Forbidden

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Chapter 9

Hermione laid on her stomach, with the pillow rolled into a roll tightly burrowed under her chin. She was staring emptily and distantly into a space somewhere in the thin air in front of her. Her head laid readily on her crossed forearms, which were supported by her pillow roll.

Hermione couldn't get any sleep this night. Her thoughts forced her to stay awake. It was another night of problems. Her brain did this on purpose, she decided. Different emotions and thoughts flew through her head this night. Some of them were about how to pass the upcoming exams, others about the detention with..

Malfoy.

Hermione flinched as yesterdays incident returned to her temporal from the back of her head. She moved her ankles with a small and rapid movement, just to check if they were still there and capable of moving at all. The muscles inside them hissed about their existence, which Hermione deciphered as a good thing.

The retrospective exceeded in front of her eyes. Every detail. She moved her head to the side, with her cheek squashed into the pillow. Some of the hair covered her eyes, but it wasn't her first priority to care about. For someone who didn't know about everything she had just been through, it would look like she just finished an exhausting marathon, like the one from Hogwarts to Hogsmeade.

At this point, she felt very guilty for yesterday. For letting Draco go that easy, and get the Dark Mark as if it was a simple tattoo.

God. It bloody wasn't.

She was the only one who could prevent this from happening, and she wasted it like a child wasting its money on candy. She just stood there completely lost, stuck into the stone tiles on the floor, watching him take one and one step forward and away from her, while her jaw hung down. She practically gave him away to the darkness, with not as much as putting an effort to prevent the happenings to happen. Sure he was a demon and worse than Satan himself, but she knew he just didn't deserve it. She knew he still had the light inside him, somewhere burrowed under his surface. How could she now call herself a trustful member of the light?

God, what had she done?

She couldn't even imagine how it would be to stand in front of Malfoy after all what have happened between them. It wasn't like she could ever forgive herself for anything, even thought it wasn't fully her fault. Much of the problems was the dear Malfoy's fault.

But that was just the way she was. It was her personality being the responsible one. That was what people expected her to, and she always tried to live up to the expectations.

Merlin, she whispered to herself. She couldn't possibly look into his cold eyes. Not once more. It would mentally kill her. He would mentally kill her. It was all ill enough after the touches and the mistaken kisses, but now he also admitted that she is the only one knowing about this problem with his mark. The deepest secret of Draco Malfoy. That made this already awkward situation even more awkward. And to be honest, not less complicated.

Why was this all happening to her? Really, did God really hate her that much that he would give her away for Malfoy to end? To be his obsession and his enemy conquest? To be sexually harassed and threatened? To be played with and then tossed aside when he got bored of her? To be his personal servant when he needed her? Because that was what he was trying to do to her. Everything above summed up. At least, it felt like it.

Hermione sighed into the pillow with irritation, fear and fatigue. What if he needed help with his new problem, and he would ask her? What if he would repeat what he did in the wing? There were many other 'what if's' growing on inside her head, but she shove them all away as she felt a headache appear.

Malfoy could read her right through, and she knew that he was aware of the control he got over her. It was all because of the first kiss, and her overfilled sympathy. It made her go into a deep state of something she didn't even want to think of. But why? Did something change after the kiss?

She doubted it to the moon and back. They were still the same old damned enemies. Only now, with other goals.

Well, at least Malfoy had other goals, and other plans to end her. Apparently, after all the experience with other girls, he knew this would work much quicker on her. And damn, he was right. He was so under her skin, like no one else before had managed.

Hermione couldn't decipher the feeling or find a word that could describe it, but it scared her to death.

Good job of not letting him get under your skin, Hermione. You did well, doing the opposite, her brain told her sarcastic.

Well yeah, brain. Where were you when I needed you to keep me away? We are in this together now. It's your damn fault as well, she blamed it with frustration.

She could simply not handle this. Hermione knew and understood it wasn't longer safe, healthy, clever, logic or capable to interact with the manipulating Slytherin prat in any ways, except in situations like an emergency. Not with the recent past, and not if she was going to keep the usual facade around her steady, without suspicion. Harry, Ron and Ginny would read her all like an open book if she continued on with this clutter, and what was before a small problem would turn into a huge fuss, maybe causing the second wizarding war to start. And then she would be in some deep shit, just because of an annoying, manipulative prat.

