"C'mon sugar, it's not that hard, look."
"Uh-huh. How you doin' Saotome?"
"I'm fine! I'm fine! Worry about yourself!"
"Idiot."
Sighing, Ukyo shook her head and made her way across the ice. She'd swapped out her usual top for a slightly clingy blue sweater, and did up her hair a little higher in her bow. Poor Ran-chan, I thought he'd be good at this, but I guess it's not really the same as martial arts.
Sigh. "Give me your hand Ranma."
"What? No! Only girls hold hands while they skate!" Wobbling like a drunk in a rowboat in the middle of a hurricane, Ranma Saotome heir to the- Look, he just can't skate, ok?
"...Ranma." Akane's eye twitched a little. "We're getting married in a few months."
"...Right." Reaching out, Ranma clutched tightly onto Akane's arms, just a little embarrassed. He was extremely worried that she'd thrash the living daylights out of him, so he didn't have too much space left in his head for embarrassment.
Well this probably isn't how Ukyo thought it'd go. Frowning, Mato clung to the wall that encircled the ice. That dunce didn't even think about this before agreeing, did he?
This isn't how I thought it would go. Sighing inwardly, Ukyo skated around a bit, looking around at the various people there. She was trying to find the best option she could for getting Ranma's attention focused on her.
"So, um. Mato?" Akane carefully helped a very shaky Ranma over to the wall, while the desperate martial artist clung to his fiancee.
"Eh?" Blinking, Mato shook his head to clear his thoughts. "What's up?" Hah, for some reason, I keep thinking about... Nah. "Something wrong?"
"Um, no. It's just..." Trailing off as she helped Ranma transfer his death grip to the wall instead of her, Akane looked first at Ranma's face, then closely at Mato's. "Um, how do I put this?"
Ranma, at the moment, was trying to cling for dear life, without digging his fingers into the steel support that held the glass sheet upright over the wall. I hate ice skating!
"I dunno, do I look like a mind reader?" Frowning, Mato rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Don't answer that one."
Ok, that was weird. Akane felt that, for some reason, Mato's odd responses actually made it easier to talk to him. "...Why do you look like Ranma?"
"Eh?"
"The hell?"
"Well, I mean... It's not that you look exactly the same... Just.." Akane trailed off, not sure how to complete her thought.
"Whaddya mean he looks like me?" Ranma managed to straighten himself up just enough to glare at Mato's chin.
Sighing, Mato hung his head, a sweatdrop rolling down the side of his face. Idiot. Bizarre though. That's the first time anyone's really mentioned that. It's almost always Ryoga. So, why...
"What, you didn't notice it Ranma?" Akane reached around the back of Mato's head to grab his braid between her thumb and index finger. "Look. Braid." She dangled it for a moment, then dropped the tail of hair, and pointed to his cheekbones. "Face shape." She squished in Mato's cheeks with her fingertips.
"Weh."
"Sorry." Akane pulled her hands away for a moment. She patted Mato's shoulders, then his biceps. "Frame and muscle mass." If there was one thing Akane knew well, and it wasn't cooking that's for sure, it was how important it was to have the right body for martial arts. And yes, we're all aware of how small her chest is, and how wide her hips are.
Frowning, Ranma struggled up high enough to glare at Mato's nose this time. I thought it was weird to be havin' a dream about myself bein' thrown through that wall. But he doesn't look like me when I really think about it. "He looks like Ryoga."
Twitch. "Gee, thanks." Like I really wanna think about where I came from. Life's tough enough being marked out as a plaything, let alone thr- ch! God damn it, how many times is it now? One for the jerk in the sky. One for that pesky Inari, I'm sure that rose mark was her doing. At least two for the Givin, if not more. This is startin' to become a real pain in the ass.
"Sorry." Ranma flashed a guilty smile, then shifted, panicked, and nearly fell over. "Ack." He clutched for the first stable hand hold he could find.
"Saotome... I swear to God." Mato closed his eyes. "If your hands go any lower, I'm gonna-"
"Sorry, sorry! It's not my fault!" Just as uncomfortable with where his hands were as Mato was, Ranma desperately looked at Akane. Who sighed, skated over, and helped Ranma steady himself. "Thanks Akane."
"You're welcome." Akane inched back with her fiancee a little. "He does kind of look like Ryoga, now that you mention it."
"... What am I? A Neriman whipping boy?" Making a disgusted noise, Mato leaned back into the wall a bit more.
