AN ANGEL IS MY HERO
ALONE IS A LONELY PLACE TO BE- CHAPTER 9
NOTE: THIS CHAPTER IS ABOUT WHAT KATIE THINKS AND FEELS, NOT WHAT SHE SHOULD FEEL AND THINK. IT WILL FOCUS ONLY ON HER, NEXT CHAPTER I WILL GO BACK TO EVERYONE ELSE.
KATIE
For the second time in her life she was living in a white room of a hospital. For the first time she was happy about being there. Just like last time Ben, Joshua, Lidya, Hermione and Mrs. Lovegood came to see her often, unlike last time she didn't want them there.
She didn't remember all the details after being found by Hermione and Ben, she was question by the police a day after she had been taken to the hospital. The first time the police came she hadn't been able to tell them anything, even if she tried her mind wouldn't let her say a word. It would bring her back and get her into panic mode. She felt dirty, she felt used and she felt worthless, what made her try to say something every time the police came was that there were other girls still there and now the man wasn't there to give them food. Was there another man? Those girls needed to be found, they needed to be saved, and she was the one that needed to make that happen. By the fourth time the police came she was able to make progress.
"Help them" she uttered to the woman in uniform that came everyday.
"Help who?" The woman asked coming closer.
"I wasn't the only one" Katie whispered.
"I need your help to find them" The woman stated warmly "I need you to tell me everything you remember"
"I will tell you everything you need to know" Katie said, making a mental note of not telling the woman about her personal experience, about how she had gotten hurt. She didn't need anyone to know about that, especially not a stranger. It was her humiliation to suffer, it was her fault for trusting that man.
"There were about 10 other girls where I was. It was a place with one floor, one room and no furniture. We all slept on the floor. A man came every day to bring us food and take a girl, sometimes more than one. I was only there for three days but one of the girls didn't come back. The oldest one was Alessa, she thinks she is 16 years old, she has been there for years but she is not sure for how many. The youngest one is four, her name is Gaby, she doesn't speak English, she had been there only for a couple of days longer than I was" She stopped to take a breath.
"You are doing very well" The woman encouraged "Is there anything you can remember about the place you were in, a window? Something that you saw that could help us find this place?"
"There was a window but it was covered with pieces of wood, so we couldn't see through it. The door was always locked. It was the first time I had been out of the orphanage so everything seemed new and at the same time all the buildings seemed similar to one another. I remember the door being made of steel"
"A steel door" the woman repeated and wrote on a notepad.
"It always smelled bad"
"What do you mean?"
"I don't think the girls showered often, I didn't shower once while I was there" Katie said "When we were taken out, we were carried into a large white car, it had no windows"
"Where were you taken to?" The woman asked.
"Once it was time to pick us up, we were carried back to the car and back to the room with the other girls"
The woman didn't press on the matter "I think it is enough for today, thank you Katie" She walked out of the room and left her alone.
In her mind everyone had fault on what had happened to her. Ben had fault because he made her want what he had, Lidya and Joshua had fault for refusing to adopt her and give her a chance, Mrs. Lovegood had fault for refusing to visit Hermione once in a while, Alessa, Ruby, Gaby and the other girls had fault for being there and not knowing a way out or helping her out, Paulinne, Josh and Ben had fault for telling her how they had gotten out once, Hermione had fault for not trying on her part to see her, but most of all she had fault for going with that man and for letting those man hurt her. She would never let anyone hurt her in any way ever again. She would never trust anyone like that ever again. She promised herself she would never let anyone treat her as if she was worthless. She knew she was worthless, otherwise this wouldn't have happen to her, but everyone else didn't need to know that.
She had visitors that day, just like every day, but for the first time she felt strong enough to not let them in, she didn't really know who had visited and she was not disturbed for the rest of the day. She was left alone with her memories and thoughts, until she made a resolve to not let this drag her down. It wasn't fair, it was her fault, but she will help the other girls. She wasn't going to give up on them.
