As always thank you to my reviewers: Panckles ,cchester1985 ,hungergamesfangirl100 . I also want to thank all the people on twitter this week who shared their comments and thoughts with me! You guys makes my day and are a huge encouragement. IMPORTANT***- With that being said I have chose to put Guarding Daisies on a schedule so you will know when chapters are coming. So the plan is, if I post a journal entry, the following chapter will be uploaded a week from that date. If I post a dialogue scene the next chapter will be 2 weeks from that date. Therefore the next chapter after this will be posted on October 10th. Please follow me on twitter for updates and sneak peeks to chapters TributeGirlEm . ALSSOO! I have decided because I know sometimes people do not like waiting for chapters, that whenever I hit increments of 20 reviews, I will post a bonus chapter to show my thanks to you guys3 Sorry this was so long. Enjoy the chapter!


I find myself slipping again; slipping away from my reality and being pulled back into that dark hole of nothingness. I'm suffocated by my own emotions and thoughts. At my last doctors appointment, I was reminded that I am now twenty weeks along. My stomach is now beginning to show, but all I want to do is trap myself under the covers, away from this dangerous world. I'm not sure how long it has been, but I refuse to get up and even if I wanted to, the nightmares manage to keep me paralyzed in my bed. Multiple times a day Peeta brings me food and tries to get some nutrients into me.

"Katniss, you need to eat something." Peeta tells me, handing me a cheese bun, but I tune him out and avoid him.

He starts yelling, clearly becoming frustrated, but I don't have the energy to listen. When he goes downstairs, I can hear glass breaking but I don't get up. Instead, I bury my face into a pillow and try to escape the sunlight.

Peeta has his arm wrapped around my waist as we sit by the lake I used to go to with my father. I am wearing an orange sundress and I appear to be ready to give birth any day. When I step into the lake, the cool water washes over my feet. Peeta stands behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, resting his hands on my stomach. Soon after this, I sit on the shore as I watch Peeta pick flowers in the meadow for me. I immediately feel calmed by the sunlight.

Suddenly, a loud noise sounds and a strong wind blows above me. A black hovercraft appears over the meadow with the unmistakable capitol seal on the wing. A claw comes down and takes Peeta into its grasp. With that, I am on my feet and trying to run to him, but my belly is so large that it is too hard to move. I am watching the hovercraft fly away and Peeta is taken away from me again, just like that. The meadow around me that was filled with bright spring flowers disappears. It's replacement is a field of white roses and I know that, yet again, Snow is behind this.

I wake up in a cold sweat. The area of my pillow where my head was resting is damp. I notice a plate of cheese buns beside the bed, but just like before, I refuse to eat them. Suddenly, I get a wave of heat that once again, rushes over my body. My stomach becomes tight and I heave onto my pillow. At first nothing comes up; mostly likely because I haven't eaten anything. Then a, yellow bile makes an appearance. I immediately feel like this can't be good, but I can't bring myself to care. I keep heaving until Peeta enters the room. He has dark circles under his eyes and the blue looks much darker. His eyes are glossy as he looks at me.

"Oh Katniss." He mutters under his breath.

I just roll over trying to avoid my mess. I can feel Peeta begin stripping the pillow cases off the pillows and doing his best to strip the foul sheets, despite me still lying in them. Soon after, I hear him walk into the bathroom and the water from the bathtub faucet begins to run. Peeta returns and gently lifts me up in a bridal-style carry. I don't struggle, but I definitely don't help him by being an easy passenger; but, he manages to ease me down into the tub with my night clothes still on.

"Katniss...please talk to me." Peeta begs, as he pulls the soiled nightgown over my head.

I don't reply. Instead, I just close my eyes and try to picture myself in some place far away. With Finnick and Prim, Cinna, Rue, my father; everyone I miss.

"I need you Katniss. Please!" Peeta says, raising his voice a little. "Our baby needs you."