"Well, if you changed your haircut and got rid of that bandanna, it'd go a long way to solving your problems sugar." Ukyo skated through the crowds easily.
"Tch, point taken."
"Well, don't worry about it sugar. Akane and I could always give you a makeover." Ukyo smiled sweetly. And while we're at it, make her fall for you too. Hehehe, plan five is pretty good too. I can even use it with a couple of other ones at the same time.
Seriously, who does she think she's kidding?
-
Across town, trouble brewed.
"Oh my. Looks like Akane was trying to cook again, and forgot to shut the stove off." Kasumi turned off the stove, dumped the pot of brownish-black goo down the sink, and all was well.
-
"Mikado, when I get over there, I'm gonna kill you!" Wobbling unsteadily, Ranma flailed his arms, desperately trying to make his way over to the male half of the Golden Pair.
Ok, that got outta hand quick. "So, who's this?" Still clinging to the wall, he shot Ranma an amused look.
"Mikado Sanzenin, of the Golden Pair. You and I have not met, though you do look somewhat familiar." Mikado skated a little closer, holding Akane in his arms.
"... Um, you can put me down anytime now." Akane sighed, looking down at her ruined skate. So much for getting the deposit back. How could a skate blade just break like that?
Off in the crowd, Ukyo giggled to herself. It'd been a simple matter to sabotage Akane's skate, simply by passing the rental clerk a little bribe. It had been even easier to nudge Mikado into getting involved, just mentioning the fact that a cute girl was having some trouble. Oooh, Ukyo, how did you ever get to be this brilliant?
"Rrrrgh!" Ranma flailed about some more.
"Ooooh. You look like Char-"
Since everybody seemed to have their attention away from him, Mato found it a simple matter to smack the blonde girl on the back of the neck with the edge of his hand. The girl, who was actually the other half of the Golden Pair, Azusa Shiratori, hit the ice and lay there. Ok, dunno who that was... Screw it, not my problem. Shrugging, he nonchalantly kicked her body to the side, sending her across the ice along the wall that circled the skating rink.
If anyone did notice, they didn't really seem to care. Karma was a horrible mistress sometimes.
Wonder why I did that? Ignorant of his part in the karmic circle of life, Mato turned his attention back to the developing drama at hand. "So, um... What?"
Ranma was still flailing away, and making very little progress. He actually seemed to have managed to make himself creep backwards a few inches at one point. "Nrrgghh! I hate skating!"
Hehehe, and now, all I have to do is swoop in and help out Ran-chan. After it's over, he and Akane fight, and then I step in to pick up the pieces. Perfect. Smirking, Ukyo began to glide through the crowd, making her way over to the proto-fight. Ukyo was as graceful and elegant on skates, as she was on firm earth. Beautiful, and nimble and- "Eh?"
At least, she was, right up until she tripped over the broken blade that had come from Akane's skate. That would be the Goddess known as Karma, hard at work again.
"EEEK!" Flailing her limbs, Ukyo shot across the ice, out of control. "Somebody save meeee!"
Right into the waiting left arm of Mikado. "Ah, how the girls throw themselves at me. Two at once, and me with only one pair of lips, tragic. Oh well, I'll just have to make do." Smiling, the figure skater leaned in close to the girls, shutting his eyes in anticipation. Apparently, he was going to try and kiss them both at once.
Ranma fumed, his body a blur of motion. There was no way in hell that Mikado was going to get away with trying something like that. Not if Ranma Saotome had anything to say about that. "Rrrr, Mikado!" The sad thing was, Ranma had plenty to say, but all that blurring was just coming from him flailing about uselessly. People didn't magically learn how to skate, just because they were pissed off, you see.
"Mmm, nah." Mato, on the other hand, had already plucked both girls from Mikado's grip while the fellow had his eyes closed. "I'd lose my lunch if I had to see crap like that." Gliding over to the edge of the ice, he set Ukyo and Akane down on the rubber mats that lead to the rows of benches used for when people sat and removed their skates. "I guess the fun's over. Lose the skates and me an' Ranma'll be with you two in a minute."
"Um, ok?" Ukyo blinked, unsure of just what had happened. In a few moments, she'd realize that her plan had been foiled. Nobody noticed, except for the little boy standing next to her. Sadly, he only noticed once the burning red aura that rippled around Ukyo like living flame melted the poor kid's icecream.
Akane, on the other hand, hobbled back a few steps. It was hard to balance while wearing half a pair of skates. "Ack, ack, ack!"