The next day the policewoman came back, she kept telling her what her name was every time she came in, but it just wouldn't register in her mind. She was just the cop.
"How are you today Katie?" Katie just nodded.
"Are you up to continue where we left off?" Katie nodded once more.
"What else can you tell me?"
"I wanted to get out of the orphanage for just a couple of hours, I wanted to see what Ben kept telling her about every day, I wanted to experience it for myself. I went to a park, and I walked through the streets. After a while I got tired and realized I was lost. I started to panic. A man came to me and offer to help, I agreed to go with him for the night and get back to the orphanage in the morning" Katie had to stop talking at this point, the anger she felt at herself was a little more than she could manage.
"It wasn't your fault" The woman tried to reassure her.
"I believed him" Katie stated icely.
"You should have looked for a police or called the emergency line, but it is not your fault to have believed he was someone that could help"
"I was never taught how to handle anything like that" Katie looked at her with no emotion.
"You were not taught who or how to get help?" The woman asked concerned.
"We are not allowed to go out, so we are not taught how to live outside those walls" Katie stated, the woman looked concerned and angry at the fact.
"How did you get out?"
"I walked out the front door"
"The door was locked"
"It opened" Katie stated, she knew the door had been locked, but she also knew it had open for her, the woman wrote something down.
"Do you remember anything about the walk to where the man took you? Anything can help"
"We walked several blocks, I am not sure how many, but the buidlings weren't that tall anymore, then there were only houses, I think they were houses, they didn't look like the ones on our textbooks though. Most of them didn't have windows, some of them had large steel doors, some of them were huge though only one story high, others were small and with small steel doors. The walls seemed to be made of steel as well. We walked through them until we reached a small one with one of the small doors. He took out a key and invited me in. it was an open space, no furniture and about 10 girls sleeping on the floor. Some look young, some looked a little bit older but still young. One of them, Ruby, moved aside for me to be able to sleep beside her"
"This seemed normal to you?"
"No, but nothing at that night was normal to me. How was I suppose to know how houses are like, how people actually sleep, maybe this was just their way"
The woman nodded for her to continue.
"The next day I was woken up and someone gave me a piece of bread for breakfast. I was waiting for the man to come back, I was told he didn't live there with them, so I could go back home. He did come back but not to take me home"
She paused and the woman waited silently for her to continue.
"I've already told you the rest" Katie finished.
The woman closed her notepad and walked out.
Katie was left alone for the rest of the day. The woman didn't come back the next day, nor the next.
"I've been looking for you, They didn't want to tell me where you were" The voice took her out of her trance. Who she saw was someone she didn't expect to see, she didn't want to see and at the same time was very happy to see. Katie started to cry.
"They found us" The girl was smirking.
"I'm so sorry" Katie said between sobs.
"Why?" The older girl looked confused, she was still standing at the door.
"I left you there"
"You got away. To tell you the truth I wouldn't have tried to help you if I were in your position" She stated coldly, Katie stayed quiet in shock.
"What am I supposed to do now?" the older girl didn't wait for Katie to answer "I am supposed to go back to my family. That is what I was told, they are somewhere around the hospital actually, surely trying to find me since I am not in my room. I am supposed to have a normal life now. What is normal?" She stopped for a second but didn't let Katie say a thing before continuing "He cared for us, he asked one thing from us in return, I told you that it wouldn't hurt in time but you had to ruin it for the rest of us"
"What?" Katie was confused.
"You said you didn't have parents, so I thought you would understand. I have parents but they never cared for me, there was never food at my house, I sometimes slept at the streets since my so called parents wouldn't let me in or couldn't let me in, who cares the reason. That man gave me a roof, that man gave me food. I was never hungry, I was never cold"
"I don't have parents, but I have food and a roof. Believe me, what he gave you is not what you deserved, you deserve more than that" Katie stated.
"You killed him, there was no one to bring us food for days" the girl shrugged, "Gaby is happy with her parents I saw her on my way here. Ruby's parents are nowhere to be found; that is what she was told"
"Then I am glad you were found" Katie stated.
