Your Body Is A Wonderland.

AN: Long time no see! I contemplated a lot before posting this but it's made it. I decided to post two chapters this time to make up for my being so late so hopefully no one's too angry... Anyway, I've been trying new styles lately and playing with new things. I've especially been working on a Final Fantasy AU so..yup...I'm working pretty hard. Hope you guys like! Thank you to all of my reviewers also. I may be much too lazy to reply to everyone but you guys must know how much your reviews light up my day!

(1/1)
We got this afternoon.
You got this room for two.
One thing I've left to do...
Discover me.
Discovering you.

He tried focusing on the flower. She kept real flowers. Loved them. Usually they matched her yellow beetle –yellows or reds– and sometimes she would go on a whim and even buy purples or blues. He knew this car well enough. The song playing in the background even more so. Your Body Is A Wonderland. He had made her this mix tape when he had first really gotten into guitars. Playing gigs and stuff. He had labeled it 'The Yellow Beetle' and that was cheesy and corny but he had named it that and she had played it for months to come. It was the only thing she played. Even after she had gotten other tapes and the tape had obviously already served her purpose it was all she played. And he had gotten sick of it. On the way to school. On the way home. Going to the latest party. Etcetera. Etcetera. Etcetera. He even opted for the radio instead. Jack had never really been the sentimental type. Maybe it was because he had never kept things just-because before. That would take too much time to pack. Too much trouble. He had never collected things like normal people. Old movie tickets. Phone numbers. Birthday cards. Things like that. It had made him feel weird going into Star's room for the first time. Because her room was messy without being messy. Every dresser full. Every corner packed with something. Her old school projects. Her Barbie Malibu Beach House. Jack's room was completely empty. Of course he had things. All the things Evelyn had given him. Trivial things. And he hadn't even really realized why she had given them to him until he had walked into Star's room at the age of ten. "Can you believe we made it?" she still has the dress she wore to graduation and him those stupid slacks Evelyn had made him wear. She had compromised that he could wear a t-shirt if he wore the slacks. Only because no one would see the t-shirt, "graduation," she says this as if he's forgotten. As if he would forget. Her voice is all mystical like.

"No," they're both in the back of her car and it's one of those moments. One of those now or never moments because although they have the whole summer in front of them this is the only time that they've both ever felt like there's suddenly no more time left, "Ma wants to throw me an open house still. I told her she doesn't have to,"

"We could throw ours together. We have all the same friends anyway,"

He enjoys things like this. Usually people dance around what they're saying around him. They hint at this and hint at that but they never actually come out and say it. Never. Even Bobby has his inhibitions around him. Star's the only person that assumes things. The only person that tells him what he wants. And he knows that this is bad but it still somehow seems special anyway.

"You wanna go change and crash a party?" sometimes it would be the only place they could go. The back of her car. When things got too heavy. When both of them were in trouble and they knew that either Evelyn had called her father or her father had called Evelyn. They would sit their for hours and talk about nothing. Not like they were avoiding anything. That whole deal of "escapism" had just come in handy sometimes. Made them feel as if they had some say in something.

"No," he shakes his head although he doesn't know what he wants to do yet.

"Well we gotta do something Jack. We can't just not do anything,"

"Why?"

"It's not normal," she's studying the side of his face again.

"Nothing we do is normal," he doesn't like his eyes on her. Like she sees something that's not there. Or something that's not supposed to be there, "what?"he hates meeting eyes with anyone. Just that moment.