Hermione sighed once more into the pillow. What a mess. A week ago she couldn't even imagine she would get into problems together with Draco Malfoy. If someone would tell her that, she would simply throw her head back and laugh with all the force she got. Now as the worst and unpredictable have happened, she couldn't possibly imagine anything worse.

At least not for her personally.

She rolled over onto her back, staring right up into the creamy colored ceiling. She lifted her hands up, and pressed them lightly onto her temporal to stop the thoughts from buzzing. She would get mental if this all continued. Maybe she already was mental.

Malfoy, again? I thought we were done, her brain asked her concerned.

God, he was cursing her mind even from distance. He was cursing her, trying to make her into a girl with huge physical issues. If this wouldn't stop soon, she would be turn into a nervous, paranoid wreck. He was playing with her damn feminine feelings. It was his new goal to take the teasing into a new level, and make it more interesting for him. He had only his own interests in his mind. What an egoistic, stuck up prat! And she was following his lead, like a small pathetic dog.

God. There were some things that no woman in the world, witch or muggle born, should ever have to put up with. Draco Malfoy was surely one of them.

She thought the time would heal whatever she got herself into, but day by day she only felt worse.

She closed her eyes, and sighed again. To be honest, she already began feeling different and... very, very odd when he was around. The feeling was awful, but it was ironically comforting. She was scaring herself with it.

He was winning so hard. God.

He already won.

.

With her scholar uniform finally on, and her blouse tightly buttoned up, Hermione finally left her dormitory. On the way down her stairs, she could hear some odd sounds coming from the common room. Her hand didn't quite cooperate with her mind this time either, and in one second it pulled out the wand. After all, it was best to be secure.

She stepped down the last step, and her arm quickly raised over to the leather couches standing in the middle of the room. She held the wand firmly with her hand.

Her expectations and fantasy were probably growing too big in her head. She found someone completely else than she thought she would. Well, what exactly did she expect? A Death Eater with a cup of tea in his hand? God damn her cursed mind.

'' Blaise?'', she breathed out.

Blaise quickly turned his head around, with his eyes focused on her pointing wand. His arm moved over to the armrest with a swift movement and he turned around, stomping his knees into the couch.

'' Good morning, Hermione.'', he said as he smiled with the corner of his mouth.

'' Yeah. Good morning.'', she retorted quietly, more quiet than she had expected. It just felt that she hadn't used her voice in weeks.

Blaise moved his knees impatiently on his seat, nodding carefully towards the wand. '' Are you going to put that down, or is it my time to die?''

Hermione blushed a little, putting the wand back down in the pocket. God, she was embarrassing herself with the paranoia.

He spun elegantly and swung his feet down the side of the couch. Hermione observed his beautiful movement before she walked over to sit beside Blaise.

Hermione looked over at him, awaiting him to talk, but Blaise remained quiet. She observed him for some seconds more, and noticed him to be straightened up and concerned about something. She could almost see how the muscles spun inside his face, leaving a small touch on his features. His appearance changed. She apparently missed out something this morning when she skipped through the breakfast.

'' Everything okay?'', she asked as she laid a light and encouraging hand on his shoulder. He skipped with the action.

'' Yeah. How is that?'', he snapped. Then he sighed, mumbling something which sounded like 'I'm sorry'.

Hermione frowned with the unexpected coolness. Sure Blaise was Draco's friend, and a Slytherin as well, but he wasn't associated with the coolness which Draco was the proprietor of. Neither did she give him reasons to react in that way. Or maybe the wand incident did? She doubted that to be the issue to his sudden change in behavior.

Something was definitely wrong.

'' Blaise. Is there something you want to tell me?'', she asked, her eyes wide open.

He turned around, licking his lip to moist them, but returned to the previous position as abruptly as changing it. Hermione deciphered most of the expressions on his face and actions as nervous, twitchy, angry, annoyed and scared. Yes, scared was the expression topping them all, and what she also deciphered was the familiar way to hide it. Only it wasn't that well-done, or compelling like Draco's. He was an absolute professional. Blaise wasn't. Was every of the Slytherins taught to hide their motions with coolness? It almost seemed like that.

