Chapter 9: Deck the Halls. Yea Whatever.

Space. I gave her some. She spent time with her family. It should be good. I could get my focus back on Bella right? Wrong. I missed her. Every day we didn't hang out I counted the hours-minutes-freaking seconds until she texted me and we could hang out again. She came by Emily's a bit so that helped too.

Sam ordered less patrols since Bella & the leech were back on a break from college. Stay to our side-don't cause trouble-yadda yadda. I should call Bells...try to hang out with her. No telling when that filthy bloodsucker is going to make his move. Day by day I wait and get nothing. Zilch. Nada. One more day she's breathing and one more day I haven't come any closer to getting her back. I keep picking up my phone about to call or text but end up doing neither. What can I say? Divorce him and marry me? Who the hell gets married this young anyway?

Then I'd look at her...Kelly. I tried not to let her catch me staring. I could care less what the rest of them think. I'm just trying to figure this whole damn thing out. Why me? Why her? All I know is everything makes sense. Sometimes I even get glimpses...like a daydream of what our lives could be. Happy. Just like that dream...that kiss…

"Jake?"

"Yea?"

"I gotta go, dinner won't make itself you know."

" Kay"

I followed her out the door after she waved to everyone.

"Movie night soon?" she asked, glancing over at me.

"Deal."

She waved and headed for home. I watched her go for a minute before popping back through the screen door.

"Kelly on her way home?" Emily asked.

I nodded.

"She's been there more often than with you," Rachel added.

I shrugged, "Can't blame her. She's getting closer to her dad."

"Don't see you trying to hang out with ours," Rachel said.

"That's different."

"Bet he wishes he was taking up her time though," Jared said, sitting down.

I rolled my eyes. "The amount we hang out right now is fine. We're just friends."

Jared snorted.

"What?"

"If you say so," he laughed, shoving another hot dog in.

"You two aren't going to stay friends long with the looks you've been giving her," Emily grinned.

"We're all surprised she's not in love with you already," Rachel said.

"What 'look'? "I raised an eyebrow, "What are you talking about?"

"Really Jake?" Rachel shook her head and laughed, "You're going to sit there and try to tell us you didn't just spend the whole time she was here looking at her like she's the best thing on the planet?"

"He doesn't know he is," Quil said,

"Yea, it's just something we do after imprinting," Jared said, "Can't help it."

I crossed my arms. "I haven't been giving any looks a friend wouldn't give."

They all started laughing.

"Yeah...okay Jake," Paul guffawed.

"Jake-dude-" Seth choked out between laughs.

Embry shook his head, chuckling, "Jake...no. You've been looking at her non-stop. Do us all a favor, yourself included-just tell her already."

"There's nothing to tell," I gritted out, "But excuse me if I don't wanna sit around and get lectured. I'll swing a perimeter anyway."

"Jake-"

I pushed open the screen door and left anyway. Who cares if the Cullens are on their side. Maybe I'll just sit there, waiting to see Bella. If she even ever came out. I sighed. What if they're right? I was trying not to stare but was I? Have I been doing it this whole time? more importantly...has she noticed? Last thing I want is to give her the wrong idea. I mean yeah I feel something but I'm not gonna-it's not gonna happen.

After one night of shit-do-I-stare-too-much and oh-crap-I-came-too-close I decided to not get too close or touch her. Well… within reason. If she was cold the hell if I wouldn't warm her up. Flashbacks of her in the Rabbit still haunted me. Screw this. Screw whatever my blood has to say. What about me? Can't I choose? I mean she is great-really great actually….but is that my blood or my head doing the talking?

I draped one arm around her. It drove me nuts. I kept flashing back to her shivering in the Rabbit and warming her up...then that damn dream. Her lips... I have to make it stop. Who cares if it's killing me that I'm not as close to her as my blood wants-as I want...God I don't even know who wants what anymore…

I left room. I always left room. I'm not going to let it get awkward. Kelly pushed the DVD into the player. I caught sight of it and whined, "Chick flick?" She climbed on the bed, just rolling her eyes at me. "If you watch it, you'll like it," she promised, "It has funny bits too."

Thank God the popcorn sat between us. It kept me from moving closer. I had a need, like primal to be closer to her. I held it off...barely. I even liked the movie. I identified with one of the characters a little too well actually. The movie distracted me a bit too much. Apparently at some point I slid the popcorn bowl down and intertwined our fingers. It just felt...right. I glanced over at her and her lips curled upwards into the sweetest smile I'd ever seen. I grinned from ear to ear. And that's it. That's when I realized I was doing it. 'The Look'. This time I caught myself. I immediately yanked my hand back, crossing my arms and focusing on the movie. I keep crossing the line. If I'm not careful…

"So what'd you think?" she asked when the credits rolled.

"I like it," I answered with a smile, "You were right."

"Well I still have plenty more…" she grinned.

Past her I saw Embry and Quil. I immediately jumped up. "I better go," I said, "See you tomorrow."

I jumped out the window without looking back. That was close. Too freaking close. Don't need her falling for me. Maybe it's good she's been sticking closer to home and spending less time with me. Hell if I can't figure out what to do it's better she doesn't have the same problem. Then why does it feel like the worst freaking thing imaginable?

Christmas Eve rolled around. I couldn't stay away. I texted her that I was on my way. I couldn't wait to see her face when she opened it. I was so sly too. I had Eric slip it under the her knowing. A light snow fell gently and matted my fur. I phased back once I reached her window. I tossed one leg in after popping on my shorts. I shook my head, sending droplets flying. She giggled as I ran my hand through my hair.

"A little snowy out there?"

"A little bit."

"You make me cold just looking at you," she smiled and fake shivered.

"Only I'm not….see?" I gently touched her.

She only smiled as we headed inside to the living room, towards the Christmas tree. Her eyes lit up as soon as she opened it. The model car was a good bet. She hugged me as I started to open hers.

I simply couldn't believe it. A picture. A simple thing. It was of her and me. We were laughing. In it though, I finally saw what everyone else did. The way I looked at her. I swear I don't even mean to. I glanced back at her smiling at me.

"It was from Rachel's birthday. Remember? I don't even remember what we were talking about but we started laughing so hard before we stopped for like 2 seconds and starting again. I think Seth was the one who caught this and texted it it to us. ...do you like it?"

Yes, it's perfect! NO, it shows what I don't want you to see. Yes. No. Yes. No….

"Of course," I replied.

Then she made some comment about me not being able to see, as if I couldn't, and she led me over to more light. As if my wolf vision wasn't enough. But when we stopped as she angled the light I saw exactly what we stood under. Shit. Mistletoe.

"Forget about it," she shook her head, "Eric probably put it up for Leah."

"Isn't it bad luck if you don't?" I heard myself say. WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM? WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU IDIOT.

"I don't know," she shrugged, "...No one's kissed me under it before."

No. NO. Don't say it. I want to. I want to be your first. Your last. NO. I don't. Yes I do. No...I gulped. What the hell am I going to do? I felt like I was watching myself move, stepping closer to her. NO. I kissed her...cheek. There. That's friend-like right?

"Now you have."

"I guess...I have."

Phew. That was close. I helped her wrap a few more presents before I had to bolt. Wanting to kiss her so bad was like torture. She's like a freaking fire and I just keep moving closer and closer to the flame,. How much longer before I get burned?