"And you are?" Foiled, Mikado was mildly annoyed at missing out on his double-lip-lock. He crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at the interloper.
Arching an eyebrow, Mato slid to a stop just arm's reach away from the arrogant skater. "Mato Hibiki, professional jerk." Smirking, he flourished a little bow, pressing one hand to his chest, holding his other arm out to the side. "Wanna make something of it?"
Mikado returned the smirk. Ever the showman, he enjoyed the rich drama that confrontation provided. "Very well, I accept your challenge." He held his hands out to his sides. It's not likely that he knows how to fight on skates, so I'll give him a chance to make a fool of himself, before utterly crushing him. "You may make the first move."
"Huh... 'Kay." Sliding forward a pace, Mato lifted both his arms, and slammed the down on Mikado's shoulders. There was a loud shhkkt, and the figure skater found himself about two inches shorter.
Shaken for a moment, Mikado steadied himself. Harder than I thought, but I've had worse. Now, a clever line, and... "Hah, that's all you have?"
"That's all I need."
"Very well, time to destroy you with my- uh?" Blinking, Mikado jerked a little. He should have glided forward on one foot, and soundly thrashed the fool with his 'Dance of Death'. Instead, he found himself wobbling and windmilling his arms for balance. "What did you do?" He looked down, his mouth hanging open in horror.
Both of Mikado Sanzenin's skates were buried in the ice.
"What? I used my brain a little." Mato easily glided over to where Ranma was still flailing away. "Easy Saotome, I got you." Grabbing Ranma by his hips, Mato gently pushed him across the ice. "So, since I pretty much won everything with that one hit, how about you and Ranma go a couple rounds?" Smirking, he stomped down, sinking his back skate into the ice to act as an anchor. "Whaddya say Saotome? In a thrashing mood?"
Ranma, who now found himself point blank with Mikado, and well supported, simply smirked. "Yup." Winding back his arm, he smacked the figure skater hard in the face.
WAP!
-
"So, seriously?"
Ranma nodded. "Yup. Martial arts figure skating." Shoveling ramen into his mouth, he pointed a finger at Mato. "That was a pretty cheap move, pinning him down like that."
"Thank you, I'm glad I can still impress you." Smirking, Mato fiddled with his chopsticks a little, waiting for his ramen to cool down.
"Huh?" Blinking, Ranma slowed his pace a little, which ment that he still was eating like a madman. "Whaddya mean?"
"Uh, nothing, nothing. Nevermind." Tch, idiot. Why don't'cha go and blab about something else stupid, like the ti- argh! No, no. I'm not gonna think about that one. Frowning, Mato snapped his chopsticks apart, focusing on not thinking about the time he'd dressed up in Ranma's riding leathers and made lewd gestures his cousin that made her think Ranma was interested in incest. Oh God dammit! Think of something else! Uh, uh, Shampoo kissing Panda-Genma! "..." One of Mato's eyes twitched a little.
"You ok man? You're turning blue."
"Just... Thought of something particularly gross, that's all."
"Well don't share it sugar. I'm hungry." Plunking down her bowl, Ukyo sat down next to Mato with a sigh. So much for salvaging plan three. Ran-chan really did a number on that idiot.
"Where's Akane?"
"She's in the bathroom." That was partly true. Akane was actually trapped in there, since Ukyo had snuck all the toilet paper out of the stalls before hand.
"Oh, did she say how long she'd be?"
"A long time." Ukyo snapped her chopsticks apart. Now for emergency plan two. The plan where I lean in and lovingly nuzzle Ran-chan to remind him of how cute I am. Closing her eyes, Ukyo leaned over with a sigh, lovingly nuzzling the shoulder next to her. Oh Ran-chan, you're so warm.
Ranma, for his part, simply blinked. "Uh, I'm... Gonna go get seconds." Grabbing his bowl, Ranma jumped up and hurried towards the counter. I had no idea that she felt that way. Maybe I should talk to Akane about encouraging Ukyo a little. It couldn't hurt, right?
"So, Ukyo. Ya wanna explain to me what this is all about, exactly?" Mato frowned, knowing he wouldn't like how this one turned out. Of course it's not gonna turn out well. Mentally sighing, he closed his eyes. Might as well enjoy it while I can... A forlorn look crossed his face. I missed this feeling. Surprising that I can admit that, but there it is.
"Mmm?" Feeling warm and comfortable, Ukyo nuzzled a little closer. She was lost in a world of wonderful sensation, and clearly wasn't paying much attention to everything else around her.
