The Volturi really had no use for me unless I was hunting for them. That made my life more mundane than I liked. I never complained, not once, that I was bored. It wasn't my place to say so. I idled my time away chatting with anyone who was near. I quickly bonded with the only human there, the receptionist, and talked with her often. We would talk about mundane things like clothing and fashion or she would ask me what it was like to be changed. I tried to give an accurate description of the pain that ripped through your body, but I don't think I quite did it justice.
Otherwise, I would observe. I soon learned the habits of many members. Patterns and order were things I understood, things that I liked. Every once in a while, I would permit myself to stray back to my human memories and to the tight schedule I had clung to so much.
But every time I did that, it only made it harder. The pain of not knowing why I was different drove me mad. I wanted to know, wanted to know so badly. I knew there was nothing to be done, but I wanted to know nonetheless. I was restless, and I ended up locking myself up in a room for days. The worst, I remember vividly, was when I cried nonstop for a week. No amount of persuading could get me out of the room. It wasn't until I felt the unbearable tug of thirst that I stopped and pulled myself together.
Tears were no stranger to me, but the Volturi seemed surprised every time that my eyes were rimmed in red. But, nobody pressed the topic. I was volatile in their eyes. They viewed me as a ticking time bomb of emotions that they did not want to poke the wrong way.
But, more than anything, I had a strange yearning to know what was going on. Ever since Edward's reappearance, my thirst (forgive the pun) for knowledge of what was going on back in Astoria became ever stronger. I found that simply looking at Edward and his haunting good looks reminded me of the ripple I had caused when I pulled myself from the life. Had I been involved with Bella's reasoning behind leaving Edward? How was Esme, the mother I had always wanted, coping with losing – not one – but three of her "children", in a sense. But... most importantly... Did Devon miss me?
That was the one that hurt the most. I felt childish, even. Of course he didn't. He had probably moved on. It had been more two months. To a vampire, that was no time at all. But to a human? Two months could change everything.
It was November 31st, and things were going smoothly. I had gone through the week without crying, and that did not go unnoticed by almost everyone around me. I was... almost happy. As happy as I had ever been since I was changed. I couldn't pinpoint the source of my happiness, but I think it had something to do with getting over things. Aimlessly, I had wandered the halls of the winding, secret castle that night. This walking seemed to do me good. Every time I passed through, I saw something different. I was very observant, but I seemed to miss things in the impressive castle all the time. I ambled out onto the balcony that I often visited to be alone.
But I wasn't alone.
As I passed through the double doors and out into the chilly night air, Edward turned around to meet my gaze. He had not wavered from his "vegetarian" ways, and his uncannily beautiful eyes, still glowing gold, smiled at me. "Hey," he whispered.
I smiled in return and leaned against the railing next to him. There was comfortable silence between us as we stared up into the night sky. The sky was clear here, unlike the cloudy sky over Astoria. I could see a million – maybe more – stars winking back at me. I must have gasped at the sight because Edward chuckled lowly. "Why are you out here?" I finally asked.
He stared up at the sky. "It reminds me of Bella." I pursed my lips and looked away from him and back to the sky. My thoughts must have betrayed me because he spoke again. "It's calming, to know that she's under this same sky... Wherever she is."
"Is it hard for you?" I asked in a reverent whisper. It was an unnecessary question, for we both knew the answer. Maybe it would help if it was voiced, though. Ease the pain, or maybe come to acceptance with it.
He nodded slightly. "Harder than anything else in life. Harder than thinking she was dead." Edward looked away from the sky and down to the streets. "Knowing that she's out there somewhere... unprotected..."
"She'll be fine," I assured him, but I instantly knew I had said the wrong thing. A thousand emotions flashed through Edward's face, but within seconds he was back to his normal, emotionless face.
"You don't know... You couldn't know." He left it at that and we resumed looking at the sky. "When I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me. And you make everything alright," he whispered to the sky, but I knew that he was talking to Bella.
The words struck a chord in my mind, seeming oddly familiar. I analyzed them carefully. Had he said that before? No, no, I would have remembered that. All of a sudden, it clicked. And I laughed. I laughed, and he joined me. We laughed for almost a minute, forgetting the reverence we had just held. "Those are Train lyrics!" I choked out, after calming down a bit from my laughing fit.