The girl nodded.
"Alessa" Katie stopped her from leaving "I promise you will feel different about it soon"
"Do you feel better since you were found?" Alessa asked, Katie wasn't able to answer, "I didn't think so" Alessa left.
A couple of minutes later a girl that looked a little older than Ben but that she had never seen before came into her room running and crying. She crashed into her and gave her a hug.
"Thank you" She said between sobs "Thank you" she kept repeating. Harshly Katie pushed her away and the girl made an attempt to recover herself.
"I am Fleur Delacour, you helped us find my little sister. I am forever in your debt"
"Who is your sister?" Katie asked curiously.
"Gabrielle" the blonde beautiful girl responded; Katie instantly calmed down.
"Is she ok?" she asked concerned.
"Yes, a little malnourished but nothing of concern. She is now back with us and we have you to thank" The girl, Fleur said.
"I am glad she is back with you" Katie said sincerely, she had been worried about Gaby most of all the girls.
"We will be going back home tomorrow" Fleur stated, Katie just nodded.
"Please take care of her" Katie begged.
"I owe you" Fleur said, bowed slightly and got out of the room.
Katie still refused to let anyone in to visit for the next couple of days, the policewoman didn't come back, for what she heard from the nurses the killing of that man had been ruled as self defense and they were not in trouble. That didn't make her feel better and at the same time it did. She felt bad about seeing some die but she was glad that man was dead and couldn't hurt anyone anymore, does that make sense? It didn't to her. It was too confusing and it was all she could think about. She always had headaches and she was constantly dreaming about Lily and Prongs. None of them ever told her anything in her dreams, but their faces were always there for some reason. She wished she could go back to Lily's house and stay there, she now knew that she had made a mistake by coming back to her life. She would be ok, she knew that, in time she would learn to live with what happened, she just wished time would go faster so she could feel better now.
After 3 weeks of being in the hospital she wasn't able to convince her doctor to stay and was let go. Mrs. Lovegood came looking for her to take her back to the orphanage.
"I think you would appreciate walking back?" Mrs. Lovegood asked her, Katie hadn't thought about the possibility but it sounded like a great idea. It scared her since that was how she had gotten in trouble in the first place, but this time she wasn't alone and it wasn't night, so she nodded in agreement.
"I won't even try to imagine how you feel or what you think, I wont try to understand what you went through, unfortunately is something that you have to work through it and everyone who loves you will be there to help you in any way you need to, I want you to know that, I hope you already knew that" Katie only listened.
"Some years ago there was a girl in the orphanage that went through something similar to you, she is not here to help you with it but she had a son who you know, Kurt. Please don't repeat any of this to any one, it is his decision who he wants to tell. He did ask if it were a good idea for him to tell you about what he know of his mother's story, I told him I would let you decide" Katie didn't know the story of anyone in the orphanage from before they got there, she just assumed no one knew anything just like her. She was curious about what Kurt had to say but she wasn't ready to talk about it with anyone else yet, nor she wanted to know about someone who had a similar story, she still needed to feel as if it was something that only happened to her and not to think about the fact that it could be something normal in a lot of people's life, even though she knew other girl's who had live it, like Alessa and Ruby.
"Not yet" she whispered and Mrs. Lovegood nodded.
"They all know something happened to you though not everyone knows what" Mrs Lovegood started to say but was interrupted by Katie "Who knows the whole story?"
"No one knows the whole story, but the ones who have a better idea of what happened are Mr and Mrs Alec, Ben, Paulinne, Josh and Kurt"
"Ben told them?" Katie felt angry and betrayed, why had he decided to tell something that wasn't his to tell.
"I am sure he wanted you to have someone to rely on when you came back" Mrs Lovegood defended Ben.
"It wasn't his decision to tell" Katie snapped.
"I've asked everyone to not ask you about it and to treat you as always" Mrs. Lovegood said.
"I don't want to be treated like always" Katie said "I want to be left alone"
"It is not a good idea for you to be alone, you need the support of the people that love you" Mrs Lovegood tried.