Hermione decided to not give up. She was taught up to be patient, and this time she thought it would come her good in hand. '' You can tell me, you know?''

'' I know.'', he hissed. '' I just...''

He turned around. Fear revealed in the brown inside his eyes, subdued a little by the coolness. And still it wasn't close to what Draco had demonstrated to her, personally. Therefore, Blaise was very easy to decipher. Maybe if it wasn't for her recent experiences, he would manage to foolish her, but now she could read him as an open book.

'' Justin Finch from Hufflepuff got brutally murdered this night.'', he explained. His breath became just staggered.

Hermione let the words sink in into the deciphering station inside her mind, but it was already overfilled and some of the information got lost on its way down there. Thought, the most important she understood anyway. Her breath got locked somewhere in her lungs, and she held it there involuntary. The warning feeling inside her toes was familiar. She was beginning to panic, like many other times this week. She could see that Blaise was about to collapse right there in front of her, but she was as shocked as he was, and her soothing wouldn't help a bit.

'' I saw it all. It happened right there, right in front of my eyes. Everything.'', he said, his voice became as staggered as his breath.

'' And I didn't help him. I didn't! I know, yes. I'm a brutal Slytherin, supposed to take everything as it comes, hurt people, but I got lost!'' He was screaming, but Hermione had the suspicion he wasn't really aware of it. The corners of his dark eyes were filled with some tears, and he wiped at them with his forearm.

Hermione avoided eye contact, searching for some words or phrases to exclaim, but all that came out was a small whimper. From where exactly, she wasn't sure. Maybe it was because she was holding her breath, she realized.

Her eyes, luckily, cooperated with the steadiness inside her. Most importantly, she finally managed to get control over her feelings. Good. A good thing.

Hermione, are you still there? Maybe you should answer Blaise, her brain nudged her.

'' When?'', she asked him with a low, steady voice.

'' This night. I walked out from the library, heading for our dormitories. Then, I heard a voice from the armory.'' He stopped, laughing out in an odd, concerning way.

'' Someone screamed, and I heard some... I don't know. Something...'', he stopped searching for the right word. '' weird. Unusual and frightening, to be accurate. It was something... I cant's explain it with words. I opened the door, and what I found was...'' He was beginning to shiver quite badly.

Hermione nodded, cutting him off. '' I think that is enough for now.''

Blaise shook his head immediately, disagreeing with Hermione. '' No. It's not.''

Hermione narrowed her eyes in a questioning way.

There were silence for a long time, with a thick, cold atmosphere pressing them down into their seats. It was like invincible forces pushed them down, and Hermione felt the previous headache return from somewhere in her temporal.

'' He was a muggle born, Hermione. That is why he got killed. It was written with blood... On the wall...'' His jaw shivered as he said that, but everything else remained quiet and steady.

He grabbed her hands with his. Contrasted with her, they felt cold against her skin. An icing went down her spine as she met his eyes. The first real eye contact during this conversation of disaster. His eyes were steady, fixed and severe. It felt as they were burning into her.

'' They are killing muggle borns, Hermione. This is just the start.''

.

Hermione never considered herself as a weak person. Not physically, and not mentally either. She was always taught up by her mother to be patient, tolerant, clever, intelligent, focused and simply being a strong, independent woman always knowing what to do, and how to handle things. But right now, she doubted her possibilities to even survive this year.

Yes. If her biggest problem before was not passing a test, bigger problems got her attention this year.

What irritated her the most, was that she wasn't actually a teenage girl anymore. She was growing up to be a real adult, but having problems just like a pathetic teenage girl.

The last thing remaining is bad grades. If she would get that in addition, she would order herself a tombstone and bury herself somewhere in the forest.

Hermione entered the library, closing the door cautious behind her. She reached her hand into the robe pocket, as her fingers accidently touched something hard. The wand was safely pushed into it. Taking a look around, she noticed there to be some people, which was a good thing. Better to be on the safe side, after what happened to...

She shove the thought away.

Hermione gave a group of third graders a warm smile as she passed them on her way to the bookshelves. No matter how much she just wanted to lean on a shoulder and just burst into cry, she was going to keep up. A phrase Luna once told her appeared in her head just in the right time. ' Problems won't kill you. Just don't let them bend you.'

God bless Luna, Hermione thought with a relief.