He smiled, but it fell and he looked back to the sky. "They fit." There was silence once more and I resumed staring at the sky. I thought of my father and my brother, for the first time since the first week. I refused to let the tears get to me, however. I held my breath and swallowed the lump in my throat. Losing both mom and I must have been hard, but I knew that they were strong.
Edward began humming a tune familiar to me. I attempted to place it in my mind, for I had heard it before. "The song," he answered for me, "that I left for you." And I remembered, just like that. The song in the folder, it had been that tune. "It's the song that I composed for... for Bella." His voice cracked at her name. He cussed under his breath and left the balcony, returning to the castle.
The streets of Volterra were empty. There was dead silence. I could hear everything, the slightest shift in the atmosphere would register in my brain. And I heard it, loud and clear.
A thump.
It was a sound that no vampire could muster, not in their wildest dreams. The second I heard it, I knew what it was. The beat of a human heart. I looked around, half expecting to see a human somewhere nearby. But, somehow, I knew that there was only one place where the sound could have come from. And that was the empty shell that I was now. I waited in anxious anticipation – half thinking it was my imagination. The noise did not come again. I quickly dismissed it as a figment of my imagination and left the balcony after stealing one last glance at the night sky.
---
There was the rare occasion that somebody broke the rules of vampire society. On those rare occasions, everyone was welcomed to watch the public torture of the vampire. I would not have gone if I didn't have to talk to Aro, Caius, or even Marcus. The thump had not appeared again, but the memory rang out loud and clear.
I winced as I watched Jane smile at her victim before he started screaming. He begged for the to kill him, just to get it over with. I was extremely close to walking out, the sight too unbearable to understand. The black eyes of Volturi watched the victim writhe on the ground, begging. I knew they would have to feed soon. Jane let up her power and there was dead silence for one second.
And that was all it took.
The thump sounded again in my chest and I felt it this time. All heads were on me in a second, the vampire on the ground completely forgotten. I suddenly felt uncomfortable... Under their thirsty gazes, I knew that if I had a single drop of blood in my body, they would jump at me.
Edward was at my side in a second, and that was all it took. Chaos erupted and it wasn't until Edward had tugged at my hand and started running that I was fully aware of what I had to do.
I had to leave. The one place I felt most at home, and I had to go. I cussed at myself inside my head, not missing the few glances Edward threw at me. Why had I been so different? What had gone wrong? Why in the hell was my heart all of sudden beating? I knew that I had to know. I knew that this was mystery that I had to solve, alone. Why was I different? I prayed that I would know soon.
I had no idea what Edward was taking me until we were standing in front of the counter, buying plane tickets. "Two tickets for the next flight to Oregon." And I knew. He was taking me back... I couldn't call it home. But back to Astoria, at least. Our plane left in a few hours and we used our time pursuing the books in the small shop in the airport. There was nothing there that caught my attention, so I settled for a magazine.
Edward and I found two seats facing the floor to ceiling windows that looked out onto the runway. He did not sit down and passed his time looking out the window, watching the planes take off and land. I knew that he was not thinking about the planes at all. Even if I couldn't read his mind, his expression was enough to give him away.
His phone vibrated in a circle on the seat next to me. On the small window, Alice's name flashed at me. Barring my teeth, I reached for it and flipped it open. "Hello Alice."
"Dawn, OH MY GOSH, IT'S DAWN!" She yelled the last part, but it was unnecessary. I heard voices in the background and Alice's voice chatting quickly with them. "I'm putting you on speaker!" she declared and the voices became more dominate. I heard Rosalie and Esme talking to me, saying that they missed me and couldn't wait to see me. Carlisle was there to, and Jasper and Emmett. I felt a tugging inside of me, and I knew it was guilt.
"I'm... so sorry," I managed to spit out. "I can't believe I just left."
"Oh never mind that," Rosalie assured me. "You're forgiving. We've all gone through this."
"AND YOU'RE COMING BACK!" Alice's high-pitched shrill burned my ears. She was so excited, which she had made clear, that she was getting her sister AND her brother back. I mouthed an apologizing to the man sitting next to me. I knew that he could hear the high-pitched screams of an excited Alice, even if she was confined to the phone.
I covered the speaker and walked over to Edward. Quietly, I asked, "Would you like to talk to your – sorry, our – family?"
His eyes lit up for a moment. "Is Bella there?" His face fell within seconds and I knew that he found it in my brain. "No, tell them I say hello, though."