I hear everything he is saying, yet the words have no impact on me. I just sit in the warm water as Peeta rinses my hair. Prim would have handled this so much better than I. She should be here; not me.

After Peeta removes the rest of my clothing and manages to wash down my body, he removes me from the tub and puts me in a clean shirt. All I want is for him to carry me back to bed, so when he picks me up and carries me down the stairs, I scowl at him, but do not have the energy to squirm my way out of his strong arms. Peeta places me into a chair right next to the window. My body is so stiff that it almost hurts to sit upright. Outside, the sun is shining and there is not a cloud in the sky. It's the type of day I would usually love to spend out in the woods.

When Peeta comes back in view, he bends down to look me straight into my eyes. I feel his hand rest upon my cheek and then brush the wet hair strands from my face.

"Katniss please, please stay with me." He begs again, resting his head onto my lap.

Always; that's what he wants me to say, but I remain quiet. My brain is screaming with so many other thoughts. If it wasn't for me, Finnick would have met his child. Why should I have a child when it is my fault that he couldn't even see his own? Finnick deserves to hold his child. He is the one who deserves to be a parent; not me. Prim and Rue; they both should be mothers, but they're not because I couldn't protect them like I had promised. So many people will never get this opportunity, so why should I? Why me?

"Katniss...I'm going to call your mother. I'm not going to just sit here and watch you and the baby suffer." He tells me, pulling me away from my thoughts. I don't reply. I just close my eyes, trying to tune out his words.

However, about twenty minutes later, I hear a knock on the door.

"Katniss." My mother hollers, walking inside before waiting for Peeta to answer.

Before she can find me, I take off. I run up the stairs as quickly as my weak body can move. After a few steps, I stumble and hit the wooden steps hard. My hands manage to brace the fall, but I know I will have bruising on my legs. When I reach the top of the steps, I run to the empty nursery and slam the door shut. I lock the door so no one can enter and I head over to my familiar spot under the windows. I do not want my mother to find me. All she is going to do is give me some kind of medication or worse; put me in the hospital under constant watch. I bury my face into my arms to drown out that image from my mind, but the sound of people running up the steps starts to make me nervous.

"Katniss, please open the door." My mother pleads, trying to turn the knob.

"You're not just hurting yourself anymore. There is a child inside of you." She adds.

I curl up on the hard ground and clutch my abdomen. I hear a body slam against the door and I immediately know Peeta is trying to break it down. After a few tries, the slamming noise stops and I hear them walk away. I allow myself to rest and enter the terrifying world of my nightmares.

Just as I am reliving Finnicks death once more, I snap away at the sound of the door knob moving. Peeta and my mother are trying to unlock it again. I get up and try to lock myself in the closet, but before I reach the door, I feel it; like a small punch or a kick from my insides. The movement frightens me, so I drop to my knees and hold my abdomen. The tears begin to fall from my eyes and I allow myself to show emotion for the first time in a long time. I feel another punch and let out a loud yelp just as Peeta and my mother burst through the door.

"Something is happening!" I scream as my mother bends down in front of me taking my hands. "I felt something move inside of me." I say, breaking down into my mothers arms.

"That's normal Katniss, and I am so relieved to hear you say that. That's supposed to happen this far along; your baby is growing." My mother tells me, holding me against her chest and smoothing out my hair.

"But I'm going to be honest with you; you're very lucky. You can't tune out like that. It is so dangerous for you and the baby." She continues.

"But it's not fair!" I yell out, allowing my mother to hold me like a young child. "Prim will never get to do this. Neither did Finnick. I don't deserve it."

"But Katniss you do! Because of you, no one else's lives will be taken away like Prim or Finnick's were. You deserve this sweetheart, you really do, and so does Peeta. Prim would be so happy and proud of you." My mother says choking up a little.

"I just wish they were here." I say in a whisper as I begin sobbing into her shirt.

"I know you do honey...and I do too." She adds.