She turned her head down to the floor tiles, swallowing down the tempting thought about crying. This was not the time and not the place for the panic to wake up.

Hermione disappeared between two of the tall bookshelves, searching for a book. She found herself located among the fictional books. Her index finger moved slowly over the spine of the books as she searched for one she haven't read. For Hermione there were not so many left, according to all the books she read past one year.

It stopped on a black spine with golden letters forming the title ' David Copperfield'. Hermione grabbed it between two fingers, and pulled it out lightly enough to avoid the others from falling. For the first time this day, a small movement on her lip hinted to a smile. She remembered how her mother told about this one when she was yet a small girl. It was all about a boy who has to fend himself from an early age following the death of his own mother.

Maybe it is time to read it yourself, she thought with now a complete smile.

She could have continued to daydream, if it wasn't for a loud voice behind her. She got jump scared, almost losing her own book down to the ground. She understood it must have been a book falling behind her.

She wasn't longer alone.

She would have turned around to check, with her wand firmly placed in her hand ready to attack, if it wasn't for the sudden weight on one of her shoulders.

She didn't dare to look back.

Hot air was roaring around her curls close to her left ear. An incredible smell of a expensive perfume filled her smelling senses. Her breath became uneven, but she steadied it by making it deeper. A thumb was removing the thick curl hanging down her ear, with such a gently movement it was a miracle she didn't faint. Her eyelids fell down of the sensation.

The part of her which suffered of all the problems in her life, dissolved into small pieces. It was like losing the gravity off the ground. A incredible feeling spread from where the hot air was created, to every limb under her skin. She could barely feel her muscles.

'' You will soon become a book yourself, Granger.''

Hermione couldn't understand how he did that. One second he made her fall apart, and the other he made her furious and annoyed. It wasn't something new, but it was shocking every time it happened.

She turned around with an spinning movement, standing face to face with dark dressed, light haired wizard. It was unpleasant to be that close, but she couldn't manage to move a muscle.

Was it a charm holding her, or was it just his charm?

Her feet were glued to the ground of the intensity in his eyes. There were something new, something unexplored in the silver moonlight marbles. They were cold, but at the same time so pleasant...

And annoying. Don't forget that, she reminded herself.

Now, Hermione, don't you dare losing your mind. He is your enemy, and he is your worst enemy at this moment, her brain warned her.

Not really. She was her worst enemy, she realized. Because really, she was the one controlling her actions, and if she did something stupid, she couldn't blame anyone else than herself for it either.

She cleaned her voice by swallowing down, steadying her gaze and voice.

'' Isn't it too early to hex someone?'', she asked him quietly. The question was mostly rhetoric.

His light silver eyes rolled over to her curls dangling down the left ear. He tucked a springy curl behind her ear. She melted. It was a miracle she could stand on her feet, thought it took much strength and effort.

Don't you dare letting him into you again. You fool! Keep focused.

'' It is never too early, you know.''

She woke up from the deep mental trance he had given her. Too early for what?, she asked her brain, panicking.

Oh.

It took her some seconds to realize he just answered her recent question. She blushed of embarrassment. He made her forget her own words that got uttered just some seconds ago.

She looked up on him. When exactly did he manage to get that close to her? His lips were lightly touching the earlobe. She could already feel his dry lower lip gently rubbing against it.

She immediately snapped awake, realizing what was about to happen here.

'' Get off me, Malfoy.''

Thanks to God her voice stayed loyal to her when her feminine feelings decided to mutiny. She took a small step back. She would have taken many of those, but go stopped as she bumped her head right into the bookshelf.

Oh, she was going to die...

Draco, as usual, enjoyed this sudden scene. It was amusing how quick she changed from a melting ice cream, to just the publicly familiar, annoyed head girl. He knew that if he would laugh, it would only make her furious. Better to keep off, then. He bit his lip not to laugh.

Despise his talents in everything when it came to hiding feelings, he would have to take a class in hiding laughing, because this attempt was a bad one, Hermione decided as she mentally slapped him some times.

He took the small step against her to bring them back just where they were some seconds ago.

Hermione's eyes decided to betray her, as usual in those situations.