I sent Edward's greeting to the family and it was welcomed with a warm reception. Eventually, Esme coaxed the phone from Alice and I bid goodbye to the clan that I would soon be reunited with. For the remainder of our waiting time, I watched Edward. Just observed. He paced when we was nervous. I knew it was going to put him on edge to be so near Bella... or where he thought she would be. I knew it would hurt him to go into their bedroom. I knew that he was hurting, even now. And I felt his pain, oddly. I wanted to comfort him, to tell him that she still loved him and was just confused. But I couldn't reach out to him. He was out of reach, if only slightly, and I knew my words would not help.
I looked at him. Edward... My friend... My brother, in all but the biological sense. I wanted to ease his pain, but I didn't know how. I felt like I was obsolete in his protective bubble. But, he had his own troubles. And I had mine. I would find out what happened to me, and why I was so different. I would have to start at the end, the beginning of my new life. I would pull all the strings I had to in order find out.
I would fight tooth and nail for the truth, even if that meant more pain to me.
---
The plane had landed and Edward and I were patiently waiting for a pause in the constant flow of people so we could pass through. We hadn't spoken a word through the too-long flight. I knew what he was thinking of, and I was sure he knew what I was thinking of. But he hadn't offered the least bit of advice and I felt more like a sibling to him than ever. We scooted past the seats and into the main aisle when there was a break. I emerged out of the airport and felt at ease.
The windows showed nothing but a hazy mist, and that made me feel better... in an odd way. Edward and I wordlessly continued towards baggage claim. Even though, in the back of my mind, I was expecting it, the Cullen Welcome Wagon still caught me by surprise. There were two huge banners with my name and Edward's emblazed on them, balloons everywhere, and everyone that we loved.
Aside from one.
The disappointment was evident in Edward's face, but he fixed it and made himself smile. Alice and Rosalie crowded me and crushed me with hugs. Esme kissed both of my cheeks and, if she could cry, she would have. Carlisle hugged me as well, and I knew that I would have to talk to him later. Emmett lifted me off my feet and swung me around in a hug, almost crushing me. Jasper was slightly less dramatic about it, but his hug had the same feeling of love that Emmett's did.
The family was incomplete, but functioning. I was glad about that, and I was happy. Genuinely, without a doubt, happy. But as Alice began babbling about this and that, school was brought up. I would have to endure one week before Christmas vacation. I had hope to have a bit more preparation time before I would have to see Devon again. If I could just... avoid him. Yes, avoid him like the plague. That might work.
---
Yeah... not working. It seemed like every time I turned a corner, I saw him. He never saw me, thanks to my speed, but he would just... not go away! Lunch was the time I worried about the most, since I would be vulnerable, even. I had opted out of eating lunch the first two days because I did not want to alert him of my return.
But, surely he would know. The girls gossiped like old women. Plus, it did not go unnoticed that Edward had returned. Even more than before, I was afraid to be alone, without a distraction. I focused hard on my studies, even though I didn't have to.
Alice got annoyed with me and dragged, quite literally, me to the cafeteria on Wednesday. I sat there, jumpy. I felt like every set of eyes were on me. I prayed, hoped, wished, that Devon was not one of the many watching me.
I was in the clear, I could see the bright exit light in my eyes. It was Friday. No, it was the last period of Friday. No, it was my off period, the last period, on Friday. Jasper and I had settled on a bench outside, the wind and snow very difficult for any human, but not affecting us in any way.
And all my hard work, avoiding and dodging, all week went to waste as I heard an oh-so-familiar voice pierce the air. "Dawn?" Devon asked carefully. I spun my head around and locked eyes with him. He smiled his movie-star smile and started towards me. My practical side grimaced, but the teenager inside of me came through and I was almost as excited as he was to see me. My stomach jumped and flipped with every step he took towards me. We were a foot apart when I threw my arms around him, the proximity eliminating all practicality from me.
"I missed you," he whispered into my hair. I could only nod. If only he could know the circumstances, he would understand. If only, if only... But I, better than anyone, knew the rules of vampire society. Nobody. Can. Know.
The secrecy was enough to kill me. "I missed you too... You have no idea," I whispered back to him, clinging to him tighter. NOT a lie. Not a lie at all... I broke away from the hug and stepped back. Jasper smiled up at me and walked into the hallway. He would be fine, and he knew what I was feeling. Obviously.
