I'm sorry this took so long. A lot has happened in my life, and I just couldn't bring myself to write. When I finally sat down to the computer, this chapter took a lot of inspiration from my current situation and how my holidays went. As a result, this chapter isn't the happiest, but the next one should be. I have no idea when I'll be able to update next, but I'm not stopping the story.
~AG13
"Well Dr. Brennan, even though you're only 17 weeks, since this is a 3D ultrasound, I can tell you for certain the gender of the baby. Do you want to know?"
The scientist hesitates, unsure of her answer. The whole experience doesn't feel real yet, and knowing the gender will bring reality to light. But she wants this child, she wants this life. Taking a deep breath, she lifts her shirt to reveal the small bump.
"Yes."
The doctor nods and runs the wand over her stomach. There is a moment of agonizing silence before she turns from the machine.
"It's a girl."
Angela gasps and squeezes her friend's hand.
"Oh sweetie that's wonderful!"
The scientist's eyes are glued to the screen, and she absentmindedly traces circles on the bed.
"A girl."
Angela squeals. "You have a daughter!"
Brennan stays silent. She can't quite process the information yet, but her little world comes crashing down around her. She's a mother. She has a daughter. She's no longer living a life for just herself; someone else depends on her completely. That terrifies the scientist, and as soon as the technician removes the wand, she wipes off her stomach and sits up.
"Are we done?"
The nurse hesitates, taken aback by her abrupt attitude. "Um yes Dr. Brennan. You can schedule your next appointment with the woman at the front desk."
The scientist stands abruptly and walks out. Angela thanks the nurse and hurries after her friend, finally catching up to her in the parking lot.
"Hey sweetie. Are you ok?"
Brennan nods and gets into the car. "I just want to go home Ange. I'm tired."
The artist climbs into the driver's seat, knowing better than to pry. "Alright honey."
As the two women enter the apartment, silence surrounds them; neither wants to break the suffocating hold.
Before turning to leave, Angela takes her friend's hand and forces their eyes to meet.
"I know you're scared Brennan. That's obvious. But just remember that you're leaving in three days. You'll have support and love and family. Everything is going to be fine."
Brennan smiles. "Thanks Ange. I'll see you when I get back. Merry Christmas."
The friends hug, conveying more in their embrace than could ever be told in words.
Brennan sits silently on the couch, hugging her legs to her chest. The bulge in her stomach presses against her thighs, and she is painfully aware that she's no longer alone. Staring out the window at the softly falling snow, the scientist loses herself in her thoughts. Memories of years long past flood her mind. Christmases fly through her thoughts, like a flip book painting a story. But she lands on that first Christmas. That first holiday season spent alone. Brennan tightens the hold on her legs and buries her face in her knees.
A beautiful young woman sits in the library alone. Her auburn hair falls softly around her face as she hunches over a book. But she isn't reading the advanced anatomy information. Instead, a small picture is clutched tightly between her fingers. A smiling, happy family sits on a blanket, eating lunch. The young woman puts the picture down and covers her tear stricken face. Suddenly, she feels a hand on her shoulder and whips her head around. Three years in the foster system has left her untrusting and wary.
But it's only the librarian, holding something behind her back.
"Hello Temperance, why are you still here?"
The student turns away. "I have nowhere to go. You know that."
The old woman nods sadly. Her loving eyes trace over every defeated detail of the girl's body. She shakes her head, having never seen a college student so broken.
"I brought you something."
Temperance looks up at the little red stocking being handed to her. She smiles through her tears.
"Thank you."
The old woman nods and turns to leave.
"Merry Christmas Temperance."
The young student makes eye contact, something she does very rarely.
"Merry Christmas."
Once the librarian is gone, Temperance carefully removes items from the stocking. There's a gift card to the bookstore, new pencils and pens, a tin of hard candy. She removes item after item from the stocking, suddenly transported back to the years of holidays with her family. And the very bottom is a folded paper and key. It's her approved application for a job at the library and the key to the front door. Temperance grins widely and leaps from her chair.