"... Because if you're trying to show your heartfelt love, I need to tell you something."
"What's that sugar?"
"Ranma left to get more food, and you sat down next to me thirty seconds ago."
"...Ght."
-
Well, that's another chapter done. It was a little shorter, because I've had a bit of a rough week. A thousand miles traveled, and very little sleep to boot. I also nearly dropped my end of the casket going down the stairs... Eessh.
Oh well, I'm fine, and nobody died. Ok, nobody who wasn't already dead didn't die. I- ok, running the joke into the ground now, moving on, moving on.
Yeah, I clipped a little from the fic, but I don't think anyone's missing much. I think you can all easily visualize Akane's skate breaking, and Mikado scooping her up. And if you haven't by now, that last line should have done it for you.
Review reply time!
My-name-is-foxglove- Jeez, that's a lotta beaming. Lemmie get my aviators on. Ok, not blinded by sheer joy anymore. Uh, what can I say? If you're thinking bad things are coming soon, well, you've clearly got a grip on how life is for anyone in Nerima, no? Yeah, I'll keep writing. For great justice!
James Birdsong- I'd ask if your reviews could get any shorter, but you'd just say 'yes' and one-up me. So instead, I'm going to ask you for a five paragraph review of my story so far. Hah!
SithKnight-Galen- What can I say? I thought it was pretty clever of me to realize that Mousse would just take it for granted that someone new had rolled into Nerima and was causing trouble... It happens so often, I think everyone is just used to it by now.
Ukyo's feelings... Well... You need to understand that Ukyo's mildly obsessed here. Any thinking that could distract her from her goals is something that she can't afford to think about at this point in the game. That means showing sympathy for people is a no no. If she doesn't make some major strides in the romance department, she'll lose him forever. So, no matter how much of a bitch she comes off as, try to remember that Ukyo's just getting a little desperate, ok?
As for Mato's backstory, hmm... it's a tough little dance. Can't say too little, but can't give away too much either. I think I'll need to start either adding in factoids in the post script, or start leaning in on the narrative to make it less Ukyo-centric. One edit later, and I've added in half a paragraph in italics, see if you can figure out which one.
12Damon34- Yeah, bondage jokes are always hilarious when you do 'em right. Here's a question that'll drive a few people nuts though... Since when was there any thing that said Mato knew stuff thanks to God?
The Azure Penguin- Meh, I went back and tossed in a little thinking on Mato's part, just for you. Enjoy it, or DIE HORRIBLY! Nah, kidding. Hope I dropped enough of a hint without outright ruining any future surprises. And yes, what the crap? We can put a man on the moon, but we can't make a decent optical mouse? For shame, scientific community, for shame.
Baitdcat- Mousse shall return, to continue to offer his 'support' for Ukyo sometime soon. Just after Cologne makes him wash dishes, and sweep the floor, and defrost the freezer, and cook the food, and... Oy, ok, maybe he won't be back quite so soon... But the unholy trifecta of terror will be united!
Ok, reviews are done, what else do I have to do? Oh! Hah, I know. I'll start answering specific questions from now on, one per review. Obviously, I'm going to ignore stuff that will give away too much. So DON'T ask me to spell out stuff like 'what's Mato's backstory' or 'why does he look like Ranma and Ryoga'.
Actually, I'll field a gimmie question, so that you know what I will allow. Here comes the fakie.
Q- Why do people think that Mato looks like both Ranma and Ryoga?
A- Because Mato has a somewhat subjective face. People see what they expect to see, based on their personality. Ukyo only wants her one Ran-chan, so she sees Ryoga, a jackass who'd never get in her way of getting what she wants. Akane sees Ranma, since she apparently likes seeing him now. Ryoga HATES Ranma, so seeing a face he loves to pound would only be natural. Mousse... Sees nothing, because he's blind. Moving on! People in school only see another face in the crowd, just another student in a uniform, someone who doesn't stand out when compared to the Nerima Wrecking Crew. Kuno, hah, what did Kuno see?
There. A long winded example that might have too much of a subtle difference in phrasing. Oh well, I know all you regulars are bright enough to get it, so no worries.
Factoid! Mato has no qualms about hitting girls, at all. He occasionly comments on feeling guilty or regretting it, but he never heasitates if he needs to smack someone around.
"Why so surprised? I'm not above hitting girls. I should be, but I'm not, sad to say."