"So, you're back! You're back... Why are you back?" he asked me, curiously.
I rolled my eyes. "If only I could tell you," I whispered lowly, so low that he wouldn't hear. "The new family didn't quite work out." NOT a lie. "And L.A. was too much for me." Lie. At least I still remembered my alibi two months later. "So, how are you? Did you..." I paused and took an unneeded breath. "Did you get over me?"
He grinned at me. "Not in the least." I melted. He took my hand and we began walking. I felt him shiver and I tried to pull away. "No," he told me simply. "I want to know that you're actually here." I smiled a sad smile at him and hoped he was playing this up for me. We walked in silence for a moment. However, he broke the silence. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Can you?"
"No, I mean, will you give me an honest answer?"
"It..." I sighed. "It depends on the question."
"I want a guarantee." His eyes pleaded with me and I lost practicality again. Pursing my lips, I nodded. "Okay, so... You said there are things you couldn't tell me."
i 'CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!!' /i I screamed in my head. Why, oh why, did I let Jasper leave? He was onto me! He knew, or he wanted to know. And I promised. "That hasn't changed," I stated, almost bitterly. "I can't tell you."
He sighed and swung our hands with a little more force. "Can you tell me why not?"
I closed my eyes and thought back to Jane, torturing the vampire who was so obviously guilt-ridden. But... I was on a different continent. She couldn't hurt me, and I... Oh, who was I kidding? This was the Volturi we were talking about.
But if i he /i guessed it himself... Well... No harm, no foul? I hoped so. Hints, that's all I would give him. "If you ask the right questions... I'll give you the right answers." I put it that way. "But some of them I can't answer for safety reasons."
"Who's safety?" he asked immediately.
"Yours, mostly. Then mine, then the Cullens..." The list could go longer than that. "But mostly you and I, we're on dangerous ground already."
"Who's threatening you?"
I barred my teeth. "Kind of the monarchy of my world. They're more powerful than anyone could think."
"Your world?" he looked confused.
"I... would like – no, love – to tell you but... I can't. Keep asking questions." Maybe I would have to push him a bit... No, no, one day at a time. "Here, one more question today. Then you have to wait till after break."
He pouted slightly, but didn't argue with it. "Did... did you really go to L.A.?" he asked.
"No," I said simply, and we continued walking towards the warmth the cafeteria radiated. There were no more questions, only talking. And I still didn't know what was going on with me and him. Were we dating? Were we friends? Were we hybrids? There was a lull in the conversation and I finally asked him, "So, you answer one question for me. What are we?"
"Well, you and I are hum–"
I cut him off before he could say the word, "No, I mean... Are we dating? Are we friends? I'm not sure."
"Well, what would you prefer?"
I hesitated. Rarely did I ever make my own decisions, and even more rarely did I want to. He was leaving it up to me, and that sucked. I looked down at our hands, interlaced under the table that kept us facing each other. And I knew the answer, just by looking at them. "Dating," I stated. Nodding as I did so.
"Let's make it official then," he said and he leaned over the table. I leaned my head in as well and, ever so lightly, our lips touched. We both hesitated and looked up at each other. Devon had a goofy smile plastered on his face and I was sure I looked just as stupid. We lunged at each other again and this time the kiss had depth. Under the table, our other hands interlaced as well and I felt complete. But, guilty in a way.
I pulled away before we could get too carried away. Devon didn't mention it, but I could tell by the way he looked at me that he was wondering why I was guarded. But, with time, I hoped that he would come to understand that I was not, in fact, human as he assumed.
You all should seriously hate me. I'M SO SORRY! D I couldn't get this chapter right, and kept putting it off! Ugh, I'm so angry with myself. But proud at the same time. This chapter is three-hundred words short four thousand. Oh, and who else finished Eclipse? XD I got the first copy in my local B&N today. I made my mother stand outside with me to get it for thirty minutes. Ah, it's better than Harry Potter. Six hours in line was a bit much for her. Well, anyway, I hoped you enjoyed the chapter. I tried to make up for the time that I couldn't post more chapters, so I hope you're happy. I WANTED to add Bella drama to it, but I suppose that will have to wait. Don't be surprised if there's a new chapter up tomorrow, this took me next to no time to hammer out. Leave a review if you'd like, I know I'd like it, and happy reading!
