Disclaimer: Don't own LoSH, Green Day, Total Drama Island, Batman, Wal-Mart, The Idiot's Guide To Series, Santa Baby, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Boob Rock, or any Winter Holiday.
Author's Note: This special chappie might be a teensy bit offensive, just warning ya. It's short, enjoy!
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"Ahem," Greenie coughed. The audience turned their attention towards her. "Now, I don't have very many dares today-"
"YEAH!!" the Legion cheered.
"But I've got some fun stuff planned," Greenie continued. She gave a wink to the audience. "So stay tuned!"
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"The season has come upon us and the reason for the season could not be any more obvious," Greenie said, smiling her million watt smile. "Getting, getting, getting!"
"That's not the reason for the season!" Saturn Girl corrected.
"Yeah? Then why is my dressing room full of expensive gifts that no one wants?"
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"JudeDeluca wants y'all to eat a buffet of delectable food hand-cooked by the renowned, Chef Hatchet. Give him a hand, everyone!" Greenie applauded. She snapped her fingers and in a puff of smoke, Chef Hatchet and Chris Maclean from Total Drama Island were on stage. In another snap, piles of live grasshopper and jellyfish pizza, cockroach smoothies, beef meatballs, and dolphin hotdogs were lined up on tables in front of the legionnaires.
"Hey! You're ripping us off! Not cool, dudette! Not cool!" Chris heckled. Greenie just stuck her tongue out and snapped Chris and Chef away.
"Enjoy the Christmas lunch!" Greenie exclaimed. The Legion dug in, not quite sure of what they were eating but finished it heartily. "And here's where you figure out what the heck you just ate!"
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"Now, I know that not everyone celebrates Christmas. That's just the cold, hard, truth," Greenie explained. "Some people celebrate Hanukah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan or Diwali. And yes, I'm fully aware that the last two have past by… months ago… Anyway, to avoid offending people, say Happy ChristmaHanaKwanzaDanaWali, alright?"
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"Okay… We ate. Check. Presents… Now!" Greenie started to hop up and down like a little kid. She snapped her fingers and beautifully wrapped presents surrounded her.
"We get presents?" Cham asked hopefully.
"I told you, it's the season for getting!" Greenie unwrapped one. "This one's for me!" she squealed. "A solid gold bar? Cheapskate!"
"I think that one's for me!" Cham noted.
"Here," Greenie tossed him the package.
"Whoa! Way cool!!! A Batman costume!!" Cham said excitedly.
"This one's for Phantom Girl," Greenie handed her hers.
"Wow! A kitten! Thanks so much!" Phantom Girl cuddled her kitten as Timber Wolf glared at it jealously.
"Kell…" Greenie read the label.
"Wal-Mart smiley face boxers and breath spray?"
"Phew! 'Bout time!" Greenie tossed Triplicate Girl her gift.
"Three packs of socks? Thanks!" Trip exclaimed.
"What's… American Idiot?" Brainy held up the CD by Green Day.
"…Lucky…" Greenie mumbled under breath.
"A baseball bat…" Bouncing Boy said slowly.
"A Superman shirt? What I've always wanted!!" Superman cried.
"I already have a pair of kitten footsie pajamas," Timber Wolf stated blankly.
"A lightbulb…" Lightning Lad examined his gift.
"Plant growth fertilizer," Violet looked at hers suspiciously.
"The Idiot's Guide to A Sense of Humor…" Cosmic Boy read the title of his book.
"A crystal ball. Nice!" Dream Girl said.
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"Killer-Chan dares the Legion ladies to sing Santa Baby while wearing sexy Mrs. Claus outfits. Same with the guys except they sing Jingle Bells Rock," Greenie announced.
"We have to wear sexy Mrs. Claus outfits?" Kell asked flatly.
"MY EYES!! MY EYES!!" Greenie screamed. She composed herself. "No, y'all wear… Sexy Santa Claus outfits."
"How is Santa Claus sexy?" Phantom Girl asked, scarred for life. Greenie snapped her fingers and Saturn Girl, Phantom Girl, Triplicate Girl, Violet, Dream Girl, Shadow Lass, Light Lass, Dawnstar, Monstress, Kid Quantum II, Night Girl and White Witch were in long, flowing, red skirts; button up white blouses and white cable cardigan sweaters.
"…" was al everyone could muster for a while.
"We look… Amish…" Triplicate Girl commented. "No offense to Amish people," she quickly added.
"Does the word sexy not mean anything to you?" Phantom Girl asked.
"Hey, hey. That stuff is scandalous if you lived in the Medieval times!" Greenie exclaimed. "Anyhoo, let's get onto the singing portion of our Holiday Party!"
"Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me," Saturn Girl started.
"I've been an awful good girl," Dream Girl added.
"Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight," Triplicate Girl saing.
"Santa baby, an out-of-space convertible too, light blue," Monstress sang harmonically.
"I'll wait up for you dear," Shadow Lass added.
"Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight," Phantom Girl finished the verse.
"Think of all the fun I've missed; Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed; Next year I could be oh so good; If you'd check off my Christmas list; Boo doo bee doo," the girls sang together.
"Cut! Cut! Cut!!!" Greenie stepped in. "Do you have any idea of how HORRIBLE you girls sound? I don't even want to think how the guy'd sing!!"
"We can sing!!" Ultra Boy started. When no one backed him up, he started to sing.
"Jiggle boobs, Jiggle boobs. Jiggle boobs rock
Jiggle boob swing, that Jiggle boob thing
Flowing and showing
Two bubbles of fun
Now the Jiggle boob spell's begun-"
"HEY! Sexist bastard!" Greenie heckled. "This is family show! Why do you think I gave the ladies sexy Medieval wear? GET HIM!!!"
Every female in the studio picked up a pitchfork and chased after Ultra Boy including Greenie.
"This concludes our show, have a happy ChristmaHanaKwanaDanaWali!"
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Please review, and Happy ChristmaHanaKwanaDanaWali!