"I know that I'm leaving. And we're just friends and... I've known you all of my life..." her eyes seem wide now, "but I wanna kiss you," and he doesn't object and so she does and her hand runs up, and rests on his shoulder and at first she barely notices that he's not kissing her back. It's when he leans back and she's on top of him, her thumb snagged on the button of his slacks-

"I love you," she's whispering it as if they would cause attention to themselves if she were to speak any louder. As if the whole world was listening in. And she ran her finger over his cheeks and down, down, down-

and that's when he starts to freak out. He doesn't want to. He never wants to. Jack just hates the whole situation. It's not that he's asexual or anything. He just hates being touched. He just hates the feeling of somebody else wanting anything from him. Something that he possibly can't give. He had given up on sex. After the first couple of times with Bray he had completely forgotten it. Or at least tried to. He wasn't normal. Of course...but just Star has said...they had never been normal. If only she knew. He's trying to control his breathing. Trying not to breathe too hard or too lightly. He didn't want her to look at him weird. Because he should be working on getting her dress off and telling her how beautiful she is and he just can't. "you ok?" he's backed up into the right side door, "you look pale..."' and she's unsure if he's always been like that or if she's just made some horrible mistake.

"I can't do this,"

She raises her hands in surrender. "That's ok. We're not doing anything," she tries chuckling a bit to ease the sudden tension, "you don't have to do anything. You want some air?" she's climbing to the front seat without him answering, turning on the ignition and rolling down every window.

His eyes dropped to his lap where he had interlaced his fingers.

She hated the way he would sometimes flinch when she touched him even after knowing her for all of the years they had. He would pull away automatically anytime they got too close. The only time she had really learned anything about Jack before she had known him was from the time Bobby had cornered her and told her not to hurt him. Told her things about him having anxiety problems where he couldn't get too close. "Can we talk about your past Jack? I mean I know it's not like I'm leaving tomorrow but...with getting ready for college and everything...what if this is the last time? And you don't have to say anything if-" it's easier this way. With her in the front seat and him in the back. Neither one of them have to look at each other.

"There was this family. This really good family. And... I had gotten happy because finally I had this real family,"his smile seemed boyish and a good cover, as she looked in the rearview mirror "and they had bought me presents and we had family night and everything . And then he started coming into my room. It was always at night. Late too," his voice suddenly seemed choked. Getting smaller and smaller, "I remember when it happened. It was the first time that it wasn't at night and the girls had gone shopping. And he told me that we were just going to play a game," he hated seeing her suddenly dissapear from that mirror. Her head fall down onto the steering wheel. He hated seeing her gaze drop. Because everyone did. Except the police of course. They just got that look in their eyes. That sucks-to-be-you look. And Evelyn had tried her hardest to keep her eyes from watering. Jack could even tell when Bobby had found out. Of course he had never told him that he knew. He figured that Evelyn had. But Bobby had suddenly become that much more conscious of touching him. He hated that. And now Star would do the same thing, "he started making me do more. Touching him and stuff," his voice cracked and he played with his fingers some more, "and then he started hitting me. I was used to worse though. And I know it's fucked up but...I thought that...maybe it wasn't that bad you know? I let him fuck me because I thought that anything was better then going back to that agency and having to go through the same thing," he only looks up when she's back in the back seat with him. Intent. Keeping her gaze on him. That kind of thing Evelyn does. That look-at-me thing.

He could see that look of hesitance in her face. That should I? Look. And without any warning she pulled him to her. She pressed her fingers into the nape of his neck and he knew that there would be bruises in the morning with how hard she pressed and he welcomed it. Because for the first time in a long time they suddenly had realized that maybe they didn't have all the time in the world and that maybe things would change and maybe they couldn't stop it. And he listened to John Mayer surrounding them and for the first time in a long time he hugged somebody back. And he wasn't annoyed with that stupid tape and he wasn't annoyed with her hippie car because really he couldn't think of anywhere else he wanted to be. And he finally realized why she played that tape for so many months non-stop and why Evelyn had bought him useless and trivial things to fill up his room with and why Angel would take him on random car rides even if it was only to buy something to roll up with and why Jerry let him watch the kids even though he was the most awkward thing with them and why Bobby would watch TV with him even if it was a stupid program and he complained about it the whole time. And for the first time...he wanted to.

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