"Mom! Thank you so…"
Her voice trails off as she realizes where she is. There is no Christmas. Her parents are gone, her brother is nowhere to be found. The fire isn't cracking, and they aren't sitting around a huge tree. Her voice echoes off the huge marble ceiling and bounces around the deserted library. Temperance sinks back into her chair, realizing how alone she is. The student buries her face in her arms and allows herself to cry.
Tears burn at the corners of her eyes, but Brennan refuses to let them fall. Logically, this memory shouldn't haunt her. Rationally, she shouldn't be so affected by spending another Christmas alone. But this year, she can't fly off to another country and escape the painful reminders. No, she's trapped in her life, sitting alone on Christmas morning. Everyone believes her to be in North Carolina with Russ and Max. But she was unable to leave at the last minute. She stayed and is too proud to call someone to her side.
Lifting her head, Brennan stares at the little tree that Booth had set up for her. He had taken Parker out and they had cut her a tree. All three of them decorated it together, the anthropologist giving in to Booth's traditions. But the lights and ornaments twinkle tauntingly in the dim light. There are no gifts under the tree, no family surrounding her, and no one to call her own. Temperance lets her head fall, shoulders shaking with silent tears.
There's a small rustle at her door, but Brennan ignores it. The neighbors often leave her a nice card, along with everyone else in the building. But then a soft voice forces her to lift her head.
"Bones?"
The woman quickly wipes her eyes and sits up properly.
"Booth." Her voice wavers, plagued by despair. "What are you doing here?"
The agent looks her over, noting the tears still shining on her cheeks.
"Your door was open. I wanted to put your gift under the tree for when you returned."
He hesitates, wondering how much he should tell her.
"I wanted you to have a real Christmas Bones."
Brennan turns away, tucking her legs underneath her.
"I don't know what that means."
Booth walks into the apartment, carefully closing the door.
"It's Christmas Eve, why aren't you with Max?"
The scientist runs her finger over the couch.
"I couldn't." She hesitates. "It...makes no logical sense, but I just couldn't."
Booth nods quietly and sits down beside her. "What do you want?"
Temperance hesitates, unsure of her next move. She doesn't know what she wants, or how she wants to be comforted. All she knows is that the man sitting next to her is the only person she truly needs by her side.
The agent wraps an arm around his partner and lets her lean against his body. "I know what you want. You want to not be alone. But that is all you've known for years."
Brennan shifts so she is leaning her entire weight against him. Placing a hesitant hand over his, she guides his fingers over her small belly.
"It's a girl."
Booth grins widely, gingerly rubbing her stomach. "Bones that's wonderful!"
She closes her eyes, silently willing Booth to continue the rubbing. He does, and lets her drift off in his arms.
When she finally opens her eyes, it's after midnight and Booth is smiling down at her.
"Merry Christmas Bones."
Brennan blinks up at him, her heart beating wildly. She is overly aware of their closeness, but doesn't pull away. In the corner of her eye, she sees the little tree. But the lights no longer seem to tease her; they shine brightly, happily. The scientist closes her eyes and before she can analyze what she's doing, she leans in. Her lips meet Booth's and his warmth washes over her. They kiss gingerly, enjoying the simplicity of the touch. Brennan is the one to break the seal. She pulls back just slightly, her piercing eyes meeting Booth's. Both are silent for a moment, unsure of what to say. Booth finally speaks.
"What do you want Bones?"
She knows what he means. He needs to know how far she wants this to go. And she so desperately wants to know herself. But it's too much, she's overwhelmed even considering the idea. It terrifies her. So she gives him as much as she can.
"I want you to stay Booth."
Like I said, most of this chapter isn't very happy, and I'm glad this is finally up. I hope you all enjoy, please review
~AG13