My mother and I sit in the nursery for a few minutes, just holding each other and crying. I let myself trust her and open up to her more then I ever have before and it calms me.

Peeta and my mother help me downstairs and sit me at the table where I slowly sip a glass of orange juice. My mother goes to sit in the living room to give Peeta and I some time to talk. However, not much talking occurs. I watch Peeta as he stirs a large pot of soup and pours it into smaller bowls. He doesn't say a word or even looks in my direction. Usually he is there to comfort me, telling me that no matter what horrible thing I have done, that things will be okay. I am nothing like my husband. I don't know how to use words the way he does, so I don't even know what to say.

Finally, he sets a bowl of steaming soup in front of me and sits down across the table with his own bowl. He still doesn't even bother to acknowledge me, so to please him, I take a few large spoonfuls of soup to show him I am making an effort. For a moment, I see him look up at me, but he still doesn't say anything.

"I'm so sorry Peeta." I say suddenly, looking up at him.

For awhile, he stays silent, but focus his eyes on me.

"I truly am." I add.

Peeta looks down at his bowl.

"Sorry isn't going to fix everything this time Katniss." He says, speaking in a calm soothing voice. However, I can hear how much he's hurting so clearly.

I don't know how to respond so I just listen.

"You have to stop tuning out like this. You have a child inside you; our child. You put not only yourself but the baby in danger. You need to talk to me about your emotions, not push me away and make things worse. That's what you and I do." He says reaching across the table to take both of my hands.

"We protect each other." I say repeating the words I once said to him long ago.

"Exactly." He replies, running his thumbs over the tops of my palms. His touch warms my body and let's me know he is still here.

"I'm not going to let this happen again." I say to him, resting my hand on my abdomen. "I have you to help me."

"You'll always have me Katniss." He says.

"I know that Peeta. It's just this whole thing started because I kept thinking about how Annie had to go through this without Finnick...and I can't even imagine doing this without you." I say getting up and placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

"Oh baby, that would never happen." Peeta adds embracing me into his arms.

We stand there for a while holding each other.


Later in the day, I sit on a kitchen stool as my mother gives me a rundown about the vitamins I will be taking for the duration of the pregnancy.

"I am putting you on four vitamin supplements that you are to take once a day in the morning. Folic acid, iron, calcium and a DHA." She says putting the pills in an organized container.

I am doing my best to sound interested, but in all honesty, I have no idea what any of this is. I just agree because not only is she my doctor, but she is my mother.

"Four supplements, everyday, in the morning; got it." I tell her trying to sound eager.

"Perfect!" She replies. "But Katniss, on more of an emotional level, I think you and Peeta need something; something for you to channel your emotions about the people you lost in a positive way and something you can do together. I mean, I know you hunt and have your garden and Peeta bakes, but you need something that the both of you can do."

I begin to process my mothers words and realize that what she is saying is true. Peeta and I should have something that we can use to share our emotions. Then suddenly, it hits me.

"The book!" I blurt out, jumping up from my seat.

"The book? Katniss what are you talking about?" My mother yells, but it's too late. I am already up and dashing up the stairs.

I race into our bedroom and find Peeta slipping into a pair of clean underwear after getting out of the shower.

"Woe! Naked person in the room!" He states, turning around to see that it was only me.

"Oh, it's nothing I've haven't seen before." I reply laughing at my husband and heading towards the closet.

I hear Peeta laugh too as I yank open the door and begin digging through the closet, tossing out boxes and old sweaters behind me.

"Um, can I help you find something?" He asks, making his way through the mess I've just created.

"Peeta, where's the book? Our memory book!" I ask turning around to face him.

"Oh, wow, I forgot about that book. I haven't seen it in years." He replies honestly.

