
And with barely any effort, Ralph squeezed the wheels so hard that they crumbled into dust.
Taffyta's eyes darted around the track. Wynchell and Duncan were closing in. In a flash, she dove out of her crippled vehicle and landed on the hood of Rancis' peanut butter cup kart, knocking him out of the driver's seat with her elbow.
"Outta my way, traitor!" she bellowed as she leapt into the seat. Before Ralph or the cops could grab her, she had revved up and blasted over the starting line.
Without missing a step, Vanellope jumped into her own car and started the engine. "Pedals to the floor, guys!" she called to her fellow racers. "Who's ready to go strawberry picking?"