They strayed down to his lips which he was biting with his reflectional teeth. Even his lip curve was perfect, which he demonstrated to her in such a gorgeous way. Well, yes. The only thing she needed to announce that, was him biting them.

Mione, you are going mental, her brain alarmed.

Well, damn you, brain. You were the one having the responsibility.

His hand found its way to her cheek, when he stroke his knuckles over it.

'' Keep your eyes there.'', he requested.

Hermione sniffed, curling her lips on him. '' I told you. Stay away, before I decide to scream.''

Malfoy was having fun. '' Scream? The classes started some minutes ago, Granger. Nobody will hear you. They are all out of your periphery.''

'' And Madame Pince is long gone. She is helping out in the history class'', he added while touching the tip of her nose. He stared oddly down on it for a while, and Hermione gathered a small feeling he would bit it. You could never know what a crazy thick skulled son of a Death Eater would do.

Luckily, he didn't.

'' Well, I will tell your conquests. Pansy, for instance. I think she would like to hear all about it.'', she said. She knew empty threatening would never work at him, so she added a little steel into her voice.

He stroke a thumb from down the sensitive skin between her eyebrows, and down her nose. '' Pansy is not my conquest, Granger. She is simply a good family friend. Well yes, I admit it. We had a small flirt in the end of the sixth grade. After that I told her to leave, but she continued on thinking there were something between us.'', he admitted. '' You know, I think we're even when it comes to those remarkable actions we shared these days.'', he added.

Hermione wanted to spit him in the face. Yeah, really, just let go and spit. But her manners told her not to. Yes, she still remained those, even thought he didn't. No matter in which way this was going, she was not going to be like him. Never.

'' Remarkable? Is that what you call them? Well, I will have to disappoint you.'', she retorted, giving him a hard scowl.

He stopped his thumb as it reached her lip, just staring down at it with an gaze that flickered almost like over a candlelight.

'' So what you are telling me is that it all was just a coincidence? Many coincidences followed by each other?''

Don't you dare coming here and tell me it wasn't, the woman inside her told him.

Hermione decided the best would be to change topic, before it was too late.

She was about to lose herself again, and she couldn't let it happen now as she already began winning herself back. She still had her common sense somewhere, and she was determined to use it.

'' Show me your forearm, Malfoy.'', she said solemnly while she added even more steel to her voice. She knew she had to keep firm to get him just where she wanted. It was her turn now.

He looked at her.

Looked at her for a long time. Hermione found even a new emotion inside his eyes, but once again she couldn't decipher what exactly it was. Oh, how she wished he was easier to read. It was impossible reading the mind of Draco Malfoy. How many sides could he possibly have?

He removed his hand from her cheek which he was holding, and let it fall down his side. '' Which one?'', he asked her, in a tone as cool as December air.

Hermione gain goosebumps all over her body just by listening, but kept her voice as steady as she could. '' You bloody know which one, and you know it well.''

He shrugged his shoulders, while directing his both forearms against her. '' Check it yourself, then.''

Hermione's heart began running quicker as she unbuttoned the left sleeve covering his pale, muscular forearm. She tilted her head up, and found him still looking at her. Studying her, as if he was trying to remember every inch of her face and actions.

The sleeve got rolled up.

Her heart went faster, and she couldn't understand why exactly it did. Apparently afraid of what she was going to find.

Hermione stopped to roll, looking down on pure, pale skin, soft as the cotton. She gazed over to him, but he still kept firm. She discovered a small muscle twitching in his lip, lifting his corner up into a small smile.

'' If you are thinking about yesterday, it was not what you thought.''

What? God, he was confusing her. Messing with her brain again. Making her go mental. '' Malfoy, what the fuck are you talking about? Without any confusing phrases, thanks.'', she answered him while rolling his sleeve back down.

He stopped her hands, and buttoned his sleeve by himself, like the independent Malfoy heir he was. She wasn't disagreeing at all.

'' What I'm saying is that wherever on my body you are searching, there will be no mark on me. I'm just as clean and pure as before. '' He was frowning, evidently trying to make her understand.

The attempt was lost on her. It actually made her even more perplexed.

Hermione blinked some times to gather her thoughts in order for new information, while crossing her arms in front of her chest. '' What are you even talking about? Where is the mark, Malfoy?'', she asked with a deathly scowl.

What was he trying to play at this time?


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