I turn my focus back to the already destroyed closet and continue pulling things off the shelf and throwing them out of my way. I'm pretty sure I hit Peeta with something because I hear him make a slight moan, but I continue my search. Finally I spot it. In the very back corner of the shelf sits a little brown book. I almost forgot about it too. I haven't seen it in five, maybe ten years. When Peeta first returned home from the capitol back many years ago, we had something to channel our feelings; this book. I would sit next to Peeta for hours. We would talk, both revealing the memories of the loved ones we lost. Peeta used a careful hand to recreate the faces of our family. I would take my time using the neatest handwriting possible to write all the important words about each person. Like Prim's kind heart and bright smile or my father's perfect singing voice. Other days, I would sit there carefully writing the beautiful words Peeta had to share about each of his family members; even about his mother. I used to think that this book played a great part in bringing Peeta and I back together.

I take the book in one hand and clutch it against my chest, then I grab Peeta's hand with my other. I lead him over to the end of our bed and sit next to him as I open the book. On the very first page, I see Prim's smiling face and crystal blue eyes.

"Prim." I mutter softly under my breath and gently let my fingers trace over the page.

Peeta reaches up and places his arm around me. I lean in against his shoulder and rest my head.

"I wish you got to know her better Peeta. She was so amazing." I tell him, staring at the perfectly painted picture of my sister.

"I know. I could tell how great she was just from the short time I got to be with her... I remember she loved coming to look in the bakery window." He pauses for a moment as though he was reliving the memory and then he chuckles. "I always knew I liked your sister." Peeta tells me.

"What do you mean?" I question.

"I used to watch Prim drag you over to the window to admire the cakes. You never noticed, but I was admiring you as she was admiring the desserts...I wish I could have taught her how to bake. I think she would have loved it." He continues.

"I think she would have too." I say, smiling at the thought of Peeta teaching Prim all the ins and outs of baking.

"She loved you so much Katniss." He tells me before placing a sweet kiss onto my temple.

"Peeta.." I begin to say, "I want us to start sharing our memories in this book again."

I look up at my husband and see a smile appear on his face. He takes the book gently out of my hands and begins flipping through the few pages that we had filled. Yes, our families are in here, but what about the others we had to watch die? They deserved to be within these pages as well.

"I think that's a wonderful idea." Peeta tells me, grabbing my hand and dragging me into his art room.

I sit down on a stool beside his desk as he stares into a deep drawer of paint.

"So, who should we paint first?" Peeta asks.

We look at each other and immediately seem to have the same person in mind.

"Finnick." We both say at the exact same time.

The charming boy from district 4 doesn't seem to be far from my mind these days. I just wish he could hold his child; hold Annie one more time because I know they miss him. I miss him.

"I remember the first time I met Finnick." I begin. "It was during the Quarter Quell tribute parade...when he came up to be and seductively offered me a sugar cube." I say with a sly smile on my face.

"And wanted to share secrets." Peeta adds and we both laugh this time.

"I remember that, for awhile there, I thought he would try to steal you from me too, but then I got to know him; learned about Annie. Finnick had so many qualities I admired. He really loved that girl."

"When they took you from me..." I begin to hesitate because I really hate reliving that dark period, but I think this is the type of sharing my mother intended me to do with Peeta. "I talked to him a lot..about us." I continue.

"What did he say?" Peeta asks, focusing his attention to me instead of the green paint Peeta had begun to mix to create Finnick's perfect eye colour.

"I once asked him if he loved Annie right away."

"And what did he tell you?"

"He actually told me that he didn't; that instead she crept up on him." I tell him, getting up off of my stool and walking over to sit myself up onto his lap.

"And from then on, I realized you did a pretty good job of creeping your way into my heart as well." I add, cupping his face into my hands and kissing his soft lips.

When I pull away from him, I see the smile on his face and realize how much I have missed that.

"Peeta...I want to go to district 4."


This chapter was emotional for me to write so I really hope you enjoyed! Thank you to my awesome beta! Make sure to leave me a comment to tell me your thoughts! Follow me on twitter ( TributeGirlEm) for updates and sneak peeks to chapter 10! THANKS AGAIN!