"That is for me to decide, not you" Katie said and started walking a little slower to be able to be a few step backs and not have to talk to the older woman. Mrs Lovegood seemed to understand this and gave her that space; she kept looking back maybe to make sure she was still following.
After a couple of minutes they reached their destination. Mrs Lovegood waited for her at the door, she took a deep breath and walked in. At least she was glad that this time there was no party waiting for her at her arrival, no one was at the entrance.
"They know you came back today but I didn't tell them at what time" Mrs Lovegood told her seeming to understand what Katie was thinking.
"Thank you" she said.
"Do you want something to eat?" Mrs Lovegood asked.
"Is everyone eating?" Katie asked
"They should be" Mrs Lovegood answered looking at her watch.
"Then I think I will go lay down" she didn't wait for Mrs Lovegood to say anything and just walked towards the girl's room. She didn't come acroos anyone thankfully and there was no one in the room. She went to her bed and slept the rest of the day.
She was back at Lily's living room, everything was exactly as she remembered and sitting right in front of her was Prongs. She didn't want to talk to him, she didn't want him there. He walked towards her and tried to put a hand on her shoulder. She cringed and quickly took a step away. He looked at her sadly and took a step back as well to give her more space.
"I know it doesn't feel like it, but everything will be alright with time" Prongs tried to reassure her.
"Nothing will be alright ever" She answered icely.
"Maybe right is not the word we should use, you will learn to not let it define you" Prongs tried.
"Please go" She felt very uncomfortable with being alone with him, he just really wanted him to be gone. She closed her eyes for a couple of seconds and when she opened them he wasn't there anymore. In his place there was Lily. She ran towards her and started to cry in her arms.
"I am right here, I am right here" Lily kept trying to sooth her.
"Why?" Katie asked between sobs.
"You were able to help a lot of girls who had gone through worse than you, try to think about how much you helped" Lily tried "I know it doesn't take away what happened to you, but through all that bad it came something good. How did seeing Alessa or meeting Fleur make you feel?"
"I was glad they were out of that place, I was glad Gaby was back with her family" Katie calmed down a little but tears still came out.
"You helped them" Lily looked her straight into her eyes and gave a little smile.
"I can help" Katie agreed.
"You've already have" Lily stated.
"I can do more, I know I can" Katie stated.
"I am sure you can" Lily agreed.
"I will help, I don't know how but there had to be something I can do. I need to make sure no other girls go through that" Katie was now determined.
"Help as much as you can but keep in mind that you can't save the world, you can lead by example and help the world save itself" Lily said.
"I can't do it while I am a prisoner" Katie stated.
"A prisoner?" Lily asked.
"I am not allowed to leave the orphanage" Katie explained.
"Before you can even think about helping others you have to help yourself. You need time to heal, don't try anything just yet"
"I think the only way I can heal is by helping others" Katie said.
"You can't help anyone be in a better place if you are not there yourself. You are not ok"
"No, I am not ok"
"Heal, let the people that surround you help, let them in. It will take time. When you feel like you can start helping others then think about how you can help" Lily said "Figure it out when you have to, not before"
"Why can I only see you when I am asleep?" Katie asked.
"It is a special something that is inside you" Lily explained pointing at her heart "You still haven't figure out exactly what it is, you will, when you do you will be able to talk to me when you need to, and not only me"
"What do you mean?" Katie asked confused.
"You will understand in time" Lily explained.
"Who else will I be able to talk to?" Katie asked "Prongs?"
"Yes, and a lot of more people if you wish to, but not yet" Lily smiled.
"I want to stay here" Katie begged.
"It is not your place to stay" Lily smiled.
"Please let me stay" Katie begged once more.
"It is time for you to go back" Lily disappeared and Katie opened her eyes to see the girl's room at the orphanage. All the beds around her were occupied by sleeping girls and the window helped her see it was very dark outside. She decided to stay exactly where she was and wait for the morning to come.
